Coming out to my 8 year old son

A place for significant others or family members to talk about issues they face understanding and relating to crossdreamers
Marney
Joined: 08 May 2017, 11:09

07 Aug 2017, 05:21 #1

I have been dressed up around my son a couple of times now. But I haven't spoken to him about it. My wife has asked me to have a little chat with him tonight about it.
I would love some advice on how to talk about being transgender with an 8 year old, but this post is kinda short notice to expect replies beforehand.

But I will get back to give you some feed back on how it went and giving further tips.

I'm thinking about talking about transgender you tubers because you tube defines his language.

But it is harder to think of a way to talk about non transitioning without it sounding like a pointless conversation.

After reading @harry2793 i see that often the issue with looking for advice can be that our expression of our identity can be very different 

Well I'll try to let you know how it went tonight 😊
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Marney
Joined: 08 May 2017, 11:09

07 Aug 2017, 09:40 #2

Well, that didn't go very well. 

'It's weird and I don't think you should do it'

I guess acceptance is a long road.

In the meantime my 3 year old loves me no matter how I dress 
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jackmolay
Joined: 16 Nov 2015, 19:24

07 Aug 2017, 11:07 #3

It was your son who said you should not do it?  I am sorry to hear that. 

I guess he is at an age where he is trying to fit in in his own community of peers (other eight year olds) and we often underestimate the power they have over behavior and what is considered OK or not OK. At that age they are trying hard to grasp the concept of gender, and find their place in the gendered universe, which is probably the main reason for them gravitating towards gender typical toys and activities.

I would guess he finds you violating these rules a bit scary and confusing. Maybe you should talk to him about gender variance and the fact that not all people feel at home in those roles, and that this is what you need to be happy. He might understand that.
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Marney
Joined: 08 May 2017, 11:09

07 Aug 2017, 20:51 #4

Yes, he has gotten in trouble with his peers for not conforming to their gender expectations before with my little pony which he was a big fan of. It was hard to hear because it was the things I would tell myself as a teenager, don't be weird , you are ugly and would make an ugly girl, just be a boy.
I think he will understand eventually 
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jackmolay
Joined: 16 Nov 2015, 19:24

08 Aug 2017, 11:22 #5

You could actually use his own experience to explain this to him. Contextualize!
----
Crossdreamers http://www.crossdreamers.com
Crossdreamers on tumblr http://crossdreamers.tumblr.com
Crossdream Life Magazine http://crossdreamers.org
Twitter https://twitter.com/jackmolay
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/jackd.molay.1
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Fabienne
Joined: 16 Apr 2017, 20:06

12 Aug 2017, 10:49 #6

That must've taken some guts, so kudos there, and I'm sorry it didn't go that well. I don't crossdress and none of my stepchildren know about my crossdreaming as it generally doesn't intersect with their lives, however my wife and I make it a point to mention or show by our actions that it's perfectly OK to be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, monogamous, polygamous, etc. We know quite a number of gay and lesbian couples, and the kids think that's actually pretty cool and interesting. The whole gender subject is tricky as it's so engrained in society that they struggle with the concept of a non-binary gender model, though I'm very pleased to say that they are at least far more flexible in assigning these categories than most of their peers. That's all we can do for the moment, and I'm pretty sure the subject of transgender will come up for our eldest when she begins to explore the world even further. I think topics such as sex and transgender are just not the types of topics that can be brought up in just one evening as anyone needs time to digest the information. Plus children are more likely to listen when they ask the questions themselves, as long as they know they can talk to you about anything freely. So, if I were to dress in front of the kids I would wait for them to ask for an explanation instead as they know they can do so without being told they're too young and will be told when they're older. I'm pretty sure I'd get the question two seconds after walking into a room though as we've got a curious and accepting bunch.
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Marney
Joined: 08 May 2017, 11:09

12 Aug 2017, 10:59 #7

Thanks, I think it will be okay if I give him some time to let the idea sink in whilst continuing to be myself at home. 
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faithinfantasy
Joined: 10 Aug 2017, 10:51

12 Aug 2017, 12:44 #8

For all the talk of children being blank slates, they actually do form judgments earlier than they are given credit for.  The magical age of 8 also factored into my life, as that was the age I first revealed to my classmates that I enjoyed playing with my sister's dolls.  The fact that I used the dolls exactly like action figures (and even included action figures into the mix) didn't stop my classmates from ridiculing me severely.  And I would suggest that I too exercised a capacity for positive judgment well before that, simply by the fact that I deliberately played that way for years even before revealing it.  It seems to me that every person, whether 2 years old or 102, is going to evaluate everything they encounter given the information they have.  That is both a great testament to the capacity of the psyche but also a great risk when the onset of judgmentalism can be so early.
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Marney
Joined: 08 May 2017, 11:09

Today, 11:36 #9

It was interesting to take note that this week when I dressed up my son smiled at me and came over straight away and gave me a great big hug. Previously he had taken about ten minutes before he felt comfortable enough to hug me. I guess there can always be a difference in how we feel about something vs what we think (especially if this is dominated by outside expectations).
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