Out-Sourcing The Presidency

Out-Sourcing The Presidency

Bob
Bob

May 15th, 2008, 1:53 am #1

OH, how I wish this were true -- for the Congress as well! "What goes around, comes around"? NAH . . no such luck!


Subj: Fwd: Congress Votes to outsource Presidency

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency

Washington, DC -- Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of 1 April 2008. The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead that his office has incurred during the last 7 years. It is anticipated that $231 billion can be saved to the end of the President's term. 'We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge,' stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). 'We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay,' Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for some t ime. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will assume the office of President as of April 1, 2008. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff.

Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night. 'Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center,' stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. 'I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President.'

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem as Presi dent Bush had never been familiar with the issues either.

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at all. 'We know these scripting tools work,' stated the spokesperson. 'President Bush has used them successfully for years, with the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about.'

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. Ac cordin g to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his lifetime. A greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.

Quote
Share

Marseil
Marseil

May 15th, 2008, 6:10 am #2

Excellent!

But, wouldn't it be even more efficient to rep^lace the presidency altogether with some well programmed computer system. This way, there would not even need to pay a salary, and we could hope for almost 24 hours a day up time.

But, who will program the machine?

Marseil.
Quote
Share

Nat
Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

May 15th, 2008, 12:38 pm #3

OH, how I wish this were true -- for the Congress as well! "What goes around, comes around"? NAH . . no such luck!


Subj: Fwd: Congress Votes to outsource Presidency

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency

Washington, DC -- Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of 1 April 2008. The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead that his office has incurred during the last 7 years. It is anticipated that $231 billion can be saved to the end of the President's term. 'We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge,' stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). 'We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay,' Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for some t ime. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will assume the office of President as of April 1, 2008. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff.

Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night. 'Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center,' stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. 'I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President.'

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem as Presi dent Bush had never been familiar with the issues either.

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at all. 'We know these scripting tools work,' stated the spokesperson. 'President Bush has used them successfully for years, with the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about.'

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. Ac cordin g to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his lifetime. A greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.
Well while we're at it perhaps we should outsource Congress as well since they are none too efficient either.
In the beginning congressmen were farmers and other tradesmen who worked part time in Congress and got more done.
Quote
Like
Share

Brandon
Brandon

May 15th, 2008, 8:35 pm #4

Excellent!

But, wouldn't it be even more efficient to rep^lace the presidency altogether with some well programmed computer system. This way, there would not even need to pay a salary, and we could hope for almost 24 hours a day up time.

But, who will program the machine?

Marseil.
Marseil's "well programmed computer" idea reminds me of the 1970 movie "Colossus: The Forbin Project."

The U.S. turns over the nuclear arsenal to a supercomputer called Colossus and Russians do the same thing by turning their nukes over to a computer called Guardian. The computers link up and take over the world.

Dated, but still a pretty entertaining film.
Quote
Share

Nat
Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

May 16th, 2008, 3:45 am #5

Well that was the theme of Wargames as well, a computer taking over NORAD.
A great movie up to the ending which was totally ridiculous.
Quote
Like
Share

cool beans boi
cool beans boi

May 18th, 2008, 3:46 am #6

OH, how I wish this were true -- for the Congress as well! "What goes around, comes around"? NAH . . no such luck!


Subj: Fwd: Congress Votes to outsource Presidency

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency

Washington, DC -- Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of 1 April 2008. The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead that his office has incurred during the last 7 years. It is anticipated that $231 billion can be saved to the end of the President's term. 'We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge,' stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). 'We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay,' Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for some t ime. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will assume the office of President as of April 1, 2008. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff.

Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night. 'Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center,' stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. 'I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President.'

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem as Presi dent Bush had never been familiar with the issues either.

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at all. 'We know these scripting tools work,' stated the spokesperson. 'President Bush has used them successfully for years, with the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about.'

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. Ac cordin g to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his lifetime. A greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.
Anything to get that idiot Bush out of office
Quote
Share

Bobby
Bobby

May 19th, 2008, 12:57 am #7

Chris, after that statement, my respect for you has gone way down. One should respect those in leadership over him, even though he may disagree with him.

Hugz
Bobby
Quote
Share

cool beans boi
cool beans boi

May 19th, 2008, 1:46 am #8

I cannot respect a fool.
Quote
Share

Marseil
Marseil

May 19th, 2008, 10:32 am #9

Chris, after that statement, my respect for you has gone way down. One should respect those in leadership over him, even though he may disagree with him.

Hugz
Bobby
Bobby,

I really believe there is room for more discernment here. One can have respect for the function and little esteem for the man in office.

Marseil.
Quote
Share

Bobby
Bobby

May 20th, 2008, 10:47 pm #10

I cannot respect a fool.
Our President is no fool except in the minds of some. He has accomplished many wise and difficult things.

Hugz
Bobby
Quote
Share