Infertility and PTSD-Cross-Post

Infertility and PTSD-Cross-Post

DeeinNYC
DeeinNYC

August 20th, 2012, 6:11 pm #1

Just saw this article posted on another board and thought that I would post it here. It seems that they are finding out that there may be a connection between IF and PTSD!! Noooo....LOL I think many of us already know this. It's funny, I'm reading a book now called "Unsung Lullabies" and the authors make just this point. They make the case that when someone suffers from infertility they have undergone a traumatic event much like other life-changing and traumatic events. They say that in the case of IF, it can be even more traumatic as we have to re-live that trauma with each failed ART procedure and even indeed, with the arrival of AF each month. These things serve as a constant reminder of our trauma whereas with other life-changing traumatic events usually happen once...and then it's over. Most people are not required to re-live their trauma over and over again. Here's the article:



http://vitals.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/08 ... om|utmccn=(referral)|utmcmd=referral|utmcct=/&__utmv=238145375.|8=Earned%20By=msnbc%7Cus%20news=1^12=Landing%20Content=External=1^13=Landing%20Hostname=www.msnbc.msn.com=1^30=Visit%20Type%20to%20Content=Internal%20to%20External=1&__utmk=102443714
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ChickenLittle
ChickenLittle

August 20th, 2012, 6:18 pm #2

As someone who has suffered PTSD from crappy childhood events, I can tell you that for me, the trauma of IF (even starting out as an old lady, who knew she had limited odds!) has been worse than any of my childhood stuff. Way worse. Living Hell is how I'd put it.

If God has mercy on me, I'll get a sticky PG via DE or some other miracle in the next six months. I can't handle much more of this. It is crushing, crushing pain. And I know you know.
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Sara Q
Sara Q

August 20th, 2012, 6:27 pm #3

Just saw this article posted on another board and thought that I would post it here. It seems that they are finding out that there may be a connection between IF and PTSD!! Noooo....LOL I think many of us already know this. It's funny, I'm reading a book now called "Unsung Lullabies" and the authors make just this point. They make the case that when someone suffers from infertility they have undergone a traumatic event much like other life-changing and traumatic events. They say that in the case of IF, it can be even more traumatic as we have to re-live that trauma with each failed ART procedure and even indeed, with the arrival of AF each month. These things serve as a constant reminder of our trauma whereas with other life-changing traumatic events usually happen once...and then it's over. Most people are not required to re-live their trauma over and over again. Here's the article:



http://vitals.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/08 ... om|utmccn=(referral)|utmcmd=referral|utmcct=/&__utmv=238145375.|8=Earned%20By=msnbc%7Cus%20news=1^12=Landing%20Content=External=1^13=Landing%20Hostname=www.msnbc.msn.com=1^30=Visit%20Type%20to%20Content=Internal%20to%20External=1&__utmk=102443714
Lord knows this is true.
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

August 20th, 2012, 6:51 pm #4

Just saw this article posted on another board and thought that I would post it here. It seems that they are finding out that there may be a connection between IF and PTSD!! Noooo....LOL I think many of us already know this. It's funny, I'm reading a book now called "Unsung Lullabies" and the authors make just this point. They make the case that when someone suffers from infertility they have undergone a traumatic event much like other life-changing and traumatic events. They say that in the case of IF, it can be even more traumatic as we have to re-live that trauma with each failed ART procedure and even indeed, with the arrival of AF each month. These things serve as a constant reminder of our trauma whereas with other life-changing traumatic events usually happen once...and then it's over. Most people are not required to re-live their trauma over and over again. Here's the article:



http://vitals.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/08 ... om|utmccn=(referral)|utmcmd=referral|utmcct=/&__utmv=238145375.|8=Earned%20By=msnbc%7Cus%20news=1^12=Landing%20Content=External=1^13=Landing%20Hostname=www.msnbc.msn.com=1^30=Visit%20Type%20to%20Content=Internal%20to%20External=1&__utmk=102443714
I will have to pick up that book. Like ChickenLittle I had some childhood stuff that I spent years in therapy dealing with but IF has affected me in a much deeper way. I still can't have certain ring tones on my iPhone because just that sound is like a stab in my heart, reminding me of the constant bad news calls from the RE. Ugh.....


xoxo, Tracy

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ajc
ajc

August 20th, 2012, 7:03 pm #5

Just saw this article posted on another board and thought that I would post it here. It seems that they are finding out that there may be a connection between IF and PTSD!! Noooo....LOL I think many of us already know this. It's funny, I'm reading a book now called "Unsung Lullabies" and the authors make just this point. They make the case that when someone suffers from infertility they have undergone a traumatic event much like other life-changing and traumatic events. They say that in the case of IF, it can be even more traumatic as we have to re-live that trauma with each failed ART procedure and even indeed, with the arrival of AF each month. These things serve as a constant reminder of our trauma whereas with other life-changing traumatic events usually happen once...and then it's over. Most people are not required to re-live their trauma over and over again. Here's the article:



http://vitals.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/08 ... om|utmccn=(referral)|utmcmd=referral|utmcct=/&__utmv=238145375.|8=Earned%20By=msnbc%7Cus%20news=1^12=Landing%20Content=External=1^13=Landing%20Hostname=www.msnbc.msn.com=1^30=Visit%20Type%20to%20Content=Internal%20to%20External=1&__utmk=102443714
I am sure this is true, too. It has been scarring to the core. I can't believe how pervasive IF affects your life- ALL aspects. It's mentally and physically exhausting and as PP said, "crushing", soul crushing.

It's validating to hear, thanks for sharing.

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Antonialisa
Antonialisa

August 20th, 2012, 7:31 pm #6

Just saw this article posted on another board and thought that I would post it here. It seems that they are finding out that there may be a connection between IF and PTSD!! Noooo....LOL I think many of us already know this. It's funny, I'm reading a book now called "Unsung Lullabies" and the authors make just this point. They make the case that when someone suffers from infertility they have undergone a traumatic event much like other life-changing and traumatic events. They say that in the case of IF, it can be even more traumatic as we have to re-live that trauma with each failed ART procedure and even indeed, with the arrival of AF each month. These things serve as a constant reminder of our trauma whereas with other life-changing traumatic events usually happen once...and then it's over. Most people are not required to re-live their trauma over and over again. Here's the article:



http://vitals.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/08 ... om|utmccn=(referral)|utmcmd=referral|utmcct=/&__utmv=238145375.|8=Earned%20By=msnbc%7Cus%20news=1^12=Landing%20Content=External=1^13=Landing%20Hostname=www.msnbc.msn.com=1^30=Visit%20Type%20to%20Content=Internal%20to%20External=1&__utmk=102443714
I also had years of therapy to get past neglectful parenting, then I waited to find the right partner. Starting to TTC at 39 and 3 years of IF hell has been devastating.

But I believe that they are related. There are a lot of us on this board who have taken the time in our 20s and 30s to ge therapy, heal from earlier pain and be ready to be loving moms.

What is frustrating is that we who have been responsible in getting our sh*t together before bringing children into the world are then penalized for starting too late. I think it goes without saying that it is far easier and less responsible to bring children into the world when you are young, with the wrong partner and still seething with issues that will render you a less competent parent.

This is why is bothers me why media stories about infertility after 40 suggest that we have "put off" parenting for selfish reasons. No, actually it is NOT selfish to heal ourselves and get our lives together so we can be responsible, loving parents.
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TenaciousB
TenaciousB

August 20th, 2012, 7:41 pm #7

Just saw this article posted on another board and thought that I would post it here. It seems that they are finding out that there may be a connection between IF and PTSD!! Noooo....LOL I think many of us already know this. It's funny, I'm reading a book now called "Unsung Lullabies" and the authors make just this point. They make the case that when someone suffers from infertility they have undergone a traumatic event much like other life-changing and traumatic events. They say that in the case of IF, it can be even more traumatic as we have to re-live that trauma with each failed ART procedure and even indeed, with the arrival of AF each month. These things serve as a constant reminder of our trauma whereas with other life-changing traumatic events usually happen once...and then it's over. Most people are not required to re-live their trauma over and over again. Here's the article:



http://vitals.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/08 ... om|utmccn=(referral)|utmcmd=referral|utmcct=/&__utmv=238145375.|8=Earned%20By=msnbc%7Cus%20news=1^12=Landing%20Content=External=1^13=Landing%20Hostname=www.msnbc.msn.com=1^30=Visit%20Type%20to%20Content=Internal%20to%20External=1&__utmk=102443714
I've been traumatized.

How about that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach while waiting in the RE's office for my baseline cycle start? "Maybe I'll have cysts again, maybe my AFC will have dropped, maybe something will be wrong that I haven't even imagined yet?"

Most recently, I have a fear of finally going to FET after multiple embryo banking cycles. What if it fails? Deja vu.

I'm starting to really, really hate this process now. It is seriously messing with my head.
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

August 20th, 2012, 8:04 pm #8

I also had years of therapy to get past neglectful parenting, then I waited to find the right partner. Starting to TTC at 39 and 3 years of IF hell has been devastating.

But I believe that they are related. There are a lot of us on this board who have taken the time in our 20s and 30s to ge therapy, heal from earlier pain and be ready to be loving moms.

What is frustrating is that we who have been responsible in getting our sh*t together before bringing children into the world are then penalized for starting too late. I think it goes without saying that it is far easier and less responsible to bring children into the world when you are young, with the wrong partner and still seething with issues that will render you a less competent parent.

This is why is bothers me why media stories about infertility after 40 suggest that we have "put off" parenting for selfish reasons. No, actually it is NOT selfish to heal ourselves and get our lives together so we can be responsible, loving parents.
I waited until I was healed and ready to be a nurturing fully present Mom and it was too late. It makes me so sad and mad. But then if I had brought a child into the world when I was really young...it would not have been fair to the child. Or perhaps it would have worked out....my mind has those regrets....but we can only do what we feel is right at the time. I try not to beat myself up.


xoxo, Tracy

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DeeinNYC
DeeinNYC

August 20th, 2012, 8:59 pm #9

Just saw this article posted on another board and thought that I would post it here. It seems that they are finding out that there may be a connection between IF and PTSD!! Noooo....LOL I think many of us already know this. It's funny, I'm reading a book now called "Unsung Lullabies" and the authors make just this point. They make the case that when someone suffers from infertility they have undergone a traumatic event much like other life-changing and traumatic events. They say that in the case of IF, it can be even more traumatic as we have to re-live that trauma with each failed ART procedure and even indeed, with the arrival of AF each month. These things serve as a constant reminder of our trauma whereas with other life-changing traumatic events usually happen once...and then it's over. Most people are not required to re-live their trauma over and over again. Here's the article:



http://vitals.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/08 ... om|utmccn=(referral)|utmcmd=referral|utmcct=/&__utmv=238145375.|8=Earned%20By=msnbc%7Cus%20news=1^12=Landing%20Content=External=1^13=Landing%20Hostname=www.msnbc.msn.com=1^30=Visit%20Type%20to%20Content=Internal%20to%20External=1&__utmk=102443714
IF is a BEYOTCH and damn those that tell us that we should just "get over it." I consider myself to be a very strong person but IF has brought me to my knees. I don't think many people "get" what we have gone through/or are going through. I have spoken to a few women who now have their babies after going through IF and they still remember the trauma and all that went with it. I haven't read these books but the titles sum it up perfectly "Silent Sorority," "Every Drunken Cheerleader." We are indeed in a silent sorority and damn if it doesn't seem like every drunk on Saturday night at a bar or people that make less than stellar life decisions can get knocked up except for me!! URGH!!
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Jen
Jen

August 20th, 2012, 9:38 pm #10

Just saw this article posted on another board and thought that I would post it here. It seems that they are finding out that there may be a connection between IF and PTSD!! Noooo....LOL I think many of us already know this. It's funny, I'm reading a book now called "Unsung Lullabies" and the authors make just this point. They make the case that when someone suffers from infertility they have undergone a traumatic event much like other life-changing and traumatic events. They say that in the case of IF, it can be even more traumatic as we have to re-live that trauma with each failed ART procedure and even indeed, with the arrival of AF each month. These things serve as a constant reminder of our trauma whereas with other life-changing traumatic events usually happen once...and then it's over. Most people are not required to re-live their trauma over and over again. Here's the article:



http://vitals.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/08 ... om|utmccn=(referral)|utmcmd=referral|utmcct=/&__utmv=238145375.|8=Earned%20By=msnbc%7Cus%20news=1^12=Landing%20Content=External=1^13=Landing%20Hostname=www.msnbc.msn.com=1^30=Visit%20Type%20to%20Content=Internal%20to%20External=1&__utmk=102443714
I have nothing really to add except to say ditto. I feel everything all of you have said. I didn't wait because I wanted to. I needed to. I wanted to give the best to a child. IF has done so much damage. I am not the same as I once was. I hope to get through this and be lighter one day.
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