Do You Think Your Family Knew

A place for significant others or family members to talk about issues they face understanding and relating to crossdreamers

Do You Think Your Family Knew

Joined: September 8th, 2017, 1:26 am

June 26th, 2018, 9:02 pm #1

I haven't seen this one come up in awhile so I thought I would ask the question as it was said to me recently. Did you ever get caught and no one said anything, or do you think your family knew but didn't say anything, or do you think you were able to keep your crossdreaming hidden and a secret. I often wonder if my family knew as it seemed like sometimes my things weren't as I left them, yet nothing was said. I don't know which would have been better, being confronted or having it ignored. What was everyone else's experience and/or feelings?
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Joined: November 17th, 2015, 11:32 am

June 27th, 2018, 2:42 pm #2

A few months before my mother passed away, I had a rather intriguing phone conversation with her. I think she was looking for some sort of confession from me. I remember her talking about the famous episode of the Ellen DeGeneres show where she came out as gay. My mom had just seen it, and was apparently rather moved by it. She told me that she would accept a child of her's who was gay. In that same call, she also seemed to be looking for some forgiveness and absolution from me for things she had felt guilty about. Given the whole context, I had the feeling that she suspected something, but wasn't absolutely sure about anything. Over the last few years of her life she knew she was dying and was seeking some closure on a number of issues. By the way, I admitted to nothing, I just sort of acted dumb and pretended I didn't know what she was talking about. She might have been wiling to accept a gay child, but I am not sure how willing she would have been to accept a trans child. I knew she was dying as well, and saw no reason to bring another complication into my relationship with her at that point.. 
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Joined: April 11th, 2018, 2:59 am

June 28th, 2018, 12:41 am #3

our mom knew about us for 25 years but never said anything the rest of our family i think so not really sure. they may suspect
You can call me Sakura /(^ x ^)\. it is not my real name of course but that is because i have none, i'm not even real :(. You can call my D, I'm the original one of us. We are both happy to be here =^-^=. I'm just along for the ride.
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Joined: May 8th, 2018, 9:09 am

June 28th, 2018, 1:37 am #4

One of the scariest things about death is the thought of people going through my stuff and finding things that challenge the way they've always perceived me.

I also remember being very vocal about my feelings every time my mother walked into my bedroom like she owned the place and tried to tidy it or something. A lot of parents could show more awareness about privacy.

(Actually one time, Dad walked in on me at a sensitive moment, but said nothing. He clearly felt guilty for disturbing me. I was an adult by then, visiting my parents, and he had literally forgotten that I was there.)

April's anecdote reminds me of how people are so confused about gender expression versus sexuality. I remember a conversation in January, with family and friends, in which someone mentioned that certain gay men they knew weren't at all effeminate, and said it like they expected people to be surprised. I felt like interjecting but these moments always pass by too quickly for me to fully plan a response in my head.

There was also at least one trans-insensitive comment made the same day, along the lines of "if I was caught in the women's toilets I would claim to be transgender". I hope that if there's a next time I'll be better able to respond.
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Joined: September 14th, 2016, 8:12 am

June 28th, 2018, 9:44 am #5

Some of my relatives for sure suspect something, but they have so twisted ideas about what it really is: being transgender, so it's hard for them to imagine that I'm actually trans. Russian-language media very often draws a caricature picture of transgender people, after all.

They see some signs, but they do not know where to place them, and I'm not intended to tell them the truth, it wouldn't do any good.
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Joined: April 21st, 2018, 3:49 am

June 28th, 2018, 2:53 pm #6

Chloe063014 wrote:1) Did you ever get caught and no one said anything, or
2) do you think your family knew but didn't say anything, or
3) do you think you were able to keep your crossdreaming hidden and a secret.
lol I'm working on a proper "transgender poll" so took the liberty of formatting "q" properly! 

Used to think #3 but, of course once "out", turned out option 2 was the case. My older sister just laughed, said "what else is new" and father, thx to evil step-mother warnings, for a long-time thought I was "gay" in spite of my "cis" marriage? Said "loved and supported" me regardless (something about "hill of beans"?) and suspect he was relieved, in a way, that "step-mommy" was wrong . . . 

Am still pre-transition so what's not to love? Doesn't Everyone Crossdream?  
"But it's no use now," thought poor Alice, "to pretend be two people!
"Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person!"
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Joined: March 31st, 2018, 1:01 am

June 28th, 2018, 4:10 pm #7

In early grade school, my mom found my diary, which include passages where I wrote about having sex with male fictional characters as a man. She threatened to send me to a therapist but never did.

I never understood what that was about or why I did it until I read about AGP. I was always compulsively creatively writing so that was just one of many, many things that I wrote.

It frustrates me that there were so many signs of me being trans at a young age but literally no one had the education or the conceptual toolkit to pick up on it.

My mom used to read books like "Harry Potter and the Bible" (about how anyone who reads Harry Potter is going to hell), so if there had been an awareness of the trans, she would have threatened to send me away to the nuns, like she did for other things. She threw me out of the house when I was 16, and in hindsight, I just don't think she had any idea what to do with me. I was atypical in a lot of ways.

I wish it were possible to have a relationship with her sometimes. I wonder what else I got up to that I don't remember.

When I finally told my dad, he looked absolutely baffled and was like, "but you like MEN." (I wasn't about the explain A*P to him.) I asked him about some of the things I remember from my childhood and he brushed everything away just telling me I was gifted.

I never questioned myself growing up. I knew I was weird, but I thought it was just because I was smart... not that anything else was going on.

I bought the narrative I was sold and nobody questioned it. Nobody had a conceptual template for it. That's why it took me decades to figure it out. The flip side of this is I dodged most likely being sent to some kind of conversion therapy.
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Joined: July 27th, 2017, 4:02 am

July 1st, 2018, 2:41 am #8

I did play as 'Christine' quite a bit around the age of 8. My Mom played along, but Doug had to be home for supper.

Yeah, there were lots of signs, but awareness and understanding of trans was pretty poor in the 80s and 90s. Most people thought I was gay.

One time my Mom kicked me out for supporting my younger sister's desire to move in with an Aunt and Uncle when her absence, due to dating, was felt pretty hard by us both. She found a stash of drawings under my bed. Naked women, often bound in some way. A woman in a bottle. A woman stretching out to break free of a sheer fabric cocoon. Despite how explicit they were, she was relieved. They were evidence to her that I was not gay. Little did she realize the subjects of those drawings weren't objects of lust. The subjects of those drawings was me.
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Joined: July 13th, 2018, 10:51 pm

July 14th, 2018, 2:52 pm #9

Chloe063014 wrote: I haven't seen this one come up in awhile so I thought I would ask the question as it was said to me recently. Did you ever get caught and no one said anything, or do you think your family knew but didn't say anything, or do you think you were able to keep your crossdreaming hidden and a secret. I often wonder if my family knew as it seemed like sometimes my things weren't as I left them, yet nothing was said. I don't know which would have been better, being confronted or having it ignored. What was everyone else's experience and/or feelings?
The only one who new was my mom she caught me several times but kept it a secret I have been wearing her pantyhose and heels since I was ten after watching her get dressed I get dressed myself every single day dreaming of being a woman
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