CHV Lives On

[Crossposted from moonBLOG]

This movie can be summed up in three words: Holy living fuck.
This was probably one of the fucking shittiest movies I have seen in fucking years. Fucking hoolarious. After work (I closed tonight), I drove to The Block to meet up with Matt, his cousin Evan, Chuck, and Evan's friends whose name escapes me. It was good times hanging out. We had some empanadas at some restaurant there, then we went to the EBGames there. It was funny, I felt like I should be cleaning up or something. I even offered to help out just because it felt right. It was funny. I started talking to the guys that worked there so that was cool. Then Evan bought some games and I slapped my 15% employee discount on that woot!
Then we went to go see the movie. Oh my fuck.. The acting was just spot on HORRIBLE! There was so much unnecessary boobie action in the first 30 minutes. I mean, I'm a fan of mammary glands, but I mean come on, that's just too much! I mean there's a chick that goes swimming topless, and they have the camera underwater trained right at her rack. It's like uhhh.... ok... And throughout the movie they kept having I guess you could say flashbacks to the game, it's like whaaaaaaat!
This is the killer... there's a huge 5-8 minute battle scene in the middle of the movie where it's just constant zombie killing, and, guess what, there's bullet time! But wait, not just ANY bullet time, it's massive, UNNECESSARY bullet time! They had a 360 bullettime rotation of each character in totally boring poses, one by one, then throughout the battle they'd pick a random character and slow time down for a killing of one zombie (or three in one). It would have been fucking great if they had bullettime during a character doing something inane like scratching their chin or waving.
Well at the end, the main character guy whose name until then was known only as Rudy turns out to be Rudolph Curien from the game. Oh I swear to god I hope they don't make a House of the Dead 2 movie. The director, whoever the fuck he is, has no directing sense, no creativity (shown by the unnecessary usage, and the usage PERIOD of bullettime, and the long and boring boobie shots), and he should be shot on sight.
The best fucking goddamned line ever in the movie:
Rudy > "You made these to be immortal! But why?"
Castillo > "So I could live forever!"
OH MY FUCK THAT IS FUCKING GENIUS!
I give this movie a big pink Jamba cock. Don't waste your money on it, unless you go see it with friends. THEN go waste money on it so you can laugh together!
moonBLOG | AIM: TTM MoonKnight

Ever notice that Curien is about um... Between 25 to 30 years old? That said, notice G and Rogan are full grown adults? So technically if Curien is around 40 to 50 years old and requires a walking stick in the game, how old are Rogan and G in-game? (Actually you can sort of find that information out on the arcade machine itself [the designed one for THOTD].)
Three more fun facts:
- The "flashbacks" were made from the Dreamcast and PC version using Free Play mode, as it's blatantly shown in the movie. I don't see how this relates from the movie since the characters aren't really shooting at the same thing as the "flashbacks".
- Rogan talks to his hand rather than a proper radio; unknown reason behind this. Speaking of which, they lead a special forces team (part of their organisation). Now since they receive an emergency call that the Curien Mansion is roaming with the undead (in-game), why doesn't Rogan and G bring some backup? Is the rave island really more important than THE house of the dead?
- I revived an old topic because I watched the movie later than most people so now I can talk about it.
www.penny-arcade.com/view...2-18&res=lHmm....... Can't think of a good signature.