At what age?

At what age?

Jay
Jay

January 21st, 2012, 3:08 pm #1

At what age would you allow your son/daughter to keep condoms?
Would you insist on them buying them or would you buy them?
If you knew your son/daughter was going to have or having sex would you allow it in your house? If so, at what age?
Do you think it is possible to keep kids from having sex if that's what they want to do?
At what age did you lose your virginity?
Is virginity important? Why do you think it is/isn't?
Are kids becoming active younger because of all the media about it?
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Nat
Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

January 21st, 2012, 8:28 pm #2

Wow,I feel like I'm getting the third degree here!
These are hard questions to answer because so much depends on the kid's personality and circumstances but with that qualification here goes-

At what age would you allow your son/daughter to keep condoms? = Once a kid starts driving- 16 in most places, kids consider themselves grown and you have virtually no control over where they go or what they do. So if they want condoms- better they have them so they can do it safely.

Would you insist on them buying them or would you buy them? = Don't see how that matters. I know a lot of people will say either way- you are "encouraging/endorsing" sex- but see above.

If you knew your son/daughter was going to have or having sex would you allow it in your house? If so, at what age? = I wouldn't make it that easy for them- but with both parents working these days kids have no problem finding a empty house in the afternoons. In my case my wife was home but by their teens the kids were usually away with friends in the afternoons.

Do you think it is possible to keep kids from having sex if that's what they want to do? = Not unless you keep them locked up 24hrs/day. The best you can do is make sure they know the risks and use protection.

At what age did you lose your virginity? = 18 and I was late- but I was a nerdy kid.

Is virginity important? Why do you think it is/isn't? = It's a nice thought but it's disease and pregnancy prevention that really matters.

Are kids becoming active younger because of all the media about it? = Teens were having sex long before it was in media. What their peers are doing is what really influences them.
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Jay
Jay

January 22nd, 2012, 2:54 pm #3

I didnt mean to make anyone uncomfortable. I appreciate your answers! Thank you.

I have reasons for asking. Hope you don't mind.
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Nat
Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

January 22nd, 2012, 6:23 pm #4

Well not uncomfortable as much as it's just difficult to give simple pat answers to complex questions when so much depends on unforeseeable circumstances. I remember when I was a young married I had "all the answers" about raising kids- only to find out they didn't work in real life and how little control a parent really has when kids become teens and develop their own social life. The more you try to control them the more rebellious they get- especially since most of the time they are away at school or out with friends where you have no control at all. But they never got into any serious trouble and all turned out to be successful well adjusted adults.
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Bob
Bob

January 23rd, 2012, 4:17 pm #5

At what age would you allow your son/daughter to keep condoms?
Would you insist on them buying them or would you buy them?
If you knew your son/daughter was going to have or having sex would you allow it in your house? If so, at what age?
Do you think it is possible to keep kids from having sex if that's what they want to do?
At what age did you lose your virginity?
Is virginity important? Why do you think it is/isn't?
Are kids becoming active younger because of all the media about it?
At what age would you allow your son/daughter to keep condoms?

I would hope that it wouldn't be before they turn 16. Kids today are encouraged to grow up way too soon. I say, let them be a kid, preferably until they graduate from high school. Being an adult is not all it is cracked up to be, so I think it is better to be a kid while they can.


Would you insist on them buying them or would you buy them?

I don't think I would buy condoms for my children. I think if they are resposible enough for sex they should be able to select their own condoms.


If you knew your son/daughter was going to have or having sex would you allow it in your house? If so, at what age?

Nope, sorry. I would not knowingly have my teen sons having sex under my roof. They have to find another place to do that. I don't want anyone to think I am condoning such activity.


Do you think it is possible to keep kids from having sex if that's what they want to do?

Kids will figure out a way if they really want to do it. Kids back when I was young just brought a blanket and did it in a nearby woods/field. See next response.


At what age did you lose your virginity?

I was 19, and I thought I was the last person in my generation to do it. I didn't even care about the girl. It was just an opportunity to get past the viginity thing, and it wasn't a great experience. I would recommend to anyone that they save their virginity for someone they care about and want to be intimate with. I think I waited so long to first have sex because, 1) I was a painfully-shy and awkward teen, and 2) My parents did a good job of convincing me that I would RUIN MY LIFE by getting a veneral disease and/or getting a girl pregnant and having to abandon my life plans to support a child. If your kid is someone like me, then this tactic might work in delaying their first sexual experience.


Is virginity important? Why do you think it is/isn't?

I think it is important, but not for moral, good/bad reasons. I just think that having sex marks a change, leaving childhood behind and entering a more adult world. As I already mentioned, that happens soon enough without pushing to do it at an early age.


Are kids becoming active younger because of all the media about it?

I this so, yes. I think various media, and role models in entertainment industries, all promote sexuality at earlier and earlier ages. Nobody wants to feel left behind or nerdy, so they might think they need to have sex because "everyone is doing it." Truth is, everyone is not doing it, but the ones who aren't take a lot of grief for their decision to wait.

Note: I am the father of boys. I would not be surprised if my views were even more conservative if I had daughters.
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Nat
Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

January 23rd, 2012, 4:54 pm #6

In a survey like this you have to choose between what you want, and what is practical to achieve in today's society.

I'm suspect most parents would prefer their kids to wait until they are responsible married adults to have sex.

But when they are out of your sight and control a good portion of their lives, how do you achieve this?

There was a time fathers put chastity belts on their daughters. Don't think you can get by with doing that these days.


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Bob
Bob

January 23rd, 2012, 5:17 pm #7

Years ago, I heard that saving one's virginity until they are adult was a growing trend among young people. I don't know how prevalent that is or if it might be limited to those with strongly-held religious beliefs. I think there is a segment of youth who either want to save that part of themselves for someone special and/or who believe sex for sex-sake is over-rated and not the exciting experience some imagine.

For all I know, a lot of kids might just be pleasuring themselves rather than with a partner . . the ultimate safe sex. Actually, I know a number of ladies in their 30's, 40's and later who admit to masturbating to relieve sexual tension and to do so without rushing into an ill-advised relationship. Certainly there is much greater access to images on the internet compared to the pre-computer days. I cannot imagine my parents' generation talking about that, but people my age and younger (actually, the women admit it more than the men I know) don't seem to think it is a big deal.
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Nat
Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

January 23rd, 2012, 5:43 pm #8

Well I think the AIDS epidemic had a chilling effect for a while.

It's hard to say, I think in some way they are more conservative, in others less.

There are a number of teen-forums on the net- like- http://forums.govteen.com/health-development/ where you can get a idea of teens' thinking now.

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Jay
Jay

January 24th, 2012, 1:05 pm #9

At what age would you allow your son/daughter to keep condoms?

I would hope that it wouldn't be before they turn 16. Kids today are encouraged to grow up way too soon. I say, let them be a kid, preferably until they graduate from high school. Being an adult is not all it is cracked up to be, so I think it is better to be a kid while they can.


Would you insist on them buying them or would you buy them?

I don't think I would buy condoms for my children. I think if they are resposible enough for sex they should be able to select their own condoms.


If you knew your son/daughter was going to have or having sex would you allow it in your house? If so, at what age?

Nope, sorry. I would not knowingly have my teen sons having sex under my roof. They have to find another place to do that. I don't want anyone to think I am condoning such activity.


Do you think it is possible to keep kids from having sex if that's what they want to do?

Kids will figure out a way if they really want to do it. Kids back when I was young just brought a blanket and did it in a nearby woods/field. See next response.


At what age did you lose your virginity?

I was 19, and I thought I was the last person in my generation to do it. I didn't even care about the girl. It was just an opportunity to get past the viginity thing, and it wasn't a great experience. I would recommend to anyone that they save their virginity for someone they care about and want to be intimate with. I think I waited so long to first have sex because, 1) I was a painfully-shy and awkward teen, and 2) My parents did a good job of convincing me that I would RUIN MY LIFE by getting a veneral disease and/or getting a girl pregnant and having to abandon my life plans to support a child. If your kid is someone like me, then this tactic might work in delaying their first sexual experience.


Is virginity important? Why do you think it is/isn't?

I think it is important, but not for moral, good/bad reasons. I just think that having sex marks a change, leaving childhood behind and entering a more adult world. As I already mentioned, that happens soon enough without pushing to do it at an early age.


Are kids becoming active younger because of all the media about it?

I this so, yes. I think various media, and role models in entertainment industries, all promote sexuality at earlier and earlier ages. Nobody wants to feel left behind or nerdy, so they might think they need to have sex because "everyone is doing it." Truth is, everyone is not doing it, but the ones who aren't take a lot of grief for their decision to wait.

Note: I am the father of boys. I would not be surprised if my views were even more conservative if I had daughters.
I appreciate your input Bob and Nat. Thanks for taking time to respond.

My son is younger than your recommendations and unfortunately no longer a virgin. I am at a bit of a loss as I don't want to give my blessing (I think he is seriously to young) - but I don't want him unprotected either. I sure am not ready for grandkids and he is a long way from being ready to be a father (which we have discussed.) But I also know that once I lost mine I wasnt going to stop, and this girl is close enough to be accessible. I spoke with her mom and she has put her daughter on birth control, and pretty much feels this is just a natural part of kids growing up. And I know it is. Just happening sooner than I thought. Looks like a trip to Walgreens.

I realize I could blister his butt - but I doubt that would stop it - and might make it worse. I am still toiling with whether its better for them to have a safe place (ie home) or have them out and about. Nobody told me thered be days like these.
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Nat
Joined: January 1st, 1970, 12:00 am

January 24th, 2012, 3:29 pm #10

Sure thing Jay. Well raising kids is certainly and interesting adventure. When my kids were little I wished they were big so we could have intelligent conversations and go places and do things together- then when they got big I wished they were little again!

In any case, I hope you will stick around, this forum needs more regular posters. As the name says we talk about everything under the sun here- and some that are over it.
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