NY Mag Article on Mom's over 50

NY Mag Article on Mom's over 50

Joined: February 16th, 2010, 2:25 am

September 30th, 2011, 7:51 pm #1

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anne
anne

September 30th, 2011, 9:02 pm #2

i didn't care for the cover; that woman looked closer to 60. really interesting article, thanks for sharing. being a social conservative i didn't agree with some of her points but since i am going to be that older mum, i did agree with much of it.

i still think the key is to educate young women to have children by age 30. not everyone can take advantage of technology especially when a lot of the time it doesn't work. i won't be the wealthy mum either but we'll make it work somehow.
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BabyDance
BabyDance

September 30th, 2011, 9:54 pm #3

I didn't look at them yet, but I may when I feel strong.
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Antonialisa
Antonialisa

September 30th, 2011, 10:40 pm #4

Thanks for posting that. It was actually really encouraging. I had a really low day where I felt hopeless and on the verge of tears all day (these mood swings are a killer) thinking I will NEVER have a baby, I missed the boat, and then... There's a picture of Fiona, nursing her baby after 10 years of infertility suffering. Wow, my 2 years of TTC and 41 years are nothing - I'm just a young 'un after all. (As an aside, I'm amazed at what some women have gone through on these Boards. How did they do it?)

The part of the article that's not emphasized enough is the fact that some of us met our life partners late. It's not that we were too "busy." We decided in the past to forego opportunities to have children in unstable or impermanent relationships to hold out for Mr. Right (or single parenthood with a healthy support network), protecting our future children from the pain of unhappy marriages or divorce and shared custody. This means we have been responsible, not selfish, for waiting.
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Joined: September 6th, 2009, 7:55 am

October 1st, 2011, 7:23 am #5

I despise those kind of value judgements "you obviously didn't appreciate your fertility when you had it, so suck it up now" that come with the "you're too old, deal with it" comments. I totally agree that I shouldn't have had cancer in my 30s but no-one seems to know why so tough luck for me .

Articles like this are good in pointing out that social constructions of what you "can" and "can't" do biologically change over time. I'm assuming that most of us here are old enough to remember the controversy around Louise Brown's birth as the first "test tube" baby....and all the "frankenchildren" scaremongering that took place back then. But now? Only arch conservatives would speak out against IVF. It is reality that not all women "elect" to delay mothering (I certainly didn't) and you can see ample evidence of that. In fact every time I consider myself unfairly treated by life in the TTC stakes, I visit the high FSH board to find women grappling with this in their 20s and 30s. That reminds me that the rubbish about "electing" to selfishly spend your life on other things is simply ignorance on the part of many people.

Thanks for posting this article Dee. Fingers crossed that we all find our paths to the lives we want

Al
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Anon4this
Anon4this

October 1st, 2011, 6:11 pm #6

Well, Ladies, I have to say that reading this and seeing the picture of a woman who I agree looks to be 60+ pregnat caused a "no" reflex in me. I'm now in my mid-40's, and couldn't start trying until after 40. Not becaue I didn't want to, but because the situation wasn't right. I will say that my whole thing has been to have this wrapped up by 45 - in whatever way I have to go.

I hope I don't cause a rucus, but I have to say at some point this does become selfish. That's my opinion. I have to think about the child/children that result from this. It just doesn't seem right and quite frankly IMHO gives a bad face to the new technology available to us.

Anyhow, I probably just shouldn't have written anything, but my reaction was just so strong. If I don't end up with a baby by 45, then I'll adopt an or foster to adopt an older child. That's just how strongly I feel. It will be sad, but life is sometimes sad.
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Joined: December 20th, 2010, 7:38 pm

October 1st, 2011, 8:42 pm #7

I think getting pregnant after menopause is REALLY pushing the envelope, you simply don't fight menopause. I was particularly bothered by one of the examples in which the mother had to artificially bring back her period with hormone AFTER she hit menopause to carry a DE child. That was simply irresponsible to her child as well as her own body. Hong Kong multi-billionaire Nina Wang tried to bring back her fertility in her late 50s through continued high dose estrogen therapy for years, she was going for OE, so the high estrogen therapy did bring back the appearance of her period (which technically is called estrogen breakthrough bleeding), and along with it ovarian cancer, which killed her subsequently.

At least natural pregnancy happens during peri-menopause. No natural pregnancy ever happened in history AFTER menopause. I am much less bothered by the age, if someone doesn't go into menopause until 60s, and she gets pregnant at 50+, all power to her.

Most if not all of the women (60s, 70s) who got pregnant after menopause died pretty soon (within 5 years) after delivery. I really don't know what it is for, you are "producing" a DE child that you won't be able to raise anyway, both nature and nurture are lacking, what is the point?


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DeeinNYC
DeeinNYC

October 1st, 2011, 11:40 pm #8

MIR...OY..and OY again is all I can say!! LOL
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Joined: December 20th, 2010, 7:38 pm

October 2nd, 2011, 3:55 am #9

I think menopause is a very loud and clear signal from the body telling me which way to go. That's why I said age is not a concern, because there are women who don't hit menopause until the 60s, so having a baby in the 50s is actually obeying nature. But once menopause hits, that changes everything.

I can push the envelope all I want before it hits, but once it is here, I am going to observe the cold hard physiological deadline with all my respect.
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Anonymous
Anonymous

October 2nd, 2011, 9:50 pm #10

Well, Ladies, I have to say that reading this and seeing the picture of a woman who I agree looks to be 60+ pregnat caused a "no" reflex in me. I'm now in my mid-40's, and couldn't start trying until after 40. Not becaue I didn't want to, but because the situation wasn't right. I will say that my whole thing has been to have this wrapped up by 45 - in whatever way I have to go.

I hope I don't cause a rucus, but I have to say at some point this does become selfish. That's my opinion. I have to think about the child/children that result from this. It just doesn't seem right and quite frankly IMHO gives a bad face to the new technology available to us.

Anyhow, I probably just shouldn't have written anything, but my reaction was just so strong. If I don't end up with a baby by 45, then I'll adopt an or foster to adopt an older child. That's just how strongly I feel. It will be sad, but life is sometimes sad.
DE can be a wonderful alternative for pre-menopausal woman, but sadly, many post-menopausal women are venturing in to having babies in their late 40's, 50's and (shudder) 60's. It's just not fair to a child to be born to elderly parents to basically set them up for geriatic care. The odds for something happening are statistically against older women and these poor children will have to pay the price. I've become increasingly disturbed by these stories and feel with more and more certainty that an age cap should be put on DE. All one has to do is read the Over 50 or DE boards to get just a glimpse of the sad & tragic stories that are happening to these older moms. It's sad for everyone involved, but especially the children who would never be asked to be born under such circumstances. It's just disturbing all around.
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