Does Domestic Violence Effect You?

Does Domestic Violence Effect You?

Joined: August 2nd, 2001, 4:29 pm

September 4th, 2003, 3:44 am #1

It has been a long day for me, looking over reports, figures, facts, police reports, and psychological reports, almost all of which are on domestic violence. I am about to make one of my rare public appearances where I plan to give a presentation, if I can get my nerve up. If not, I will pass it off to a lackey.

This is an issue that hits home for me, considering how much time and effort I have dumped into my baby, the women's shelter. It has deeper roots as well, but I wont go into those.

What I am struck by the most, are how folk look at domestic violence. Single folk firmly believe it does not effect them, married folk who are perfectly peaceful think it does not effect them, and wives and husbands who just got married think it will never happen to them.

Some facts and figures.

4 out of 5 women in the US are victims of DV. (Domestic Violence.) Every 3 seconds a woman is brutalized by an act of DV. Every 6 seconds a woman is killed. 1/3 of the women brutalized by DV become crippled due to a life altering injury and require disability / social security funds. It costs Americans roughly 22.5 billion dollars a year to pay for DV. This is lost days at work, for both battered women, as well as jailed husbands, hospital stays, medications, physical and mental therapy, and the disability funds previously mentioned. This comes out of YOUR tax dollars ladies and gentlemen. This also includes special funding for special units in the police department that specialize in dealing with DV, something we need a LOT more of. This covers legal fees, public assistance lawyers, and salaries of magistrates who deal soley with DV cases. And don't forget the cost of theraputic foster care for children who have lost both of their parents due to DV.

Today, at a local BiLo, a woman was taken hostage and killed in a DV that went bad. Police had refused to get involved in the scuffle, and the poor woman could not get legal aid. No restraining orders, no protective orders, nothing. The magistrate did NOTHING. And now she is dead. Lots of traumatized folk. BiLo has already released a statement trying to garner more attention for DV, saying it was going to cost them roughly 26,000 dollars to pay for victim's counciling that is required under company regulations involving trauma in the workplace, like say, a crazed man taking a women hostage, beating her bloody in front of everybody, and then shooting her multiple times, emptying several clips worth of ammo into her body. And I ask, are these numbers even factored into the above figures? What about these people's lost days at work? How much business, how much cash did BiLo lose today because of the hostage crisis? I don't think these numbers are part of the above figures, because these are the extremes. How badly is our economy, both local as in this case, as well as wide spread, effected by DV?

In simpler terms, are violent spouses also making YOU their bitch? I would venture to say that when we really sit down and factor in all of the additions, like the BiLo event, DV screws us all in ways we can not even begin to realize. To recoup losses for today, and pay for therapy, BiLo will probably raise prices on a few things here and there, a few pennies perhaps, but in the bigger picture, as we can see, just a few pennies add up. Billions of dollars lost every year, and that is in the "inner ring" of events, none of what I read supported the "outer ring" or the other people who DV effects. The more I think of this, the larger the numbers seems to be in my mind. I think the above numbers are far to conservative really, I think in actually once we figure out the ripple effect, the real numbers would be staggering. And not just in DV, but in violence period, the mind boggles at how much it might be costing our society.

There is a great deal of work going on right now trying to get a law passed that would make any act of DV a felony. I urge you all as good citizens, to contact your local representatives and find out more about this, and petition your community to make this law HAPPEN. Under the proposed law, DV would be a felony punishable by a minimum of 1 year in jail and up to $10,000 in fines. The real problem of course, would be enforcing it. To many police still do not want to get involved in family affairs, especially in small towns where the offender might be a beer drinking buddy. But making it a felony would be a step in the right direction, as many who support the bill state that by making it a felony, more powerful forms of authority can become involved in the events of DV.

I ask all of you to think about this, and tell me what you think. I also urge you to do as I asked, and find out more about the bill, and what you can do. Your wallet might thank you.
Quote
Like
Share

Jester
Jester

September 4th, 2003, 5:44 am #2

5256000 women are killed a year?

Is that a global figure?

Jester
Quote
Share

Van
Van

September 4th, 2003, 5:48 am #3

It has been a long day for me, looking over reports, figures, facts, police reports, and psychological reports, almost all of which are on domestic violence. I am about to make one of my rare public appearances where I plan to give a presentation, if I can get my nerve up. If not, I will pass it off to a lackey.

This is an issue that hits home for me, considering how much time and effort I have dumped into my baby, the women's shelter. It has deeper roots as well, but I wont go into those.

What I am struck by the most, are how folk look at domestic violence. Single folk firmly believe it does not effect them, married folk who are perfectly peaceful think it does not effect them, and wives and husbands who just got married think it will never happen to them.

Some facts and figures.

4 out of 5 women in the US are victims of DV. (Domestic Violence.) Every 3 seconds a woman is brutalized by an act of DV. Every 6 seconds a woman is killed. 1/3 of the women brutalized by DV become crippled due to a life altering injury and require disability / social security funds. It costs Americans roughly 22.5 billion dollars a year to pay for DV. This is lost days at work, for both battered women, as well as jailed husbands, hospital stays, medications, physical and mental therapy, and the disability funds previously mentioned. This comes out of YOUR tax dollars ladies and gentlemen. This also includes special funding for special units in the police department that specialize in dealing with DV, something we need a LOT more of. This covers legal fees, public assistance lawyers, and salaries of magistrates who deal soley with DV cases. And don't forget the cost of theraputic foster care for children who have lost both of their parents due to DV.

Today, at a local BiLo, a woman was taken hostage and killed in a DV that went bad. Police had refused to get involved in the scuffle, and the poor woman could not get legal aid. No restraining orders, no protective orders, nothing. The magistrate did NOTHING. And now she is dead. Lots of traumatized folk. BiLo has already released a statement trying to garner more attention for DV, saying it was going to cost them roughly 26,000 dollars to pay for victim's counciling that is required under company regulations involving trauma in the workplace, like say, a crazed man taking a women hostage, beating her bloody in front of everybody, and then shooting her multiple times, emptying several clips worth of ammo into her body. And I ask, are these numbers even factored into the above figures? What about these people's lost days at work? How much business, how much cash did BiLo lose today because of the hostage crisis? I don't think these numbers are part of the above figures, because these are the extremes. How badly is our economy, both local as in this case, as well as wide spread, effected by DV?

In simpler terms, are violent spouses also making YOU their bitch? I would venture to say that when we really sit down and factor in all of the additions, like the BiLo event, DV screws us all in ways we can not even begin to realize. To recoup losses for today, and pay for therapy, BiLo will probably raise prices on a few things here and there, a few pennies perhaps, but in the bigger picture, as we can see, just a few pennies add up. Billions of dollars lost every year, and that is in the "inner ring" of events, none of what I read supported the "outer ring" or the other people who DV effects. The more I think of this, the larger the numbers seems to be in my mind. I think the above numbers are far to conservative really, I think in actually once we figure out the ripple effect, the real numbers would be staggering. And not just in DV, but in violence period, the mind boggles at how much it might be costing our society.

There is a great deal of work going on right now trying to get a law passed that would make any act of DV a felony. I urge you all as good citizens, to contact your local representatives and find out more about this, and petition your community to make this law HAPPEN. Under the proposed law, DV would be a felony punishable by a minimum of 1 year in jail and up to $10,000 in fines. The real problem of course, would be enforcing it. To many police still do not want to get involved in family affairs, especially in small towns where the offender might be a beer drinking buddy. But making it a felony would be a step in the right direction, as many who support the bill state that by making it a felony, more powerful forms of authority can become involved in the events of DV.

I ask all of you to think about this, and tell me what you think. I also urge you to do as I asked, and find out more about the bill, and what you can do. Your wallet might thank you.
4 out of 5 women in the US are victims of DV. (Domestic Violence.) Every 3 seconds a woman is brutalized by an act of DV. Every 6 seconds a woman is killed.

Um, typo? A dead woman every 6 seconds makes 5.25 million dead women per year (non-leap). With the US population in 2000 at 281 million that would means about 145 million women. So we're losing women to DV at the whopping rate of 3.6% per year, which means we need to get busy replacing them if we hope to have any women left in 2028.

When numbers like this are wrong, I lose respect for the whole message, even when it concerns something as serious as DV. What's the real number? Did you mean 60 instead of 6?

-V

Quote
Share

Van
Van

September 4th, 2003, 5:49 am #4

5256000 women are killed a year?

Is that a global figure?

Jester
need tamales
Quote
Share

Joined: August 2nd, 2001, 4:29 pm

September 4th, 2003, 6:22 am #5

4 out of 5 women in the US are victims of DV. (Domestic Violence.) Every 3 seconds a woman is brutalized by an act of DV. Every 6 seconds a woman is killed.

Um, typo? A dead woman every 6 seconds makes 5.25 million dead women per year (non-leap). With the US population in 2000 at 281 million that would means about 145 million women. So we're losing women to DV at the whopping rate of 3.6% per year, which means we need to get busy replacing them if we hope to have any women left in 2028.

When numbers like this are wrong, I lose respect for the whole message, even when it concerns something as serious as DV. What's the real number? Did you mean 60 instead of 6?

-V
And the averages don't seem quite right. Those are NOT my numbers. I suspect somebody botched the number crunching and I am totally at their mercy. Boo. Hiss. Boo.

I too suspect somebody forgot a zero someplace.
Quote
Like
Share

Van
Van

September 4th, 2003, 6:57 am #6

but don't throw those numbers in front of a crowd, or for the newspaper.

Stick with what you know. It seems that anecdotal stuff (the witnesses and families) is a lot more compelling than statistics. Alarming statistics are often misleading or just plain wrong, and Americans have been exposed to so many alarming numbers that IMO nothing fazes them any more. (except for animals, of course... "Every 2 minutes, a snake is SHOT TO DEATH, often at the hands of a half-blind half-naked half-Indian etc etc")

-V
Quote
Share

Ozymandous
Ozymandous

September 4th, 2003, 11:53 am #7

I wouldn't be surprised if the numbers Doc posted weren't posted by NOW or some other organization trying to use the good old scare tactics to get more funding, attention, whatever. Usually when I see ridiculous statistics like the ones mentioned it's from some group trying to over-play their hand to help their cause, not necessarily to help the true victims.

Now what caught my attention in that article was the complete lack of mention of when it's DV the other way, woman beating on her husband. Don't laugh, it happens, but like Prostrate cancer, men don't talk about it because it makes them look less "manly" so there is less social awareness of the issue even if there are comparible numbers of cases as in Prostrate Canver vs. breast Cancer.

Unfortunately, as the recent Kobe Bryant case has shown regarding allegations of rape, people in general like to blame the victim instead of the attacker. I am not sure why this happens, but it needs to be changed and pronto.
Quote
Share

Joined: November 29th, 2000, 9:05 pm

September 4th, 2003, 1:08 pm #8

It has been a long day for me, looking over reports, figures, facts, police reports, and psychological reports, almost all of which are on domestic violence. I am about to make one of my rare public appearances where I plan to give a presentation, if I can get my nerve up. If not, I will pass it off to a lackey.

This is an issue that hits home for me, considering how much time and effort I have dumped into my baby, the women's shelter. It has deeper roots as well, but I wont go into those.

What I am struck by the most, are how folk look at domestic violence. Single folk firmly believe it does not effect them, married folk who are perfectly peaceful think it does not effect them, and wives and husbands who just got married think it will never happen to them.

Some facts and figures.

4 out of 5 women in the US are victims of DV. (Domestic Violence.) Every 3 seconds a woman is brutalized by an act of DV. Every 6 seconds a woman is killed. 1/3 of the women brutalized by DV become crippled due to a life altering injury and require disability / social security funds. It costs Americans roughly 22.5 billion dollars a year to pay for DV. This is lost days at work, for both battered women, as well as jailed husbands, hospital stays, medications, physical and mental therapy, and the disability funds previously mentioned. This comes out of YOUR tax dollars ladies and gentlemen. This also includes special funding for special units in the police department that specialize in dealing with DV, something we need a LOT more of. This covers legal fees, public assistance lawyers, and salaries of magistrates who deal soley with DV cases. And don't forget the cost of theraputic foster care for children who have lost both of their parents due to DV.

Today, at a local BiLo, a woman was taken hostage and killed in a DV that went bad. Police had refused to get involved in the scuffle, and the poor woman could not get legal aid. No restraining orders, no protective orders, nothing. The magistrate did NOTHING. And now she is dead. Lots of traumatized folk. BiLo has already released a statement trying to garner more attention for DV, saying it was going to cost them roughly 26,000 dollars to pay for victim's counciling that is required under company regulations involving trauma in the workplace, like say, a crazed man taking a women hostage, beating her bloody in front of everybody, and then shooting her multiple times, emptying several clips worth of ammo into her body. And I ask, are these numbers even factored into the above figures? What about these people's lost days at work? How much business, how much cash did BiLo lose today because of the hostage crisis? I don't think these numbers are part of the above figures, because these are the extremes. How badly is our economy, both local as in this case, as well as wide spread, effected by DV?

In simpler terms, are violent spouses also making YOU their bitch? I would venture to say that when we really sit down and factor in all of the additions, like the BiLo event, DV screws us all in ways we can not even begin to realize. To recoup losses for today, and pay for therapy, BiLo will probably raise prices on a few things here and there, a few pennies perhaps, but in the bigger picture, as we can see, just a few pennies add up. Billions of dollars lost every year, and that is in the "inner ring" of events, none of what I read supported the "outer ring" or the other people who DV effects. The more I think of this, the larger the numbers seems to be in my mind. I think the above numbers are far to conservative really, I think in actually once we figure out the ripple effect, the real numbers would be staggering. And not just in DV, but in violence period, the mind boggles at how much it might be costing our society.

There is a great deal of work going on right now trying to get a law passed that would make any act of DV a felony. I urge you all as good citizens, to contact your local representatives and find out more about this, and petition your community to make this law HAPPEN. Under the proposed law, DV would be a felony punishable by a minimum of 1 year in jail and up to $10,000 in fines. The real problem of course, would be enforcing it. To many police still do not want to get involved in family affairs, especially in small towns where the offender might be a beer drinking buddy. But making it a felony would be a step in the right direction, as many who support the bill state that by making it a felony, more powerful forms of authority can become involved in the events of DV.

I ask all of you to think about this, and tell me what you think. I also urge you to do as I asked, and find out more about the bill, and what you can do. Your wallet might thank you.
Recommend that damned fool info like this not be spread around the internet. Someone is crying wolf.

On the other ridiculous stat, people die every day, don't get sentimental.

If 281 million people die per year (see Osama wanting to wipe out the entire US population as an example) out of a population of 5 billion, it would take 17.8 years to depopulate the earth with an "absolute zero" birth rate.

If 5,25 million women die per year out of 2.5 billion or so womenfolk on the planet, it would take 476 years to remove womenfolk from the face of the earth with a zero female birth rate (see India and China for places where ultrasound is sometimes used to make abortion decisions based on gender). I hope the Indian and Chinese men get used to loving their right hands in a few centuries . . .

Considering the impending arrival of that recently publicized asteroid, whose collision with our fair planet will wipe out all life on earth (as credible a claim as the nonsense stats from your post) all I can say is:

Crisis, what crisis?
Last edited by ilbrutto on September 4th, 2003, 1:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: August 2nd, 2001, 4:29 pm

September 4th, 2003, 1:57 pm #9

It has been a long day for me, looking over reports, figures, facts, police reports, and psychological reports, almost all of which are on domestic violence. I am about to make one of my rare public appearances where I plan to give a presentation, if I can get my nerve up. If not, I will pass it off to a lackey.

This is an issue that hits home for me, considering how much time and effort I have dumped into my baby, the women's shelter. It has deeper roots as well, but I wont go into those.

What I am struck by the most, are how folk look at domestic violence. Single folk firmly believe it does not effect them, married folk who are perfectly peaceful think it does not effect them, and wives and husbands who just got married think it will never happen to them.

Some facts and figures.

4 out of 5 women in the US are victims of DV. (Domestic Violence.) Every 3 seconds a woman is brutalized by an act of DV. Every 6 seconds a woman is killed. 1/3 of the women brutalized by DV become crippled due to a life altering injury and require disability / social security funds. It costs Americans roughly 22.5 billion dollars a year to pay for DV. This is lost days at work, for both battered women, as well as jailed husbands, hospital stays, medications, physical and mental therapy, and the disability funds previously mentioned. This comes out of YOUR tax dollars ladies and gentlemen. This also includes special funding for special units in the police department that specialize in dealing with DV, something we need a LOT more of. This covers legal fees, public assistance lawyers, and salaries of magistrates who deal soley with DV cases. And don't forget the cost of theraputic foster care for children who have lost both of their parents due to DV.

Today, at a local BiLo, a woman was taken hostage and killed in a DV that went bad. Police had refused to get involved in the scuffle, and the poor woman could not get legal aid. No restraining orders, no protective orders, nothing. The magistrate did NOTHING. And now she is dead. Lots of traumatized folk. BiLo has already released a statement trying to garner more attention for DV, saying it was going to cost them roughly 26,000 dollars to pay for victim's counciling that is required under company regulations involving trauma in the workplace, like say, a crazed man taking a women hostage, beating her bloody in front of everybody, and then shooting her multiple times, emptying several clips worth of ammo into her body. And I ask, are these numbers even factored into the above figures? What about these people's lost days at work? How much business, how much cash did BiLo lose today because of the hostage crisis? I don't think these numbers are part of the above figures, because these are the extremes. How badly is our economy, both local as in this case, as well as wide spread, effected by DV?

In simpler terms, are violent spouses also making YOU their bitch? I would venture to say that when we really sit down and factor in all of the additions, like the BiLo event, DV screws us all in ways we can not even begin to realize. To recoup losses for today, and pay for therapy, BiLo will probably raise prices on a few things here and there, a few pennies perhaps, but in the bigger picture, as we can see, just a few pennies add up. Billions of dollars lost every year, and that is in the "inner ring" of events, none of what I read supported the "outer ring" or the other people who DV effects. The more I think of this, the larger the numbers seems to be in my mind. I think the above numbers are far to conservative really, I think in actually once we figure out the ripple effect, the real numbers would be staggering. And not just in DV, but in violence period, the mind boggles at how much it might be costing our society.

There is a great deal of work going on right now trying to get a law passed that would make any act of DV a felony. I urge you all as good citizens, to contact your local representatives and find out more about this, and petition your community to make this law HAPPEN. Under the proposed law, DV would be a felony punishable by a minimum of 1 year in jail and up to $10,000 in fines. The real problem of course, would be enforcing it. To many police still do not want to get involved in family affairs, especially in small towns where the offender might be a beer drinking buddy. But making it a felony would be a step in the right direction, as many who support the bill state that by making it a felony, more powerful forms of authority can become involved in the events of DV.

I ask all of you to think about this, and tell me what you think. I also urge you to do as I asked, and find out more about the bill, and what you can do. Your wallet might thank you.
Will be much like a silent film I am afraid.

What I finally decided after looking over everything is to dig into my personal collection of photos. Photos taken when a woman is taken into the shelter. Or another shelter. Or ER photos. Police photos. These photos I feel, speak for themselves, and probably do more then the numbers ever could. I just hope the blue hairs and the soft folk at the meeting don't blow chunks where they sit. Some of these photos, well, are bad. I am digging out the very worst that I can find.

I am aware of reverse DV. Yes, there are women who beat the crap out of their husbands. Not long ago, I had a very interesting and urgent email from one of my directors down at the shelter, a woman was seeking refuge... But not from a husband or a boyfriend. It was her over agressive highly possesive lesbian lover. And I am sure there are vicious gay brutes. And um, I am totally at a loss for what to do with them. Not my area. I do not have the resources to set up shelters for the battered gay population, or hire therapists to deal with their lifestyles. The one (so far) exception that was allowed in the gate left behind nothing but trouble and a whole lot of emotional damage to other residents, which is causing me to consider refusal of further applicants. If you must know what happened, a relationship was committed with another resident, and there are NO relations of any kind allowed while residents of the shelter. No boyfriends, no matter how kind or caring, none. And somebody thought it would be cute to twist the rules. No men right? Then there was the real problem, with most of the residents suddenly thinking that they too, should become lesbians and give up on men. I had an end put to that quickly by having my director remind the ladies that it was a lesbian who had been beaten and raped of all things who was spouting this bullshit to them, and well, the emotional toll is still being felt today. Just was not a good situation, and I apologize if I seem a little angry, I guess that situation bothered me more then I let on. The ugly spectre of HIV reared it's ugly head, and one woman had to be tested after breaking the rules, resulting in the worst scare in her life, and, well, it was just a nasty dogpile of bad events that really soured me on the whole issue.

As for the snakes, most of then are decapitated, not shot. And the numbers are staggering. Hundreds, maybe thousands dead by that crazed native running around. Why, just this morning there was another brutal assault, and many killings.
Quote
Like
Share

Sirian
Sirian

September 4th, 2003, 2:16 pm #10

It has been a long day for me, looking over reports, figures, facts, police reports, and psychological reports, almost all of which are on domestic violence. I am about to make one of my rare public appearances where I plan to give a presentation, if I can get my nerve up. If not, I will pass it off to a lackey.

This is an issue that hits home for me, considering how much time and effort I have dumped into my baby, the women's shelter. It has deeper roots as well, but I wont go into those.

What I am struck by the most, are how folk look at domestic violence. Single folk firmly believe it does not effect them, married folk who are perfectly peaceful think it does not effect them, and wives and husbands who just got married think it will never happen to them.

Some facts and figures.

4 out of 5 women in the US are victims of DV. (Domestic Violence.) Every 3 seconds a woman is brutalized by an act of DV. Every 6 seconds a woman is killed. 1/3 of the women brutalized by DV become crippled due to a life altering injury and require disability / social security funds. It costs Americans roughly 22.5 billion dollars a year to pay for DV. This is lost days at work, for both battered women, as well as jailed husbands, hospital stays, medications, physical and mental therapy, and the disability funds previously mentioned. This comes out of YOUR tax dollars ladies and gentlemen. This also includes special funding for special units in the police department that specialize in dealing with DV, something we need a LOT more of. This covers legal fees, public assistance lawyers, and salaries of magistrates who deal soley with DV cases. And don't forget the cost of theraputic foster care for children who have lost both of their parents due to DV.

Today, at a local BiLo, a woman was taken hostage and killed in a DV that went bad. Police had refused to get involved in the scuffle, and the poor woman could not get legal aid. No restraining orders, no protective orders, nothing. The magistrate did NOTHING. And now she is dead. Lots of traumatized folk. BiLo has already released a statement trying to garner more attention for DV, saying it was going to cost them roughly 26,000 dollars to pay for victim's counciling that is required under company regulations involving trauma in the workplace, like say, a crazed man taking a women hostage, beating her bloody in front of everybody, and then shooting her multiple times, emptying several clips worth of ammo into her body. And I ask, are these numbers even factored into the above figures? What about these people's lost days at work? How much business, how much cash did BiLo lose today because of the hostage crisis? I don't think these numbers are part of the above figures, because these are the extremes. How badly is our economy, both local as in this case, as well as wide spread, effected by DV?

In simpler terms, are violent spouses also making YOU their bitch? I would venture to say that when we really sit down and factor in all of the additions, like the BiLo event, DV screws us all in ways we can not even begin to realize. To recoup losses for today, and pay for therapy, BiLo will probably raise prices on a few things here and there, a few pennies perhaps, but in the bigger picture, as we can see, just a few pennies add up. Billions of dollars lost every year, and that is in the "inner ring" of events, none of what I read supported the "outer ring" or the other people who DV effects. The more I think of this, the larger the numbers seems to be in my mind. I think the above numbers are far to conservative really, I think in actually once we figure out the ripple effect, the real numbers would be staggering. And not just in DV, but in violence period, the mind boggles at how much it might be costing our society.

There is a great deal of work going on right now trying to get a law passed that would make any act of DV a felony. I urge you all as good citizens, to contact your local representatives and find out more about this, and petition your community to make this law HAPPEN. Under the proposed law, DV would be a felony punishable by a minimum of 1 year in jail and up to $10,000 in fines. The real problem of course, would be enforcing it. To many police still do not want to get involved in family affairs, especially in small towns where the offender might be a beer drinking buddy. But making it a felony would be a step in the right direction, as many who support the bill state that by making it a felony, more powerful forms of authority can become involved in the events of DV.

I ask all of you to think about this, and tell me what you think. I also urge you to do as I asked, and find out more about the bill, and what you can do. Your wallet might thank you.
Warning: unpolished writing!



4 out of 5 women in the US are victims of DV.

Careful about statistics, Doc. Don't overplay them, or they may overplay you. In my speaking engagements, the worst mistakes I tend to make (in terms of undermining what I'm aiming to achieve) come from botched statistics.

This one sounds absurdly high. I don't doubt that the number is shockingly high, but 80%? What's your source on that? Not possible unless the stat has been skewed, such as relabeling other things as "DV" that don't belong there.


I've had relatives involved with DV, from both ends. I have had renters who were on the run from abusers, hiding out in the countryside, to get away from Pittsburgh and their abuser's reach.

But the issue is not as simple as your speech portrays. I know a few (very few) abusers who got help and stopped hitting. Some relapse later, some don't.

We ARE talking about crime here. We are also talking about power struggle. There is such a thing as abusing victim status, too. Physical violence is not the only variety. There are many flavors and variations to DV, and not all of them come out to equal "man bad, woman good".

Thus, I would be opposed to any simple solution, no matter how well intentioned. Think about the "mandatory drug sentencing" laws. These have an up side in deterrence, especially in the ability to turn captured minions against their bosses, because there is NO DOUBT what the penalties will be for conviction. But this also means a lot of bit players get the shaft, going away for time beyond what their offense merits. That, too, has enormous costs to the taxpayer.

DV is a scourge, and we should do everything we can to curb it, stop it, intervene. Yet aren't you the one who speaks loudly, even hysterically, about concerns over "lost civil liberties"? I'll tell you what scares the crap out of me: vindictive people who can wreck lives and get away with it through false accusations. We must be careful in how much power we grant to the authorities via the law.

Restraining orders don't stop incidents like the one at the BiLo. The only thing going to stop a man bent on domination over "his woman" to that extreme is to meet violence with violence: if she's packing heat and allowed to shoot him down if he comes at her, that might deter him, and if not, she at least stands a chance. The notion that "the law can protect you" is a fallacy that will evaporate the first time anybody comes across the problem of law enforcement being unable to incarcerate people for crimes they "might commit". Police are empowered only to respond to crimes already committed, and by then it's too late for that victim.


Remember the Christmas Present incident you told me about, Doc? The drunk... and how your mom reacted when he did that deed? Your mother had a significant share of responsibility in the way things went in both her life and yours. DV situations include more than just man to woman. The only true innocents are children.

I'm onboard with protecting children, yet even there, there is such a thing as "too far". One reason I've been reluctant to move to Florida (where I also have friends and family) is Florida's laws involving children. Your children can be taken away from you down there at the blink of an eye. All it takes is an accusation, which anybody can level at you. There is no presumed innocent. The state tries to do "what is in the best interests of the child", which seems to mean to assume every accusation is true, and force parents to prove otherwise if they want their kids back. How do you prove a negative, Doc?



In simpler terms, are violent spouses also making YOU their bitch?

This rhetoric is over the top. I'm with you on the urgency of the subject, but it deserves a more sober treatment than this. You can write better than this, Doc. And unless your target audience is more sophisticated than this, you're wasting your time anyway.

Set the whip aside. Stop going for the fear response. That is NOT how to gather effective support to your banner. The facts are compelling on their own. They don't need, nor will they benefit from, the added drama. This is one bit of writing where I urge you to leave the adjectives at home. Don't dress up the BiLo incident or draw conclusions. Let the audience do that. You will be more effective.


Too many police still do not want to get involved in family affairs, especially in small towns where the offender might be a beer drinking buddy. But making it a felony would be a step in the right direction

I disagree.

What I see lacking is attention to detail. Perhaps if "DV" stopped being lumped all into one basket, and were instead graded by type and severity, taking the full situation into account, more effective responses could be tailored.

Cops not wanting to get involved because the offender might be a drinking buddy? Cheap shot, Doc. The cops aren't the enemy here. Cops are trained to deal with people and STILL aren't qualified to sort out what means what when it comes to families and relationships. Frankly, it's unreasonable to expect the cops to sort that out. We've got a Hobson's Choice here. Either they overreact in most cases, or the odd case slips by. What? As soon as two family members have a knock down drag out fight, we want the state to intervene, throw the man in jail (always the man, no question of the woman being culpable for anything, eh?) rip the family apart, and FORCE these people to separate.

Well, that's the problem. We live in a free country, and it's up to the citizens to decide when enough is enough. We need to do a lot more to make it easier for women to get out of abusive situations WHEN THEY WANT TO. When they don't want to, what are you going to do?

Cops get burnt out, Doc. They have an enormously stressful job. A cop sticks his nose into people's business, trying to be helpful, and gets the short end of the stick: used by both sides as a weapon against the other, or turned on by all parties, or simply disappointed by working hard to help someone who then chooses to go right back to the abuser anyway.

Just what IS the cop's job with DV, anyway? Do you really think that raising the legal stakes is going to automagically unentangle the enormous messes of bad sexual relationships, of immature men and women who have no business (realistically) in ANY relationship because they aren't grown up enough emotionally? What? Is the state going to license sex next? Pass this test, you are allowed to have sex? Allowed to live with a "significant other"? Doesn't work.

Is raising the legal stakes a step in the right direction, even? I'm not so sure. Could be just the opposite. Could make the situation much worse, by failing to target the root causes of the problems.

We need better education mechanisms. We need more information about relationships, human nature, emotion.

Ah, emotion. Now there's an interesting (and important) subject about which we learn NOTHING in school, and next to nothing in church, or anywhere else in the mainstream. Too bad. A little information goes a long way.

Unfortunately, this culture is steeped in status quo elements that stand in the way of meaningful reforms. So instead we get pap like this, where if we slap harsher penalties on people "so the authorities can get involved", we expect miracles. Sorry, Doc. You have too much faith in the authorities, and way too much faith in your proposed solution.

Cops would do a better job if trained for this task. Yet what training are they supposed to get? Does an effective training even exist yet?


many who support the bill state that by making it a felony, more powerful forms of authority can become involved in the events of DV.

My best friend's mother carries a handgun. She's manic about home security, too. Guess why. Nope, it wasn't about DV. Guess again. Similar issue, though. Being a woman on this planet comes with all kinds of risks. Society as a whole is generally about protecting women, at least enough to let most of them survive and reproduce. Still a lot of gap left to be closed, but my friend's mother found a solution that empowered her. And she didn't turn to any authorities to do it for her.

Unfortunately, the crowd who tend to line up to help abused women are the same crowd who line up behind gun control. A gun is the one thing that can put a woman on 100% equal footing with any man, if she is trained and is willing to pull the trigger. And that is not the only solution.

When victims of violence seek help, there OUGHT TO BE help there. Yet as a society, we cannot afford to assign a 24 hour guard to every woman who has been abused. The authorities CANNOT protect women 100%, and certainly not in cases like the BiLo incident. What? If the fellow were thrown in jail already, he couldn't have killed her? True to a point, but what about when he gets out? And what do we do with the other 80% of men (if your statistic is to be believed) who also abuse their women at some point? If we throw 80% of our men into jail and put the other 20% to work guarding them, can the women handle EVERYTHING ELSE? Farming, manufacturing, national defense?


I'm sure you've got stories from your shelter that would curdle milk. I'm glad you care about the issue and are working to do something. I know you can only reach but so far, and this is one way to try to make a small but wide-reaching difference. In this case, though, perhaps a little more idealism is in order. How about reaching for a bolder move? Set aside the oversimplified approach and dig deeper, toward the root causes.

Just a thought.


- Sirian
Quote
Share