Youth and experimenting

Youth and experimenting

Jenn
Jenn

November 27th, 2010, 3:59 pm #1

Ok - I brought it up in TFF and had some of you imply a lot. And this is probably a more appropriate forum for the topic since it is not strictly about going commando.

I have two boys - one definitely in puberty. The boys have sleepovers. I know that often there are no "bedclothes". My older one definitely has his "alone time". So - can I hear from you guys on what kind of experimenting you did growing up - and where you feel lines might be crossed. In other words - what should I keep an eye out for?

It is almost impossible for you to offend me - I'll repost from an earlier message I sent which I hope explains -

When I started having kids I decided I would do my best not to trap them in a bunch of expectations just because that's what other people considered normal. I know we are sexual beings as well as everything else and Ive tried not to kid myself about that where my kids are concerned. Still, I also do think you can take almost any good thing to far. And usually you don't know how far "to far" is until you have crossed the line. (Thats experience talking! lol)

So a lot of my posts here are just me checking and trying to make sure no serious lines are being crossed. I'm sorry if I seem a little uncertain at times (borderline "needy!" lol) but you all have given me some really great perspectives on things and that (I hope) has helped me be a better mother to my boys!
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Nat
Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

November 27th, 2010, 6:56 pm #2

Well I have always thought that hiding something only heightens curiosity and makes things more alluring so we never made a issue of nudity in my family. It's how we swam and slept and used the Jacuzzi- all activities where clothing is more of a nuisance than an asset. And I never saw any sign that this had an adverse effect on my kids. They never got into trouble like many of their peers and they all grew up to be successful well-adjusted adults.

Nevertheless, we must understand that our philosophy is definitely a minority view in our society today and there is no doubt that many people would disagree with this approach. So I would advise discretion when dealing with non-family members in this regard especially when their kids are involved.

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Bob
Bob

November 27th, 2010, 9:48 pm #3

Ok - I brought it up in TFF and had some of you imply a lot. And this is probably a more appropriate forum for the topic since it is not strictly about going commando.

I have two boys - one definitely in puberty. The boys have sleepovers. I know that often there are no "bedclothes". My older one definitely has his "alone time". So - can I hear from you guys on what kind of experimenting you did growing up - and where you feel lines might be crossed. In other words - what should I keep an eye out for?

It is almost impossible for you to offend me - I'll repost from an earlier message I sent which I hope explains -

When I started having kids I decided I would do my best not to trap them in a bunch of expectations just because that's what other people considered normal. I know we are sexual beings as well as everything else and Ive tried not to kid myself about that where my kids are concerned. Still, I also do think you can take almost any good thing to far. And usually you don't know how far "to far" is until you have crossed the line. (Thats experience talking! lol)

So a lot of my posts here are just me checking and trying to make sure no serious lines are being crossed. I'm sorry if I seem a little uncertain at times (borderline "needy!" lol) but you all have given me some really great perspectives on things and that (I hope) has helped me be a better mother to my boys!
I understand that I am of a different mind than some here, but it never would have occurred to me as a young man to sleep naked with a buddy. I mean, why would I do that? Even if I was accustomed to sleeping in the buff when alone (which I didn't), why would I sleep naked with another boy in the bed? Had I found that either of my sons was sleeping naked with a male friend, I'd have thought, "OMG, someone is getting screwed in the ass!" I would have been horrified! (For the record, I wouldn't have wanted my teen sons sleeping nude with females either . . but I would have at least understood why they might want to do that . . yeah "homophobic", or some other label . . still wouldn't want that as a parent). In either scenario, I would demand that my son wear clothing to sleep beside a friend.
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Jenn
Jenn

November 29th, 2010, 1:44 pm #4

Ok - I brought it up in TFF and had some of you imply a lot. And this is probably a more appropriate forum for the topic since it is not strictly about going commando.

I have two boys - one definitely in puberty. The boys have sleepovers. I know that often there are no "bedclothes". My older one definitely has his "alone time". So - can I hear from you guys on what kind of experimenting you did growing up - and where you feel lines might be crossed. In other words - what should I keep an eye out for?

It is almost impossible for you to offend me - I'll repost from an earlier message I sent which I hope explains -

When I started having kids I decided I would do my best not to trap them in a bunch of expectations just because that's what other people considered normal. I know we are sexual beings as well as everything else and Ive tried not to kid myself about that where my kids are concerned. Still, I also do think you can take almost any good thing to far. And usually you don't know how far "to far" is until you have crossed the line. (Thats experience talking! lol)

So a lot of my posts here are just me checking and trying to make sure no serious lines are being crossed. I'm sorry if I seem a little uncertain at times (borderline "needy!" lol) but you all have given me some really great perspectives on things and that (I hope) has helped me be a better mother to my boys!
Well, Blue Train, I guess you have a point - it is a little unfair for me to ask other people about there lives and experiences without sharing mine. So - here goes

I started "experimenting" around age 10. Some friends of my parents had a daughter who was going into college and they stayed with us for a while to get her settled in. The first two days she also stayed with us until her dorm room opened. Since her parents were in the guest room, she stayed with me. She was VERY COOL - I suppose mostly because she was older and showed even the slightest interest in me beyond just treating me as a nuisance.

I had always worn pajamas to bed or a nightgown (with panties)and so it was with a great deal of interest that I watched as she stripped down and left just her panties on and changed tops into an almost not there tee shirt. She pulled her bra off without a thought. She clearly noticed I was watching her and asked if I was getting ready for bed or just going to watch her. So I - trying to be cool I pulled out one of my older brothers tee shirts and turned around while i put it on (I was embarrassed that I didnt really have anything "up top". And climbed into bed. I felt like I was being very naughty! lol The lights werent out to long when she began to make some small noises - and I asked if she was ok. She said she was just fine and asked if I knew how to make myself feel good. I had a feeling she wasnt talking about ice cream sundaes. So I said no. So she showed me.

The second night we wound up naked in the bed and she furthered my education. It was the first time I had an adult kiss, and it did feel nice feeling each other up. That was the first time I ever slept naked - let alone BE naked with someone in my bed. When I woke up I was in a hurry to get something on so mom wouldnt "catch me". That day she moved into her dorm.

So - needless to say I couldnt wait to share with two of my bffs. I had a sleepover with one of them a couple of weeks later. Showed her what I knew. She showed me some things she had picked up from looking at some of her fathers secret collection (parents dont really have secrets from their kids I think! lol) and we tried touching and practiced kissing. When my other friend got involved we experimented with some oral play, and over the next couple of years learned a few things from each other.

To my knowledge we all grew up essentially straight. I had some other experiences with girls along the way, but was always more interested in boys. So that's my experiences (I tried to be as pg13 as possible) and apologize if I crossed any lines - but as I said I understand that it isnt ok for me to ask if i'm not willing to share myself.
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Jenn
Jenn

November 29th, 2010, 1:52 pm #5

I understand that I am of a different mind than some here, but it never would have occurred to me as a young man to sleep naked with a buddy. I mean, why would I do that? Even if I was accustomed to sleeping in the buff when alone (which I didn't), why would I sleep naked with another boy in the bed? Had I found that either of my sons was sleeping naked with a male friend, I'd have thought, "OMG, someone is getting screwed in the ass!" I would have been horrified! (For the record, I wouldn't have wanted my teen sons sleeping nude with females either . . but I would have at least understood why they might want to do that . . yeah "homophobic", or some other label . . still wouldn't want that as a parent). In either scenario, I would demand that my son wear clothing to sleep beside a friend.
I understand your concerns, Bob - but really? Your FIRST thought would be that they were having anal sex? That's what your first assumption about your kids would be? You are certainly entitled to think whatever you want, but for the record that is NOT the first thing I thought. lol

Secondly, you think that onnies (sorry - underwear) or pajamas are going to keep two kids from trying things out? It didn't keep me from trying a few things - and I wore nightclothes and am a girl!

Im not of the mind that simple nudity must equal to or lead to sex. I AM of the mind that as kids get older they get interested and will try things out. My understanding is that this usually happens with someone of the same sex first - just because you are more comfortable and they are more accessible as these interests develop.

I'm not trying to encourage my kids to be active (far from it! lol - I am NOT ready to be a grandmother and they certainly aren't ready to be fathers!) But I also don't want to bury my head in the sand and pretend that there isnt going to be interest and experiments. I just want to be able to answer any questions along the way and have some idea, beyond my own limited experience, what I'm talking about when things come up.
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Nat
Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

November 29th, 2010, 3:01 pm #6

Well, Blue Train, I guess you have a point - it is a little unfair for me to ask other people about there lives and experiences without sharing mine. So - here goes

I started "experimenting" around age 10. Some friends of my parents had a daughter who was going into college and they stayed with us for a while to get her settled in. The first two days she also stayed with us until her dorm room opened. Since her parents were in the guest room, she stayed with me. She was VERY COOL - I suppose mostly because she was older and showed even the slightest interest in me beyond just treating me as a nuisance.

I had always worn pajamas to bed or a nightgown (with panties)and so it was with a great deal of interest that I watched as she stripped down and left just her panties on and changed tops into an almost not there tee shirt. She pulled her bra off without a thought. She clearly noticed I was watching her and asked if I was getting ready for bed or just going to watch her. So I - trying to be cool I pulled out one of my older brothers tee shirts and turned around while i put it on (I was embarrassed that I didnt really have anything "up top". And climbed into bed. I felt like I was being very naughty! lol The lights werent out to long when she began to make some small noises - and I asked if she was ok. She said she was just fine and asked if I knew how to make myself feel good. I had a feeling she wasnt talking about ice cream sundaes. So I said no. So she showed me.

The second night we wound up naked in the bed and she furthered my education. It was the first time I had an adult kiss, and it did feel nice feeling each other up. That was the first time I ever slept naked - let alone BE naked with someone in my bed. When I woke up I was in a hurry to get something on so mom wouldnt "catch me". That day she moved into her dorm.

So - needless to say I couldnt wait to share with two of my bffs. I had a sleepover with one of them a couple of weeks later. Showed her what I knew. She showed me some things she had picked up from looking at some of her fathers secret collection (parents dont really have secrets from their kids I think! lol) and we tried touching and practiced kissing. When my other friend got involved we experimented with some oral play, and over the next couple of years learned a few things from each other.

To my knowledge we all grew up essentially straight. I had some other experiences with girls along the way, but was always more interested in boys. So that's my experiences (I tried to be as pg13 as possible) and apologize if I crossed any lines - but as I said I understand that it isnt ok for me to ask if i'm not willing to share myself.
Ten was on the young side but I think it's very naive for anyone to think that most teens don't experiment sexually. You only need to read an internet teen-forum to see how worldly today's kids are. And clothes don't prevent that- it only heightens curiosity about what's underneath.
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Joined: May 9th, 2005, 12:05 pm

November 29th, 2010, 3:01 pm #7

Well, Blue Train, I guess you have a point - it is a little unfair for me to ask other people about there lives and experiences without sharing mine. So - here goes

I started "experimenting" around age 10. Some friends of my parents had a daughter who was going into college and they stayed with us for a while to get her settled in. The first two days she also stayed with us until her dorm room opened. Since her parents were in the guest room, she stayed with me. She was VERY COOL - I suppose mostly because she was older and showed even the slightest interest in me beyond just treating me as a nuisance.

I had always worn pajamas to bed or a nightgown (with panties)and so it was with a great deal of interest that I watched as she stripped down and left just her panties on and changed tops into an almost not there tee shirt. She pulled her bra off without a thought. She clearly noticed I was watching her and asked if I was getting ready for bed or just going to watch her. So I - trying to be cool I pulled out one of my older brothers tee shirts and turned around while i put it on (I was embarrassed that I didnt really have anything "up top". And climbed into bed. I felt like I was being very naughty! lol The lights werent out to long when she began to make some small noises - and I asked if she was ok. She said she was just fine and asked if I knew how to make myself feel good. I had a feeling she wasnt talking about ice cream sundaes. So I said no. So she showed me.

The second night we wound up naked in the bed and she furthered my education. It was the first time I had an adult kiss, and it did feel nice feeling each other up. That was the first time I ever slept naked - let alone BE naked with someone in my bed. When I woke up I was in a hurry to get something on so mom wouldnt "catch me". That day she moved into her dorm.

So - needless to say I couldnt wait to share with two of my bffs. I had a sleepover with one of them a couple of weeks later. Showed her what I knew. She showed me some things she had picked up from looking at some of her fathers secret collection (parents dont really have secrets from their kids I think! lol) and we tried touching and practiced kissing. When my other friend got involved we experimented with some oral play, and over the next couple of years learned a few things from each other.

To my knowledge we all grew up essentially straight. I had some other experiences with girls along the way, but was always more interested in boys. So that's my experiences (I tried to be as pg13 as possible) and apologize if I crossed any lines - but as I said I understand that it isnt ok for me to ask if i'm not willing to share myself.
Oh, that was pretty mild as far as the details go, although I guess it was sort of adult.

I may have said this in another posting somewhere (I'm at the age of repeating myself). It isn't always so much experimenting as it is simple discovery. There is a first for everything. There can be a certain amount of experimenting, true, if everything seems to be either hidden or forbidden, or otherwise. There has to be opportunity and time and sometimes a willing partner. Absent those factors and probably nothing will happen.

Children do have sexual lives but the key to that statement is how we define children. Your children are always your children but they will not be a child forever, if you follow me. Childhood is a highly elastic term. Where I'm from, marriage at 18 is common and at one time, even younger marriages were not so unusual. That varies a lot from place to place, you probably know. Is an 18 year old a child? Is a 16 year old? How about 15? It gets to be gray very quickly and it varies a lot from culture to culture, sometimes in the same place and at the same time (because we are not all part of a single culture). Hispanic girls seem to be expected to grow up quickly, for instance, while Asian girls are not.

But I think children (usually) have a built in sense of their limitations. They probably wouldn't do anything that hurt and usually won't hurt other people. They have a heightened sense of fairness, which eventually gets taught out of them, frankly, and finally, an insatiable curiosity.

But thanks for letting us in to your past.
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Bob
Bob

November 29th, 2010, 7:48 pm #8

I understand your concerns, Bob - but really? Your FIRST thought would be that they were having anal sex? That's what your first assumption about your kids would be? You are certainly entitled to think whatever you want, but for the record that is NOT the first thing I thought. lol

Secondly, you think that onnies (sorry - underwear) or pajamas are going to keep two kids from trying things out? It didn't keep me from trying a few things - and I wore nightclothes and am a girl!

Im not of the mind that simple nudity must equal to or lead to sex. I AM of the mind that as kids get older they get interested and will try things out. My understanding is that this usually happens with someone of the same sex first - just because you are more comfortable and they are more accessible as these interests develop.

I'm not trying to encourage my kids to be active (far from it! lol - I am NOT ready to be a grandmother and they certainly aren't ready to be fathers!) But I also don't want to bury my head in the sand and pretend that there isnt going to be interest and experiments. I just want to be able to answer any questions along the way and have some idea, beyond my own limited experience, what I'm talking about when things come up.
I've not had a daughter, but my impression has been that girls are more likely to experiment with same-sex intimacy than are boys, unless the latter are already questioning their sexual orientation. Girls/women hug and kiss each other more easily than boys do with other boys. (Girls are more emotionally intimate with each other, which I think can lead to some sort of physical intimacy). It doesn't mean that the girls are gay, but I also tend to think girls are more easily bi-sexual.
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Bob
Bob

November 29th, 2010, 8:05 pm #9

Well, Blue Train, I guess you have a point - it is a little unfair for me to ask other people about there lives and experiences without sharing mine. So - here goes

I started "experimenting" around age 10. Some friends of my parents had a daughter who was going into college and they stayed with us for a while to get her settled in. The first two days she also stayed with us until her dorm room opened. Since her parents were in the guest room, she stayed with me. She was VERY COOL - I suppose mostly because she was older and showed even the slightest interest in me beyond just treating me as a nuisance.

I had always worn pajamas to bed or a nightgown (with panties)and so it was with a great deal of interest that I watched as she stripped down and left just her panties on and changed tops into an almost not there tee shirt. She pulled her bra off without a thought. She clearly noticed I was watching her and asked if I was getting ready for bed or just going to watch her. So I - trying to be cool I pulled out one of my older brothers tee shirts and turned around while i put it on (I was embarrassed that I didnt really have anything "up top". And climbed into bed. I felt like I was being very naughty! lol The lights werent out to long when she began to make some small noises - and I asked if she was ok. She said she was just fine and asked if I knew how to make myself feel good. I had a feeling she wasnt talking about ice cream sundaes. So I said no. So she showed me.

The second night we wound up naked in the bed and she furthered my education. It was the first time I had an adult kiss, and it did feel nice feeling each other up. That was the first time I ever slept naked - let alone BE naked with someone in my bed. When I woke up I was in a hurry to get something on so mom wouldnt "catch me". That day she moved into her dorm.

So - needless to say I couldnt wait to share with two of my bffs. I had a sleepover with one of them a couple of weeks later. Showed her what I knew. She showed me some things she had picked up from looking at some of her fathers secret collection (parents dont really have secrets from their kids I think! lol) and we tried touching and practiced kissing. When my other friend got involved we experimented with some oral play, and over the next couple of years learned a few things from each other.

To my knowledge we all grew up essentially straight. I had some other experiences with girls along the way, but was always more interested in boys. So that's my experiences (I tried to be as pg13 as possible) and apologize if I crossed any lines - but as I said I understand that it isnt ok for me to ask if i'm not willing to share myself.
I wonder how much of our different experiences (males vs. females) are due to differences in how our bodies are made. Of course, I cannot say how things are for girls, but I honestlty didn't have any curiousity about other boys. To me, girls had the interesting physiology, and I definitely wanted to know about that. As far as self-pleasuring is concerned, boys get erections and it doesn't take long to fingure out that touching oneself feels good (I don't know if girls have a similar experience -- I have read and been told that girls are slower to know their own anatomy and perhaps don't have the same physical urges that lead boys into masturbation).

Speaking of girls, my parents (father especially) did a good job of scaring the bejesus out of me when it came to sex. First, you could get a girl pregnant, and there goes all of your life plans down the drain. Second, there are the diseases (pre-AIDS, but still a consideration). My father was a virgin when entering the Navy at age 17, and part of the indoctrination was watching films about veneral diseases and seeing the pus-filled lesions from getting infected via an unfortunate selection of partner. My father had shore leave, and while his shipmates went looking for sex my father strolled the town and avoided available women. He was a virgin when he married at age 21, and he instillesd those same concerns in my brother and I. I wanted to have sex, but I sure didn't want to wreck my body or ruin my life! I always regretted missed opportunities!
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Nat
Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

November 29th, 2010, 8:23 pm #10

The risk of teens getting a venereal disease from each other is pretty small since they are all basically virgins with little sexual experience. Far different than adults who may have sex with people who have had sex with many different people over many years and especial servicemen who often have sex with prostitutes.

As for pregnancy quite a few teens do use condoms and you'd be surprised how many teen girls are already on birth control pills- something that was rare in our youth.



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