I'm lost

Poem writer? Solo story novelist? This section is where you can display all of your writing works.

I'm lost

Howl
Villager
Howl
Villager
Joined: 27 Feb 2007, 20:12

25 Nov 2007, 21:25 #1

Running,
I'm running away from what I fear...
running away from what I hate...
running away from what I know oh...
help me I'm lost

(chorus)
I may be deaf but I can still hear my heart beat
I am not mute but still no one hears my cry
I may be blind but I still see...that I am lost

Someone...
someone please save me I made...
a big mistake and I need...
someone to show me the way...
help me I'm lost
(chorus)

Thank you...
for always helping i will...
always remember you because...
you are my savior...
Jesus Christ


First song ever thats why its not very good...
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Lyn
Lord
Joined: 29 Jun 2006, 19:36

26 Nov 2007, 03:35 #2

what kind of music were you thinking of to go w/ it? (just so i can understand it better)

i would put a few "catch" parts in it (like a bit of ryhming similiarities) but otherwise thats good... :)
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Howl
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Howl
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Joined: 27 Feb 2007, 20:12

26 Nov 2007, 16:49 #3

Thanks.


and yeah i thought that it needed to rhyme too...<_<


My next song does rhyme... ^_^


its just kinda like a slow song... :mellow:
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The Boss
Knight
Joined: 21 Sep 2006, 19:33

27 Nov 2007, 21:10 #4

I don't really like it, too many cliche lines.

That's based solely on the lyrics, it could be amazing when you put it to music.

My country is the world, and my religion is to do good. - Thomas Paine -
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Howl
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Howl
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Joined: 27 Feb 2007, 20:12

28 Nov 2007, 00:31 #5

Thanks :)


OMG I IS ON THE WII :mellow:
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Joined: 19 Oct 2006, 18:46

29 Nov 2007, 03:04 #6

Howl @ Nov 27 2007, 07:31 PM wrote: Thanks :)


OMG I IS ON THE WII :mellow:
that's actually really good for a first try. but i do agree with lyn, you do need a stronger hook (the part that really sticks in your head, usually in the chorus).
"We are lost. But it is only when you realize you are lost that you fight to be found."
-Christian Lindskog

96% of teens won't stand for Christ -- if your the 4% that will put this in your sig
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User Name
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Joined: 07 Jun 2008, 07:02

22 Jul 2008, 17:45 #7

WOAh THAT SONG IS SOOOO AWESOME!!!!
i just cant put into words how awesome it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are legion.
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Howl
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Howl
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Joined: 27 Feb 2007, 20:12

22 Jul 2008, 17:47 #8

Thank you
i try
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