Boys Afraid of Girls

Boys Afraid of Girls

Bob
Bob

May 7th, 2012, 12:20 am #1

To our discussion below, in which Jenn observed that females have to be more careful when engaging in sexual activity, check out this New York Times column:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000142 ... 90268.html
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Bob
Bob

May 7th, 2012, 12:29 am #2

The first two articles reflect my view that fathers' "right" to their children is not respected by US laws and courts. Having been through this process, I know what I am talking about:

http://whatmenthinkofwomen.blogspot.com/
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Nat
Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

May 7th, 2012, 6:12 am #3

To our discussion below, in which Jenn observed that females have to be more careful when engaging in sexual activity, check out this New York Times column:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000142 ... 90268.html
I recently read that contrary to the popular perception, teen sex and teen pregnancy is actually way down now.
I think kids get a lot of lecturing in school about the hazards of sex.

And what's up is the number of teens who say they are gay.
The author didn't know if homosexual was actually up or just more teens are willing to admit it now.
It doesn't have the stigma it once had.

And as I mention in a previous post- the number of marriages is way down- the lowest ever recorded.

I don't know the reasons but there has been a lot of changes since we were growing up.

. . . . .
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Bob
Bob

May 7th, 2012, 12:21 pm #4

I don't think it is just boys who are more leery of girls, but men also more leery of women. I know a number of very nice guys who abstain from even trying to have reationships with women beyond casual co-worker comaraderie. Women apparently feel safe in being forward and making critical comments about males, but for men this is more risky. They have been well-drilled on the dangers of sexual harassment and sexual discrimination -- it can cost a man both legally and financially. And, from what I have seen, women are more free to openly talk and laugh about sexual matters, including a review (with other women) of the man's sexual abilities or lack thereof. I have overheard conversations between women that included descriptions of their date's penis (positive and negative), with much laughter at what would be great embarassment for the male. Men I have spoken to don't go into as much detail . . I don't think they want to paint that picture of their date's body for me . . and do so more in whispers or behind a closed door with one other person (man). Funny how the traditional images were of swaggering, boastful men, and the discreet, delicate and easily embarassed women. Now the roles appear to have reversed, at least in my experience.
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Nat
Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

May 7th, 2012, 1:27 pm #5

Yes, I think we can point to countless examples of this- like just look at how men's roles on TV have changed. We have gone from shows like "Father knows best" in the '50s where the dad is the respected head of the family to "Family guy", "Married with children", "Home improvement" where husbands are pictured as bumbling idiots and it's the wife who keeps sanity in the family. In fact, this is now so much the standard TV sitcom formula- sensible women, idiot husbands- that I can't think of a TV sitcom in the last twenty years that hasn't been like this. It's no wonder that boys grow up with no self-esteem.
. . . . .
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Jenn
Jenn

May 22nd, 2012, 12:43 pm #6

I don't think it is just boys who are more leery of girls, but men also more leery of women. I know a number of very nice guys who abstain from even trying to have reationships with women beyond casual co-worker comaraderie. Women apparently feel safe in being forward and making critical comments about males, but for men this is more risky. They have been well-drilled on the dangers of sexual harassment and sexual discrimination -- it can cost a man both legally and financially. And, from what I have seen, women are more free to openly talk and laugh about sexual matters, including a review (with other women) of the man's sexual abilities or lack thereof. I have overheard conversations between women that included descriptions of their date's penis (positive and negative), with much laughter at what would be great embarassment for the male. Men I have spoken to don't go into as much detail . . I don't think they want to paint that picture of their date's body for me . . and do so more in whispers or behind a closed door with one other person (man). Funny how the traditional images were of swaggering, boastful men, and the discreet, delicate and easily embarassed women. Now the roles appear to have reversed, at least in my experience.
I definitely think there is a trend toward "role reversal" but I havent seen any fear from my two. Just the opposite unfortunately. My older son is increasingly focused on the idea of sex. Its not that hes not aware of things like pregnancy and disease, but being realistic, I suspect that if the opportunity comes along, he will take it.

After the other posters experience with his son I have to admit Ive been holding my breath. I know its not far off. Suspect we will prepare before it happens - at least I hope so!

For the rest - let me think lol. It's been a while since I've had a chance to post, but clearly there are differences in our opinions!
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Bob
Bob

May 22nd, 2012, 1:37 pm #7

My elder son was a Freshman in high school (about 11 years ago) and told me that he was attending the Prom with a Senior girl. I assumed it was wishful thinking and told him not to get his hopes up (in my day, no Junior would have anything to do with a Freshman, let alone a Senior, who barely tolerated the Juniors). When he later reaffirmed his date, I assumed that the girl must not be too attractive if she had to "settle" for asking out a Freshman. Boy was I wrong! The girl, and a female friend, came over to the house and, what a cutie! Obviously, things had changed since I was in school.

That same son always thought he was something. He took his early success with girls as recurring proof of his desirability. I told him, "Don't get too cocky. When you are a teenager, just being male carries a lot of weight with girls, who tend to want to go steady sooner than boys." He continued to feel confident until he got into his 20's and his stock declined. Whereas just being male was good enough before, by the early 20's young ladies expect more . . they want to see that the guy is preparing for a career and a lifestyle that is at least comfortable and affords opportunities. On that, I was correct, but my son refused to heed, continuing to assume that a male with a high school diploma, nice hair and a cheerful personality would continue to garner female respect. He is learning the hard way that these qualities he possesses are woefully inadequate.

So, I think your sons are in that respite period right now -- thanks to the attitude of girls that age -- and unless they continue to excel into their 20's, they will be in for some hard knocks. And, when they enter the working world, and depending upon their chosen profession, they may well find they are in competition with women and in settings rife with gender conflict. The presumption (increasingly false, I think) is still that the red carpet gets rolled out for males. So, females are then encouraged to feel both at risk for victimhood from males and a supposed patriarchal environment, and to attack that supposed preferential treatment of males by knocking them back on their heels.

Some here and in other venues claim I over-dramatize the anti-male aspects of American society. Certainly, there will always be males who succeed, but I think part of the cost of doing so is a demonstrated willingness of those men to throw males in general under the bus. When women note that males are still disproportionately the top executives in corporations and the major politicians, I respond that the only thing those men have in common with me is the design of genitalia. I, and most men, mean nothing to male leaders, and they are only too quick to levy punishments upon the mass of men if that appears to be the best way for them to maintain their position and wealth. Note that a male executive or politician does not have to prove he is anti-male, but rather must show that he is not anti-female. That, and he stands vulnerable to discrimination and harassment lawsuits. Being male (or white) is seen as further proof that he would favor a person like myself, so he is under the gun to show otherwise and bash me as necessary.

Actually, I think I could get a better break from a woman, or minority, than another white male, as I then have a (albeit smaller) stick to whack back at them with accusations of being anti-male, or anti-white. To be sure, such accusations are not taken near as seriously as those by a woman or minority against a white male. But at least it is something.

Another thing I notice from my working experience: Females who see that a man is down are quick to point up that fact to him, with some relish. It is part of the punishment, having the knife twisted by women and his supposed "male ego" further bruised.
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Joined: May 9th, 2005, 12:05 pm

May 22nd, 2012, 2:52 pm #8

To our discussion below, in which Jenn observed that females have to be more careful when engaging in sexual activity, check out this New York Times column:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000142 ... 90268.html
The quoted articles, which in turn quoted several other articles, impresses me as a case of writers and newspeople who are only talking to one another and really don't have much of an idea what anyone else is thinking or doing. Boys are more romantic than they used to be? Used to be when? Ten years ago? Thirty years ago? Sixty years ago?

All of that notwithstanding, there are some women that men, if not boys, are afraid of, in a sense. It is the beautiful woman. Here I speak only of myself, of course. I have no idea what anyone else thinks, although others here are never afraid to make such assumptions. But anyhow, a really beautiful woman, and I've known a few, can be sort of intimidating. One might be a little reluctant to ask such a woman for a date for fear of being rejected. That does nothing for your confidence, you know. Oh, I realize the rich among you don't have too many worries like that. You dress right and have a nice car and don't have to flip hamburgers to get through school but for the rest of us, it is a problem.

Oh the other hand, I suppose there's girls in the same boat.
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Bob
Bob

May 22nd, 2012, 4:28 pm #9

"Here I speak only of myself, of course. I have no idea what anyone else thinks, although others here are never afraid to make such assumptions. "

Just once, Blue, I'd like to see you take a leap into positing a viewpoint, an opinion, an assumption of your own . . without worrying about being right, or not covering every possible situation. You DO make sassumptions . . we all do. They may not always be right, but if we don't assume some things, it would be hard to function in life. When you are driving, I assume that you assume that other people will abide by the convention of traffic lights. But, it is certainly possible that someone might not. So, to avoid making a potentially erroneous assumption, do you approach each intersection with trepidation, unsure in the knowledge that a green light means you are safe to keep driving through the intersection, and that crossing traffic will stop for red? Sometimes that is not an accurate assumption, but I think you and most of us make the sassumption in order to function adequately.

Or, when you enter a store, do you not assume a degree of safety? Or, do you not wish to make that assumption, considering the possibility that any of a number of fellow shoppers could produce an AK 47 from beneath their coats and mow you down. There are parts of the globe where an assumption of safety might not be realistic. But here, in U.S., or in Europe, etc. if you did not make the assumption of safety (albeit, there is no guarantee) how could you, or I, function in society?

So, if we make assumptions about some things, why are other assumptions considered (by you) folly? Courage Blue, make and express some assumptions. I might not agree with your assumptions, but it would be refreshing and welcome to me to read them.
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Joined: May 9th, 2005, 12:05 pm

May 22nd, 2012, 6:04 pm #10

Now that's funny. It's usually someone else who complains about my opinions.

I make assumptions all the time but when I don't think they're warranted, I usually don't. I just don't care to see people making posts and making statements that are assumptions about everyone. They may be nice, neat and logical but they're usually wrong.

I read some firearms forums and I disagree with a lot I read on them. I like to say I'm the resident cynic. In the case of public safety in a department store, I assume safety. That's been my experience over the last 55 years, the previous ten I don't remember well enough and probably didn't go places on my own. I do drive with some trepidation, though, because I've had a couple of accidents.

Of course people here won't agree with my assumptions. Why should they when they don't even like the experiences I had.

In any case, you haven't commented on any of my opinions in my previous post other than this one. In other words, the way I read it, you aren't disagreeing with my opinions, your are disagreeing that I actually have an opinion, which is quite the opposite of what you stated.
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