is the baby stage hard for everybody?

is the baby stage hard for everybody?

Joined: January 23rd, 2009, 5:02 pm

June 15th, 2012, 2:07 pm #1

Hi Ladies,
I was just wanting to throw out a question to Mommies and see if this is just me or if I'm maybe not the amazing mother I thought I'd be. It took us 5 years to get our amazing Lorelei and I love her sooo much, but I have to admit, I do miss having some free time or time to myself. It is amazing how much a baby turns your life upside down. I knew that would happen I guess, but selfishly, sometimes I just want sleep at night. Or I just want to rush out of the house 5 minutes before I have to be anywhere. With Lorelei, everything takes so much longer. If we're planning to leave the house, we have to start getting ready an hour beforehand! I think I'll like parenting much better when she's about 6 months old and sleeping through the night (hopefully) and then she'll hopefully have a bedtime around 8:00 so I can actually get some time to myself. More structure I guess. With a newborn, you're just at their beck-and-call all the time. It's hard work.

And breast feeding....wow. That's even harder! I breast fed her for 2 weeks but she wasn't gaining any weight. It was actually a really scary time for us. I was working soooo hard to feed her and to not have her gain even an ounce was so heartbreaking. I cried every time we weighed her. She was so little. (she got down to 6lbs by the time we left the hospital). The lactation nurses weren't as worried as I was, but we still opted to start pumping and bottling. I make a LOT of milk....so I didn't want to just go to formula. And then...boy did she pack on the pounds! Now she actually looks rolly polly! It's great. But strictly pumping is definitely more work I think. And unfortunately, I'm having trouble with sore nipples, they just prescribed me a steroid cream to try to help with the pain. I can't even wear a T-shirt w/o wincing. But I have a lot in the freezer already so if this doesn't last much longer, I at least will have some reserves to give her for a while.

Hope you don't mind my quick vent session here. I feel a lot of guilt for not loving this whole parenting thing more...especially b/c it's all I've ever wanted for the past 5 years! And I know so many women that would kill to be in my shoes. And I have all these friends that just GUSH about how great parenthood is, etc, etc. Are they being completely honest with me or themselves? Or am I just not loving this motherhood thing as much as I hoped I would? I think back to being pregnant and how anxious I was the whole time, and that sucked...but I got to be sooo lazy. I miss that! ...ugh, that sounds horrible. :/

Hopefully this isn't offending anyone. I'm hoping the baby stage is hard for everybody and I'm not a bad mommy or something. Don't get me wrong, I love Lorelei sooo much, I never knew this kind of love! And she gives me so much joy at times! But other times, it's just hard.

Amy


TTC: Since Nov. 2006
Diagnosis: Ovarian Dysfunction & PCOS
28 Years Old
cd3 FSH 16.8
cd10 FSH 13.6
7 Unmonitored Cycles of Clomid
3 Unmonitored Cycles of Letrozole
Positive CCCT
TAB for cysts
1st Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed BDing - 5 mature follies - BFN
TAB for cysts
2nd Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 4 mature follies in play - BFN
3rd Cycle of 150 iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 2 follies - BFN
1st Cycle of Gonal F - 1 follie & cyst on right - BFN
TAB for a cycle
2nd Cycle of Gonal F = BFP!!!!!
11dpo Beta=27.9
14dpo Beta=120
16dpo Beta=210
18dpo Beta=429
21dpo Beta=1064
5w6d - baby measuring 3mm, h/b 101
6w6d - baby measuring 6mm, h/b 126
7w6d - baby 18mm, h/b 171, measuring ahead at 8w2d! RE noticed enlarged yolk sac so keeping a close eye on that
8w6d - baby 2.52cm with h/b of 174
9w5d - baby 3.22cm with h/b of 180 measuring 10w1d
10w6d - baby 4.34cmcm with h/b of 174 measuring 11w1d
12w u/s showed baby at 11.2cm with h/b of 162 - unfortunately, that evening I suffered a horrible m/c of a chromosomally NORMAL girl.... RIP my angel girl...you were loved....

Gonal F with Timed Intercourse-2WW
First cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse since m/c - BFN
2nd Cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse - BFN
TAB for a month on bcp's
3rd Cycle of Gonal F - BFP
-11dpo beta=14.9
-14dpo beta=45.7
-16dpo beta=140
-18dpo beta=366
u/s at 6w1d showed heart-rate of 114!!!!
u/s at 7w1d showed heart-rate of 141!!!!
u/s at 8w showed heart-rate of 179
u/s at 9w showed 2 SCH's, h/r of 197
u/s at 10w showed h/r of 175
u/s at 11w showed h/r of 180
u/s at 12 w showed h/r of 188
12w2d...m/c'd baby at home, lost too much blood, had to have emergency D&C...severely anemic....baby was a chromosomally normal boy
-developed a blood clot in leg 1 1/2 wks post D&C...saw a hematologist and had testing done and everything came back normal, will still treat me with Lovenex on next pregnancy

-First cycle since m/c....Gonal F, triggered with 8 mature follies, T/I - BFP!
-13dpo beta 106, progesterone 21.4
-15dpo beta 260, progesterone 12.2
-16dpo beta 411, progesterone 16
-20dpo beta 845, progesterone 19 (went in for u/s to rule out ectopic, couldn't see anything yet, but lining was thick)
-22dpo beta 1158, progesterone 18
-24dpo beta 1655, progesterone 20
-5w?? u/s showed 2 sacs...one measuring 4w0d, the other measuring 5w1d....possibly vanishing twin???
-6w u/s showed TWINS! 2 h/r's....121, 119. both measuring 6w1d! SCH 1cm
-At 7w pg, tested positive for lupus anticoagulant, on lovenox to treat it, TSH was 2.55
-7w2d u/s showed 2 babies measuring 7w4d & 7w3d, h/r's 158 & 153! SCH 2cm
-8w1d u/s showed 2 babies measuring 8w3d & 8w2d, h/r's 185 & 179! SCH 3cm
-10w2d u/s showed we lost baby A measuring 9w1d and had no h/r...baby B measured 10w1d with a h/r of 180...praying for Baby B to hang on, SCH gone, started thyroid med
-11w1d u/s showed Baby B measuring right on track, h/r of 174
-12w1d had a red bleeding episode & u/s showed Baby B measuring 1 day ahead and a h/r of 168, bleeding likely caused by Baby A's passing
-13w1d had some red spotting & u/s showed Baby B measuring 2 days behind and h/r of 157
-14w...baby measured 14w3d...and I suffered a horrible, very sudden miscarriage...another angel baby...that makes 4.
Saw Dr Mary Stephenson at U of Chicago for recurrent pregnancy loss....dx with Lupus Anticoagluant and Incompetent Cervix, will be treated with lovenox
5-25-11 - Had a Transabdominal Cerclage placed by Dr Haney at U of Chicago

Gonal F with Timed Intercourse (self medicated/unmonitored) BFN
Gonal F with Timed Intercourse: 7 follies in play - BFP at 10dpo!!!
12dpo hcg level 80.5, progesterone 16.8
14dpo hcg level 295, progesterone 18
6w3d u/s showed 1 baby with a h/r of 120, measuring 6w4d
7w3d u/s showed baby with h/r of 160, measuring 7w3d
7w5d u/s showed a possibility of TWINS! Baby A (the original) measured 8w, h/r 167...Baby B, hiding in the upper uterus measured 6w6d, h/r 176...time will tell if Baby B will make it
8w4d u/s showed Baby A doing well measuring 8w4d and h/r of 185....Baby B measured 7w3d and no h/r detected My 5 angels better help me out through the rest of all this
9w5d u/s showed Baby A measring 9w5d, h/r 188
10w5d u/s showed Baby A measuring good, h/r 175
11w3d u/s shoed Baby A measuring 11w4d, h/r 169
12w6d u/s showed Baby A measuring 13w2d, h/r of 167
13w5d u/s showed Baby A measuring 13w6d, h/r of 156
15w5d u/s showed Baby Girl measuring about a week ahead! h/r 164
17w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with a h/r of 156, cervix measuring 5cm+
19w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with a h/r of 151, cervix measuring 5cm
23w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 149, cervix measuring 5cm. Baby weighed 1lb 14oz and is in the 80th percentile...her belly in the 97th....talked a little big about GD
27w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 151, cervix measuring 5cm...baby weighed 3lb 4oz, 87th percentile, pass GD test!
29w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 148, cervix 5cm
31w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 129, cervix 5cm and weight is 5lb 5oz! BIG GIRL!!!
35+ weeks and counting!
Started contracting at 36w, had c-section at 36w2d, Welcome to the world Baby Lorelei, 6lb 11oz and perfectly healthy!!!!
TTC: Since Nov. 2006
Diagnosis: Ovarian Dysfunction & PCOS
26 Years Old
cd3 FSH 16.8
cd10 FSH 13.6
7 Unmonitored Cycles of Clomid
3 Unmonitored Cycles of Letrozole
Positive CCCT
TAB for cysts
1st Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed BDing - 5 mature follies - BFN
TAB for cysts
2nd Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 4 mature follies in play - BFN
3rd Cycle of 150 iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 2 follies - BFN
1st Cycle of Gonal F - 1 follie & cyst on right - BFN
TAB for a cycle
2nd Cycle of Gonal F = BFP!!!!!
11dpo Beta=27.9
14dpo Beta=120
16dpo Beta=210
18dpo Beta=429
21dpo Beta=1064
5w6d - baby measuring 3mm, h/b 101
6w6d - baby measuring 6mm, h/b 126
7w6d - baby 18mm, h/b 171, measuring ahead at 8w2d! RE noticed enlarged yolk sac so keeping a close eye on that
8w6d - baby 2.52cm with h/b of 174
9w5d - baby 3.22cm with h/b of 180 measuring 10w1d
10w6d - baby 4.34cmcm with h/b of 174 measuring 11w1d
12w u/s showed baby at 11.2cm with h/b of 162 - unfortunately, that evening I suffered a horrible m/c of a chromosomally NORMAL girl.... RIP my angel girl...you were loved....

First cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse since m/c - BFN
2nd Cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse - BFN
TAB for a month on bcp's
3rd Cycle of Gonal F - BFP
-11dpo beta=14.9
-14dpo beta=45.7
-16dpo beta=140
-18dpo beta=366
u/s at 6w1d showed heart-rate of 114!!!!
u/s at 7w1d showed heart-rate of 141!!!!
u/s at 8w showed heart-rate of 179
u/s at 9w showed 2 SCH's, h/r of 197
u/s at 10w showed h/r of 175
u/s at 11w showed h/r of 180
u/s at 12 w showed h/r of 188
12w2d...m/c'd baby at home, lost too much blood, had to have emergency D&C...severely anemic....baby was a chromosomally normal boy
-developed a blood clot in leg 1 1/2 wks post D&C...saw a hematologist and had testing done and everything came back normal, will still treat me with Lovenex on next pregnancy
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Joined: May 16th, 2007, 5:11 pm

June 15th, 2012, 3:13 pm #2

I haven't posted in a while (just a grad lurker) but I saw your post and felt compelled to respond. I found the baby stage very, very hard for me. It's such a cliche but the sleep deprivation, major lifestyle change--and if you have BF challenges on top of it, it makes it that much harder. And, from going though IF, I felt this incredible guilt b/c I felt like I should have been so happy and thankful to finally have what I wanted so badly, but I was mostly miserable those first 3 months. Plus, up until they're 3-4 months, you're giving and giving and giving and you don't get much back from the baby. I didn't get a smile or any real interaction from my DS until about 4 months. I totally relate to what you're going through... Everyone kept telling me: it will get better--and they were right. When I finally started to get smiles and he would follow me with his eyes around the room, it started to get better. Then, when he finally started sleeping through the night (or, at least woke up just one time--that I could handle), things really started to improve. I can't say the 'getting ready at a moment's notice and going somewhere' will get better anytime soon--my DS is 2 1/2 and it's still tough to get him out the door . I guess all I can tell you is you're not alone in feeling the way you're feeling and 'It WILL get better--I promise'! Hang in there...
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Sara H
Sara H

June 15th, 2012, 3:56 pm #3

Hi Ladies,
I was just wanting to throw out a question to Mommies and see if this is just me or if I'm maybe not the amazing mother I thought I'd be. It took us 5 years to get our amazing Lorelei and I love her sooo much, but I have to admit, I do miss having some free time or time to myself. It is amazing how much a baby turns your life upside down. I knew that would happen I guess, but selfishly, sometimes I just want sleep at night. Or I just want to rush out of the house 5 minutes before I have to be anywhere. With Lorelei, everything takes so much longer. If we're planning to leave the house, we have to start getting ready an hour beforehand! I think I'll like parenting much better when she's about 6 months old and sleeping through the night (hopefully) and then she'll hopefully have a bedtime around 8:00 so I can actually get some time to myself. More structure I guess. With a newborn, you're just at their beck-and-call all the time. It's hard work.

And breast feeding....wow. That's even harder! I breast fed her for 2 weeks but she wasn't gaining any weight. It was actually a really scary time for us. I was working soooo hard to feed her and to not have her gain even an ounce was so heartbreaking. I cried every time we weighed her. She was so little. (she got down to 6lbs by the time we left the hospital). The lactation nurses weren't as worried as I was, but we still opted to start pumping and bottling. I make a LOT of milk....so I didn't want to just go to formula. And then...boy did she pack on the pounds! Now she actually looks rolly polly! It's great. But strictly pumping is definitely more work I think. And unfortunately, I'm having trouble with sore nipples, they just prescribed me a steroid cream to try to help with the pain. I can't even wear a T-shirt w/o wincing. But I have a lot in the freezer already so if this doesn't last much longer, I at least will have some reserves to give her for a while.

Hope you don't mind my quick vent session here. I feel a lot of guilt for not loving this whole parenting thing more...especially b/c it's all I've ever wanted for the past 5 years! And I know so many women that would kill to be in my shoes. And I have all these friends that just GUSH about how great parenthood is, etc, etc. Are they being completely honest with me or themselves? Or am I just not loving this motherhood thing as much as I hoped I would? I think back to being pregnant and how anxious I was the whole time, and that sucked...but I got to be sooo lazy. I miss that! ...ugh, that sounds horrible. :/

Hopefully this isn't offending anyone. I'm hoping the baby stage is hard for everybody and I'm not a bad mommy or something. Don't get me wrong, I love Lorelei sooo much, I never knew this kind of love! And she gives me so much joy at times! But other times, it's just hard.

Amy


TTC: Since Nov. 2006
Diagnosis: Ovarian Dysfunction & PCOS
28 Years Old
cd3 FSH 16.8
cd10 FSH 13.6
7 Unmonitored Cycles of Clomid
3 Unmonitored Cycles of Letrozole
Positive CCCT
TAB for cysts
1st Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed BDing - 5 mature follies - BFN
TAB for cysts
2nd Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 4 mature follies in play - BFN
3rd Cycle of 150 iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 2 follies - BFN
1st Cycle of Gonal F - 1 follie & cyst on right - BFN
TAB for a cycle
2nd Cycle of Gonal F = BFP!!!!!
11dpo Beta=27.9
14dpo Beta=120
16dpo Beta=210
18dpo Beta=429
21dpo Beta=1064
5w6d - baby measuring 3mm, h/b 101
6w6d - baby measuring 6mm, h/b 126
7w6d - baby 18mm, h/b 171, measuring ahead at 8w2d! RE noticed enlarged yolk sac so keeping a close eye on that
8w6d - baby 2.52cm with h/b of 174
9w5d - baby 3.22cm with h/b of 180 measuring 10w1d
10w6d - baby 4.34cmcm with h/b of 174 measuring 11w1d
12w u/s showed baby at 11.2cm with h/b of 162 - unfortunately, that evening I suffered a horrible m/c of a chromosomally NORMAL girl.... RIP my angel girl...you were loved....

Gonal F with Timed Intercourse-2WW
First cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse since m/c - BFN
2nd Cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse - BFN
TAB for a month on bcp's
3rd Cycle of Gonal F - BFP
-11dpo beta=14.9
-14dpo beta=45.7
-16dpo beta=140
-18dpo beta=366
u/s at 6w1d showed heart-rate of 114!!!!
u/s at 7w1d showed heart-rate of 141!!!!
u/s at 8w showed heart-rate of 179
u/s at 9w showed 2 SCH's, h/r of 197
u/s at 10w showed h/r of 175
u/s at 11w showed h/r of 180
u/s at 12 w showed h/r of 188
12w2d...m/c'd baby at home, lost too much blood, had to have emergency D&C...severely anemic....baby was a chromosomally normal boy
-developed a blood clot in leg 1 1/2 wks post D&C...saw a hematologist and had testing done and everything came back normal, will still treat me with Lovenex on next pregnancy

-First cycle since m/c....Gonal F, triggered with 8 mature follies, T/I - BFP!
-13dpo beta 106, progesterone 21.4
-15dpo beta 260, progesterone 12.2
-16dpo beta 411, progesterone 16
-20dpo beta 845, progesterone 19 (went in for u/s to rule out ectopic, couldn't see anything yet, but lining was thick)
-22dpo beta 1158, progesterone 18
-24dpo beta 1655, progesterone 20
-5w?? u/s showed 2 sacs...one measuring 4w0d, the other measuring 5w1d....possibly vanishing twin???
-6w u/s showed TWINS! 2 h/r's....121, 119. both measuring 6w1d! SCH 1cm
-At 7w pg, tested positive for lupus anticoagulant, on lovenox to treat it, TSH was 2.55
-7w2d u/s showed 2 babies measuring 7w4d & 7w3d, h/r's 158 & 153! SCH 2cm
-8w1d u/s showed 2 babies measuring 8w3d & 8w2d, h/r's 185 & 179! SCH 3cm
-10w2d u/s showed we lost baby A measuring 9w1d and had no h/r...baby B measured 10w1d with a h/r of 180...praying for Baby B to hang on, SCH gone, started thyroid med
-11w1d u/s showed Baby B measuring right on track, h/r of 174
-12w1d had a red bleeding episode & u/s showed Baby B measuring 1 day ahead and a h/r of 168, bleeding likely caused by Baby A's passing
-13w1d had some red spotting & u/s showed Baby B measuring 2 days behind and h/r of 157
-14w...baby measured 14w3d...and I suffered a horrible, very sudden miscarriage...another angel baby...that makes 4.
Saw Dr Mary Stephenson at U of Chicago for recurrent pregnancy loss....dx with Lupus Anticoagluant and Incompetent Cervix, will be treated with lovenox
5-25-11 - Had a Transabdominal Cerclage placed by Dr Haney at U of Chicago

Gonal F with Timed Intercourse (self medicated/unmonitored) BFN
Gonal F with Timed Intercourse: 7 follies in play - BFP at 10dpo!!!
12dpo hcg level 80.5, progesterone 16.8
14dpo hcg level 295, progesterone 18
6w3d u/s showed 1 baby with a h/r of 120, measuring 6w4d
7w3d u/s showed baby with h/r of 160, measuring 7w3d
7w5d u/s showed a possibility of TWINS! Baby A (the original) measured 8w, h/r 167...Baby B, hiding in the upper uterus measured 6w6d, h/r 176...time will tell if Baby B will make it
8w4d u/s showed Baby A doing well measuring 8w4d and h/r of 185....Baby B measured 7w3d and no h/r detected My 5 angels better help me out through the rest of all this
9w5d u/s showed Baby A measring 9w5d, h/r 188
10w5d u/s showed Baby A measuring good, h/r 175
11w3d u/s shoed Baby A measuring 11w4d, h/r 169
12w6d u/s showed Baby A measuring 13w2d, h/r of 167
13w5d u/s showed Baby A measuring 13w6d, h/r of 156
15w5d u/s showed Baby Girl measuring about a week ahead! h/r 164
17w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with a h/r of 156, cervix measuring 5cm+
19w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with a h/r of 151, cervix measuring 5cm
23w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 149, cervix measuring 5cm. Baby weighed 1lb 14oz and is in the 80th percentile...her belly in the 97th....talked a little big about GD
27w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 151, cervix measuring 5cm...baby weighed 3lb 4oz, 87th percentile, pass GD test!
29w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 148, cervix 5cm
31w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 129, cervix 5cm and weight is 5lb 5oz! BIG GIRL!!!
35+ weeks and counting!
Started contracting at 36w, had c-section at 36w2d, Welcome to the world Baby Lorelei, 6lb 11oz and perfectly healthy!!!!
Personally, I am not looking forward to the first few months. I have a feeling I will be right there with you and, YES, it is totally normal. I have TONS of friends who have said the same thing and warned me how tough the first few months are.

I totally know what you mean about how hard we all worked to get here and that adding to guilt about not being over-the-moon about every poopy diaper, I feel the same way about not loving every moment of pregnancy, since I know so many who would kill to be in my spot, problems and all. But, on the other hand, maybe we have added expectations after all the years of waiting that add to the feeling, you know? When you dream of something so long and so hard it is difficult to know how to feel about the realities.

But, if you are anything like me (and I think you are!) I still appreciate all the moments, good and bad. I am still in awe and grateful for all of it, but that does not mean I like every moment!

I think PP is so right (and I have head it from others as well) that this is the hard time, so much work, so little sleep. I bet it will get better.

Still, everything in your life, everything, has changed. You have every right to feel that, acknowledge it and gripe about it! No worries, I think everyone, no matter where we are, will understand that!

Hang in there, see if someone can watch her for a bit and take your DH on a date! A summer movie and some bad dinner can go a long way!

Hugs!
Sara H
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Joined: June 20th, 2006, 2:07 am

June 15th, 2012, 5:19 pm #4

Hi Ladies,
I was just wanting to throw out a question to Mommies and see if this is just me or if I'm maybe not the amazing mother I thought I'd be. It took us 5 years to get our amazing Lorelei and I love her sooo much, but I have to admit, I do miss having some free time or time to myself. It is amazing how much a baby turns your life upside down. I knew that would happen I guess, but selfishly, sometimes I just want sleep at night. Or I just want to rush out of the house 5 minutes before I have to be anywhere. With Lorelei, everything takes so much longer. If we're planning to leave the house, we have to start getting ready an hour beforehand! I think I'll like parenting much better when she's about 6 months old and sleeping through the night (hopefully) and then she'll hopefully have a bedtime around 8:00 so I can actually get some time to myself. More structure I guess. With a newborn, you're just at their beck-and-call all the time. It's hard work.

And breast feeding....wow. That's even harder! I breast fed her for 2 weeks but she wasn't gaining any weight. It was actually a really scary time for us. I was working soooo hard to feed her and to not have her gain even an ounce was so heartbreaking. I cried every time we weighed her. She was so little. (she got down to 6lbs by the time we left the hospital). The lactation nurses weren't as worried as I was, but we still opted to start pumping and bottling. I make a LOT of milk....so I didn't want to just go to formula. And then...boy did she pack on the pounds! Now she actually looks rolly polly! It's great. But strictly pumping is definitely more work I think. And unfortunately, I'm having trouble with sore nipples, they just prescribed me a steroid cream to try to help with the pain. I can't even wear a T-shirt w/o wincing. But I have a lot in the freezer already so if this doesn't last much longer, I at least will have some reserves to give her for a while.

Hope you don't mind my quick vent session here. I feel a lot of guilt for not loving this whole parenting thing more...especially b/c it's all I've ever wanted for the past 5 years! And I know so many women that would kill to be in my shoes. And I have all these friends that just GUSH about how great parenthood is, etc, etc. Are they being completely honest with me or themselves? Or am I just not loving this motherhood thing as much as I hoped I would? I think back to being pregnant and how anxious I was the whole time, and that sucked...but I got to be sooo lazy. I miss that! ...ugh, that sounds horrible. :/

Hopefully this isn't offending anyone. I'm hoping the baby stage is hard for everybody and I'm not a bad mommy or something. Don't get me wrong, I love Lorelei sooo much, I never knew this kind of love! And she gives me so much joy at times! But other times, it's just hard.

Amy


TTC: Since Nov. 2006
Diagnosis: Ovarian Dysfunction & PCOS
28 Years Old
cd3 FSH 16.8
cd10 FSH 13.6
7 Unmonitored Cycles of Clomid
3 Unmonitored Cycles of Letrozole
Positive CCCT
TAB for cysts
1st Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed BDing - 5 mature follies - BFN
TAB for cysts
2nd Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 4 mature follies in play - BFN
3rd Cycle of 150 iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 2 follies - BFN
1st Cycle of Gonal F - 1 follie & cyst on right - BFN
TAB for a cycle
2nd Cycle of Gonal F = BFP!!!!!
11dpo Beta=27.9
14dpo Beta=120
16dpo Beta=210
18dpo Beta=429
21dpo Beta=1064
5w6d - baby measuring 3mm, h/b 101
6w6d - baby measuring 6mm, h/b 126
7w6d - baby 18mm, h/b 171, measuring ahead at 8w2d! RE noticed enlarged yolk sac so keeping a close eye on that
8w6d - baby 2.52cm with h/b of 174
9w5d - baby 3.22cm with h/b of 180 measuring 10w1d
10w6d - baby 4.34cmcm with h/b of 174 measuring 11w1d
12w u/s showed baby at 11.2cm with h/b of 162 - unfortunately, that evening I suffered a horrible m/c of a chromosomally NORMAL girl.... RIP my angel girl...you were loved....

Gonal F with Timed Intercourse-2WW
First cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse since m/c - BFN
2nd Cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse - BFN
TAB for a month on bcp's
3rd Cycle of Gonal F - BFP
-11dpo beta=14.9
-14dpo beta=45.7
-16dpo beta=140
-18dpo beta=366
u/s at 6w1d showed heart-rate of 114!!!!
u/s at 7w1d showed heart-rate of 141!!!!
u/s at 8w showed heart-rate of 179
u/s at 9w showed 2 SCH's, h/r of 197
u/s at 10w showed h/r of 175
u/s at 11w showed h/r of 180
u/s at 12 w showed h/r of 188
12w2d...m/c'd baby at home, lost too much blood, had to have emergency D&C...severely anemic....baby was a chromosomally normal boy
-developed a blood clot in leg 1 1/2 wks post D&C...saw a hematologist and had testing done and everything came back normal, will still treat me with Lovenex on next pregnancy

-First cycle since m/c....Gonal F, triggered with 8 mature follies, T/I - BFP!
-13dpo beta 106, progesterone 21.4
-15dpo beta 260, progesterone 12.2
-16dpo beta 411, progesterone 16
-20dpo beta 845, progesterone 19 (went in for u/s to rule out ectopic, couldn't see anything yet, but lining was thick)
-22dpo beta 1158, progesterone 18
-24dpo beta 1655, progesterone 20
-5w?? u/s showed 2 sacs...one measuring 4w0d, the other measuring 5w1d....possibly vanishing twin???
-6w u/s showed TWINS! 2 h/r's....121, 119. both measuring 6w1d! SCH 1cm
-At 7w pg, tested positive for lupus anticoagulant, on lovenox to treat it, TSH was 2.55
-7w2d u/s showed 2 babies measuring 7w4d & 7w3d, h/r's 158 & 153! SCH 2cm
-8w1d u/s showed 2 babies measuring 8w3d & 8w2d, h/r's 185 & 179! SCH 3cm
-10w2d u/s showed we lost baby A measuring 9w1d and had no h/r...baby B measured 10w1d with a h/r of 180...praying for Baby B to hang on, SCH gone, started thyroid med
-11w1d u/s showed Baby B measuring right on track, h/r of 174
-12w1d had a red bleeding episode & u/s showed Baby B measuring 1 day ahead and a h/r of 168, bleeding likely caused by Baby A's passing
-13w1d had some red spotting & u/s showed Baby B measuring 2 days behind and h/r of 157
-14w...baby measured 14w3d...and I suffered a horrible, very sudden miscarriage...another angel baby...that makes 4.
Saw Dr Mary Stephenson at U of Chicago for recurrent pregnancy loss....dx with Lupus Anticoagluant and Incompetent Cervix, will be treated with lovenox
5-25-11 - Had a Transabdominal Cerclage placed by Dr Haney at U of Chicago

Gonal F with Timed Intercourse (self medicated/unmonitored) BFN
Gonal F with Timed Intercourse: 7 follies in play - BFP at 10dpo!!!
12dpo hcg level 80.5, progesterone 16.8
14dpo hcg level 295, progesterone 18
6w3d u/s showed 1 baby with a h/r of 120, measuring 6w4d
7w3d u/s showed baby with h/r of 160, measuring 7w3d
7w5d u/s showed a possibility of TWINS! Baby A (the original) measured 8w, h/r 167...Baby B, hiding in the upper uterus measured 6w6d, h/r 176...time will tell if Baby B will make it
8w4d u/s showed Baby A doing well measuring 8w4d and h/r of 185....Baby B measured 7w3d and no h/r detected My 5 angels better help me out through the rest of all this
9w5d u/s showed Baby A measring 9w5d, h/r 188
10w5d u/s showed Baby A measuring good, h/r 175
11w3d u/s shoed Baby A measuring 11w4d, h/r 169
12w6d u/s showed Baby A measuring 13w2d, h/r of 167
13w5d u/s showed Baby A measuring 13w6d, h/r of 156
15w5d u/s showed Baby Girl measuring about a week ahead! h/r 164
17w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with a h/r of 156, cervix measuring 5cm+
19w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with a h/r of 151, cervix measuring 5cm
23w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 149, cervix measuring 5cm. Baby weighed 1lb 14oz and is in the 80th percentile...her belly in the 97th....talked a little big about GD
27w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 151, cervix measuring 5cm...baby weighed 3lb 4oz, 87th percentile, pass GD test!
29w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 148, cervix 5cm
31w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 129, cervix 5cm and weight is 5lb 5oz! BIG GIRL!!!
35+ weeks and counting!
Started contracting at 36w, had c-section at 36w2d, Welcome to the world Baby Lorelei, 6lb 11oz and perfectly healthy!!!!
and yes, it's freakin' hard. Especially when you don't have any help.

It does get easier, it really does. trust me. That first month is the hardest but then it gets gradually easier. By 6mos, it is much easier. By age 2, you'll be thinking, yeah, I could totally do this 10 times over! lol. It also depends on baby's personality but with my two, this was the pattern and by talking to others too. It's interesting. And you forget how over whelming it can be.
You do need to mourn the life you left behind by becoming a mother. I still would like to just jump up and run to the store when I think of it but, no, must make arrangements. But then, this too shall pass, right??


For me, I had to accept the baby's schedule and not try to conform him to one but that was him. My DD was a bit more maleable (sp?).
Do yourself a favour and do not read any of those sleep books. unless your baby is a typical/text book baby where you can plainly see the play/eat/sleep pattern. My DS was eat/play/eat/sleep/eat/play/eat/eat/eat. ugh LOL and he'd change the pattern every time, just to keep me on my toes. By 3mos, he could snooze for 5-10 which would fuel an hour's play. I was so tired, it was my sister who noticed it and said he's a cat-napper. as soon as I saw it too, I became more zen about it.


for the sore nipples, is it from all the pumping? I have a solution, maybe. Try putting on some lanolin cream before you pump or express some milk and rub it on so that there is lubrication between you and the pump cup. I had this problem and the LC suggested this and it helped, as well as pressing them on really tightly to minimize the friction.
Pumping sucks. It does.
I had nipple pains from pumping and from bad latch. It got better by 3mos but the latch, I really had to be vigilant until some time around 7-8-9mos, I forget now. thankfully. lol


How old is your sweetie now? although breast milk is the perfect food for her, formula is a good tool too and pretty darn good too. (this coming from a woman who BF for 2yrs. You just have to do what is best for all--I used formula in a sippy once solids were started, just to have milk in a cup. I didn't make enough milk to express it so was thankful for the formula, once again)

if you don't have any lanolin ointment yet, get some, that stuff is magic and you don't have to wipe off or wash off before nursing/pumping. It's safe for baby.
I still use it on cuts and scrapes, helps in healing.

enjoyed reading your update

julie




me:43, DH 44
FSH 26
DS: born by c-sec Apr15'03, 9lbs5oz 41wks gest. (after 4 years of ttc, starting in 1998)
DD born by c-sec Oct 13 2007, 8lbs13oz 39wk gest. (after just under 3 years of ttc)
~~DS was conceived naturally the cycle following a cancelled DE IVF, using my good friend's eggs. She was on the verge of hyperstimming.
~~DD's nat conception I attribute to using OPKs like a crazy nut, eating grapefruit daily and using preseed. also 5 cycles of TCM ending 2 cycles before that lucky cycle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Joined: January 23rd, 2009, 5:02 pm

June 15th, 2012, 5:35 pm #5

I put it on before and after each pump session and my nips are still so tender! UGH! Getting out of the shower is the worst....that towel can NOT be soft enough...I have to pat dry my boobs! :D If this perscription cream doesn't work, my friend said this other prescription cream called Newmans is da bomb...and I'll try that next. Hell, I'll try anything!

And I'd scrap the pumping right away if I wasn't making so much. I get around 8-9 ounces each session...more if I go longer then 3 hours. My baby is 6 weeks now, so if I can keep this up for a little longer then I'll at least have a good enough freezer reserve to get her through another month maybe? I feel good being able to give my baby breast milk, even if it's from a bottle. Just wish my nips would be happier about it! LOL!

Thanks for all the insight....I really think some Mom's just aren't completely honest with others about how hard it is...sometimes I'll talk to a Mom who is very candid about it all and I really appreciate that. But when others paint such a rosy picture, it's hard to live up to that idea ye know?!?! That's why I like my on-line Mommies I think we're all more honest b/c it's not face-to-face contact.





TTC: Since Nov. 2006
Diagnosis: Ovarian Dysfunction & PCOS
28 Years Old
cd3 FSH 16.8
cd10 FSH 13.6
7 Unmonitored Cycles of Clomid
3 Unmonitored Cycles of Letrozole
Positive CCCT
TAB for cysts
1st Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed BDing - 5 mature follies - BFN
TAB for cysts
2nd Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 4 mature follies in play - BFN
3rd Cycle of 150 iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 2 follies - BFN
1st Cycle of Gonal F - 1 follie & cyst on right - BFN
TAB for a cycle
2nd Cycle of Gonal F = BFP!!!!!
11dpo Beta=27.9
14dpo Beta=120
16dpo Beta=210
18dpo Beta=429
21dpo Beta=1064
5w6d - baby measuring 3mm, h/b 101
6w6d - baby measuring 6mm, h/b 126
7w6d - baby 18mm, h/b 171, measuring ahead at 8w2d! RE noticed enlarged yolk sac so keeping a close eye on that
8w6d - baby 2.52cm with h/b of 174
9w5d - baby 3.22cm with h/b of 180 measuring 10w1d
10w6d - baby 4.34cmcm with h/b of 174 measuring 11w1d
12w u/s showed baby at 11.2cm with h/b of 162 - unfortunately, that evening I suffered a horrible m/c of a chromosomally NORMAL girl.... RIP my angel girl...you were loved....

Gonal F with Timed Intercourse-2WW
First cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse since m/c - BFN
2nd Cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse - BFN
TAB for a month on bcp's
3rd Cycle of Gonal F - BFP
-11dpo beta=14.9
-14dpo beta=45.7
-16dpo beta=140
-18dpo beta=366
u/s at 6w1d showed heart-rate of 114!!!!
u/s at 7w1d showed heart-rate of 141!!!!
u/s at 8w showed heart-rate of 179
u/s at 9w showed 2 SCH's, h/r of 197
u/s at 10w showed h/r of 175
u/s at 11w showed h/r of 180
u/s at 12 w showed h/r of 188
12w2d...m/c'd baby at home, lost too much blood, had to have emergency D&C...severely anemic....baby was a chromosomally normal boy
-developed a blood clot in leg 1 1/2 wks post D&C...saw a hematologist and had testing done and everything came back normal, will still treat me with Lovenex on next pregnancy

-First cycle since m/c....Gonal F, triggered with 8 mature follies, T/I - BFP!
-13dpo beta 106, progesterone 21.4
-15dpo beta 260, progesterone 12.2
-16dpo beta 411, progesterone 16
-20dpo beta 845, progesterone 19 (went in for u/s to rule out ectopic, couldn't see anything yet, but lining was thick)
-22dpo beta 1158, progesterone 18
-24dpo beta 1655, progesterone 20
-5w?? u/s showed 2 sacs...one measuring 4w0d, the other measuring 5w1d....possibly vanishing twin???
-6w u/s showed TWINS! 2 h/r's....121, 119. both measuring 6w1d! SCH 1cm
-At 7w pg, tested positive for lupus anticoagulant, on lovenox to treat it, TSH was 2.55
-7w2d u/s showed 2 babies measuring 7w4d & 7w3d, h/r's 158 & 153! SCH 2cm
-8w1d u/s showed 2 babies measuring 8w3d & 8w2d, h/r's 185 & 179! SCH 3cm
-10w2d u/s showed we lost baby A measuring 9w1d and had no h/r...baby B measured 10w1d with a h/r of 180...praying for Baby B to hang on, SCH gone, started thyroid med
-11w1d u/s showed Baby B measuring right on track, h/r of 174
-12w1d had a red bleeding episode & u/s showed Baby B measuring 1 day ahead and a h/r of 168, bleeding likely caused by Baby A's passing
-13w1d had some red spotting & u/s showed Baby B measuring 2 days behind and h/r of 157
-14w...baby measured 14w3d...and I suffered a horrible, very sudden miscarriage...another angel baby...that makes 4.
Saw Dr Mary Stephenson at U of Chicago for recurrent pregnancy loss....dx with Lupus Anticoagluant and Incompetent Cervix, will be treated with lovenox
5-25-11 - Had a Transabdominal Cerclage placed by Dr Haney at U of Chicago

Gonal F with Timed Intercourse (self medicated/unmonitored) BFN
Gonal F with Timed Intercourse: 7 follies in play - BFP at 10dpo!!!
12dpo hcg level 80.5, progesterone 16.8
14dpo hcg level 295, progesterone 18
6w3d u/s showed 1 baby with a h/r of 120, measuring 6w4d
7w3d u/s showed baby with h/r of 160, measuring 7w3d
7w5d u/s showed a possibility of TWINS! Baby A (the original) measured 8w, h/r 167...Baby B, hiding in the upper uterus measured 6w6d, h/r 176...time will tell if Baby B will make it
8w4d u/s showed Baby A doing well measuring 8w4d and h/r of 185....Baby B measured 7w3d and no h/r detected My 5 angels better help me out through the rest of all this
9w5d u/s showed Baby A measring 9w5d, h/r 188
10w5d u/s showed Baby A measuring good, h/r 175
11w3d u/s shoed Baby A measuring 11w4d, h/r 169
12w6d u/s showed Baby A measuring 13w2d, h/r of 167
13w5d u/s showed Baby A measuring 13w6d, h/r of 156
15w5d u/s showed Baby Girl measuring about a week ahead! h/r 164
17w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with a h/r of 156, cervix measuring 5cm+
19w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with a h/r of 151, cervix measuring 5cm
23w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 149, cervix measuring 5cm. Baby weighed 1lb 14oz and is in the 80th percentile...her belly in the 97th....talked a little big about GD
27w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 151, cervix measuring 5cm...baby weighed 3lb 4oz, 87th percentile, pass GD test!
29w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 148, cervix 5cm
31w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 129, cervix 5cm and weight is 5lb 5oz! BIG GIRL!!!
35+ weeks and counting!
Started contracting at 36w, had c-section at 36w2d, Welcome to the world Baby Lorelei, 6lb 11oz and perfectly healthy!!!!
TTC: Since Nov. 2006
Diagnosis: Ovarian Dysfunction & PCOS
26 Years Old
cd3 FSH 16.8
cd10 FSH 13.6
7 Unmonitored Cycles of Clomid
3 Unmonitored Cycles of Letrozole
Positive CCCT
TAB for cysts
1st Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed BDing - 5 mature follies - BFN
TAB for cysts
2nd Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 4 mature follies in play - BFN
3rd Cycle of 150 iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 2 follies - BFN
1st Cycle of Gonal F - 1 follie & cyst on right - BFN
TAB for a cycle
2nd Cycle of Gonal F = BFP!!!!!
11dpo Beta=27.9
14dpo Beta=120
16dpo Beta=210
18dpo Beta=429
21dpo Beta=1064
5w6d - baby measuring 3mm, h/b 101
6w6d - baby measuring 6mm, h/b 126
7w6d - baby 18mm, h/b 171, measuring ahead at 8w2d! RE noticed enlarged yolk sac so keeping a close eye on that
8w6d - baby 2.52cm with h/b of 174
9w5d - baby 3.22cm with h/b of 180 measuring 10w1d
10w6d - baby 4.34cmcm with h/b of 174 measuring 11w1d
12w u/s showed baby at 11.2cm with h/b of 162 - unfortunately, that evening I suffered a horrible m/c of a chromosomally NORMAL girl.... RIP my angel girl...you were loved....

First cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse since m/c - BFN
2nd Cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse - BFN
TAB for a month on bcp's
3rd Cycle of Gonal F - BFP
-11dpo beta=14.9
-14dpo beta=45.7
-16dpo beta=140
-18dpo beta=366
u/s at 6w1d showed heart-rate of 114!!!!
u/s at 7w1d showed heart-rate of 141!!!!
u/s at 8w showed heart-rate of 179
u/s at 9w showed 2 SCH's, h/r of 197
u/s at 10w showed h/r of 175
u/s at 11w showed h/r of 180
u/s at 12 w showed h/r of 188
12w2d...m/c'd baby at home, lost too much blood, had to have emergency D&C...severely anemic....baby was a chromosomally normal boy
-developed a blood clot in leg 1 1/2 wks post D&C...saw a hematologist and had testing done and everything came back normal, will still treat me with Lovenex on next pregnancy
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MargieD
MargieD

June 15th, 2012, 6:34 pm #6

Does the whole nipple go through the tube? I had to make sure my nipples were completely in the tube when pumping. Maybe that could be it?

Maybe your pump is not fitted correctly??

Using creams often made it harder for me to pump. When I had yeast infection - I preferred the pills over the cream. I thought the creams made the pump suck too hard (maybe because it acted as a lubricant which - for me - was worse).
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Whitney
Whitney

June 15th, 2012, 6:43 pm #7

Hi Ladies,
I was just wanting to throw out a question to Mommies and see if this is just me or if I'm maybe not the amazing mother I thought I'd be. It took us 5 years to get our amazing Lorelei and I love her sooo much, but I have to admit, I do miss having some free time or time to myself. It is amazing how much a baby turns your life upside down. I knew that would happen I guess, but selfishly, sometimes I just want sleep at night. Or I just want to rush out of the house 5 minutes before I have to be anywhere. With Lorelei, everything takes so much longer. If we're planning to leave the house, we have to start getting ready an hour beforehand! I think I'll like parenting much better when she's about 6 months old and sleeping through the night (hopefully) and then she'll hopefully have a bedtime around 8:00 so I can actually get some time to myself. More structure I guess. With a newborn, you're just at their beck-and-call all the time. It's hard work.

And breast feeding....wow. That's even harder! I breast fed her for 2 weeks but she wasn't gaining any weight. It was actually a really scary time for us. I was working soooo hard to feed her and to not have her gain even an ounce was so heartbreaking. I cried every time we weighed her. She was so little. (she got down to 6lbs by the time we left the hospital). The lactation nurses weren't as worried as I was, but we still opted to start pumping and bottling. I make a LOT of milk....so I didn't want to just go to formula. And then...boy did she pack on the pounds! Now she actually looks rolly polly! It's great. But strictly pumping is definitely more work I think. And unfortunately, I'm having trouble with sore nipples, they just prescribed me a steroid cream to try to help with the pain. I can't even wear a T-shirt w/o wincing. But I have a lot in the freezer already so if this doesn't last much longer, I at least will have some reserves to give her for a while.

Hope you don't mind my quick vent session here. I feel a lot of guilt for not loving this whole parenting thing more...especially b/c it's all I've ever wanted for the past 5 years! And I know so many women that would kill to be in my shoes. And I have all these friends that just GUSH about how great parenthood is, etc, etc. Are they being completely honest with me or themselves? Or am I just not loving this motherhood thing as much as I hoped I would? I think back to being pregnant and how anxious I was the whole time, and that sucked...but I got to be sooo lazy. I miss that! ...ugh, that sounds horrible. :/

Hopefully this isn't offending anyone. I'm hoping the baby stage is hard for everybody and I'm not a bad mommy or something. Don't get me wrong, I love Lorelei sooo much, I never knew this kind of love! And she gives me so much joy at times! But other times, it's just hard.

Amy


TTC: Since Nov. 2006
Diagnosis: Ovarian Dysfunction & PCOS
28 Years Old
cd3 FSH 16.8
cd10 FSH 13.6
7 Unmonitored Cycles of Clomid
3 Unmonitored Cycles of Letrozole
Positive CCCT
TAB for cysts
1st Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed BDing - 5 mature follies - BFN
TAB for cysts
2nd Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 4 mature follies in play - BFN
3rd Cycle of 150 iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 2 follies - BFN
1st Cycle of Gonal F - 1 follie & cyst on right - BFN
TAB for a cycle
2nd Cycle of Gonal F = BFP!!!!!
11dpo Beta=27.9
14dpo Beta=120
16dpo Beta=210
18dpo Beta=429
21dpo Beta=1064
5w6d - baby measuring 3mm, h/b 101
6w6d - baby measuring 6mm, h/b 126
7w6d - baby 18mm, h/b 171, measuring ahead at 8w2d! RE noticed enlarged yolk sac so keeping a close eye on that
8w6d - baby 2.52cm with h/b of 174
9w5d - baby 3.22cm with h/b of 180 measuring 10w1d
10w6d - baby 4.34cmcm with h/b of 174 measuring 11w1d
12w u/s showed baby at 11.2cm with h/b of 162 - unfortunately, that evening I suffered a horrible m/c of a chromosomally NORMAL girl.... RIP my angel girl...you were loved....

Gonal F with Timed Intercourse-2WW
First cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse since m/c - BFN
2nd Cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse - BFN
TAB for a month on bcp's
3rd Cycle of Gonal F - BFP
-11dpo beta=14.9
-14dpo beta=45.7
-16dpo beta=140
-18dpo beta=366
u/s at 6w1d showed heart-rate of 114!!!!
u/s at 7w1d showed heart-rate of 141!!!!
u/s at 8w showed heart-rate of 179
u/s at 9w showed 2 SCH's, h/r of 197
u/s at 10w showed h/r of 175
u/s at 11w showed h/r of 180
u/s at 12 w showed h/r of 188
12w2d...m/c'd baby at home, lost too much blood, had to have emergency D&C...severely anemic....baby was a chromosomally normal boy
-developed a blood clot in leg 1 1/2 wks post D&C...saw a hematologist and had testing done and everything came back normal, will still treat me with Lovenex on next pregnancy

-First cycle since m/c....Gonal F, triggered with 8 mature follies, T/I - BFP!
-13dpo beta 106, progesterone 21.4
-15dpo beta 260, progesterone 12.2
-16dpo beta 411, progesterone 16
-20dpo beta 845, progesterone 19 (went in for u/s to rule out ectopic, couldn't see anything yet, but lining was thick)
-22dpo beta 1158, progesterone 18
-24dpo beta 1655, progesterone 20
-5w?? u/s showed 2 sacs...one measuring 4w0d, the other measuring 5w1d....possibly vanishing twin???
-6w u/s showed TWINS! 2 h/r's....121, 119. both measuring 6w1d! SCH 1cm
-At 7w pg, tested positive for lupus anticoagulant, on lovenox to treat it, TSH was 2.55
-7w2d u/s showed 2 babies measuring 7w4d & 7w3d, h/r's 158 & 153! SCH 2cm
-8w1d u/s showed 2 babies measuring 8w3d & 8w2d, h/r's 185 & 179! SCH 3cm
-10w2d u/s showed we lost baby A measuring 9w1d and had no h/r...baby B measured 10w1d with a h/r of 180...praying for Baby B to hang on, SCH gone, started thyroid med
-11w1d u/s showed Baby B measuring right on track, h/r of 174
-12w1d had a red bleeding episode & u/s showed Baby B measuring 1 day ahead and a h/r of 168, bleeding likely caused by Baby A's passing
-13w1d had some red spotting & u/s showed Baby B measuring 2 days behind and h/r of 157
-14w...baby measured 14w3d...and I suffered a horrible, very sudden miscarriage...another angel baby...that makes 4.
Saw Dr Mary Stephenson at U of Chicago for recurrent pregnancy loss....dx with Lupus Anticoagluant and Incompetent Cervix, will be treated with lovenox
5-25-11 - Had a Transabdominal Cerclage placed by Dr Haney at U of Chicago

Gonal F with Timed Intercourse (self medicated/unmonitored) BFN
Gonal F with Timed Intercourse: 7 follies in play - BFP at 10dpo!!!
12dpo hcg level 80.5, progesterone 16.8
14dpo hcg level 295, progesterone 18
6w3d u/s showed 1 baby with a h/r of 120, measuring 6w4d
7w3d u/s showed baby with h/r of 160, measuring 7w3d
7w5d u/s showed a possibility of TWINS! Baby A (the original) measured 8w, h/r 167...Baby B, hiding in the upper uterus measured 6w6d, h/r 176...time will tell if Baby B will make it
8w4d u/s showed Baby A doing well measuring 8w4d and h/r of 185....Baby B measured 7w3d and no h/r detected My 5 angels better help me out through the rest of all this
9w5d u/s showed Baby A measring 9w5d, h/r 188
10w5d u/s showed Baby A measuring good, h/r 175
11w3d u/s shoed Baby A measuring 11w4d, h/r 169
12w6d u/s showed Baby A measuring 13w2d, h/r of 167
13w5d u/s showed Baby A measuring 13w6d, h/r of 156
15w5d u/s showed Baby Girl measuring about a week ahead! h/r 164
17w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with a h/r of 156, cervix measuring 5cm+
19w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with a h/r of 151, cervix measuring 5cm
23w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 149, cervix measuring 5cm. Baby weighed 1lb 14oz and is in the 80th percentile...her belly in the 97th....talked a little big about GD
27w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 151, cervix measuring 5cm...baby weighed 3lb 4oz, 87th percentile, pass GD test!
29w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 148, cervix 5cm
31w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 129, cervix 5cm and weight is 5lb 5oz! BIG GIRL!!!
35+ weeks and counting!
Started contracting at 36w, had c-section at 36w2d, Welcome to the world Baby Lorelei, 6lb 11oz and perfectly healthy!!!!
The way you are feeling is totally normal. I felt the same way after the twins. The problem is that we as mothers that have had to work so hard to get pregnant, that if you dare speak of what you are feeling you are chastised. But I want you to know that it is ok. Just hang in there and things will get better!

Now the whole pumping thing I cant give you much advice, because for me it hurt ever time and ever day for the 19 months I pumped. Just make sure you put something on before and after like lanolin. My lactation consultant prescribed me a trio of the things (Mupirocin, Betamethasone and Nystatin) that I mixed together with equal parts that I applied when my nipples were cracked and bleeding. This combination works wonders!
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Wells42
Wells42

June 15th, 2012, 6:46 pm #8

Hi Ladies,
I was just wanting to throw out a question to Mommies and see if this is just me or if I'm maybe not the amazing mother I thought I'd be. It took us 5 years to get our amazing Lorelei and I love her sooo much, but I have to admit, I do miss having some free time or time to myself. It is amazing how much a baby turns your life upside down. I knew that would happen I guess, but selfishly, sometimes I just want sleep at night. Or I just want to rush out of the house 5 minutes before I have to be anywhere. With Lorelei, everything takes so much longer. If we're planning to leave the house, we have to start getting ready an hour beforehand! I think I'll like parenting much better when she's about 6 months old and sleeping through the night (hopefully) and then she'll hopefully have a bedtime around 8:00 so I can actually get some time to myself. More structure I guess. With a newborn, you're just at their beck-and-call all the time. It's hard work.

And breast feeding....wow. That's even harder! I breast fed her for 2 weeks but she wasn't gaining any weight. It was actually a really scary time for us. I was working soooo hard to feed her and to not have her gain even an ounce was so heartbreaking. I cried every time we weighed her. She was so little. (she got down to 6lbs by the time we left the hospital). The lactation nurses weren't as worried as I was, but we still opted to start pumping and bottling. I make a LOT of milk....so I didn't want to just go to formula. And then...boy did she pack on the pounds! Now she actually looks rolly polly! It's great. But strictly pumping is definitely more work I think. And unfortunately, I'm having trouble with sore nipples, they just prescribed me a steroid cream to try to help with the pain. I can't even wear a T-shirt w/o wincing. But I have a lot in the freezer already so if this doesn't last much longer, I at least will have some reserves to give her for a while.

Hope you don't mind my quick vent session here. I feel a lot of guilt for not loving this whole parenting thing more...especially b/c it's all I've ever wanted for the past 5 years! And I know so many women that would kill to be in my shoes. And I have all these friends that just GUSH about how great parenthood is, etc, etc. Are they being completely honest with me or themselves? Or am I just not loving this motherhood thing as much as I hoped I would? I think back to being pregnant and how anxious I was the whole time, and that sucked...but I got to be sooo lazy. I miss that! ...ugh, that sounds horrible. :/

Hopefully this isn't offending anyone. I'm hoping the baby stage is hard for everybody and I'm not a bad mommy or something. Don't get me wrong, I love Lorelei sooo much, I never knew this kind of love! And she gives me so much joy at times! But other times, it's just hard.

Amy


TTC: Since Nov. 2006
Diagnosis: Ovarian Dysfunction & PCOS
28 Years Old
cd3 FSH 16.8
cd10 FSH 13.6
7 Unmonitored Cycles of Clomid
3 Unmonitored Cycles of Letrozole
Positive CCCT
TAB for cysts
1st Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed BDing - 5 mature follies - BFN
TAB for cysts
2nd Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 4 mature follies in play - BFN
3rd Cycle of 150 iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 2 follies - BFN
1st Cycle of Gonal F - 1 follie & cyst on right - BFN
TAB for a cycle
2nd Cycle of Gonal F = BFP!!!!!
11dpo Beta=27.9
14dpo Beta=120
16dpo Beta=210
18dpo Beta=429
21dpo Beta=1064
5w6d - baby measuring 3mm, h/b 101
6w6d - baby measuring 6mm, h/b 126
7w6d - baby 18mm, h/b 171, measuring ahead at 8w2d! RE noticed enlarged yolk sac so keeping a close eye on that
8w6d - baby 2.52cm with h/b of 174
9w5d - baby 3.22cm with h/b of 180 measuring 10w1d
10w6d - baby 4.34cmcm with h/b of 174 measuring 11w1d
12w u/s showed baby at 11.2cm with h/b of 162 - unfortunately, that evening I suffered a horrible m/c of a chromosomally NORMAL girl.... RIP my angel girl...you were loved....

Gonal F with Timed Intercourse-2WW
First cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse since m/c - BFN
2nd Cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse - BFN
TAB for a month on bcp's
3rd Cycle of Gonal F - BFP
-11dpo beta=14.9
-14dpo beta=45.7
-16dpo beta=140
-18dpo beta=366
u/s at 6w1d showed heart-rate of 114!!!!
u/s at 7w1d showed heart-rate of 141!!!!
u/s at 8w showed heart-rate of 179
u/s at 9w showed 2 SCH's, h/r of 197
u/s at 10w showed h/r of 175
u/s at 11w showed h/r of 180
u/s at 12 w showed h/r of 188
12w2d...m/c'd baby at home, lost too much blood, had to have emergency D&C...severely anemic....baby was a chromosomally normal boy
-developed a blood clot in leg 1 1/2 wks post D&C...saw a hematologist and had testing done and everything came back normal, will still treat me with Lovenex on next pregnancy

-First cycle since m/c....Gonal F, triggered with 8 mature follies, T/I - BFP!
-13dpo beta 106, progesterone 21.4
-15dpo beta 260, progesterone 12.2
-16dpo beta 411, progesterone 16
-20dpo beta 845, progesterone 19 (went in for u/s to rule out ectopic, couldn't see anything yet, but lining was thick)
-22dpo beta 1158, progesterone 18
-24dpo beta 1655, progesterone 20
-5w?? u/s showed 2 sacs...one measuring 4w0d, the other measuring 5w1d....possibly vanishing twin???
-6w u/s showed TWINS! 2 h/r's....121, 119. both measuring 6w1d! SCH 1cm
-At 7w pg, tested positive for lupus anticoagulant, on lovenox to treat it, TSH was 2.55
-7w2d u/s showed 2 babies measuring 7w4d & 7w3d, h/r's 158 & 153! SCH 2cm
-8w1d u/s showed 2 babies measuring 8w3d & 8w2d, h/r's 185 & 179! SCH 3cm
-10w2d u/s showed we lost baby A measuring 9w1d and had no h/r...baby B measured 10w1d with a h/r of 180...praying for Baby B to hang on, SCH gone, started thyroid med
-11w1d u/s showed Baby B measuring right on track, h/r of 174
-12w1d had a red bleeding episode & u/s showed Baby B measuring 1 day ahead and a h/r of 168, bleeding likely caused by Baby A's passing
-13w1d had some red spotting & u/s showed Baby B measuring 2 days behind and h/r of 157
-14w...baby measured 14w3d...and I suffered a horrible, very sudden miscarriage...another angel baby...that makes 4.
Saw Dr Mary Stephenson at U of Chicago for recurrent pregnancy loss....dx with Lupus Anticoagluant and Incompetent Cervix, will be treated with lovenox
5-25-11 - Had a Transabdominal Cerclage placed by Dr Haney at U of Chicago

Gonal F with Timed Intercourse (self medicated/unmonitored) BFN
Gonal F with Timed Intercourse: 7 follies in play - BFP at 10dpo!!!
12dpo hcg level 80.5, progesterone 16.8
14dpo hcg level 295, progesterone 18
6w3d u/s showed 1 baby with a h/r of 120, measuring 6w4d
7w3d u/s showed baby with h/r of 160, measuring 7w3d
7w5d u/s showed a possibility of TWINS! Baby A (the original) measured 8w, h/r 167...Baby B, hiding in the upper uterus measured 6w6d, h/r 176...time will tell if Baby B will make it
8w4d u/s showed Baby A doing well measuring 8w4d and h/r of 185....Baby B measured 7w3d and no h/r detected My 5 angels better help me out through the rest of all this
9w5d u/s showed Baby A measring 9w5d, h/r 188
10w5d u/s showed Baby A measuring good, h/r 175
11w3d u/s shoed Baby A measuring 11w4d, h/r 169
12w6d u/s showed Baby A measuring 13w2d, h/r of 167
13w5d u/s showed Baby A measuring 13w6d, h/r of 156
15w5d u/s showed Baby Girl measuring about a week ahead! h/r 164
17w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with a h/r of 156, cervix measuring 5cm+
19w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with a h/r of 151, cervix measuring 5cm
23w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 149, cervix measuring 5cm. Baby weighed 1lb 14oz and is in the 80th percentile...her belly in the 97th....talked a little big about GD
27w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 151, cervix measuring 5cm...baby weighed 3lb 4oz, 87th percentile, pass GD test!
29w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 148, cervix 5cm
31w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 129, cervix 5cm and weight is 5lb 5oz! BIG GIRL!!!
35+ weeks and counting!
Started contracting at 36w, had c-section at 36w2d, Welcome to the world Baby Lorelei, 6lb 11oz and perfectly healthy!!!!
It is such a huge transition. I remember when my son was about 2 weeks old, thinking " Oh my God - what have I done? This is too hard. I can't do it. And I have to do it." It was really scary. Then I realized it was sort of like a birth. My baby had been born. Now it was my turn to be born as a "mom," as a new person. My best friend had her first baby about a month before me, and we look back now and talk about how horrible it was. I mean, yes, there are sweet moments in it, but most of the time, it's chaos. It does get better though. It gets amazing. AMAZING. I remember when my son was about 5 weeks old and DH had gone out with some friends. My baby boy was sleeping in his crib and I brought him to bed with me, and he gave me the sweetest smile, like we had a secret - me sneaking him off to bed. I will never forget it. Ever. It was the breakthrough moment where I was like, "Oh, he loves me. He really loves me. I can't be doing too bad of a job if he loves me." I think most people have a moment like this, where, like a birth, you take your first real breath - as a mom. It is coming. And you will never forget it.

As far as breastfeeding goes, I only have advice on how not to successfully breastfeed. I tried so hard with my son, and gave up at 3 weeks. We found out several weeks later that he had severe torticollis (stiff neck muscles on one side from being scrunched in my belly - he had 3 months of physical therapy) and so even though the lactation nurses all insisted if I kept trying it would work, all I was doing was really, really hurting his neck. So, there are reasons babies won't breastfeed that don't have anything to do with latching or supply or nipple shields or anything else. With my daughter, I had read a book that said yes, breastfeeding for the first year is really great, but if not a year, the first 40 days. So, I planned to at least pump the first 40 days with my daughter. I was going to tough it out one way or another. I even met with a lactation consultant before the birth. I made it 12 days. Pumping was excruciating and nipple cream, gel pads (which did help a lot) just added another step to the process. So, my DH and I decided that my breasts were "for decorative purposes only" and went to formula. Both my children are healthy and happy - no ear infections, no allergies, - they're fine. With both of them, we did a lot of "kangaroo care" (put the baby in a diaper and stick her down your shirt) so they got lot's of skin to skin contact (after DD was born by C-section, we had as part of our birth plan that the baby would "kangerooed" by DH as soon as possible), and we never propped up bottles. If you want to keep going, get as much support as you can, and go for it! I am sure you will get lots of great advice if you choose to continue. I never comfortably BF either of mine - it was always an ordeal. But I can imagine it is really lovely if it does work out. If you decide not to though, don't worry about it. It is your choice as a mother how to feed your child.

One other thing to keep in mind is that IF is exhausting and we are that much more tired than most parents are in the beginning. And all babies are different, too. My son got up for a bottle at least once a night until he was two years old. My daughter slept through the night at 9 weeks and routinely goes to bed at 8 and gets up at 7. So, if I had not had my son first, and had only had my daughter, I would wonder why some people had such a time of it! Hang in there. You're doing great. YOU GOT HER HERE!!!!!!!!! and be very, very kind to yourself. This is your journey. Feel it. Let it be what it is. Because you will never forget it. You'll look back and go - wow - I did it!
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Wells42
Wells42

June 15th, 2012, 7:05 pm #9

Does the whole nipple go through the tube? I had to make sure my nipples were completely in the tube when pumping. Maybe that could be it?

Maybe your pump is not fitted correctly??

Using creams often made it harder for me to pump. When I had yeast infection - I preferred the pills over the cream. I thought the creams made the pump suck too hard (maybe because it acted as a lubricant which - for me - was worse).
In my limited pumping experience (a whole 33 total days), I did find that the larger cup thingies worked much better for me. At the hospital, I rented a pump that came with a bag of a zillion parts. A nurse dug around in there and found the larger cups. That did help a lot.
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Joined: January 23rd, 2009, 5:02 pm

June 15th, 2012, 7:48 pm #10

The LC gave me larger cones in the hospital. 27mm, I think the pump comes with 25mm. My whole nipple fits in there I'm pretty sure. When I was consulting with a LC one time, i told her how sore I still was and said maybe I need even bigger cones and she said she didn't think I did. So I think the cones fit ok.

So annoying! What if I just have overly sensitive nips??? Maybe it will always be like this??

TTC: Since Nov. 2006
Diagnosis: Ovarian Dysfunction & PCOS
26 Years Old
cd3 FSH 16.8
cd10 FSH 13.6
7 Unmonitored Cycles of Clomid
3 Unmonitored Cycles of Letrozole
Positive CCCT
TAB for cysts
1st Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed BDing - 5 mature follies - BFN
TAB for cysts
2nd Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 4 mature follies in play - BFN
3rd Cycle of 150 iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 2 follies - BFN
1st Cycle of Gonal F - 1 follie & cyst on right - BFN
TAB for a cycle
2nd Cycle of Gonal F = BFP!!!!!
11dpo Beta=27.9
14dpo Beta=120
16dpo Beta=210
18dpo Beta=429
21dpo Beta=1064
5w6d - baby measuring 3mm, h/b 101
6w6d - baby measuring 6mm, h/b 126
7w6d - baby 18mm, h/b 171, measuring ahead at 8w2d! RE noticed enlarged yolk sac so keeping a close eye on that
8w6d - baby 2.52cm with h/b of 174
9w5d - baby 3.22cm with h/b of 180 measuring 10w1d
10w6d - baby 4.34cmcm with h/b of 174 measuring 11w1d
12w u/s showed baby at 11.2cm with h/b of 162 - unfortunately, that evening I suffered a horrible m/c of a chromosomally NORMAL girl.... RIP my angel girl...you were loved....

First cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse since m/c - BFN
2nd Cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse - BFN
TAB for a month on bcp's
3rd Cycle of Gonal F - BFP
-11dpo beta=14.9
-14dpo beta=45.7
-16dpo beta=140
-18dpo beta=366
u/s at 6w1d showed heart-rate of 114!!!!
u/s at 7w1d showed heart-rate of 141!!!!
u/s at 8w showed heart-rate of 179
u/s at 9w showed 2 SCH's, h/r of 197
u/s at 10w showed h/r of 175
u/s at 11w showed h/r of 180
u/s at 12 w showed h/r of 188
12w2d...m/c'd baby at home, lost too much blood, had to have emergency D&C...severely anemic....baby was a chromosomally normal boy
-developed a blood clot in leg 1 1/2 wks post D&C...saw a hematologist and had testing done and everything came back normal, will still treat me with Lovenex on next pregnancy
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