O/T but a funny outlook on East/West Security Levels...>>>>

O/T but a funny outlook on East/West Security Levels...>>>>

Joined: August 15th, 2007, 11:07 am

November 23rd, 2010, 9:33 am #1

This was sent to me from a good friend by email Yesterday from Australia.I found it highly Entertaining Guys and a Bit Tongue in Cheek,Yet my Kind of Humour.
It takes a pop at us all and where we live and how our Countrys are perceived to react when a terrorist threat shows itself.Ironic as i totally agree with the UK outlook and after Living in Australia for 10yrs thats definately how the Ozzies are......I hope you see the funny side like i did.Neilo.



The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The upgrade was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies "just in case".

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.



Theneilo uk

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Joined: October 25th, 2005, 9:59 pm

November 23rd, 2010, 10:18 am #2


and very interesting history of how they came to Australia from England .....

I had read a short bit on how their English variation develeped (there are 4 English dialects: Canadian, American, British and Australian)....

Their laid back attitude is very intriguing! Lots of understatement in their humor...
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Joined: September 1st, 2008, 1:36 pm

November 23rd, 2010, 11:49 am #3

This was sent to me from a good friend by email Yesterday from Australia.I found it highly Entertaining Guys and a Bit Tongue in Cheek,Yet my Kind of Humour.
It takes a pop at us all and where we live and how our Countrys are perceived to react when a terrorist threat shows itself.Ironic as i totally agree with the UK outlook and after Living in Australia for 10yrs thats definately how the Ozzies are......I hope you see the funny side like i did.Neilo.



The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The upgrade was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies "just in case".

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.



Theneilo uk



I don`t make things. I make things better !
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Joined: March 5th, 2009, 3:41 am

November 23rd, 2010, 12:58 pm #4

This was sent to me from a good friend by email Yesterday from Australia.I found it highly Entertaining Guys and a Bit Tongue in Cheek,Yet my Kind of Humour.
It takes a pop at us all and where we live and how our Countrys are perceived to react when a terrorist threat shows itself.Ironic as i totally agree with the UK outlook and after Living in Australia for 10yrs thats definately how the Ozzies are......I hope you see the funny side like i did.Neilo.



The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The upgrade was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies "just in case".

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.



Theneilo uk

More truth than poetry here, sadly. "Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies 'just in case'."

MikeyT
In the Thumb of Michigan
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Joined: June 19th, 2009, 6:51 pm

November 23rd, 2010, 3:43 pm #5

This was sent to me from a good friend by email Yesterday from Australia.I found it highly Entertaining Guys and a Bit Tongue in Cheek,Yet my Kind of Humour.
It takes a pop at us all and where we live and how our Countrys are perceived to react when a terrorist threat shows itself.Ironic as i totally agree with the UK outlook and after Living in Australia for 10yrs thats definately how the Ozzies are......I hope you see the funny side like i did.Neilo.



The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The upgrade was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies "just in case".

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.



Theneilo uk

Canada doesn't have any security levels since we understand that it is all smoke and mirrors used by governments to misdirect the populace from what they are really doing

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Joined: August 15th, 2007, 11:07 am

November 23rd, 2010, 5:32 pm #6

From Political Dramas.I mean im in the UK and we are at best prim and proper here,or at least thats how the world views us with the notion we all speak like Prince William yet it could not be further from the truth.Canada very rarely gets any mention in any political debates we see on TV here.
Do you just keep yourselves to yourselves and have the attitude of we dont mess with anyone so no-one messes with us so to speak.

Sounds like Canada is really Gods Country if thats the case.

Theneilo uk

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Joined: August 15th, 2007, 11:07 am

November 23rd, 2010, 5:35 pm #7

and very interesting history of how they came to Australia from England .....

I had read a short bit on how their English variation develeped (there are 4 English dialects: Canadian, American, British and Australian)....

Their laid back attitude is very intriguing! Lots of understatement in their humor...
Look we are thousands of miles from anywhere out here...."Who is going to be bothered to mess with us" Fire up the Barbie and get the Tinnys out.
Plus after living there for so long and my family residing there it is actually their outlook on everything.Funny Funny race of people and yes spawned from us Brits.

Theneilo uk

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Joined: June 19th, 2009, 6:51 pm

November 23rd, 2010, 5:50 pm #8

From Political Dramas.I mean im in the UK and we are at best prim and proper here,or at least thats how the world views us with the notion we all speak like Prince William yet it could not be further from the truth.Canada very rarely gets any mention in any political debates we see on TV here.
Do you just keep yourselves to yourselves and have the attitude of we dont mess with anyone so no-one messes with us so to speak.

Sounds like Canada is really Gods Country if thats the case.

Theneilo uk

but unlike some of the other NATO member countries, Canada has never invaded a sovereign nation. Our involvement is generally that of peace keepers rather than aggressors.

This has not been overlooked by the 'bad guys'. When Canada refused to participate in the invasion of Iraq; Bush lumped us in with the axis of evil and we haven't been bothered by any attempted terrorist attacks...only US propaganda that tried to implicate us as a target.

The US media doesn't bother with Canada much since they can't get a rise out of us. We just go quietly about our business and don't feed them

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Joined: June 29th, 2005, 8:21 pm

November 23rd, 2010, 6:22 pm #9

This was sent to me from a good friend by email Yesterday from Australia.I found it highly Entertaining Guys and a Bit Tongue in Cheek,Yet my Kind of Humour.
It takes a pop at us all and where we live and how our Countrys are perceived to react when a terrorist threat shows itself.Ironic as i totally agree with the UK outlook and after Living in Australia for 10yrs thats definately how the Ozzies are......I hope you see the funny side like i did.Neilo.



The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The upgrade was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies "just in case".

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.



Theneilo uk

.... "EH?" I LOVED ALL of it !!!
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Joined: January 19th, 2010, 10:45 pm

November 23rd, 2010, 7:35 pm #10

This was sent to me from a good friend by email Yesterday from Australia.I found it highly Entertaining Guys and a Bit Tongue in Cheek,Yet my Kind of Humour.
It takes a pop at us all and where we live and how our Countrys are perceived to react when a terrorist threat shows itself.Ironic as i totally agree with the UK outlook and after Living in Australia for 10yrs thats definately how the Ozzies are......I hope you see the funny side like i did.Neilo.



The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The upgrade was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies "just in case".

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.



Theneilo uk

funny, a good laugh today. ;) nt
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