need a pep talk - pregnant co-worker is getting me down (x-post)

need a pep talk - pregnant co-worker is getting me down (x-post)

Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

October 11th, 2011, 2:17 am #1

So I was doing well. It was about 3 weeks after she told me that she told everyone at the office. That was last week and it was all pregnancy talk all the time....but it was the first week. I actually took comfort that a male co-worker who has had a couple of failed IVF's pulled me aside and asked how I was doing. He is having a really hard time with it and commented that when our male co-workers have had babies, there wasn't this constant talk in the halls, at lunch, etc. I said, well, it is the big announce week and to be expected. I was holding up well until she pulled me aside tonight as I was trying to leave early and asked how I was doing and she hoped I was ok. The look of pity on her face just really depressed me. She said she wanted to know if playing an office guessing game of the babies sex and date of birth would be too hard on me...that she wanted to send out an e-mail tonight. She is only 16 weeks.....I wasn't expecting the due date game until the last month of the pregnancy! I said that is cool, maybe just not a huge pink and blue display in the lunchroom. Her smile dropped and she said "Well, I can't help it if people put one up". Ugh. Basically I said don't edit your behavior because of me, it is your pregnancy to be enjoyed.

After I left I just felt like crap. Her pitying looks are making me feel worse, and then she is just going to do what she wants anyway...so why bother asking?! I must rise above, but it is gonna be a long 6 months ahead if the group games about the due date are already ramping up this early!!!

xoxo, Tracy
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Sara H
Sara H

October 11th, 2011, 2:47 am #2

Maybe you could pull her aside and say, "Thank you for being sensitive, it is very nice of you and I appreciate it, but at this point I want you to enjoy your pregnancy so please just forget that I have been though my stuff and just enjoy yours!"
Which actually means: Stop pulling me aside and making it worse!

Normally I would not suggest this but, in this case, it might be better that dealing with the next six months of getting pulled aside by her every 10 min! I mean, in trying not to rub it in she is sure accidentally rubbing it in! What is she going to do next, ask you to plan her shower so it doesn't make you feel badly? Geez!

Maybe you and the male co-worker could set up a signal, just between the two of you, for when something bothers you... make it a little joke! "Heard it's going to rain in a few days!" Something dumb like that. Then at least you can laugh.

Again, I am so sorry but hang in there... maybe her feet will swell and labor will be miserable!
(Kidding!)

Hugs to you!
Sara H
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

October 11th, 2011, 2:55 am #3

as we were wrapping up this conversation.....so hopefully no more pulling me aside. I told her to not edit herself on my account and that I would either participate in whatever event depending on how I felt. I like your "code word" idea for the male co-worker. I can't tell you how much better I felt after he shared his feelings. Made me feel less like an "emotional female"! Now I wish I had just slapped a fake smile on my face and squealed for joy when she told me. Admitting it would be a bit difficult seems to have been a bad idea...... oh well.

xoxo, Tracy

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Joined: October 11th, 2011, 1:14 am

October 11th, 2011, 2:59 am #4

So I was doing well. It was about 3 weeks after she told me that she told everyone at the office. That was last week and it was all pregnancy talk all the time....but it was the first week. I actually took comfort that a male co-worker who has had a couple of failed IVF's pulled me aside and asked how I was doing. He is having a really hard time with it and commented that when our male co-workers have had babies, there wasn't this constant talk in the halls, at lunch, etc. I said, well, it is the big announce week and to be expected. I was holding up well until she pulled me aside tonight as I was trying to leave early and asked how I was doing and she hoped I was ok. The look of pity on her face just really depressed me. She said she wanted to know if playing an office guessing game of the babies sex and date of birth would be too hard on me...that she wanted to send out an e-mail tonight. She is only 16 weeks.....I wasn't expecting the due date game until the last month of the pregnancy! I said that is cool, maybe just not a huge pink and blue display in the lunchroom. Her smile dropped and she said "Well, I can't help it if people put one up". Ugh. Basically I said don't edit your behavior because of me, it is your pregnancy to be enjoyed.

After I left I just felt like crap. Her pitying looks are making me feel worse, and then she is just going to do what she wants anyway...so why bother asking?! I must rise above, but it is gonna be a long 6 months ahead if the group games about the due date are already ramping up this early!!!

xoxo, Tracy
I'm not sure if I can help with the pep talk, but I know how crappy that feels. I had a coworker return from maternity leave and everyone decorated her desk with babies/baby items, and also had a coworker who left to go be at the birth of her first grandchild. Both events resulted in a large volume of baby discussions from which I couldn't escape. My supervisor asked how I was doing, and while I let her know it was tough, I didn't feel I could or should do anything to dampen their joy. My solution ended up being taking a walk on a different floor of the building when it got to be too much or putting on my headphones to help screen out the baby discussions.
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AJ
AJ

October 11th, 2011, 3:11 am #5

So I was doing well. It was about 3 weeks after she told me that she told everyone at the office. That was last week and it was all pregnancy talk all the time....but it was the first week. I actually took comfort that a male co-worker who has had a couple of failed IVF's pulled me aside and asked how I was doing. He is having a really hard time with it and commented that when our male co-workers have had babies, there wasn't this constant talk in the halls, at lunch, etc. I said, well, it is the big announce week and to be expected. I was holding up well until she pulled me aside tonight as I was trying to leave early and asked how I was doing and she hoped I was ok. The look of pity on her face just really depressed me. She said she wanted to know if playing an office guessing game of the babies sex and date of birth would be too hard on me...that she wanted to send out an e-mail tonight. She is only 16 weeks.....I wasn't expecting the due date game until the last month of the pregnancy! I said that is cool, maybe just not a huge pink and blue display in the lunchroom. Her smile dropped and she said "Well, I can't help it if people put one up". Ugh. Basically I said don't edit your behavior because of me, it is your pregnancy to be enjoyed.

After I left I just felt like crap. Her pitying looks are making me feel worse, and then she is just going to do what she wants anyway...so why bother asking?! I must rise above, but it is gonna be a long 6 months ahead if the group games about the due date are already ramping up this early!!!

xoxo, Tracy
I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with that. This is probably going to be the worst pep talk ever, but so many things in your post rub me the wrong way. First off, the co-worker. It seems to me like she wants to give the appearance of thinking of your feelings, but not really. The way you described her smile dropping about the pink and blue banners is very telling. And personally, I think all of that stuff in the workplace is inappropriate! Doesn't this woman have friends and family that can play these games with her? I'm sure that you and the male co-worker aren't the only ones bothered by this. It sucks that your supervisor isn't managing this better. I think I would distance myself from this person and if she engages with you just smile and walk away. Because to me, she says she cares about your feelings, but her actions say differently. I'm not saying she shouldn't be happy, but keep it professional. Hopefully this will all die down once the news isn't fresh anymore.

Sorry if that rant isn't helpful, but clueless people like that really irritate me!! I think I remember from a previous post that you might be able to work remotely a couple days a week? Is that still an option?
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

October 11th, 2011, 3:28 am #6

The working remotely idea didn't go over very well with my supervisor. He feels that he needs me in the office. While I appreciate that he feels my physical presence is important, I was bummed that he wasn't as enthusiastic as the woman who presented the idea to me. It isn't for sure not happening, but I'm going to have to work on it. Even getting to work out of that office for just one day a week would be a HUGE blessing.

I did kinda feel like pg co-worker was being a bit of a one upper. OK, she is pregnant, she wins! Now just let me be already! I almost called another co-worker that I am friends with to talk about this and stopped myself. I don't want to be like a pre-teen talking behind peoples backs. I haven't said a word to anyone accept you guys and the male co-worker and am going to keep it that way. I can just see her going to people and asking if I have said anything to them. Thanks for the reply.

xoxo, Tracy
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

October 11th, 2011, 3:31 am #7

I'm not sure if I can help with the pep talk, but I know how crappy that feels. I had a coworker return from maternity leave and everyone decorated her desk with babies/baby items, and also had a coworker who left to go be at the birth of her first grandchild. Both events resulted in a large volume of baby discussions from which I couldn't escape. My supervisor asked how I was doing, and while I let her know it was tough, I didn't feel I could or should do anything to dampen their joy. My solution ended up being taking a walk on a different floor of the building when it got to be too much or putting on my headphones to help screen out the baby discussions.
It is just the way of the world and that is why I said not to do anything different on my account. I would only feel worse! I just don't want to have to talk about it anymore. I started turning on a space heater in my office as white noise to drown out the talk. I have music too. It really does help. Sorry you have had to go through it too. There is no easy way around it, that is for sure!

xoxo, Tracy

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Anonymous
Anonymous

October 11th, 2011, 4:51 am #8

So I was doing well. It was about 3 weeks after she told me that she told everyone at the office. That was last week and it was all pregnancy talk all the time....but it was the first week. I actually took comfort that a male co-worker who has had a couple of failed IVF's pulled me aside and asked how I was doing. He is having a really hard time with it and commented that when our male co-workers have had babies, there wasn't this constant talk in the halls, at lunch, etc. I said, well, it is the big announce week and to be expected. I was holding up well until she pulled me aside tonight as I was trying to leave early and asked how I was doing and she hoped I was ok. The look of pity on her face just really depressed me. She said she wanted to know if playing an office guessing game of the babies sex and date of birth would be too hard on me...that she wanted to send out an e-mail tonight. She is only 16 weeks.....I wasn't expecting the due date game until the last month of the pregnancy! I said that is cool, maybe just not a huge pink and blue display in the lunchroom. Her smile dropped and she said "Well, I can't help it if people put one up". Ugh. Basically I said don't edit your behavior because of me, it is your pregnancy to be enjoyed.

After I left I just felt like crap. Her pitying looks are making me feel worse, and then she is just going to do what she wants anyway...so why bother asking?! I must rise above, but it is gonna be a long 6 months ahead if the group games about the due date are already ramping up this early!!!

xoxo, Tracy
To me I figured it would be easier that u tell her u don't care about what she does. Just try to avoid her...
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

October 11th, 2011, 5:07 am #9

I tend to overly engage with people emotionally which I'm realizing is often not a good thing. Have been avoiding.....she came to my office.....hopefully this talk will be the last.

xoxo, Tracy

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anna
anna

October 11th, 2011, 5:33 am #10

To me I figured it would be easier that u tell her u don't care about what she does. Just try to avoid her...
above is me
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