Feeling sad when I should be really happy (preg/child mentioned)

Feeling sad when I should be really happy (preg/child mentioned)

Joined: December 28th, 2011, 1:28 pm

February 24th, 2012, 2:01 pm #1

I have been posting here for some time on behalf of my twin sister. I have been going through this journey with her for only a short time as she was just diagnosed in December with high FSH, low AMH, and low AFC. It has, however, already felt like a lifetime to her as I am sure you all can relate to.

I decided to get my FSH tested because we are twins and I felt that I had similar symptoms. My FSH came back at 11.2. Not as high as my sister's 20 but high enough that I thought it might take me some time to get pregnant.

Well....this morning I got a faint BFP! Instead of feeling happiness right away as I should have I just thought of my sister first. This news will crush her. I know she will try to be happy for me but I also know that she will feel so sad and hopeless.

I really don't know when I am going to tell her. She lives out of town and will be here to visit me next weekend. We had planned to go out for drinks...

I just wish we could have switched places on this. I wish she would have gotten a BFP this month. I have a beautiful son and I would give anything for my sister to have a child of her own.
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Laura
Laura

February 24th, 2012, 3:04 pm #2

That's amazing! And I know you're sad for your sister, but I don't think she's going to "try" to be happy for you, I think she WILL be happy for you. She can be happy for you and sad for herself at the same time. As many people on this board have said, it is a delicate situation, so I would suggest telling her sooner rather than later (maybe before she comes so that she can be sad with her DH before she sees you) and to be sensitive about updates, etc.
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MargieD
MargieD

February 24th, 2012, 3:25 pm #3

My sister and I are not twins, but we are very close.

She got pregnant all three times the first month of trying. Even though I hated to find out that she got pregnant SO EASILY, I very much appreciated that I was one of the first to know.

I don't know your sister or what the situation is, but when I found out from her, I did need my space. I was very happy for her but I needed to be sad and deal with the news in my own way. (I took a walk and screamed at G-d.) After that - I was ok.

BTW - Her second ended in m/c. My mom said that as soon as the baby came out, she asked the doctor if this was going to happen to me as well. The doctor assured her that it was a freak thing. My sister never told me this story, but it made me realize how much she cared about me. Stay true to yourself. She will find out how much you care for her...
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Sara H
Sara H

February 24th, 2012, 3:43 pm #4

I have been posting here for some time on behalf of my twin sister. I have been going through this journey with her for only a short time as she was just diagnosed in December with high FSH, low AMH, and low AFC. It has, however, already felt like a lifetime to her as I am sure you all can relate to.

I decided to get my FSH tested because we are twins and I felt that I had similar symptoms. My FSH came back at 11.2. Not as high as my sister's 20 but high enough that I thought it might take me some time to get pregnant.

Well....this morning I got a faint BFP! Instead of feeling happiness right away as I should have I just thought of my sister first. This news will crush her. I know she will try to be happy for me but I also know that she will feel so sad and hopeless.

I really don't know when I am going to tell her. She lives out of town and will be here to visit me next weekend. We had planned to go out for drinks...

I just wish we could have switched places on this. I wish she would have gotten a BFP this month. I have a beautiful son and I would give anything for my sister to have a child of her own.
YIPPEEE FOR YOU!

Second: Of course you feel this way becasue you love your sister, it's kind of like survivor's guilt. It is totally natural. But, if the shoe were on the other foot and you were having trouble wouldn't you be so thrilled your sis was spared this?

So, I say change drinks to a wonderful lunch but tell her quietly at home, first, after your beta and you know things are moving forward. She is your twin, I get the feeling she will totally be thrilled for you, but I would rather know privately, personally, than in a public place.

I do have a random thought, I don't know if you might be interested...
Would you consider, in a year and more, after baby and breast-feeding, being an egg donor for her? Now that you know your FSH is lower it might be a good thing to consider if you were comfortable with that? That way she has a clear time frame, a year and a few months, to work on it on her own but also something to know might help if other things don't work out? A second path?

I know, it seems odd to mention now, but I just thought it might be something to add to the discussion IF it was an option you were comfortable with, since you know your eggs are OK! (And I think maybe you mentioned it before on the other board?)

But, most of all, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!

Can't wait to read about betas and u/s and how it all goes!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!
Sara H
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Joined: January 23rd, 2009, 5:02 pm

February 24th, 2012, 3:44 pm #5

I have been posting here for some time on behalf of my twin sister. I have been going through this journey with her for only a short time as she was just diagnosed in December with high FSH, low AMH, and low AFC. It has, however, already felt like a lifetime to her as I am sure you all can relate to.

I decided to get my FSH tested because we are twins and I felt that I had similar symptoms. My FSH came back at 11.2. Not as high as my sister's 20 but high enough that I thought it might take me some time to get pregnant.

Well....this morning I got a faint BFP! Instead of feeling happiness right away as I should have I just thought of my sister first. This news will crush her. I know she will try to be happy for me but I also know that she will feel so sad and hopeless.

I really don't know when I am going to tell her. She lives out of town and will be here to visit me next weekend. We had planned to go out for drinks...

I just wish we could have switched places on this. I wish she would have gotten a BFP this month. I have a beautiful son and I would give anything for my sister to have a child of her own.
Tell her on the phone or via email before she comes to visit you. My best friend was going to come visit me last August and I had just gotten a BFN, so I had big plans for our weekend of going to winery's, bars, etc. All stuff I knew I couldn't do pg. She was going to wait and tell me when she got here, but when I told her I was making reservations, she knew she had to let me know what was up. And I'm glad she did. Her news was hard to take and I would have felt horrible if my sadness showed on my face in front of her. At least with having some time to process, I was able to find a way to be happy for her when she came to visit.

I know it's your sister and you are very close, but you just don't know how you'll react to an emotional situation like this. So just think about it okay?

And congrats on the BFP. Your sis will find a way to be happy for you. My sister and I shared a due date and I m/c'd at 14 weeks, she went on to have a beautiful little boy whom I adore. I was even with her in the delivery room. I don't know how I did it b/c I so easily could have been thinking about myself and how this is where I would be right now...but I did. You find room in your heart for family and sister's especially.

Good Luck,
Amy


TTC: Since Nov. 2006
Diagnosis: Ovarian Dysfunction & PCOS
28 Years Old
cd3 FSH 16.8
cd10 FSH 13.6
7 Unmonitored Cycles of Clomid
3 Unmonitored Cycles of Letrozole
Positive CCCT
TAB for cysts
1st Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed BDing - 5 mature follies - BFN
TAB for cysts
2nd Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 4 mature follies in play - BFN
3rd Cycle of 150 iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 2 follies - BFN
1st Cycle of Gonal F - 1 follie & cyst on right - BFN
TAB for a cycle
2nd Cycle of Gonal F = BFP!!!!!
11dpo Beta=27.9
14dpo Beta=120
16dpo Beta=210
18dpo Beta=429
21dpo Beta=1064
5w6d - baby measuring 3mm, h/b 101
6w6d - baby measuring 6mm, h/b 126
7w6d - baby 18mm, h/b 171, measuring ahead at 8w2d! RE noticed enlarged yolk sac so keeping a close eye on that
8w6d - baby 2.52cm with h/b of 174
9w5d - baby 3.22cm with h/b of 180 measuring 10w1d
10w6d - baby 4.34cmcm with h/b of 174 measuring 11w1d
12w u/s showed baby at 11.2cm with h/b of 162 - unfortunately, that evening I suffered a horrible m/c of a chromosomally NORMAL girl.... RIP my angel girl...you were loved....

Gonal F with Timed Intercourse-2WW
First cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse since m/c - BFN
2nd Cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse - BFN
TAB for a month on bcp's
3rd Cycle of Gonal F - BFP
-11dpo beta=14.9
-14dpo beta=45.7
-16dpo beta=140
-18dpo beta=366
u/s at 6w1d showed heart-rate of 114!!!!
u/s at 7w1d showed heart-rate of 141!!!!
u/s at 8w showed heart-rate of 179
u/s at 9w showed 2 SCH's, h/r of 197
u/s at 10w showed h/r of 175
u/s at 11w showed h/r of 180
u/s at 12 w showed h/r of 188
12w2d...m/c'd baby at home, lost too much blood, had to have emergency D&C...severely anemic....baby was a chromosomally normal boy
-developed a blood clot in leg 1 1/2 wks post D&C...saw a hematologist and had testing done and everything came back normal, will still treat me with Lovenex on next pregnancy

-First cycle since m/c....Gonal F, triggered with 8 mature follies, T/I - BFP!
-13dpo beta 106, progesterone 21.4
-15dpo beta 260, progesterone 12.2
-16dpo beta 411, progesterone 16
-20dpo beta 845, progesterone 19 (went in for u/s to rule out ectopic, couldn't see anything yet, but lining was thick)
-22dpo beta 1158, progesterone 18
-24dpo beta 1655, progesterone 20
-5w?? u/s showed 2 sacs...one measuring 4w0d, the other measuring 5w1d....possibly vanishing twin???
-6w u/s showed TWINS! 2 h/r's....121, 119. both measuring 6w1d! SCH 1cm
-At 7w pg, tested positive for lupus anticoagulant, on lovenox to treat it, TSH was 2.55
-7w2d u/s showed 2 babies measuring 7w4d & 7w3d, h/r's 158 & 153! SCH 2cm
-8w1d u/s showed 2 babies measuring 8w3d & 8w2d, h/r's 185 & 179! SCH 3cm
-10w2d u/s showed we lost baby A measuring 9w1d and had no h/r...baby B measured 10w1d with a h/r of 180...praying for Baby B to hang on, SCH gone, started thyroid med
-11w1d u/s showed Baby B measuring right on track, h/r of 174
-12w1d had a red bleeding episode & u/s showed Baby B measuring 1 day ahead and a h/r of 168, bleeding likely caused by Baby A's passing
-13w1d had some red spotting & u/s showed Baby B measuring 2 days behind and h/r of 157
-14w...baby measured 14w3d...and I suffered a horrible, very sudden miscarriage...another angel baby...that makes 4.
Saw Dr Mary Stephenson at U of Chicago for recurrent pregnancy loss....dx with Lupus Anticoagluant and Incompetent Cervix, will be treated with lovenox
5-25-11 - Had a Transabdominal Cerclage placed by Dr Haney at U of Chicago

Gonal F with Timed Intercourse (self medicated/unmonitored) BFN
Gonal F with Timed Intercourse: 7 follies in play - BFP at 10dpo!!!
12dpo hcg level 80.5, progesterone 16.8
14dpo hcg level 295, progesterone 18
6w3d u/s showed 1 baby with a h/r of 120, measuring 6w4d
7w3d u/s showed baby with h/r of 160, measuring 7w3d
7w5d u/s showed a possibility of TWINS! Baby A (the original) measured 8w, h/r 167...Baby B, hiding in the upper uterus measured 6w6d, h/r 176...time will tell if Baby B will make it
8w4d u/s showed Baby A doing well measuring 8w4d and h/r of 185....Baby B measured 7w3d and no h/r detected My 5 angels better help me out through the rest of all this
9w5d u/s showed Baby A measring 9w5d, h/r 188
10w5d u/s showed Baby A measuring good, h/r 175
11w3d u/s shoed Baby A measuring 11w4d, h/r 169
12w6d u/s showed Baby A measuring 13w2d, h/r of 167
13w5d u/s showed Baby A measuring 13w6d, h/r of 156
15w5d u/s showed Baby Girl measuring about a week ahead! h/r 164
17w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with a h/r of 156, cervix measuring 5cm+
19w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with a h/r of 151, cervix measuring 5cm
23w4d, u/s howed Baby Girl with h/r of 149, cervix measuring 5cm. Baby weighed 1lb 14oz and is in the 80th percentile...her belly in the 97th....talked a little big about GD
TTC: Since Nov. 2006
Diagnosis: Ovarian Dysfunction & PCOS
26 Years Old
cd3 FSH 16.8
cd10 FSH 13.6
7 Unmonitored Cycles of Clomid
3 Unmonitored Cycles of Letrozole
Positive CCCT
TAB for cysts
1st Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed BDing - 5 mature follies - BFN
TAB for cysts
2nd Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 4 mature follies in play - BFN
3rd Cycle of 150 iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 2 follies - BFN
1st Cycle of Gonal F - 1 follie & cyst on right - BFN
TAB for a cycle
2nd Cycle of Gonal F = BFP!!!!!
11dpo Beta=27.9
14dpo Beta=120
16dpo Beta=210
18dpo Beta=429
21dpo Beta=1064
5w6d - baby measuring 3mm, h/b 101
6w6d - baby measuring 6mm, h/b 126
7w6d - baby 18mm, h/b 171, measuring ahead at 8w2d! RE noticed enlarged yolk sac so keeping a close eye on that
8w6d - baby 2.52cm with h/b of 174
9w5d - baby 3.22cm with h/b of 180 measuring 10w1d
10w6d - baby 4.34cmcm with h/b of 174 measuring 11w1d
12w u/s showed baby at 11.2cm with h/b of 162 - unfortunately, that evening I suffered a horrible m/c of a chromosomally NORMAL girl.... RIP my angel girl...you were loved....

First cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse since m/c - BFN
2nd Cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse - BFN
TAB for a month on bcp's
3rd Cycle of Gonal F - BFP
-11dpo beta=14.9
-14dpo beta=45.7
-16dpo beta=140
-18dpo beta=366
u/s at 6w1d showed heart-rate of 114!!!!
u/s at 7w1d showed heart-rate of 141!!!!
u/s at 8w showed heart-rate of 179
u/s at 9w showed 2 SCH's, h/r of 197
u/s at 10w showed h/r of 175
u/s at 11w showed h/r of 180
u/s at 12 w showed h/r of 188
12w2d...m/c'd baby at home, lost too much blood, had to have emergency D&C...severely anemic....baby was a chromosomally normal boy
-developed a blood clot in leg 1 1/2 wks post D&C...saw a hematologist and had testing done and everything came back normal, will still treat me with Lovenex on next pregnancy
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anna
anna

February 24th, 2012, 5:46 pm #6

I have been posting here for some time on behalf of my twin sister. I have been going through this journey with her for only a short time as she was just diagnosed in December with high FSH, low AMH, and low AFC. It has, however, already felt like a lifetime to her as I am sure you all can relate to.

I decided to get my FSH tested because we are twins and I felt that I had similar symptoms. My FSH came back at 11.2. Not as high as my sister's 20 but high enough that I thought it might take me some time to get pregnant.

Well....this morning I got a faint BFP! Instead of feeling happiness right away as I should have I just thought of my sister first. This news will crush her. I know she will try to be happy for me but I also know that she will feel so sad and hopeless.

I really don't know when I am going to tell her. She lives out of town and will be here to visit me next weekend. We had planned to go out for drinks...

I just wish we could have switched places on this. I wish she would have gotten a BFP this month. I have a beautiful son and I would give anything for my sister to have a child of her own.
http://www.network54.com/Forum/209394/t ... ent%27d%29


I am at work and dont have much time to write. I will write more later. But I thought reading this will give you some accompany that you are not alone. Kerry in this link was a donor for her sister. Her sis couldnt get prg and they did donor egg ivf with Kerry egg and her sister didnt get pregnant with Kerry egg and couple of month later Kerry got prg and now she didnt know how to deal with this and how to tell her sister. I will write more later.

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Joined: December 28th, 2011, 1:28 pm

February 25th, 2012, 11:24 pm #7

I have been posting here for some time on behalf of my twin sister. I have been going through this journey with her for only a short time as she was just diagnosed in December with high FSH, low AMH, and low AFC. It has, however, already felt like a lifetime to her as I am sure you all can relate to.

I decided to get my FSH tested because we are twins and I felt that I had similar symptoms. My FSH came back at 11.2. Not as high as my sister's 20 but high enough that I thought it might take me some time to get pregnant.

Well....this morning I got a faint BFP! Instead of feeling happiness right away as I should have I just thought of my sister first. This news will crush her. I know she will try to be happy for me but I also know that she will feel so sad and hopeless.

I really don't know when I am going to tell her. She lives out of town and will be here to visit me next weekend. We had planned to go out for drinks...

I just wish we could have switched places on this. I wish she would have gotten a BFP this month. I have a beautiful son and I would give anything for my sister to have a child of her own.
I told her before I even told my husband! She seemed happy at first but when I talked to her later in the day I could tell the news had really started to sink in. I just HATE that she has been having to go through this and all I want is for her to have her own child. She now is really sad and she keeps wondering "why her". We are identical twins and have shared everything...everything until now that is. Ahhhh!
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anna
anna

February 26th, 2012, 1:09 am #8

u did the right thing.nt
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Tami
Tami

February 27th, 2012, 5:11 am #9

I have been posting here for some time on behalf of my twin sister. I have been going through this journey with her for only a short time as she was just diagnosed in December with high FSH, low AMH, and low AFC. It has, however, already felt like a lifetime to her as I am sure you all can relate to.

I decided to get my FSH tested because we are twins and I felt that I had similar symptoms. My FSH came back at 11.2. Not as high as my sister's 20 but high enough that I thought it might take me some time to get pregnant.

Well....this morning I got a faint BFP! Instead of feeling happiness right away as I should have I just thought of my sister first. This news will crush her. I know she will try to be happy for me but I also know that she will feel so sad and hopeless.

I really don't know when I am going to tell her. She lives out of town and will be here to visit me next weekend. We had planned to go out for drinks...

I just wish we could have switched places on this. I wish she would have gotten a BFP this month. I have a beautiful son and I would give anything for my sister to have a child of her own.
I could only hope for such a thoughtful sister such as you! It will be tough for her but I think as long as you respect her current journey and her challenges, she will be happy for you. After all, she will be an aunt!
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Holly
Holly

February 27th, 2012, 5:12 am #10

Sorry - I must have typed in your name instead of mine
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