Update: local RE contacting my OOT real RE about me

Update: local RE contacting my OOT real RE about me

wanttwo
wanttwo

May 17th, 2012, 7:15 pm #1

I posted earlier this week about seeing a new RE out of town and they wanted me to come in for an ultrasound and bloodwork the following day before doing a hysteroscopy on me. Since it would be easier for me to do the bloodwork and U/S locally (2.5 hour each way from my town is a lot of gas money and driving), I called one of my local REs for an monitoring appt. Well, he cancelled my appt. and wanted to wait until he talked to my OOT RE about my protocol, plans, etc. I didn't hear back for days. Until this afternoon.

He told me that I should have seen him if I wanted to go ahead for IVF. He wouldn't have said no to me if I wanted to try a protocol. Last I saw him, he said DE and gave me very grim statistics and didn't seem like he wanted to help me anymore. He wondered why I have to go OOT to get help when I could've gone to him. He states that he is good friends with my OOT RE and my OOT RE conferred with the things the local RE said about me staying locally with the RE would not hinder my chances. Local RE tried to sell me his services and even if I don't go with ER and ET locally, I can do the monitoring for $1500 for the entire cycle. To me, it seemed like he was trying to sell to me and my advantage is not to go OOT.

I feel like I just got my privacy taken away from me and maybe somewhat sabotaged here. I don't know how this local RE really talked about me to the OOT RE during their phone call (b/c I think he was mad at me for not disclosing my FSH the first time I met him - but that was b/c I thought my FSH was a fluke and I wanted to start with a clean slate) but I feel this was not ethical in any way. I went to the OOT RE and I told him everything, low AMH and high FSH, and he was willing to help me. I am worried that the local RE may paint a really bad picture of me to the OOT RE.

Thanks for listening. I'm on the verge of tears now and I'm scheduled for a hysteroscopy with the OOT RE office next week. They have me on DHEA 75 mg for now. In addition, I'm on BCP to get my cyst down and prep for the hysteroscopy. My protocol (don't know which, RE will have to see which works for me as I have never done injectibles, etc) will start in July after all my travelling is done.
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Jamie
Jamie

May 17th, 2012, 8:32 pm #2

This is outrageous. Well, I would NOT let him monitor me at all! Can you go to a local OB for follicle monitoring? If you have a labquest nearby or something they can do your labs.

I would be so mad I would think about filing a complaint with the medical board. Your new REs should be told not to speak to this guy either. He sounds like an absolute snake oil salesman rather than a physician.

Man, I would be so steamed if it were me. So sorry you are going through this.
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BroodyHen
BroodyHen

May 17th, 2012, 10:31 pm #3

I posted earlier this week about seeing a new RE out of town and they wanted me to come in for an ultrasound and bloodwork the following day before doing a hysteroscopy on me. Since it would be easier for me to do the bloodwork and U/S locally (2.5 hour each way from my town is a lot of gas money and driving), I called one of my local REs for an monitoring appt. Well, he cancelled my appt. and wanted to wait until he talked to my OOT RE about my protocol, plans, etc. I didn't hear back for days. Until this afternoon.

He told me that I should have seen him if I wanted to go ahead for IVF. He wouldn't have said no to me if I wanted to try a protocol. Last I saw him, he said DE and gave me very grim statistics and didn't seem like he wanted to help me anymore. He wondered why I have to go OOT to get help when I could've gone to him. He states that he is good friends with my OOT RE and my OOT RE conferred with the things the local RE said about me staying locally with the RE would not hinder my chances. Local RE tried to sell me his services and even if I don't go with ER and ET locally, I can do the monitoring for $1500 for the entire cycle. To me, it seemed like he was trying to sell to me and my advantage is not to go OOT.

I feel like I just got my privacy taken away from me and maybe somewhat sabotaged here. I don't know how this local RE really talked about me to the OOT RE during their phone call (b/c I think he was mad at me for not disclosing my FSH the first time I met him - but that was b/c I thought my FSH was a fluke and I wanted to start with a clean slate) but I feel this was not ethical in any way. I went to the OOT RE and I told him everything, low AMH and high FSH, and he was willing to help me. I am worried that the local RE may paint a really bad picture of me to the OOT RE.

Thanks for listening. I'm on the verge of tears now and I'm scheduled for a hysteroscopy with the OOT RE office next week. They have me on DHEA 75 mg for now. In addition, I'm on BCP to get my cyst down and prep for the hysteroscopy. My protocol (don't know which, RE will have to see which works for me as I have never done injectibles, etc) will start in July after all my travelling is done.
what an a**hol*!!! that is just terrible knowing that the two of these REs have spoken about you without your permission without knowing what they are saying. that sucks and i'd be steaming pissed off, too. it undermines all confidence and is unprofessional and unethical and certainly uncool. and the fact that they are "friends" is even more disturbing and upsetting. sheesh! i agree that if there is any way to find alternatives to this RE i'd do it. and as jamie suggested, i'd tell the new OOT RE specifically not to talk with the old one about you. so sorry you have to deal with this
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mm
mm

May 17th, 2012, 11:09 pm #4

I posted earlier this week about seeing a new RE out of town and they wanted me to come in for an ultrasound and bloodwork the following day before doing a hysteroscopy on me. Since it would be easier for me to do the bloodwork and U/S locally (2.5 hour each way from my town is a lot of gas money and driving), I called one of my local REs for an monitoring appt. Well, he cancelled my appt. and wanted to wait until he talked to my OOT RE about my protocol, plans, etc. I didn't hear back for days. Until this afternoon.

He told me that I should have seen him if I wanted to go ahead for IVF. He wouldn't have said no to me if I wanted to try a protocol. Last I saw him, he said DE and gave me very grim statistics and didn't seem like he wanted to help me anymore. He wondered why I have to go OOT to get help when I could've gone to him. He states that he is good friends with my OOT RE and my OOT RE conferred with the things the local RE said about me staying locally with the RE would not hinder my chances. Local RE tried to sell me his services and even if I don't go with ER and ET locally, I can do the monitoring for $1500 for the entire cycle. To me, it seemed like he was trying to sell to me and my advantage is not to go OOT.

I feel like I just got my privacy taken away from me and maybe somewhat sabotaged here. I don't know how this local RE really talked about me to the OOT RE during their phone call (b/c I think he was mad at me for not disclosing my FSH the first time I met him - but that was b/c I thought my FSH was a fluke and I wanted to start with a clean slate) but I feel this was not ethical in any way. I went to the OOT RE and I told him everything, low AMH and high FSH, and he was willing to help me. I am worried that the local RE may paint a really bad picture of me to the OOT RE.

Thanks for listening. I'm on the verge of tears now and I'm scheduled for a hysteroscopy with the OOT RE office next week. They have me on DHEA 75 mg for now. In addition, I'm on BCP to get my cyst down and prep for the hysteroscopy. My protocol (don't know which, RE will have to see which works for me as I have never done injectibles, etc) will start in July after all my travelling is done.
That does not sit well with me either. It's like they are the 2 parents discussing how to handle a situation with their child by excluding you from the conversation and deciding that the in town RE can do ivf with you just as well.

If at possible, I would drop the in town RE and like the other poster said - an OB or similar dr can do blood work and monitoring also. We don't have ivf where I am - so an OB does the monitoring here.

I am so sorry this added stress is on top of everything else. Hope you can find a resolution so you can move forwards with less anxiety! ((hugs)) If nothing else that RE overstepped IMHO.
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Joined: December 20th, 2010, 7:38 pm

May 17th, 2012, 11:23 pm #5

I posted earlier this week about seeing a new RE out of town and they wanted me to come in for an ultrasound and bloodwork the following day before doing a hysteroscopy on me. Since it would be easier for me to do the bloodwork and U/S locally (2.5 hour each way from my town is a lot of gas money and driving), I called one of my local REs for an monitoring appt. Well, he cancelled my appt. and wanted to wait until he talked to my OOT RE about my protocol, plans, etc. I didn't hear back for days. Until this afternoon.

He told me that I should have seen him if I wanted to go ahead for IVF. He wouldn't have said no to me if I wanted to try a protocol. Last I saw him, he said DE and gave me very grim statistics and didn't seem like he wanted to help me anymore. He wondered why I have to go OOT to get help when I could've gone to him. He states that he is good friends with my OOT RE and my OOT RE conferred with the things the local RE said about me staying locally with the RE would not hinder my chances. Local RE tried to sell me his services and even if I don't go with ER and ET locally, I can do the monitoring for $1500 for the entire cycle. To me, it seemed like he was trying to sell to me and my advantage is not to go OOT.

I feel like I just got my privacy taken away from me and maybe somewhat sabotaged here. I don't know how this local RE really talked about me to the OOT RE during their phone call (b/c I think he was mad at me for not disclosing my FSH the first time I met him - but that was b/c I thought my FSH was a fluke and I wanted to start with a clean slate) but I feel this was not ethical in any way. I went to the OOT RE and I told him everything, low AMH and high FSH, and he was willing to help me. I am worried that the local RE may paint a really bad picture of me to the OOT RE.

Thanks for listening. I'm on the verge of tears now and I'm scheduled for a hysteroscopy with the OOT RE office next week. They have me on DHEA 75 mg for now. In addition, I'm on BCP to get my cyst down and prep for the hysteroscopy. My protocol (don't know which, RE will have to see which works for me as I have never done injectibles, etc) will start in July after all my travelling is done.
1) Get all your medical files from your local RE's office, you can sign a release form to yourself so that you can have a copy of all your medical file on hand. This way, when you look for new doctors in the future, you can completely bypass him.

2) Find another OOT RE. If you are already going OOT, find the best one you can, not the one that is most convenient. You should have quite a few choices of REs who will treat your condition. I know there are many conventional REs who will even treat menopause level FSH or extremely advanced maternal age like 50. For example, even my last conventional clinic will treat the cases stated above.

3) Find a local obgyn to do the monitor, and another local RE for weekend monitor backup.

The reason I will fire this OOT RE is, he seems to be sharing your information without your consent, clearly a lack of judgement and professionalism on his part. Maybe he is letting his "friendship" with your local RE getting ahead of the care relationship between him and you.
Last edited by miraclex2 on May 17th, 2012, 11:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: April 17th, 2012, 11:41 pm

May 18th, 2012, 3:09 pm #6

This is outrageous. Well, I would NOT let him monitor me at all! Can you go to a local OB for follicle monitoring? If you have a labquest nearby or something they can do your labs.

I would be so mad I would think about filing a complaint with the medical board. Your new REs should be told not to speak to this guy either. He sounds like an absolute snake oil salesman rather than a physician.

Man, I would be so steamed if it were me. So sorry you are going through this.
I just got a phone call from my OOT RE and he told me that whatever I wanted to do would be fine with him. I guess they are really good buddies that he is willing to give the local RE a patient esp. when I used to formerly be his patient. This local RE is just starting out his own practice (no SART or CDC statistics yet). Specifically, I told the OOT RE that I wanted him to treat me and that was the reason why I drove all the way out there to see him, because he has had success and lots of hope for DOR patients. He was excited to tell me a story during our first consult about a patient with 50 FSH and she had a baby. He didn't like to talk about other patients to other patients but that patient didn't mind him spreading some inspiration. I think she also shared her story in a news article or so. She used DHEA and that is why he encourages women with high FSH to do so as well. He was glad to hear that I chose him and he confirmed that he will specifically treat me with whichever protocol he chooses that will work for me. In addition, I flat out told him that local RE will NOT monitor me and that I have an OB/Fertility Specialist that will be doing it for me. He mentioned that he heard good things about that OB/FS and told me what the next steps will be. This OOT RE is really a softie and a very sweet guy and the type not to gossip or talk negative. I mean he is like the kind of person that will not hurt your feelings and if he has to he is extremely sympathetic.

I would love to call and report on the local RE but instead I will hold off for a little while. I don't want to scare off the OOT RE and make him think I could possibly sue him if my treatment doesn't work. Of course I wouldn't do that. Me not giving the local RE my money is a good punishment for what he did to me. When the local RE told me that there is no benefit cost-wise and esp. with donor egg there is significant savings with him, I was like, "I haven't even gotten a protocol for IVF yet and now we're talking money for DE?".
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Joined: April 17th, 2012, 11:41 pm

May 18th, 2012, 3:39 pm #7

what an a**hol*!!! that is just terrible knowing that the two of these REs have spoken about you without your permission without knowing what they are saying. that sucks and i'd be steaming pissed off, too. it undermines all confidence and is unprofessional and unethical and certainly uncool. and the fact that they are "friends" is even more disturbing and upsetting. sheesh! i agree that if there is any way to find alternatives to this RE i'd do it. and as jamie suggested, i'd tell the new OOT RE specifically not to talk with the old one about you. so sorry you have to deal with this
I can picture the local RE calling/texting my OOT RE for status on who my monitoring RE will be (my new monitoring OB/RE was the one I used this Tuesday since the local RE cancelled me and never called me back until yesterday not even thinking about my urgent need for a monitoring appt)and what protocols I will be on. When he finds out who my monitoring OB/RE will be, he will be so upset b/c he cannot stand him. At my last consult last year with the local RE, he kept saying meaning this about this OB/RE about how cocky he is and how much he thinks of himself. OOT RE told me he heard great things about this OB/RE. Also, this OB/RE did my lap last year and he is a great surgeon. He's done IVF and is listed on SART and CDC but he is a very small shop and does maybe like 6 IVFs per year. I see a lot of his patients in his solo office for OB/GYN reasons (I see older women, pregnant younger women, etc.).

I didn't get a chance to tell the OOT RE to keep it confidential b/c I didn't want to make him mad or sound like I was mad at him. We'll see.
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Joined: April 17th, 2012, 11:41 pm

May 18th, 2012, 3:41 pm #8

That does not sit well with me either. It's like they are the 2 parents discussing how to handle a situation with their child by excluding you from the conversation and deciding that the in town RE can do ivf with you just as well.

If at possible, I would drop the in town RE and like the other poster said - an OB or similar dr can do blood work and monitoring also. We don't have ivf where I am - so an OB does the monitoring here.

I am so sorry this added stress is on top of everything else. Hope you can find a resolution so you can move forwards with less anxiety! ((hugs)) If nothing else that RE overstepped IMHO.
Thanks mm, I did feel like a child. I'm going to my OB/FS. n/t
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Joined: April 17th, 2012, 11:41 pm

May 18th, 2012, 3:50 pm #9

1) Get all your medical files from your local RE's office, you can sign a release form to yourself so that you can have a copy of all your medical file on hand. This way, when you look for new doctors in the future, you can completely bypass him.

2) Find another OOT RE. If you are already going OOT, find the best one you can, not the one that is most convenient. You should have quite a few choices of REs who will treat your condition. I know there are many conventional REs who will even treat menopause level FSH or extremely advanced maternal age like 50. For example, even my last conventional clinic will treat the cases stated above.

3) Find a local obgyn to do the monitor, and another local RE for weekend monitor backup.

The reason I will fire this OOT RE is, he seems to be sharing your information without your consent, clearly a lack of judgement and professionalism on his part. Maybe he is letting his "friendship" with your local RE getting ahead of the care relationship between him and you.
I got #1 and #3 covered. However, #2 would be really hard to do b/c I found him through this board. He is a really sweet guy and I wonder if he was forced to talk due to the aggressive, local RE. He is not the type that would challenge you and he is a really passively-nice doc. I can see my local RE saying that I was his patient initially and he has a right to talk to me into staying with him. I can really see him doing that.

We'll see when I visit my OOT RE. I'll try to get the story out more. After talking to OOT RE yesterday, he was like "whatever you want to do, if you want to stay locally or if you want to go to Houston, it's up to you". When I told him that I wanted him to treat me, he was glad about that. This new local RE just opened up a new practice so I can see him trying to take me away.
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Jamie
Jamie

May 18th, 2012, 3:52 pm #10

I just got a phone call from my OOT RE and he told me that whatever I wanted to do would be fine with him. I guess they are really good buddies that he is willing to give the local RE a patient esp. when I used to formerly be his patient. This local RE is just starting out his own practice (no SART or CDC statistics yet). Specifically, I told the OOT RE that I wanted him to treat me and that was the reason why I drove all the way out there to see him, because he has had success and lots of hope for DOR patients. He was excited to tell me a story during our first consult about a patient with 50 FSH and she had a baby. He didn't like to talk about other patients to other patients but that patient didn't mind him spreading some inspiration. I think she also shared her story in a news article or so. She used DHEA and that is why he encourages women with high FSH to do so as well. He was glad to hear that I chose him and he confirmed that he will specifically treat me with whichever protocol he chooses that will work for me. In addition, I flat out told him that local RE will NOT monitor me and that I have an OB/Fertility Specialist that will be doing it for me. He mentioned that he heard good things about that OB/FS and told me what the next steps will be. This OOT RE is really a softie and a very sweet guy and the type not to gossip or talk negative. I mean he is like the kind of person that will not hurt your feelings and if he has to he is extremely sympathetic.

I would love to call and report on the local RE but instead I will hold off for a little while. I don't want to scare off the OOT RE and make him think I could possibly sue him if my treatment doesn't work. Of course I wouldn't do that. Me not giving the local RE my money is a good punishment for what he did to me. When the local RE told me that there is no benefit cost-wise and esp. with donor egg there is significant savings with him, I was like, "I haven't even gotten a protocol for IVF yet and now we're talking money for DE?".
OOT RE sounds like a good guy and I'm sure local RE will figure it out when you don't set foot in there again. Glad that it worked out!
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