Me and G-d

Me and G-d

anna
anna

November 17th, 2011, 8:58 pm #1

Just a little vent,
Under the whole stressful process and the pressure I felt form unfair universe, that I started TTC 1 month after my 27th birthday as a resolution and still cant get pregnant. I LOST FAITH. I started hating g-d, .. now I see that I really need g-d and there is no one but him that can help me. I feel like every since I stopped praying and believing things got soooo much worse.
--I use to ovulate on my own, but I dont any more.
--My FSH was 28 and now its 77.
--I used to at least sleep well, now I wake up couple of times a night, and in the morning all my tooth hearts as it seems like I am putting so much pressure on them while sleeping.
--My marriage is in its worse shape.
--And I my job became so unstable they just let 3 people go, every day I come to work with fear.
-- I have lost piece, I am 10 times more intense and anxious and nervous than 6 month ago, even thu I see a therapist.
I wonder if this all got so much worse because I lost contact with G-d. I am going to start praying again and it has kind of been proven to me that we have to stay attached to our source otherwise we get lost.
Quote
Share

Hadas
Hadas

November 17th, 2011, 9:48 pm #2

Anna, I will try to email you tonight or tomorrow... keep an eye out for my email.

Just know that you're not alone in all of your feelings... we've probably all have been there at some point.

Hadas
Quote
Share

anna
anna

November 17th, 2011, 10:08 pm #3

thanks, will wait for your email.
xoxo
Quote
Share

Alli
Alli

November 18th, 2011, 12:44 am #4

Just a little vent,
Under the whole stressful process and the pressure I felt form unfair universe, that I started TTC 1 month after my 27th birthday as a resolution and still cant get pregnant. I LOST FAITH. I started hating g-d, .. now I see that I really need g-d and there is no one but him that can help me. I feel like every since I stopped praying and believing things got soooo much worse.
--I use to ovulate on my own, but I dont any more.
--My FSH was 28 and now its 77.
--I used to at least sleep well, now I wake up couple of times a night, and in the morning all my tooth hearts as it seems like I am putting so much pressure on them while sleeping.
--My marriage is in its worse shape.
--And I my job became so unstable they just let 3 people go, every day I come to work with fear.
-- I have lost piece, I am 10 times more intense and anxious and nervous than 6 month ago, even thu I see a therapist.
I wonder if this all got so much worse because I lost contact with G-d. I am going to start praying again and it has kind of been proven to me that we have to stay attached to our source otherwise we get lost.
I think I remember that you are Jewish? Maybe you could get a counseling session with a clergy person you trust. Maybe a new therapist too? I took antidepressants throughout TTC obviously all is well. There is a time and place for it. For me, they were necessary.
Quote
Share

Erin
Erin

November 18th, 2011, 1:29 am #5

I will add that I don't think any god that would be spiteful because you haven't been praying regularly enough is not a god you'd want to pray to in the first place. Life is not fair. It sucks, big time. But I don't think you're being punished for anything you're doing or not doing. I am not religious myself, but I think prayer or meditation can be helpful in perhaps helping you find peace, so a meeting with your pastor or rabbi sounds like a good idea. I also agree both with the ideas of finding a new therapist and perhaps thinking about an antidepressant, if your doctor thinks it would be helpful. I personally went through several therapists before finding one that I felt helped. It's not fun to go through different therapists, but I think of it as being like REs- sometimes you have to go to multiple ones before you find the right one. Also, even if we're not thrilled to do it, we all take meds for IF because we'd be screwed without them- we need them. The same is true of true depression and antidepressants- it's an illness (like IF) so sometimes, we're screwed without them and there's nothing shameful about taking meds to treat it. I wish you well and really hope that above all, you can find some peace in all this.
Quote
Share

anna
anna

November 18th, 2011, 1:32 am #6

I think I remember that you are Jewish? Maybe you could get a counseling session with a clergy person you trust. Maybe a new therapist too? I took antidepressants throughout TTC obviously all is well. There is a time and place for it. For me, they were necessary.
I am looking for a new therapist and I have spoken with couple of Rabbis. I have always been so faithful for all my life and never ever questioned anything that has happened to me. and my life wasnt all that smooth. but this time...
I did some research on anti depressant, i dont mind taking them while TTC and i now it wont do any harm, but i refuse to take them if i am pregnant and have I heard if i take them now and then get prg(being optimistic) and stop taking it, i will get very depressed suddenly. although i cant imagine being prg and depressed , since thats all i want right now
Quote
Share

anna
anna

November 18th, 2011, 1:34 am #7

and Thanks Erin(nt)
Quote
Share

Alli
Alli

November 18th, 2011, 2:26 am #8

I am looking for a new therapist and I have spoken with couple of Rabbis. I have always been so faithful for all my life and never ever questioned anything that has happened to me. and my life wasnt all that smooth. but this time...
I did some research on anti depressant, i dont mind taking them while TTC and i now it wont do any harm, but i refuse to take them if i am pregnant and have I heard if i take them now and then get prg(being optimistic) and stop taking it, i will get very depressed suddenly. although i cant imagine being prg and depressed , since thats all i want right now
Despite all those lawyer commercials!! My RE and OB said it was fine.

I really would get yourself in a better place now. Don't think about crossing future bridges quite yet.
Quote
Share

Jainee
Jainee

November 18th, 2011, 3:11 pm #9

Just a little vent,
Under the whole stressful process and the pressure I felt form unfair universe, that I started TTC 1 month after my 27th birthday as a resolution and still cant get pregnant. I LOST FAITH. I started hating g-d, .. now I see that I really need g-d and there is no one but him that can help me. I feel like every since I stopped praying and believing things got soooo much worse.
--I use to ovulate on my own, but I dont any more.
--My FSH was 28 and now its 77.
--I used to at least sleep well, now I wake up couple of times a night, and in the morning all my tooth hearts as it seems like I am putting so much pressure on them while sleeping.
--My marriage is in its worse shape.
--And I my job became so unstable they just let 3 people go, every day I come to work with fear.
-- I have lost piece, I am 10 times more intense and anxious and nervous than 6 month ago, even thu I see a therapist.
I wonder if this all got so much worse because I lost contact with G-d. I am going to start praying again and it has kind of been proven to me that we have to stay attached to our source otherwise we get lost.
HI Anna- I am so sorry you are not in the best of spirits........we don't understand G-D's ways but our praying to HIM helps us.........thinking of you.........Jainee
Quote
Share

maureen
maureen

November 18th, 2011, 5:49 pm #10

Just a little vent,
Under the whole stressful process and the pressure I felt form unfair universe, that I started TTC 1 month after my 27th birthday as a resolution and still cant get pregnant. I LOST FAITH. I started hating g-d, .. now I see that I really need g-d and there is no one but him that can help me. I feel like every since I stopped praying and believing things got soooo much worse.
--I use to ovulate on my own, but I dont any more.
--My FSH was 28 and now its 77.
--I used to at least sleep well, now I wake up couple of times a night, and in the morning all my tooth hearts as it seems like I am putting so much pressure on them while sleeping.
--My marriage is in its worse shape.
--And I my job became so unstable they just let 3 people go, every day I come to work with fear.
-- I have lost piece, I am 10 times more intense and anxious and nervous than 6 month ago, even thu I see a therapist.
I wonder if this all got so much worse because I lost contact with G-d. I am going to start praying again and it has kind of been proven to me that we have to stay attached to our source otherwise we get lost.
Anna,

I feel the same way. Its very hard to understand why. I'd be totally embarrassed if someone overheard my last few conversations with g-d. I'm just so frustrated, and it seems that you are too.

What I've learned about my body is that mentally and physically the IF stress can cause a downward spiral and the only way out is to take a step away for a moment and see the beauty in life. Sounds easy, but it isn't really. For me, I find going on vacation and getting away from the reminders of my daily life is the best way for me, but it costs time and money. I find that when I return, my body is in better shape and so is my mind. Exercising, accupuncture, and volunteering also work well for me. We are all different, but I hope you can find your escape so you can have a break from this stress. Chronic stress is not good for anyone.

I hope you can find a way to rediscover yourself and the good that is there but clouded by IF.

Sending hugs.
Maureen
Quote
Share