I don't really relate to the girlfag thing as such, I can see how many people do and I grew up reading slash fiction (and then to a lesser extent some original homoerotic fiction and yaoi stuff later on in my teen years via fanfiction of anime/Japanese video games,) but I've never felt a particularly strong connection to gay male culture, or seen myself as a gay man as such. I do see part of my identity as male, but not necessarily gay if that makes sense.. I don't label my sexuality, and on occasion I can even be attracted to women so there's that I suppose. I'm attracted to men regardless of their sexuality though, and usually physically feminine men (with various personalities.) It doesn't matter if they're straight though as long as I can picture the dynamic I want.
But part of it is also the sex acts themselves, preferring certain ways of having sex and having certain body parts, not just the relationship roles. This is the part that causes me quite a lot of issues/frustration, since I lack those body parts. But for various reasons I've decided not to transition. It would be nice to be able to shapeshift, that'd be the ideal.
For me I don't seem to have a clear preference with roles and such. I quite like the idea of being in a more stereotypically female role but with a male body, but also often in a more stereotypical male role with a male body, and also sometimes less often as either, with a female body. I think this is why I like guys who exhibit a weird range of both masculine and feminine traits because my brain can kind of daydream all over the place.
I like the idea sometimes of being submissive sexually to someone who is male but very feminine in certain ways kind of like a male femme-dom (best way I could describe it really, dominant feminine-ish energy but feminine presentation, in androgynous male body,) I can find that quite attractive. But I also quite like the idea of being protective over a guy, sexually dominant etc, and taking on a more stereotypically masculine role with a kind of shy/vulnerable guy (that sounds kind of weird maybe but yeah... Something I fantasise about) And sometimes I like the idea of being sexually dominant with a guy who is more male typical in personality (but not too masculine, think fairly average guy I suppose.) but still they often look a little androgynous (slim, long hair usually.) The thing that remains consistent most of the time is a preference for physical androgyny in partners, even moreso than personality traits. No idea why that is. I mean I've had exceptions over the years but maybe 80% of guys I'm attracted to are physically feminine in at least a couple of traits. Some of them very feminine, and others a bit less so, but they'll have say long hair or something. Hmm.. It's difficult to write out really, my mind is a bit of a mess lol.
Of course I can see why many ftm crossdreamers would be attracted to and identify with gay male culture and gay men, because it's rare to find a heterosexual man that doesn't try to shun the things they're looking for/attracted to. I've noticed a lot seem to be into relatively feminine guys for whatever reason like me, and guys who aren't afraid to express that. I've come across guys with these traits who are heterosexual though famous examples, yet even they often express some kind of ambiguity in their sexuality. Maybe they experimented a lot, but decided they were into women, or they are openly bisexual, or they don't label their sexuality. And then of course heterosexual men aren't typically into ftm sexuality either - the stuff that turns on ftm crossdreamers generally disgusts most straight men - so there's another piece of the puzzle.
^ Think that might be where my interest in erotic stories that involved sexuality conversion/mind control etc over the last few years came from.. A lot of them involve gender play elements as well which I really like. First stumbled on one when I was 18, and read a bunch by the same author. I felt a lot of cognitive dissonance over that and many parts of it were offputting, because I'm against that kind of thing (sexuality conversion,) yet I couldn't deny it was kind of hot for some reason. I kept going back to them, weirdly fixated. Years later I found more of the same kind of thing and I also realised these stories are actually mostly written for and by men who are into this kind of thing (which made me feel a little better,) but I read them anyway sometimes, because I find some of their ideas hot. The stuff I come up with in my mind (when I can,) is always better, but it's inspirational I guess =P
Last edited by Loki
on June 7th, 2017, 6:24 pm, edited 6 times in total.