Thinking I should just throw in the towel

Thinking I should just throw in the towel

Cee
Cee

May 3rd, 2011, 7:48 pm #1

I don't think this is ever going to happen for us. My FSH is just so high. And every other cycle I've had hope because I've at least had some follicles in there cooking despite the high FSH readings.

This morning I had CD2 b/w & u/s done and had "quiet" follicles, which means they didn't see anything. FSH was 30, even though I've been taking estrogen since right after I ovulated.

Ugh, I don't know what to do. I'm at work right now and have to keep running to the bathroom because I can't stop crying.
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Mrs. A
Mrs. A

May 3rd, 2011, 8:32 pm #2

Cee - I know that when you're in it it seems like you will never get out of this mess. But please do have faith. You are young still and shouldn't throw in the towel. Unless it's truly unbearable and you can't wait any second longer, then you should give yourself time to flush through this. Do you have a timeline within which you're working? That's very important to create milestones as your guide. I know that's what helped DH and me in making decisions. Is this the cycle you were going to start estinyl for the first time? Can you muster enough mental and emotional energy to give that a try?

Also, what about meeting with your local monitoring clinic? Didn't the monitoring person feel like their clinic could give you a good shot? DId you ever get to consult with them?

I think you are going through the CD2/CD3 blues; God knows we've all experienced those after hearing stupid hormone news! But see what the next monitoring shows. I know from personal experience that quiet isn't all that terrible. Quiet can suprise you sometimes, like the quiet before a storm.

Hang in there.

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summerwind03
summerwind03

May 3rd, 2011, 9:00 pm #3

I don't think this is ever going to happen for us. My FSH is just so high. And every other cycle I've had hope because I've at least had some follicles in there cooking despite the high FSH readings.

This morning I had CD2 b/w & u/s done and had "quiet" follicles, which means they didn't see anything. FSH was 30, even though I've been taking estrogen since right after I ovulated.

Ugh, I don't know what to do. I'm at work right now and have to keep running to the bathroom because I can't stop crying.
But I would say that you can't tell much from the number of antral follicles. In some of my cycles, I had no antral follicles and ended up with 3-5 mature follicles. So try to see what happens, if you can.
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Joined: January 13th, 2011, 3:54 pm

May 3rd, 2011, 9:10 pm #4

I don't think this is ever going to happen for us. My FSH is just so high. And every other cycle I've had hope because I've at least had some follicles in there cooking despite the high FSH readings.

This morning I had CD2 b/w & u/s done and had "quiet" follicles, which means they didn't see anything. FSH was 30, even though I've been taking estrogen since right after I ovulated.

Ugh, I don't know what to do. I'm at work right now and have to keep running to the bathroom because I can't stop crying.
What the hell is it about today? I am feeling sort of the same. Just really hopeless in general. And I have no specific reason to be (IF, 1 follie on the right, giant cyst on left...yeah, other than that, things are great.) I wish I had some words of wisdom, but the only thing I can honestly say is that I feel you. I even tried online shopping...nada. Just reminded me how much weight I've gained in this process.

I hate today.

I'm so sorry about your crappy news.
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Cee
Cee

May 3rd, 2011, 9:57 pm #5

Cee - I know that when you're in it it seems like you will never get out of this mess. But please do have faith. You are young still and shouldn't throw in the towel. Unless it's truly unbearable and you can't wait any second longer, then you should give yourself time to flush through this. Do you have a timeline within which you're working? That's very important to create milestones as your guide. I know that's what helped DH and me in making decisions. Is this the cycle you were going to start estinyl for the first time? Can you muster enough mental and emotional energy to give that a try?

Also, what about meeting with your local monitoring clinic? Didn't the monitoring person feel like their clinic could give you a good shot? DId you ever get to consult with them?

I think you are going through the CD2/CD3 blues; God knows we've all experienced those after hearing stupid hormone news! But see what the next monitoring shows. I know from personal experience that quiet isn't all that terrible. Quiet can suprise you sometimes, like the quiet before a storm.

Hang in there.
You always make me feel hopeful!

My husband says I'm being impatient and he's probably right. But at the same time I know the odds are really against me. You don't see a TON of successes out there with FSH readings as high as mine have been.

We've talked about a timeline but haven't really established it. At first we said we'd try no more than 5 IUIs. Well my first couple of ones with Check have been unmedicated and so we're not counting those. But my fear is my FSH will never be low enough to where they will let me stim.

I just started the estinyl last week. They told me to continue taking it.

As for meeting with the local clinic, I never had a formal meeting with them, just talked with them while I was having my IUI. They threw me off because they just thought that the protocol Check was doing was strange - they said things like "it makes no sense" and "I have no idea what they're doing." These comments were made in response to the trigger Check prescribed - Lupron 12 hours apart, then 40 hours after first shot have the IUI. At the time of IUI have an hCG shot. They just thought that was craziness. All that did was bolster my confidence in Check because I think with patients like us you HAVE to think outside the box.

I just wish I had a crystal ball that told me what to do.
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Cee
Cee

May 3rd, 2011, 9:58 pm #6

But I would say that you can't tell much from the number of antral follicles. In some of my cycles, I had no antral follicles and ended up with 3-5 mature follicles. So try to see what happens, if you can.
I'll hold out some hope that something will pop up at my next appt!
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Cee
Cee

May 3rd, 2011, 9:59 pm #7

What the hell is it about today? I am feeling sort of the same. Just really hopeless in general. And I have no specific reason to be (IF, 1 follie on the right, giant cyst on left...yeah, other than that, things are great.) I wish I had some words of wisdom, but the only thing I can honestly say is that I feel you. I even tried online shopping...nada. Just reminded me how much weight I've gained in this process.

I hate today.

I'm so sorry about your crappy news.
It just sucks.

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Jamie
Jamie

May 3rd, 2011, 11:34 pm #8

Cee - I know that when you're in it it seems like you will never get out of this mess. But please do have faith. You are young still and shouldn't throw in the towel. Unless it's truly unbearable and you can't wait any second longer, then you should give yourself time to flush through this. Do you have a timeline within which you're working? That's very important to create milestones as your guide. I know that's what helped DH and me in making decisions. Is this the cycle you were going to start estinyl for the first time? Can you muster enough mental and emotional energy to give that a try?

Also, what about meeting with your local monitoring clinic? Didn't the monitoring person feel like their clinic could give you a good shot? DId you ever get to consult with them?

I think you are going through the CD2/CD3 blues; God knows we've all experienced those after hearing stupid hormone news! But see what the next monitoring shows. I know from personal experience that quiet isn't all that terrible. Quiet can suprise you sometimes, like the quiet before a storm.

Hang in there.
Cee, so sorry you are going through all this garbage. I have one thought for you--have you considered doing some acupuncture and herbs (traditional chinese medicine)? I know from personal experience that it can make a huge difference when your body is out of whack, isn't responding to meds, no or few follicles, etc. I went to a Fertile Soul practitioner who did a phenomenal job helping me. You may still need to work with an RE, but it can get your body in optimal shape for ART. Good luck!
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Mary
Mary

May 4th, 2011, 12:29 am #9

I don't think this is ever going to happen for us. My FSH is just so high. And every other cycle I've had hope because I've at least had some follicles in there cooking despite the high FSH readings.

This morning I had CD2 b/w & u/s done and had "quiet" follicles, which means they didn't see anything. FSH was 30, even though I've been taking estrogen since right after I ovulated.

Ugh, I don't know what to do. I'm at work right now and have to keep running to the bathroom because I can't stop crying.
Sorry Cee and Katie for feeling so down. I totally understand you and have been there. I have been on this journey for 5 years and went through a lot of up and downs. Actually more downs. Like Mrs.A said, definitely have a game plan. Know when enough is enough. Do take a break. Let your body and mind rest. It's a crazy road.
Cee have you looked into mini ivf with New Hope?
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Mrs. A
Mrs. A

May 4th, 2011, 1:42 am #10

You always make me feel hopeful!

My husband says I'm being impatient and he's probably right. But at the same time I know the odds are really against me. You don't see a TON of successes out there with FSH readings as high as mine have been.

We've talked about a timeline but haven't really established it. At first we said we'd try no more than 5 IUIs. Well my first couple of ones with Check have been unmedicated and so we're not counting those. But my fear is my FSH will never be low enough to where they will let me stim.

I just started the estinyl last week. They told me to continue taking it.

As for meeting with the local clinic, I never had a formal meeting with them, just talked with them while I was having my IUI. They threw me off because they just thought that the protocol Check was doing was strange - they said things like "it makes no sense" and "I have no idea what they're doing." These comments were made in response to the trigger Check prescribed - Lupron 12 hours apart, then 40 hours after first shot have the IUI. At the time of IUI have an hCG shot. They just thought that was craziness. All that did was bolster my confidence in Check because I think with patients like us you HAVE to think outside the box.

I just wish I had a crystal ball that told me what to do.
LOL - yes, we fret and DHs stand around saying we're impatient. As much as they care and as much as they want to be (and are) supportive it's not the same as being in the shoes of the one being told the "stupid hormone news". THat's OK - no need for 2 fretting crazy persons. But in your case, your DH gets a "pass" and a hug because he has a great stake in this due to the MF. YOU BOTH NEED HUGS!

My local clinic who did the Cooper OOT monotoring for me was my very first RE that I cycled with over 2 cancelled IVF cycles. When I started monitoring with Cooper I got similar commentary from the nurses (e.g. "Cooper does things differently, huh?"). I always grinned and smiled and through my teeth muttered "yes, they like to be very on top of the cycle."

If it's not going to add more stress, I really recommend that you sit down and actually write out a plan. Independent of IF, DH and I have been faced with some tough situations in recent years and coming up with a plan before the journey got away from us really helped us. It was because we found the plan technique so helpful in those situations that we applied the same technique for IF. Then, on days like the one you were experiencing today, where I felt like throwing in the towel and simultaneously shooting my RE, that DH would say "remember what we agreed to?" UGH! I won't lie, there were days too that I felt like crapping on the "plan". But it really does help in the long run.

Out of privacy, I won't reveal details, but I know of a Check lady who seems to be responding well to the estinyl. Maybe you will too!
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