me at work and SIL pg on my nerve (pg mentined, DE ment)

me at work and SIL pg on my nerve (pg mentined, DE ment)

Joined: May 20th, 2011, 1:32 pm

October 20th, 2011, 4:21 am #1

So today at work they laid off two people cause we r not very busy. My heart was pounding like a bird that I might be next but thank g-d I am still safe. As a result I am scared to check the board as often and I will posting/checking board when I get home. This is gonna be hard cause I am a postoholic, but I don't want to loose my job at this situation.

So now I need to vent about some thing, tell me if I am too sensitive or my SIL is too insensitive to my feeling...

My SIL is pg we did IVF together mine failed but she is now 4month prg. I am very happy for her but she is so insensitive to my feeling. For example at a family dinner she shows the video of her baby heart beat, talk about baby shower, talk about prg cloth and baby items non stop...and on top of that today she sent an email to all immediate family asking every one to get vaccination for flue, etc if they want to get close to her baby

P.s. she knows the extend of my problem and possibly me going to DE

Am I crazy or these r painfull??
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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

October 20th, 2011, 4:45 am #2

No you aren't crazy. I'm sorry you have to hear her talk about all of this in front of you. I think it is very insensitive of her especially since she knows your situation. Could you or another family member ask her to stop talking about it in front of you? Maybe she just isn't aware of how painful it is for you to hear about these details. She honestly does not need to talk about it in front of you. She can politely avoid the topic.
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Joined: May 20th, 2011, 1:32 pm

October 20th, 2011, 5:06 am #3

I don't really know what to say, if I say some thing to her then they will be like "Anna is Jealous" honestly I rather go thru the pain and not have DH family thinking of me as an envoys person.
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nadia80
nadia80

October 20th, 2011, 9:23 am #4

So today at work they laid off two people cause we r not very busy. My heart was pounding like a bird that I might be next but thank g-d I am still safe. As a result I am scared to check the board as often and I will posting/checking board when I get home. This is gonna be hard cause I am a postoholic, but I don't want to loose my job at this situation.

So now I need to vent about some thing, tell me if I am too sensitive or my SIL is too insensitive to my feeling...

My SIL is pg we did IVF together mine failed but she is now 4month prg. I am very happy for her but she is so insensitive to my feeling. For example at a family dinner she shows the video of her baby heart beat, talk about baby shower, talk about prg cloth and baby items non stop...and on top of that today she sent an email to all immediate family asking every one to get vaccination for flue, etc if they want to get close to her baby

P.s. she knows the extend of my problem and possibly me going to DE

Am I crazy or these r painfull??
It sucks..but..dont ask anyone to esp inlaws to spare your feelings that to them means u are jealous..
but I have to share this!!.....

My DHs sisters ..one had three..and all three were unintended!! (as she says) the other sister had one kid and had some cyst problems...she comes from thh Dr saying "Oh My Ndaia the Dr says I may not be able to have anymore children..I will be just like you..can u imagine" she was really upset...6 months later she is p/g!!

i know..it sucks!!!
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bigboy
bigboy

October 20th, 2011, 12:47 pm #5

So today at work they laid off two people cause we r not very busy. My heart was pounding like a bird that I might be next but thank g-d I am still safe. As a result I am scared to check the board as often and I will posting/checking board when I get home. This is gonna be hard cause I am a postoholic, but I don't want to loose my job at this situation.

So now I need to vent about some thing, tell me if I am too sensitive or my SIL is too insensitive to my feeling...

My SIL is pg we did IVF together mine failed but she is now 4month prg. I am very happy for her but she is so insensitive to my feeling. For example at a family dinner she shows the video of her baby heart beat, talk about baby shower, talk about prg cloth and baby items non stop...and on top of that today she sent an email to all immediate family asking every one to get vaccination for flue, etc if they want to get close to her baby

P.s. she knows the extend of my problem and possibly me going to DE

Am I crazy or these r painfull??
no, and you would think that if she had to get to the point where she needed IVF as well she would "get it." and she seems like the type that if you dared to say ANYthing, she would freak out and say that you are just jealous and not happy for her.
in her response the the vaccine thing i would say sure! and if you want me to get close to you at all then you are going to have to not talk about your pregnancy 24/7. and remind her that she should know better since she went through this!
just try and ignore it the best you can and focus on all the caring/good people on your life : )
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Sara H
Sara H

October 20th, 2011, 2:20 pm #6

So today at work they laid off two people cause we r not very busy. My heart was pounding like a bird that I might be next but thank g-d I am still safe. As a result I am scared to check the board as often and I will posting/checking board when I get home. This is gonna be hard cause I am a postoholic, but I don't want to loose my job at this situation.

So now I need to vent about some thing, tell me if I am too sensitive or my SIL is too insensitive to my feeling...

My SIL is pg we did IVF together mine failed but she is now 4month prg. I am very happy for her but she is so insensitive to my feeling. For example at a family dinner she shows the video of her baby heart beat, talk about baby shower, talk about prg cloth and baby items non stop...and on top of that today she sent an email to all immediate family asking every one to get vaccination for flue, etc if they want to get close to her baby

P.s. she knows the extend of my problem and possibly me going to DE

Am I crazy or these r painfull??
Could she be more sensitive, yes. Totally. She completely could.

(OK, I am going to speak to the other side of this issue, if you can't take that today please skip this! Not meant to hurt, only to help!)

________________________________


However: From her point of view: She is experiencing one of the most joyful/scary,wonderful parts of life and something she also wanted very badly (since she went though IVF to get it) and she is sharing that with her family. She, I am sure, wishes you were able to share that, too, but that is not the case right now.

I know you are often looking for a higher plan, maybe the plan is for her to have this time for the attention and for you, someday, to have your own time to share these same sorts of things with your family.

If the situation was reversed would you want to be edited in sharing this exciting time with your own family or would you want to enjoy every moment of it? And, once the baby is here there will be even more talk of only that! Trust me, it's insane! You would think there never was a family until the baby was born! And, would you want them to not talk about that in front of you? To constantly be biting their tongues?

You don't want to NOT be close to that child just becasue you don't have one yet, right? So, take this as a time to get used to it. Try to put your own stuff to the side and be thrilled for her, as you want her to be thrilled for you some day. And, think of all the things you can learn from her before you go though it! You could be newborn expert my the time you have a child of your own by learning on hers!

Trust me, I have totally been where you are, my sister-in-law has had two kids, two pgs, and shared every moment with us. Every. Single. Moment. But, I want to be involved in my niece and nephew's lives. And their lives start with all that pregnancy stuff. And, as hard as it was for me to hear all the details, I was sitting there with my other sister-in-law who will never have children. I can only imagine how that is for her, too.

I know this is hard but if you can't get excited for her try to accept it at least, so that you will get to do all these things when it is your turn. Even if that is different, even if that is sharing how adoption is going or something like that, you will want to share, too! It could be that when it is your turn she is have trouble having number 2#... you would not want to be stopped from sharing because of that, right?

If you really can't do it then I'd say skip half the family dinners.

I am sending you a HUGE HUG and all the wishes for this to go much more easily for you. I am so sorry it is causing you pain.

Love to you, Anna
Sara H
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Joined: May 20th, 2011, 1:32 pm

October 20th, 2011, 3:21 pm #7

Sara h, I agree with all u said I don't want to be a burden on her and her happiness (my MIL once told me we can't be happy for her because u can't get prg, that was both nice and pain full to hear)
But here is the thing I only see her like once a month so she has the other 29 days to express her feeling. Plus what she went thru was nothing close to me, she has full IVF coverage and her psoblem was unexplained even she agreed that doing an IVF wasn't that hard or emotional for her .....I try to join the conversation and express my hapiness and all but every time we see her and we r driving back home, DH becomes so quick driving and I am silently crying...I guess I have to deal with it..don't have any better choice

Thanks for ur advice
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Marci
Marci

October 20th, 2011, 4:34 pm #8

So today at work they laid off two people cause we r not very busy. My heart was pounding like a bird that I might be next but thank g-d I am still safe. As a result I am scared to check the board as often and I will posting/checking board when I get home. This is gonna be hard cause I am a postoholic, but I don't want to loose my job at this situation.

So now I need to vent about some thing, tell me if I am too sensitive or my SIL is too insensitive to my feeling...

My SIL is pg we did IVF together mine failed but she is now 4month prg. I am very happy for her but she is so insensitive to my feeling. For example at a family dinner she shows the video of her baby heart beat, talk about baby shower, talk about prg cloth and baby items non stop...and on top of that today she sent an email to all immediate family asking every one to get vaccination for flue, etc if they want to get close to her baby

P.s. she knows the extend of my problem and possibly me going to DE

Am I crazy or these r painfull??
Well now you have an excuse to not get near her or the baby if you feel you need some distance from the situation. Just tell her that you never got a flu shot and don't want to endanger them.

I'm being totally serious. You don't want it rubbed in your face, and although you are happy for them... you don't want it rubbed in your face.
Having her talking about it 24/7 is having it rubbed in your face. I know she's excited, but if she knows what you've gone through then she is being insensitive. I'm sorry, but I've had 3 kids and I was so aware of how hard and painful the journey was for me that I went overboard to not flaunt it, or do anything that I thought would be painful for others. You can still be excited for yourself, but use some discretion and tact! I understand her wanting to show the video.. she's excited. But, there is a difference between mentioning something and having diarrhea of the mouth non-stop in front of someone who is struggling. It's like talking non-stop about how good your physical was, and how healthy you are in front of someone with Cancer.
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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

October 20th, 2011, 4:35 pm #9

Sara h, I agree with all u said I don't want to be a burden on her and her happiness (my MIL once told me we can't be happy for her because u can't get prg, that was both nice and pain full to hear)
But here is the thing I only see her like once a month so she has the other 29 days to express her feeling. Plus what she went thru was nothing close to me, she has full IVF coverage and her psoblem was unexplained even she agreed that doing an IVF wasn't that hard or emotional for her .....I try to join the conversation and express my hapiness and all but every time we see her and we r driving back home, DH becomes so quick driving and I am silently crying...I guess I have to deal with it..don't have any better choice

Thanks for ur advice
I still think she is being insensitive. Even if she had to go through IVF for her baby she doesn't need to carry on about it in front of you. Even if she is super excited about it, if other people are in the room that are sensitive to the subject then I think she should politely not talk about the subject so much. She has the other 29 days of the month to discuss pregnancy talk. I don't talk about pregnancy stuff in front of my family, it would make them uncomfortable!

Now once her baby is here, there will be nothing you can do to stop the excitement. Everyone will be looking at the baby. Hopefully once you see her little baby you will also be very excited about it and want to hold him/her and all of that. But for now I can see how this would be a very sensitive topic for you.

I hope you will get pregnant real soon and then the two of you can both be excited together. Until then I guess it is best if you just try your best to be happy for her. If she is mean or rude towards you then honestly if it were me I would not see her for a while. I would say I was not feeling well and avoid the family gathering until I felt like I could emotionally tolerate being around her.

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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

October 20th, 2011, 4:36 pm #10

Well now you have an excuse to not get near her or the baby if you feel you need some distance from the situation. Just tell her that you never got a flu shot and don't want to endanger them.

I'm being totally serious. You don't want it rubbed in your face, and although you are happy for them... you don't want it rubbed in your face.
Having her talking about it 24/7 is having it rubbed in your face. I know she's excited, but if she knows what you've gone through then she is being insensitive. I'm sorry, but I've had 3 kids and I was so aware of how hard and painful the journey was for me that I went overboard to not flaunt it, or do anything that I thought would be painful for others. You can still be excited for yourself, but use some discretion and tact! I understand her wanting to show the video.. she's excited. But, there is a difference between mentioning something and having diarrhea of the mouth non-stop in front of someone who is struggling. It's like talking non-stop about how good your physical was, and how healthy you are in front of someone with Cancer.
Totally agree. nt
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