Heard a Funny!

Heard a Funny!

Bob
Bob

September 24th, 2010, 5:02 pm #1



Q: How do you bankrupt a Democrat?


A: Hide his welfare checks under his work boots.


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cool beans boi
cool beans boi

September 25th, 2010, 3:31 am #2

HOW TO BE A GOOD REPUBLICAN



1. You have to believe that the nation's 1990's prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but yesterday's gasoline prices are all Clinton's fault.

2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.

3. You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.

4. You have to believe that AIDS victims deserve their disease, but smokers with lung cancer and overweight individuals with heart disease don't deserve theirs.

5. You have to appreciate the power rush that comes with sporting a gun.

6. You have to believe everything Rush Limbaugh says.

7. You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor.

8. You have to believe God hates homosexuality, but loves the death penalty.

9. You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes.

10. You have to believe that pollution is OK as long as it makes a profit.

11. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

12. You have to believe Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were really faithful husbands.

13. You have to believe speaking a few Spanish phrases makes you instantly popular in the barrio.

14. You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

15. You have to be against government interference in business, until your oil company, corporation or Savings and Loan is about to go broke and you beg for a government bail out.

16. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.

17. You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing police protection, national defense, and building roads.

18. You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher.
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Guest
Guest

September 28th, 2010, 12:46 pm #3

You forgot two on your list:

19. You have to believe that electing a Republican is more important than actually counting the votes of the citizenry.

20. You have to believe that the biggest deficits in U.S. history occured overnight upon the election of Democrat Presidents.


You know - it is interesting to me that Republicans refer to Democrats as "tax and spend" - but the largest deficits were run up by Republican Presidents who consistently gave tax credits to the rich while further taxing the middle class. It seems that the only reason Republicans keep getting elected is that ignorant lower- and middle-class people keep believing that if they vote for a Republican they too will become rich and privileged. The actuality - even in this economy - is that poor, working-class, and middle-class people actually tend to fair better under Democrats, once they have been in power long enough to undo the Republican machinery. It doesn't happen overnight - and that is what is hurting the current Administration. In a day of "instant gratification" and "thirty minute solutions" we are unwilling to wait to untangle the nation's problems. We forget that even Bush himself as he left office said that our economy was on the brink of disaster. Say what you will, but Obama pulled us back from that brink - and I believe could go a long way to resolving the mess he inherited. Unfortunately, Republicans would rather backbite than work together to find answers. The man did extend his hand and the opportunity to work together - and they refused to shake it - preferring instead to ignore the needs of the nation in favor of seeking power for their party. Shame on them!
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Bob
Bob

September 28th, 2010, 3:44 pm #4

And how did Obama accomplish this (if, indeed, we are on the way to recovery, which I doubt)? He did it by borrowing more money -- further increasing the national debt -- making America even more beholden to foreign countries who have bank-rolled our folly . . . giving us enough rope to hang ourselves. And, despite what happens in the short term, long-term that debt will crush the U.S.

Not that I am fully in the Republicans' camp. As you noted, they certainly did their part to get the United States in its current fix. Not since the days of Ronald Reagan have I felt that voting Republican could help our economy. I voted Republican because of the social asgenda of the two parties. At least the Republicans paid lip service to "family values" that a sizeable majority of Americans support. That is why Republicans have done as well as they have the past 30 years. Voters hoped that Repubs would support traditional values, while Dems seemed to consider the past as some horrible thing that is the antithesis of the America they want to enact.

Problem was/is that it really didn't matter how one voted vis-a-vis the social agenda. If Dems would drive us 90 miles per hour in the wrong direction, the Repubs would drive us in the same direction just a bit slower. A lot of the current problems in U.S. are social in nature and not simply economic. Neither party offers much solution . . really, just more steering in negative directions.
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Nat
Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

September 28th, 2010, 7:32 pm #5

I think the bail-outs (which began under Bush, you know) were the lesser of two evils. Yes, it increased the debt- but I think for a time there was a real danger of a total 1929-style banking collapse as these banks realized there was no money in the vault. Same with GM and Chrysler- if they went under they would have taken many others all across our whole economy as every business is inter-dependent on other businesses either for customers or supplies. So I think to sit back and do nothing could have easily degenerated into a 1930s depression again- it took a world war to get us out of that! I don't think we can afford that cure again!

I think the big mistake was not having more strings attached- for example allowing those bankers and brokers who loss all this money through greed and mismanagement to take home huge bonuses was unconscionable! They should have been fired- not rewarded!
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Guest
Guest

September 29th, 2010, 12:58 pm #6

And how did Obama accomplish this (if, indeed, we are on the way to recovery, which I doubt)? He did it by borrowing more money -- further increasing the national debt -- making America even more beholden to foreign countries who have bank-rolled our folly . . . giving us enough rope to hang ourselves. And, despite what happens in the short term, long-term that debt will crush the U.S.

Not that I am fully in the Republicans' camp. As you noted, they certainly did their part to get the United States in its current fix. Not since the days of Ronald Reagan have I felt that voting Republican could help our economy. I voted Republican because of the social asgenda of the two parties. At least the Republicans paid lip service to "family values" that a sizeable majority of Americans support. That is why Republicans have done as well as they have the past 30 years. Voters hoped that Repubs would support traditional values, while Dems seemed to consider the past as some horrible thing that is the antithesis of the America they want to enact.

Problem was/is that it really didn't matter how one voted vis-a-vis the social agenda. If Dems would drive us 90 miles per hour in the wrong direction, the Repubs would drive us in the same direction just a bit slower. A lot of the current problems in U.S. are social in nature and not simply economic. Neither party offers much solution . . really, just more steering in negative directions.
It is always interesting to me that people refer to "Republican Family Values" or that God supports Republicans. I find little evidence in the Republican platform of anything Jesus had to say. Support the rich; cut from the poor. "If someone is poor it's his own fault - we might throw him a crumb now and then - but I'm not giving him MY coat - let him get his own." Is that one of the Traditional Values we are talking about?

As the bumper sticker said "When did Hate become a family value?" You see, it's not just that they have narrow minds, it's that they inflict their "values" on the country with such venom and hatred. Are these the Traditional Values we are talking about?

Republicans talk about fiscal responsibility, but have twice spent us to the brink of disaster. The last time was to start a war for sport, and lie to the country. Maybe these are the Traditional Values we are talking about.

I know, I know...we are talking about Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve...we are talking about the rights of the unborn. And I totally understand and respect those beliefs - even the ones I disagree with. But the fact that they are so Traditionally Unwilling to cooperate, to compromise for the sake of the nation makes me believe that the only Traditional Value they really support is the preservation of their own power base. I am not saying Democrats are free from this - only that it is less self-evident in their platform and in their actions.

Unfortunately, we have yet to produce a viable third party that doesn't kowtow to some extreme group. Until then, in the current world, IMHO Democrats are a significantly better choice.
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Bob
Bob

September 29th, 2010, 1:21 pm #7

I think the bail-outs (which began under Bush, you know) were the lesser of two evils. Yes, it increased the debt- but I think for a time there was a real danger of a total 1929-style banking collapse as these banks realized there was no money in the vault. Same with GM and Chrysler- if they went under they would have taken many others all across our whole economy as every business is inter-dependent on other businesses either for customers or supplies. So I think to sit back and do nothing could have easily degenerated into a 1930s depression again- it took a world war to get us out of that! I don't think we can afford that cure again!

I think the big mistake was not having more strings attached- for example allowing those bankers and brokers who loss all this money through greed and mismanagement to take home huge bonuses was unconscionable! They should have been fired- not rewarded!
Personally, once they announced that Guantanimo would be closed, I think they should have prepared to round up the Wall Street, banking and insurance company execs that orchestrated the economic collapse and house them in that facility . . full experience . . water-boarding, temperature extremes, sleep deprivation, sensory deprivation/overload, electric shocks . . . the deluxe treatment.
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Bob
Bob

September 29th, 2010, 1:44 pm #8

It is always interesting to me that people refer to "Republican Family Values" or that God supports Republicans. I find little evidence in the Republican platform of anything Jesus had to say. Support the rich; cut from the poor. "If someone is poor it's his own fault - we might throw him a crumb now and then - but I'm not giving him MY coat - let him get his own." Is that one of the Traditional Values we are talking about?

As the bumper sticker said "When did Hate become a family value?" You see, it's not just that they have narrow minds, it's that they inflict their "values" on the country with such venom and hatred. Are these the Traditional Values we are talking about?

Republicans talk about fiscal responsibility, but have twice spent us to the brink of disaster. The last time was to start a war for sport, and lie to the country. Maybe these are the Traditional Values we are talking about.

I know, I know...we are talking about Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve...we are talking about the rights of the unborn. And I totally understand and respect those beliefs - even the ones I disagree with. But the fact that they are so Traditionally Unwilling to cooperate, to compromise for the sake of the nation makes me believe that the only Traditional Value they really support is the preservation of their own power base. I am not saying Democrats are free from this - only that it is less self-evident in their platform and in their actions.

Unfortunately, we have yet to produce a viable third party that doesn't kowtow to some extreme group. Until then, in the current world, IMHO Democrats are a significantly better choice.
I assume that you are new here (if so, welcome) and have not seen me list the traditional/family values that I advocate, so I will briefly reiterate. (btw, I didn't say that I think Republicans have done a good job of championing such values -- did you read that in my post above? What I said was quite the opposite: That people like me voted Republican HOPING that they might promote such values MORE than Democrats would. And, speaking for myself, I have been soundly disappointed.)

I believe that a lot of America's current problems stem from break-up of the traditional American family. A lot of that decline stemmed from the promotion of gender hostilities -- the idea that men are the enemies of women and women's progress -- the idea that whatever hurts men, helps women -- the idea that male roles in the society must be destroyed or women's progress would be hampered. So, the strategy was to "hit home" and create dissention amongst men and women, driving husbands/fathers out of homes and making men feel intimidated in work settings due to threats of sexual harassment lawsuits. The ramifications of the "war on men" have been very damaging and widespread: Decline in marriages/men sticking around to help raise their children, increased financial burdens faced by single mothers, under-parented and under-disciplined children left to raise themselves or to be raised by media, poor academic performance by children, increased crime committed by children; increased crime and risk-taking by men who have little to live for and little to lose.

Other traditional values lost: a) Attacks upon public expressions of faith -- religious symbols shuttered from sight and claims that any mention of God/faith is somehow "forcing" others to believe or adhere to teachings of that faith, b) Creating a divided country (men vs. women, white vs. minority, various faith groups against each other and against non-believers, straight vs. gay, rich vs. poor, conservative vs. liberal, Republican vs. Democrat, etc.) -- all this dissention created so that the populace would spend its time and energies fighting each other instead of monitoring what the ruling elite do to enrich themselves. c) Destroying American culture/belittling American history and heroes by constant challenges to integrity of the country, its past, its traditions and holidays, its sovereignty and "goodness". d) Abandoning loyalties to our American people and workers, by relocating the means of production outside the country and burdening the American people with crushing debt. Failing to secure America's borders, so that non-American people could enter and apply additional pressures on our society. All this also increases control by the ruling elite.

This is getting long (my forte), so I will stop here. If you care to comment, please do.
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Nat
Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

September 29th, 2010, 1:51 pm #9

It is always interesting to me that people refer to "Republican Family Values" or that God supports Republicans. I find little evidence in the Republican platform of anything Jesus had to say. Support the rich; cut from the poor. "If someone is poor it's his own fault - we might throw him a crumb now and then - but I'm not giving him MY coat - let him get his own." Is that one of the Traditional Values we are talking about?

As the bumper sticker said "When did Hate become a family value?" You see, it's not just that they have narrow minds, it's that they inflict their "values" on the country with such venom and hatred. Are these the Traditional Values we are talking about?

Republicans talk about fiscal responsibility, but have twice spent us to the brink of disaster. The last time was to start a war for sport, and lie to the country. Maybe these are the Traditional Values we are talking about.

I know, I know...we are talking about Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve...we are talking about the rights of the unborn. And I totally understand and respect those beliefs - even the ones I disagree with. But the fact that they are so Traditionally Unwilling to cooperate, to compromise for the sake of the nation makes me believe that the only Traditional Value they really support is the preservation of their own power base. I am not saying Democrats are free from this - only that it is less self-evident in their platform and in their actions.

Unfortunately, we have yet to produce a viable third party that doesn't kowtow to some extreme group. Until then, in the current world, IMHO Democrats are a significantly better choice.
Yes, Republicans are the epitome of hypocrisy. Like they worry so much about a fetus until it's born- then fight every program that aids it's health, welfare and education.

I agree we need a third party in this country but unfortunately the "Tea party" isn't it- they are just Republicans on steroids.

The problem with our government is that politicians have become too beholden to the fat cats with money who finance their re-election campaigns rather than to the people who they are suppose serve and protect. The recent bail-outs and healthcare reform are two good examples- they capitulated to industry lobbyists rather than doing the right thing.
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Bob
Bob

September 29th, 2010, 3:38 pm #10

" . . . they worry so much about a fetus until it's born- then fight every program that aids it's health, welfare and education."

Personally, I don't see that as being hypocritical. Another conservative value is individual responsibility . . taking care of one's own . . being part of that. I think it is loony to state (as some have) that if I'm not willing to provide financial support for an unborn child, then I have no right to protest that it is killed.

This, to me, is like someone saying they plan to kill an elderly relative, and when someone objects to that, the persons responds: "Well, are YOU going to support grandma? If not, then you have no say in what happens."

Or, with a disabled child, if a parent or caretaker planned to kill the child, and if someone objected to that, the person asks that same question: "Are you going to support the child? If not, shut up!"

I don't see it at all as being inconsistent positions to: 1) Respect the sanctity of life, and 2) Expect/demand that people take responsibility for that which they caused. Why should it fall to the rest of society to support a child that I brought into the world, or to support my parent when they get old? (Yes, I know, Medicaid pays for home-based and facility-based care for the elderly and disabled, which I don't object to -- actually, its my business -- but to say that any one individual must support someone is what I disagree with).
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