1. An Atheist walked into a bar with God, Thor and Zeus,The barman turned to serve him and said,
"Drinking alone again I see..."
2. Q: Why did the Atheist cross the road?
A: To be sure to see both sides.
3. A Christian, a Jew, and an atheist are standing in line to be executed during the French Revolution.
The Christian is first, and he lays down on the guillotine. Before the executioner pulls the lever he shouts, "My god will save me!". The lever is pulled, and the blade swooshes down, stopping just short of his neck. The executioner, believing a miracle has occurred, figures he can't kill this man, as so sets him free.
The Jew lays down on the guillotine. Like the christian, he shouts, "My god will save me!". The lever is pulled, the blade falls, and once again it stops just short of his neck. The executioner, again, believes God is on this man's side, and lets him go.
Finally, the atheist lays down on the guillotine. He examines the guillotine, finds a rock in the gears, and says to the executioner, "Well here's your problem..."
The moral? There's a time and a place for skepticism.
And, of course, you can't forget this one: What is the biggest problem for an atheist? No one to talk to during an orgasm.
A religious women upon waking up each morning would open her front door stand on the porch and scream, Praise the lord. This infuriated her atheist neighbor who would always make sure to counter back, there is no Lord.
One morning the atheist neighbor overheard his neighbor praying for food, thinking it would be funny, he went and bought her all sorts of groceries and left them on her porch. The next morning the lady screamed, praise the Lord, who gave me this food.
The neighbor laughing so hard he could barely get the words out screamed it wasnt the Lord, it was me. The lady without missing a beat screamed praise the Lord for not only giving me food but making the atheist pay for it!!