Stress Levels from Infertility the same as AIDS/Cancer/Heart Disease?

Stress Levels from Infertility the same as AIDS/Cancer/Heart Disease?

DeeinNYC
DeeinNYC

January 20th, 2012, 5:45 pm #1

Hi ladies,

I just saw an article on this at a Dr.'s office and just looked it up on-line. It seems that there is research that shows that the stress that comes with infertility is the same as having AIDS/Cancer/Heart Disease. Why do I find this hard to believe? Maybe I am in denial. I think my stress levels would be much higher than I have had with IF if I had any of these other issues. Still and all...for IF to even be mentioned in the same breathe as these other issues..it really made me stop and think. I..and you have REALLY been through it!! We have been/are going through a serious trauma in our lives. I KNEW this..but to see research to back this up is very interesting to me. Here is the article I found on this:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/whe ... nfertility
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Joined: April 19th, 2004, 2:36 am

January 20th, 2012, 9:56 pm #2

I've had a lot of other things happen that have increased my stress level at the same time as TTC. So, my assessment may not be an accurate one in terms of just the TTC, but I have felt earth-shattering stress over the TTC.
Last edited by krgh on January 20th, 2012, 9:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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BabyDance
BabyDance

January 20th, 2012, 10:41 pm #3

Hi ladies,

I just saw an article on this at a Dr.'s office and just looked it up on-line. It seems that there is research that shows that the stress that comes with infertility is the same as having AIDS/Cancer/Heart Disease. Why do I find this hard to believe? Maybe I am in denial. I think my stress levels would be much higher than I have had with IF if I had any of these other issues. Still and all...for IF to even be mentioned in the same breathe as these other issues..it really made me stop and think. I..and you have REALLY been through it!! We have been/are going through a serious trauma in our lives. I KNEW this..but to see research to back this up is very interesting to me. Here is the article I found on this:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/whe ... nfertility
Sometimes, I have felt I've been handed a death sentence. I don't mean to be dramatic, I really don't. It has felt like that to me at times. Having suffered from depression for most of my life, this past year was by far the worst year of my life for depression since my mother died in a car accident. Sometimes, and I hate myself for thinking this - I sometimes feel this has been worse, because it's never ending. My mother's death - there was nothing I could do whatsoever, it was just over in an instant, and I went through the 5 stages of healing. Now - I'm just stuck in the grieving process and not getting to through it. It's just on hold because of the what if's. Of course, there is always grief over my mother, but you learn to deal with it. This, I don't really think there is a way of learning to deal with the lifetime of it. Maybe the here and now of it - but the thought of having to endure this for for the rest of my life - is really just unbearable.
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Joined: December 20th, 2010, 7:38 pm

January 21st, 2012, 4:39 am #4

Hi ladies,

I just saw an article on this at a Dr.'s office and just looked it up on-line. It seems that there is research that shows that the stress that comes with infertility is the same as having AIDS/Cancer/Heart Disease. Why do I find this hard to believe? Maybe I am in denial. I think my stress levels would be much higher than I have had with IF if I had any of these other issues. Still and all...for IF to even be mentioned in the same breathe as these other issues..it really made me stop and think. I..and you have REALLY been through it!! We have been/are going through a serious trauma in our lives. I KNEW this..but to see research to back this up is very interesting to me. Here is the article I found on this:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/whe ... nfertility
I used to look at the couples who went to great lengths to have their biological children in astonishment and often wondered why they didn't simply adopt? That was me in the 20s.

Fast forward 20 years, I would go much further length than those whom I mocked in the 20s to have my own biological child. That is how life got back at me.
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Joined: September 6th, 2009, 7:55 am

January 21st, 2012, 8:42 am #5

Hi ladies,

I just saw an article on this at a Dr.'s office and just looked it up on-line. It seems that there is research that shows that the stress that comes with infertility is the same as having AIDS/Cancer/Heart Disease. Why do I find this hard to believe? Maybe I am in denial. I think my stress levels would be much higher than I have had with IF if I had any of these other issues. Still and all...for IF to even be mentioned in the same breathe as these other issues..it really made me stop and think. I..and you have REALLY been through it!! We have been/are going through a serious trauma in our lives. I KNEW this..but to see research to back this up is very interesting to me. Here is the article I found on this:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/whe ... nfertility
Still unable to have a baby and now in my 6th year of trying, despite 11 IVFs and more IUIs. But since I have metastatic cancer, and a type that is known for long dormancies, I am also told that I will never be given the "all clear " (my first recurrence was after 9 years).

So while it's true that I have used the same coping strategies of "one day at a time" and while it's true I have wept nights of tears for the baby I don't seem to be able to have (not to mention the bitterness I have at the 3 separate doctors who failed to take my initial concerns about possible cancer seriously....so that it had already spread when it was finally diagnosed...thanks guys, you may yet cost me my life), at my worst days after failed IVF I remind myself of how it felt - at 35 years of age- to have a doctor (well, quite a lot of them actually) look me in the face and tell me I was most likely going to die. I mean, my family doctor was actually in tears when I went to get the initial biopsy diagnosis. And failing IVF seems like it suddenly sucks so much less.

I think all of the above are pretty stressful (well, HIV/AIDS less so actually....I have a friend who's been recently diagnosed and he's basically been told that with current meds, he can expect a normal lifespan) and I think that the community responses are often much the same ..... people say thoughtless things without knowing, or they don't know what to say at all......you lose friends because people can't understand what you're going through and you spend money you can't afford trying to change the outcome....and then the outcome doesn't necessarily change. But IF doesn't mean you'll probably never get life insurance. I like to think that in 10 years my life will be in a different place...I'll either have kids or I'll have moved on, but I'll still be getting doctor reviews for possible cancer recurrence.

So now....10 years later.... I am proof that what my oncologist calls a "fantastic outcome" can happen, and apparently can look forward to a life as long as other people (hence actually TTC). I would love it if my gynae got me a "fantastic outcome" too and I don't ever minimise the stress of TTC (I've needed to see a counselor) but even if he doesn't get me the baby I long for, it will never be the specific kind of horror that being told you're dying is.....

Al
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DeeinNYC
DeeinNYC

January 21st, 2012, 2:58 pm #6

Thank you Al for responding. No..I can't even begin to imagine what you must have felt..still might feel. I bet you had stress that was unimaginable. Unfortunately, you are in the unique position of having gone through both IF and cancer. What you expressed..is how I imagined the difference would feel. Again..thank you for sharing your experience.
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DeeinNYC
DeeinNYC

January 21st, 2012, 3:02 pm #7

Hi ladies,

I just saw an article on this at a Dr.'s office and just looked it up on-line. It seems that there is research that shows that the stress that comes with infertility is the same as having AIDS/Cancer/Heart Disease. Why do I find this hard to believe? Maybe I am in denial. I think my stress levels would be much higher than I have had with IF if I had any of these other issues. Still and all...for IF to even be mentioned in the same breathe as these other issues..it really made me stop and think. I..and you have REALLY been through it!! We have been/are going through a serious trauma in our lives. I KNEW this..but to see research to back this up is very interesting to me. Here is the article I found on this:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/whe ... nfertility
for your perspective on this. For sure... infertility has cost me greatly too. It just seems to steal so much from you that has nothing to do with having a baby. It's like it's a joy killer!! A thief. It robs us of so much and yet we are relegated to the corners of society and can't speak about it. A secret society indeed. I just hope that we are all able to complete our families..and if not..at the very least..give us our joy back!!
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Jamie
Jamie

January 22nd, 2012, 1:52 am #8

Still unable to have a baby and now in my 6th year of trying, despite 11 IVFs and more IUIs. But since I have metastatic cancer, and a type that is known for long dormancies, I am also told that I will never be given the "all clear " (my first recurrence was after 9 years).

So while it's true that I have used the same coping strategies of "one day at a time" and while it's true I have wept nights of tears for the baby I don't seem to be able to have (not to mention the bitterness I have at the 3 separate doctors who failed to take my initial concerns about possible cancer seriously....so that it had already spread when it was finally diagnosed...thanks guys, you may yet cost me my life), at my worst days after failed IVF I remind myself of how it felt - at 35 years of age- to have a doctor (well, quite a lot of them actually) look me in the face and tell me I was most likely going to die. I mean, my family doctor was actually in tears when I went to get the initial biopsy diagnosis. And failing IVF seems like it suddenly sucks so much less.

I think all of the above are pretty stressful (well, HIV/AIDS less so actually....I have a friend who's been recently diagnosed and he's basically been told that with current meds, he can expect a normal lifespan) and I think that the community responses are often much the same ..... people say thoughtless things without knowing, or they don't know what to say at all......you lose friends because people can't understand what you're going through and you spend money you can't afford trying to change the outcome....and then the outcome doesn't necessarily change. But IF doesn't mean you'll probably never get life insurance. I like to think that in 10 years my life will be in a different place...I'll either have kids or I'll have moved on, but I'll still be getting doctor reviews for possible cancer recurrence.

So now....10 years later.... I am proof that what my oncologist calls a "fantastic outcome" can happen, and apparently can look forward to a life as long as other people (hence actually TTC). I would love it if my gynae got me a "fantastic outcome" too and I don't ever minimise the stress of TTC (I've needed to see a counselor) but even if he doesn't get me the baby I long for, it will never be the specific kind of horror that being told you're dying is.....

Al
SO glad that you are okay now Al . . . wow, what a horrible ordeal you've been through.
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Antonialisa
Antonialisa

January 22nd, 2012, 6:26 pm #9

Still unable to have a baby and now in my 6th year of trying, despite 11 IVFs and more IUIs. But since I have metastatic cancer, and a type that is known for long dormancies, I am also told that I will never be given the "all clear " (my first recurrence was after 9 years).

So while it's true that I have used the same coping strategies of "one day at a time" and while it's true I have wept nights of tears for the baby I don't seem to be able to have (not to mention the bitterness I have at the 3 separate doctors who failed to take my initial concerns about possible cancer seriously....so that it had already spread when it was finally diagnosed...thanks guys, you may yet cost me my life), at my worst days after failed IVF I remind myself of how it felt - at 35 years of age- to have a doctor (well, quite a lot of them actually) look me in the face and tell me I was most likely going to die. I mean, my family doctor was actually in tears when I went to get the initial biopsy diagnosis. And failing IVF seems like it suddenly sucks so much less.

I think all of the above are pretty stressful (well, HIV/AIDS less so actually....I have a friend who's been recently diagnosed and he's basically been told that with current meds, he can expect a normal lifespan) and I think that the community responses are often much the same ..... people say thoughtless things without knowing, or they don't know what to say at all......you lose friends because people can't understand what you're going through and you spend money you can't afford trying to change the outcome....and then the outcome doesn't necessarily change. But IF doesn't mean you'll probably never get life insurance. I like to think that in 10 years my life will be in a different place...I'll either have kids or I'll have moved on, but I'll still be getting doctor reviews for possible cancer recurrence.

So now....10 years later.... I am proof that what my oncologist calls a "fantastic outcome" can happen, and apparently can look forward to a life as long as other people (hence actually TTC). I would love it if my gynae got me a "fantastic outcome" too and I don't ever minimise the stress of TTC (I've needed to see a counselor) but even if he doesn't get me the baby I long for, it will never be the specific kind of horror that being told you're dying is.....

Al
Sometimes IF seems like the worst thing. But you've been through a lot worse and thanks for the reminder. Good luck with your ongoing journey.
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Joined: December 13th, 2011, 5:12 pm

January 23rd, 2012, 1:10 am #10

I used to look at the couples who went to great lengths to have their biological children in astonishment and often wondered why they didn't simply adopt? That was me in the 20s.

Fast forward 20 years, I would go much further length than those whom I mocked in the 20s to have my own biological child. That is how life got back at me.
I used to wonder the same thing myself (but I would never have told anyone I knew that they should be adopting). I thought adoption was easy. Many people are influenced by celebrities who adopt. They think it looks so easy. But, they don't stop to consider that many celebrities have also been denied adoptions. Elton John, a millionaire, was unable to adopt a child. He and his partner were flat out told "no". That is why they moved on to a donor & surrogate to have a baby. I had a friend for a long time who berated me about why we didn't adopt, and I'm no longer friends with her. It was very painful to listen to her adoption speeches all the time, when we were going through failed cycles. I find that I no longer even care about her.
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