Am I bi-sexual?

A place to talk about how to understand and explain 'crossdreaming' and related forms of 'gender variance'
Joined: January 1st, 2018, 11:21 pm

January 2nd, 2018, 2:19 pm #21

SallyAnne32 wrote: Sorry for posting this as a new topic.  I suspect it's a subject that's been covered in some detail but I am new to this forum and can't find an appropriate subject/post.

My situation, in short is this:  Long time crossdresser who up until 5 to 10 years ago considered himself completely heterosexual.  Then, I began to develop strong feelings of either being or wanting to be a woman (some of time).  I also began to look at gay and sissy porn and to fantasize about engaging in gay sex, either a presenting female or even as a male.  It has increasingly become my sole sexual/masturbation fantasy.

My "boyfriends", while not entirely faceless, exist for me solely on the internet.  I am not the least attracted to either my male friends, actors or any random men I see on the street.  I am also quite happily married and would never consider an outside relationship regardless of gender.

I have had my wife peg me a couple of times and while the physical sensation is not so great, it is an incredible and emotional/erotic turn-on.

But, still I wonder, do these fantasies mean that I am bi-sexual?  Bi-curious?  10 years ago, I was horrified by the idea that I might be.  Now, I think I am vaguely disappointed with the thought that I might not be.
Hello, SallyAnne!

I made a similar post on the Intro Forum, and your story meshes a lot with mine. I've ceased to inquire as to whether I'm bi- or hetero—I am what I am. But what I'm exploring is the late-onset fluidity of my gender. Your post really affirms me because your courage in relating your situation helps me know that we're not alone. Thank you!🙌

Bethany
—Bethany

the three most important strategies are...
1. Reinvent what 'being a man' means to you - .
2. Reinvent what 'being a woman' means to you - .
3. Mash together 1 and 2... and create the new you.
—Felix Conrad
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Joined: May 18th, 2017, 8:28 pm

January 5th, 2018, 3:17 am #22

As a crossdreamer I regularly fantasized about being a submissive woman with a man. After a few decades of a hetero life I took the plunge and sought out an opportunity to fulfill my fantasy of.  I went from a faceless man fantasy to a few encounters with men in real life.  I am surprised by how strong my attraction to men has become.  There have been a couple guys who I would have considered a relationship (love) with if the circumstances been able to develop, a scary and thrilling possibility.  I think this is consistent with being an evolving crossdreaming/ TG person.  I think hetero/bi/homo-sexual labels fit at different times depending on the situation.  
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Joined: March 25th, 2016, 5:30 am

January 6th, 2018, 7:32 am #23

April: "Jen, A big part of my social life has involved being around gay men in the last 3 years. Many of them also believe that if a male is bi, he is really gay."

SallyAnne: "As an aside, I know someone who is openly bisexual and I've heard him talk about the push back from the gay community many of whom will suggest that there is no such thing as bisexual and that anyone claiming to be bi is just afraid to admit that he is really gay."

Jen: "I, on the other hand, think that there is no such thing as gay, it was always bisexual, with the gay side being in the socio-political trend now.  The terms, "heterosexual" and "homosexual" were invented in the late 1800s when psychologists had time to waste thinking about why some people didn't feel like reproducing.  Human history was always about recording who was born, not about what people did that didn't lead to procreation."


Yeah. Kind of makes you wonder why the "you're really gay!" claim is so important to gay people...

It's like the (related?) abhorrence shown by many gays towards any trace of outward femininity, effeminate behavior or love of femininity, like rubber fetish gays who balk at the idea of wearing high heeled thighboots to bed. No, even though you're obviously already a pervert, it's got to be masculine macho gay, preferably combat boots, "skinhead" style! (And then all these masculinity idealizing gays can't help themselves but to behave and think like obnoxious little girls anyway, cause that's who they really are.)

There seems to be a norm of acceptance within the gay community that limits it to only normie male/macho gays into normie male/macho gays. Like, "We are just real men into other real men. Otherwise people may think we are perverts!"

Which is why I would never refer to myself as "gay", ever. If so, I'd much prefer "faggot", actually.

The belief that the man's man homosexual is the only natural and true ("born this way") homosexual is also ironic since it's completely unique to our time and place in the western world. Rod Fleming did a three part YT series laying it out, and I feel grateful to him for attempting to demystify what I like to remember about homosexuality as late as the early 80's (say, the comix of Nazario), and the disconnect between that and present day gay culture.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaDU4LZ3Qos
"We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting."

- Khalil Gibran


If I cannot be a feminine traditional woman, what's the point of being a woman?

- Me
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Joined: November 17th, 2015, 11:32 am

January 6th, 2018, 1:17 pm #24

Monique, My point was that even gay people think this, with emphasis on the word  "even" here. CIS/straight people think this as well. I tend to think it's all a spectrum, perhaps several spectrums that interplay with each other. But the idea of a binary in terms of sexual identity and orientation seems to be the default view in most of society. They tend to see any walk on the wild side to be a reflection of one's true nature with the CIS / straight side being a ruse or repression. For those who hold such views, this might actually say more about their own repressive nature. 
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Joined: December 27th, 2017, 6:06 pm

January 6th, 2018, 5:21 pm #25

April wrote: Monique, My point was that even gay people think this, with emphasis on the word  "even" here. CIS/straight people think this as well. I tend to think it's all a spectrum, perhaps several spectrums that interplay with each other. But the idea of a binary in terms of sexual identity and orientation seems to be the default view in most of society. They tend to see any walk on the wild side to be a reflection of one's true nature with the CIS / straight side being a ruse or repression. For those who hold such views, this might actually say more about their own repressive nature. 
As I noted earlier in this thread, it is interesting that so many can not see beyond his or her own viewpoint.  "My world view, my sexuality, my gender identity, etc. are all the norms and the rest of you are either perverts or in denial".   While, I hope that I am personally open minded enough to accept the legitimacy of other's experiences and identities, I often wonder about my own evolution.

15 years ago, I was absolutely certain that I was 100 percent heterosexual.  And notwithstanding the fact that I may have been dressed in a baby doll, stockings, etc, my desires and fantasies were, I'm pretty sure, 100 percent heterosexual.  Now 15 years later, I happily identify as bi-sexual.  So what changed?  Was I simply repressing my homosexual urges all those years or is it possible that my heterosexuality at that time was every bit as true and legitimate as is my bi-sexuality now?  I lean towards the latter.  We grow older we change.  Tastes in foods, music, can be constant or evolving.  Maybe lower testosterone or any one or several of 100 other things has led me to change what it is that I desire?  

The same, I think, applies to my gender identity.  I don't believe that my female side was something that I was just repressing in the past.  How she got here I'm not sure but I'm pretty  sure that she wasn't around back then. On the other hand, I do also believe I have a mixed gender (sissy for lack of a better word) self which may have been repressed for years.

What I find interesting is that my bi-sexual urges seem to apply to my male self as least as much as to my female, or my mixed gender self.  

Monique, I find the point about macho v effeminate gay culture to be interesting.  In my case, I find that there are certain types on on-line fantasy men that I am attracted to, but they range from quite macho to very effeminate.
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Joined: January 26th, 2016, 3:59 am

January 12th, 2018, 2:51 pm #26

Very common, there are far more bisexual people than most realise.

Pre transition (still in my denial 'I am not going to let myself be trans' phase) I had sex with guys as a guy  as an experiment and a vague hope that I wasn't really trans, that I was really gay/bi. I enjoyed it..did nothing for my gender dysphoria though.

Then later in my 'part time' period I did the same while presenting as a woman socially. That is very common with trans women when they first come out (even as a part timer). A friend who was a long time observer of trans women called it the '16 year old girl syndrome', where sexuality is explored. Some find they switch permanently, some find they revert to their long term interests. I did that, after that period I found I was still mostly female attracted, with some male attraction, an 80:20 bisexual basically.

Perfectly common, I think once you start really examining your gender it is, for some at least, easier to explore your sexuality and break the boundaries of your cis/heterosexual programming and any internalised homophobia you have.
Sometimes it goes the opposite way, some trans women who lived as gay men pre transition report they find they become female attracted.
And, of course, many report zero change, their attraction to males or females stays the exact same.
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