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Joined: November 4th, 2006, 5:18 pm

March 14th, 2012, 12:20 am #1

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Last edited by bobquit on March 15th, 2012, 2:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: November 4th, 2006, 5:18 pm

March 14th, 2012, 10:57 pm #2

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Last edited by bobquit on March 15th, 2012, 2:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Tim
Tim

March 15th, 2012, 3:04 am #3

I'm trying to figure out how these correlate to Jewish humor.
And if I did I might see the humor.

Hear I'll make one up....

Two 90 year old Nazi WWII veterans in the nursing home were visiting.
One says to the other; "How many Jews can you fit into a VW Bug?"
The other replies; "Hmmmm.. about 7?"
And he says; "NO! 700 in the ash tray!"
And they both crackup laughing.

And the elderly nurse standing by heard them who had also experienced WWII, accept she had a number tattooed on the inside of her forearm when she was a little girl.

And the two 90 old's said to the nurse; "Can we have our dentures back now for the next meal nurse?"
And she said; "Why certainly!"..
As she quickly dipped the dentures in a cyanide solution.
And turned and say; "Here you are gentlemen, your going to find this next meal is to die for."



Gee that sounds more like Tails From The Crypt then a joke doesn't it?

Bro Tim


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Joined: October 1st, 2006, 10:04 am

March 15th, 2012, 7:40 am #4

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...in the East End of London durng the late 30's. She often speaks of their unique humour.

"Moishe, a medieval Jewish astrologer, prophesied that the kings favourite mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned Moishe and commanded him, "Prophecy, tell me when you will die!"
Moishe realized that the king was planning to kill him immediately, no matter what answer he gave. "I do not know when I will die," he answered finally. "I only know that whenever I die, the king will die three days later."


From a Jewish mum to her son:

My dear darling Moshe and that-person-you-married-against-my-wishes,
Happy New Year and well over the fast to you. Please dont worry about me Im well, considering I am having trouble breathing and eating. All I want is for you to have a nice holiday thousands of miles away from your mother.
Please find attached to this letter my last £20. I am just hoping that you will spend it on my grandchildren, poor babies - God knows their mother never seems to buy them anything nice. Maybe youll buy some food, as they look so thin in the photos you sent me.

Thank you Moshe for the flowers you sent me on my birthday. To save you money, I have put them in the freezer in the hope that they will last until my funeral. And please dont think of sending me any more money. I realise you will need it yourself for your next who-knows-where-in-the-world expensive holiday.

I lost my walking stick last week beating off muggers, but dont worry - when I finish writing this letter, I shall crawl back to bed. I am even beginning to get used to the cold since the landlord turned off the heating. The frost helps to numb the constant pain.

Please give my love to my darling grandchildren and give my regards to her.
Love from your devoted mother


*********************************************************
Smile

Mum tells me of one of her Jewish neighbours who used to ask her or her friends to thread a needle for her cos she should be resting on the Sabbath. Mum says she always wondered what she was going to do with the needle and thread - sew? On the Sabbath? Haha!

Love
Jackie


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Tim
Tim

March 15th, 2012, 10:08 am #5

You silly sis
Never living but always abiding by tall tails.

You want to experience this world?..
#1 Get away from the mentally sick people of London.
#2 Get 30 years younger and tube down rivers in North America.
#3 Have no fear of the 2 meter snapper turtles you go over.
#4 Know you are a child of HE who created it all.
#5 Enjoy

Bro Tim

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Joined: October 1st, 2006, 10:04 am

March 15th, 2012, 4:38 pm #6

I wonder where you get it all from sometimes, Tim bro...

Love
Pumpkin


Assume Nothing!



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Tim
Tim

March 16th, 2012, 4:33 am #7

I wonder where you get it all from sometimes, Tim bro
threshold of your own mind
-------------------------------------------

Ya! The threshold of your own mind!
Of cource keeping within reality.... usually lol

But actually I don't believe there is a threshold. Kind of like the purple flowery Lavender smell I asked you about a few months ago. So is there a threshold? That proves there isn't. But I already knew that, but now so do you!

Love ya Pumpkin.
Bro Tim
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