what do you say

what do you say

Joined: December 11th, 2011, 5:32 pm

January 23rd, 2012, 8:40 am #1

I'm interested to know what you all say when asked by others if... you want/ever wanted children, or if you are lucky enough to have one already....are you going to have any more?

I just cant come up with answers that deflect and/or answer honestly without becoming a stammering wreck!

It's such an odd double life. To be all consumed with it in your secret private life, but keep up a pretence in public.

Interested to hear your answers.
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Joined: September 6th, 2009, 7:55 am

January 23rd, 2012, 12:40 pm #2

The question often takes me by surprise actually so I end up saying not much. So my optometrist was checking my eyes and said "you were smart...you didn't have kids" and i was so not expecting it in that setting. What I do try and say if I have my wits about me is "I tried but I wasn't able to have children". Somehow I can't bring myself to confess that I'm still trying but saying I once did isn't so hard. I try to say that if I can because I like people to know that for some of us it's not a choice.

Al
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MargieD
MargieD

January 23rd, 2012, 12:50 pm #3

I'm interested to know what you all say when asked by others if... you want/ever wanted children, or if you are lucky enough to have one already....are you going to have any more?

I just cant come up with answers that deflect and/or answer honestly without becoming a stammering wreck!

It's such an odd double life. To be all consumed with it in your secret private life, but keep up a pretence in public.

Interested to hear your answers.
I usually say... "It took us five years to have DD so we'll see..." and that usually shuts them up.

And DD is almost 2 1/2 now.

I usually let them figure out the rest. I think some of them are taken off-guard to ask questions or say anything more.

I honestly don't mind the questions, but I hate stupid comments. Usually, once they know my history (i.e. 5 years of trying), they realize I'm doing what I can and I think this sums it up nice and quick without going into details to a stranger. (My dental hygienist asked about two weeks ago when she asked if I didn't mind being x-rayed.)
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Jen
Jen

January 23rd, 2012, 3:48 pm #4

I'm interested to know what you all say when asked by others if... you want/ever wanted children, or if you are lucky enough to have one already....are you going to have any more?

I just cant come up with answers that deflect and/or answer honestly without becoming a stammering wreck!

It's such an odd double life. To be all consumed with it in your secret private life, but keep up a pretence in public.

Interested to hear your answers.
I hate when the subject comes up. I work in commercial production and allowed my name to be used in a tv commercial. I had not read the script before agreeing. Well, the line was "When (insert my name) gave birth ...... I felt like maybe it was a good thing like, I put something into the universe. My boss then said something like, that will be the closest you come to having a baby. That really hurt. I couldn't say anything. I also hate if I say I am hot someone says,"Hot flash?" The pain of wanting a baby is so difficult.
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Jen
Jen

January 23rd, 2012, 4:00 pm #5

it really does feel like a double life.
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anne
anne

January 23rd, 2012, 4:55 pm #6

I hate when the subject comes up. I work in commercial production and allowed my name to be used in a tv commercial. I had not read the script before agreeing. Well, the line was "When (insert my name) gave birth ...... I felt like maybe it was a good thing like, I put something into the universe. My boss then said something like, that will be the closest you come to having a baby. That really hurt. I couldn't say anything. I also hate if I say I am hot someone says,"Hot flash?" The pain of wanting a baby is so difficult.
how rude was that? i don't know how i would have reacted. what is all that 'hot flash' business anyway? it's bad enough going into the fortieth decade, they don't need to make it worse!
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Suz44
Suz44

January 23rd, 2012, 5:12 pm #7

I think that if you are open about it, it gives you are control. The look of utter discomfort on someone's face when they can't come up with a response is kind of amusing to me.

I learned this last year after I was complaining about being "hot" and not able to breath and a co-worker bluntly asked my age and told me I was going through the change. Little did I know at the time I was BFP. MC 3 weeks later. If I could do it all over again, I would have turned the tables and made her feel really uncomfortable for being so inconsiderate!
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B.
B.

January 23rd, 2012, 11:11 pm #8

I hate when the subject comes up. I work in commercial production and allowed my name to be used in a tv commercial. I had not read the script before agreeing. Well, the line was "When (insert my name) gave birth ...... I felt like maybe it was a good thing like, I put something into the universe. My boss then said something like, that will be the closest you come to having a baby. That really hurt. I couldn't say anything. I also hate if I say I am hot someone says,"Hot flash?" The pain of wanting a baby is so difficult.
This is horrid. Is your boss a man or a woman? Do they have children themselves? I can't believe how awful some people can be. I am so sorry!!!
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B.
B.

January 24th, 2012, 2:54 am #9

Crazy, right? My boss is male. He does have children. It was crazy when he said it. He actually said something more hurtful but, I don't even want to repeat it. He is a social moron. I think people that don't know me well assume that I did not want children. It is similar to how many people have told me to adopt. I know many people don't say things with malice just ignorance and stupidity. The whole thing makes me sad. I hate that I feel I need to hide what is going on. My boss also is often talking about how to lose weight. I know he is trying to encourage me to lose weight but, I want to SCREAM and say I am on so many hormones you a@*hole. I realize even if I wasn't it is wrong. I just need a new job. People can be so stupid.

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ALM
ALM

January 24th, 2012, 2:55 am #10

I'm interested to know what you all say when asked by others if... you want/ever wanted children, or if you are lucky enough to have one already....are you going to have any more?

I just cant come up with answers that deflect and/or answer honestly without becoming a stammering wreck!

It's such an odd double life. To be all consumed with it in your secret private life, but keep up a pretence in public.

Interested to hear your answers.
Well, I've always been open about wanting a child. Having one, adopting one, whatever. For whatever reason, people don't tend to mess with me most of the time as far as rude comments.

Jen, what your boss said is horrific! What an A**.

I guess my response would be that I'm not dead yet!

As for hot flashes, most folks don't get those until late 40's or early 50's. Why someone would come up with that I don't know other than trying to be rude.

ON ANOTHER NOTE: There is a woman who works at my office, who has a teen daughter she had very young and who goes on about oh one is enough. After I announced my pg, she came to me asking who my RE was. I told her a doc out of state, but that if she knew of someone who was ttc I'd be happy to talk to them. Well, she did know someone.....HER! I was stunned. I never would have known. As it turned out, I guess she changed her mind about confiding in me b/c she said she and DH had decided against it. It's possible they looked into the exorbitant cost of it all and became overwhelmed. It's her business and I respect that. If she is still trying/hoping, I really do wish her success.
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