Teresa

Teresa

Mrs. A
Mrs. A

February 19th, 2012, 5:48 am #1

First, thank you for writing up your history and wow. I know when I had asked you to give me some background, I said sorry if doing so would dredge up bad memories but I had no idea. Not only am I so sorry about your losses but what happened with your DH, the attack, that is horrific. I'm so truly sorry you've endured that.

Secondly, about this posthttp://www.network54.com/Forum/209394/m ... +NAILED+IT

yeah, it's just what made sense to me as I sort of talked through it in my head and typed. He may be thinking that your losses are a combo of fertilizing an immature egg and/or lack of progesterone. Maybe the fact that you've seen h/b with 3 out of the 4 leads him to think that the losses could be tied to either one or both of these issues. I don't know - that's really for him to answer.

Going back to your history post. You are correct that C;heck's "thing" is progesterone. He will always push for that. One of, (maybe even first), studies was related to progesterone to support pregnancy. He may have even given this one to you in the pile of handouts. All I can tell you on that front is that if there's anyone who knows progesterone and the importance of it, it's C.heck. Btw, once PG I had a lot of issues with my P4, (per Cooper standards), and he was concerned about me going into pre-term labor. He "ordered" that I remain on P4 support through week 37 of my pregnancy. I stopped it early at 25 weeks. I went into pre-term labor at week 36. So do I think he knows a thing or 2 about P4? Based on my personal experience, oh yeah. I shudder to think what could have happened if I'd stopped my P4 in those early weeks like my jackass OB recommended.

As for having a bad taste in your mouth because he didn't look at your records. Don't take it personal. I know you feel like your history warrants him physically looking at your file (and he probably should!) but honestly, his MO is to hear you out on your story. You told him you had 4 losses and endo, right? That's enough for him; he doesn't feel like he needs to literally look at a surgery report that details the removal of the endo. But if you feel bad about it, mention it the next time you speak with him. Ask him why he doesn't review your records.

In a prior post you asked my thoughts about whether you should just go straight to IVF given your age. That's a hard choice. I hear you LOUD and CLEAR on the age factor. It's why I was moving on to donor egg at age 39 and 2 months. What I say is give yourself the benefit of a couple of timed intercourse cycles and if it doesn't work then jump to IVF. I say this because your DH has a great SA and you have a history of being able to get PG naturally and carry those PGs to the point of a h/b. But only you know how much of this you can stand. You can do 1 or 2 TI cycles and then move to IVF or just go straight there if you can't bear another month.

Sorry I took so long to respond.
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Teresa
Teresa

February 19th, 2012, 7:43 pm #2

Thank you for your kind words about what happened to us.

It really is true- what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. It was a very bad time.

Thank you also, for sharing your story about the P4 with me. Wow!!! WOW!!! It sounds like this man really does know what he's doing. Thank god he ordered that P4 for you. Now, I feel bad doubting him in the slightest. It's that damn little voice, the voice of fear that comes to talk to me sometimes- the voice of the first RE I saw who told me 2 months ago: "you need to go right to IVF, your age, the history of losses, you must be aggressive." It makes me panic. You know- a bad trait I have is that I second guess things over and over and over. What if RE #1 was right and C is wrong. What if low stim doesnt work, now you don't have money for another cycle trying high stim. I could torture myself forever. But one thing I know for sure is that IVF doesn't guarantee a no m/c. I hope that these u/s and bloods will reveal if there IS an issue with the egg and it can be corrected. It's really feeling like a crapshoot. Having that letter in my hands from our consult with Dr C...it gives me hope that he knows what he is talking about. After all, too- the man DOES care and he DOES want us all to become mothers and he DOES know my age and history- so if he thought IVF now, he would most likely point that out? (I hope) I could over analyze for days!

I'll be at C ooper this week for the saline sono. He isn't doing it though and I asked and will not be able to speak to him that day. But I do have a callback with him next week. I'm not even sure what I want to ask him anymore. Maybe to say if these TI don't work by the end of April, can we move to IVF in May? That would put me at 3 cycles of TI and it would allow me to try IVF before turning 40. All I can do, is pray that I'm making the right decision. I just don't want to look back 6 months from now with any regret.

You gave me so much helpful information to teach me. I really appreciate it. Thank you for your heartfelt advice.
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Laura
Laura

February 19th, 2012, 8:22 pm #3

First, thank you for writing up your history and wow. I know when I had asked you to give me some background, I said sorry if doing so would dredge up bad memories but I had no idea. Not only am I so sorry about your losses but what happened with your DH, the attack, that is horrific. I'm so truly sorry you've endured that.

Secondly, about this posthttp://www.network54.com/Forum/209394/m ... +NAILED+IT

yeah, it's just what made sense to me as I sort of talked through it in my head and typed. He may be thinking that your losses are a combo of fertilizing an immature egg and/or lack of progesterone. Maybe the fact that you've seen h/b with 3 out of the 4 leads him to think that the losses could be tied to either one or both of these issues. I don't know - that's really for him to answer.

Going back to your history post. You are correct that C;heck's "thing" is progesterone. He will always push for that. One of, (maybe even first), studies was related to progesterone to support pregnancy. He may have even given this one to you in the pile of handouts. All I can tell you on that front is that if there's anyone who knows progesterone and the importance of it, it's C.heck. Btw, once PG I had a lot of issues with my P4, (per Cooper standards), and he was concerned about me going into pre-term labor. He "ordered" that I remain on P4 support through week 37 of my pregnancy. I stopped it early at 25 weeks. I went into pre-term labor at week 36. So do I think he knows a thing or 2 about P4? Based on my personal experience, oh yeah. I shudder to think what could have happened if I'd stopped my P4 in those early weeks like my jackass OB recommended.

As for having a bad taste in your mouth because he didn't look at your records. Don't take it personal. I know you feel like your history warrants him physically looking at your file (and he probably should!) but honestly, his MO is to hear you out on your story. You told him you had 4 losses and endo, right? That's enough for him; he doesn't feel like he needs to literally look at a surgery report that details the removal of the endo. But if you feel bad about it, mention it the next time you speak with him. Ask him why he doesn't review your records.

In a prior post you asked my thoughts about whether you should just go straight to IVF given your age. That's a hard choice. I hear you LOUD and CLEAR on the age factor. It's why I was moving on to donor egg at age 39 and 2 months. What I say is give yourself the benefit of a couple of timed intercourse cycles and if it doesn't work then jump to IVF. I say this because your DH has a great SA and you have a history of being able to get PG naturally and carry those PGs to the point of a h/b. But only you know how much of this you can stand. You can do 1 or 2 TI cycles and then move to IVF or just go straight there if you can't bear another month.

Sorry I took so long to respond.
Hi Teresa,

I think I remember reading in past posts that you are religious. I apologize if you are not, and you will probably think I'm crazy, so, sorry.

But In reading this post and hearing the voice of your 1st RE over and over, let me tell you this: that is not the voice of your RE. That is satan. Really. satan uses people and situations in our lives that make us the most vulnerable and exploits them to the depths of our despair. he gains power by pulling people away from God and light and filling them with darkness. I heard satan's voice when my preemie DS was 4 days old after the Dr was telling me they might have to put in a feeding tube. the voice was telling me that it was all my fault that i couldn't keep DS inside longer. it was my fault that he was so little that he couldn't take a whole feeding from a bottle. it was my fault he was born early. everything was my fault. i was in such despair. so i prayed and prayed and prayed for the next few hours and then his next feeding time he chugged a whole bottle and was crying for more.

i didn't know it at the time, but when the guilt finally subsided i realized what happened. i hope you are able to stop thinking about that RE. it is all lies. you should not believe that there is anything wrong with your ability to conceive. i know you want to jump to IVF, but if it works before they know what's causing your m/c, you might have another one (God forbid you lose a 5th angel). Dr c has worked miracles, and even he doesn't believe you need a miracle. you just need a little extra support. God brought you to Dr. C and I think you should give him a chance.

again, sorry if you don't believe anything I just wrote. In the end it is totally your decision and we will all support you. I just wanted to share my perspective.

Blessings,
L
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Teresa
Teresa

February 19th, 2012, 9:25 pm #4

Your post brought tears to my eyes.

I am pretty religious. I don't go to church as often as I should. I don't. But I do pray. Daily. I pray to St Gerard, St Catherine and St Ann. I pray hard and I ask them and god for a blessing. I try to believe he will answer my prayers. Some days it's so hard to remain faithful. I do the best I can and I know I should not let my faith in whatever he has in store for me, falter.

I never stopped to look at it the way you just described to me. Satan is very powerful and I tend to forget that. I never thought it could be his voice trying to weaken my faith. How quick we are to blame ourselves. I have blamed myself at least 10,000 times over the past 2 years. It's always my fault. I should have done this, I shouldnt have done that, I could have. I never stopped to say "shut up, Satan" I blame me.

I don't think you are crazy. I think you are very kind and sweet to point this out to me.

I believe in things happening for a reason. I believe there is a reason I found this board and met you and the other ladies on here. You have all given me so much hope. I can't really imagine without this board how I would be feeling right now. I wouldn't be getting IVF from the other RE because his prices were through the roof, even with our insurance. It gives me the chills. In so many ways, this board has saved my hope and my outlook on this- place. I don't feel as lonely, I don't feel as filled with despair.

God Bless you, and thank you for taking the time to write this to me. If that voice is satan then you are an angel and I really appreciate the reminder. I will try to shut out Satans voice. Thank you for this. Not to be corny, but your post was a gift to me.
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Antonialisa
Antonialisa

February 20th, 2012, 4:24 am #5

First, thank you for writing up your history and wow. I know when I had asked you to give me some background, I said sorry if doing so would dredge up bad memories but I had no idea. Not only am I so sorry about your losses but what happened with your DH, the attack, that is horrific. I'm so truly sorry you've endured that.

Secondly, about this posthttp://www.network54.com/Forum/209394/m ... +NAILED+IT

yeah, it's just what made sense to me as I sort of talked through it in my head and typed. He may be thinking that your losses are a combo of fertilizing an immature egg and/or lack of progesterone. Maybe the fact that you've seen h/b with 3 out of the 4 leads him to think that the losses could be tied to either one or both of these issues. I don't know - that's really for him to answer.

Going back to your history post. You are correct that C;heck's "thing" is progesterone. He will always push for that. One of, (maybe even first), studies was related to progesterone to support pregnancy. He may have even given this one to you in the pile of handouts. All I can tell you on that front is that if there's anyone who knows progesterone and the importance of it, it's C.heck. Btw, once PG I had a lot of issues with my P4, (per Cooper standards), and he was concerned about me going into pre-term labor. He "ordered" that I remain on P4 support through week 37 of my pregnancy. I stopped it early at 25 weeks. I went into pre-term labor at week 36. So do I think he knows a thing or 2 about P4? Based on my personal experience, oh yeah. I shudder to think what could have happened if I'd stopped my P4 in those early weeks like my jackass OB recommended.

As for having a bad taste in your mouth because he didn't look at your records. Don't take it personal. I know you feel like your history warrants him physically looking at your file (and he probably should!) but honestly, his MO is to hear you out on your story. You told him you had 4 losses and endo, right? That's enough for him; he doesn't feel like he needs to literally look at a surgery report that details the removal of the endo. But if you feel bad about it, mention it the next time you speak with him. Ask him why he doesn't review your records.

In a prior post you asked my thoughts about whether you should just go straight to IVF given your age. That's a hard choice. I hear you LOUD and CLEAR on the age factor. It's why I was moving on to donor egg at age 39 and 2 months. What I say is give yourself the benefit of a couple of timed intercourse cycles and if it doesn't work then jump to IVF. I say this because your DH has a great SA and you have a history of being able to get PG naturally and carry those PGs to the point of a h/b. But only you know how much of this you can stand. You can do 1 or 2 TI cycles and then move to IVF or just go straight there if you can't bear another month.

Sorry I took so long to respond.
I saw Check at 40 1/2 and he said that we don't need IVF; we can get pregnant on TI in one year, 75% likelihood. After the doom and gloom and DE speech by our first RE we were thrilled. My DH was not keen on IVF and not as desperate as me for a baby (he already has 2 children) and we decided to do home renovations in 2011 DH wanted which ate up a lot of our money, energy and caused more stress.

Well, here it is, almost 1 year later and no BFPs. I tried IVF in January with Cooper, and a trial meds cycle in December, but their protocol is not suppressing my dominant follicle and they won't change it. I cancelled the IVF. I am moving to another RE which is very time consuming and hope to do IVF next month.

I regret that I waited so long to be aggressive. You never know; TI might have worked. But it didn't. Last year I had 8-10 AFC every cycle. Now I'm 41 1/2, the AFC is really declining, and I really think we should have done IVF last year after just a few failed TI cycles.

I hope this is helpful.

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teresa
teresa

February 20th, 2012, 4:18 pm #6

maybe i am nuts and you know- i dont know much about ivf. but this morning i was researching old posts about having too much male hormone and i came upon this post that told the protocol for someone who kept having a dominant follice...it was a protocol from a dr f isch in las vegas. i think he said he uses antagon which works so you don't get one lead follicle...does this make sense? is this what was happening with you?

i googled too much male hormone and remember reading this protocol in one of the posts, it was older from 2006 may i think. maybe you can look it up?

is there a reason why you arent going to do another cycle with dr c heck? did he give you injections on your TI cycles? can you tell me anything about this, since this is where i'm at with him now. i do feel like we need to move to ivf before 40.

however, the more i read the more i feel it has alot to do with luck and timing on an IVF cycle,knowing what meds will do the trick. i went to therapy this morning and it didnt help much- my therapist told me my body will never be the same after an IVF cycle and to try to hold off on it. this is coming from an older man, who means well...but who doesnt understand the biological clock ticking in my head...it's so hard.
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