Hypothetical conversations

A place to talk about how to understand and explain 'crossdreaming' and related forms of 'gender variance'

Hypothetical conversations

Joined: May 8th, 2018, 9:09 am

August 7th, 2018, 9:44 am #1

What imaginary conversations or monologues run through your head when you imagine talking about crossdreaming to other people e.g. at the dinner table?

One of mine goes like this:

If you told me that there are two other universes, and in one universe there's a version of me that's female and in the other universe there's a version of me that's male but French, and you asked me which one's happier ... I don't know. I honestly don't know. But the difference is, I find it intriguing and interesting to wonder how female me is getting on, whereas I don't really care about French me so much.

(Actually I can think of legitimate grounds to suppose that French me might be really miserable.)
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Joined: November 19th, 2015, 7:39 am

August 8th, 2018, 6:28 am #2

I don't.

It is not something I imagine.

I mean most people around can't handle a conversation about RPGs, worldbuilding and game design - and it's just my hobby.

I don't think they would be more equipped to handle conversations about crossdreaming.
Your mind is software. Program it.
Your body is a shell. Change it.
Death is a disease. Cure it.
Extinction is approaching. Fight it!

© "Eclipse Phase" by Posthuman Studios
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Joined: July 23rd, 2018, 3:08 pm

August 8th, 2018, 7:36 pm #3

I'm the kind of person who, when left alone, will often hold conversations w. people if there's unresolved tension. Most of the time I don't even realize it, until I catch myself in the middle of telling off my Uncle Nob that he's alienating his children by being a drunk, fat noodge & blaming everyone else for his problems, and then b.c he's stupid and can't think before he acts he stands up to posture at me, and I say "Come at me! Show me how a MAN solves his problems!" and then... yes, of course, he's not my problem, and I haven't seen him in years, nor would I choose to interact with him this way, since I like to be productive in a conversation, but anyway. So I stop that train of thought, get it back on another track.

When it comes to my unresolved childhood longings & loved ones, and how these two things never seem to touch, of course I have conversations in my head. Mostly, I come out to women, if I want to grow closer to them; to men (rarely), if I'm in the mood to shatter their misconceptions about who I really am (kind of a petty attitude, I know, but I'm not so much a fan of "men," in general.) In either case, the conversation doesn't go well. Either my friends start to convince me I'm  gendering wrong, or I'm confused, or work out how to fix myself. They don't leave, but they don't know what else to say. Sometimes they ask questions, but I honestly can't tell if they're interested or trying to discover the flaws in my self-identity they can exploit to talk me out of being "me." The mental volleys end quickly, since 1) I don't like where it's heading, and if I keep it up I'll darken my real life mood, and 2) I realize I'm putting words in people's mouths, which is unfair.

I've had a lot of daydreams where my female friends do all the work: they notice my feminine traits, they talk to me, they pry, they even joke around a little until I betray myself, they see the light of truth, coax me to open up to them, and finally I'm free to gush about my feelings and my needs, and they just LOVE that I've chosen to be so honest with them, which draws us closer as friends, and finally they bestow honorary sisterhood upon me, and from then on we make plans every few months or so to enjoy girls' nights, or shop, or whatever we like together. ... I tend to push those dalliances aside these days. It's never going to happen, and it just gets redundant spoiling myself with hopeful grandeur. And again, I'm basically scripting my friends' responses, which amounts to character assassination as there's low indication that any of them would feel the way I've hoped they might. I've actually caught myself feeling disappointed with them, and they would have had no idea why! As I've said, unfair.

(Back in the day, though? My besties and I had some jaw-dropping adventures in my head; they were fearless, I was galvanized, and we all looked beautiful. Somehow, I lost the ability to accept this as a valid fantasy.)
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