I think this is Goodbye (mc mentioned)

I think this is Goodbye (mc mentioned)

Anonymous
Anonymous

March 22nd, 2012, 9:46 pm #1

I want to start out by saying to all of you amazing women who make this board a haven- I am grateful to each and every one of you these past months. You have given me tremendous insight and knowledge, held my hand when I needed support, you taught me what strength is, you have listened to my stories and offered solid advice and I will never forget that. Ever. I do want to peek on here to check in on all of you, because I genuinely care about you and hope with ALL my heart, to see you succeed.

As you know, I have sought 2, 3 and 4th opinions about this fibroid. One vag u/s led to a saline sono, led to a hysteroscopy, led to saline sono #2, led to an MRI, led to 4 Drs telling me to leave it alone-

Today I sought one more.

This Dr actually examined me. The others I saw, did not. They just read the reports and went by them. This Dr also read those same reports- the copy of the first sono saline pictures, the hysteroscopy report, the MRI report.

He gave me a vag u/s and said that in his opinion, this fibroid IS going into the cavity, (it IS intramural in the uterine fundus)and SHOULD come out. He said it would have to be done via abdominal myomectomy.

Then he turned around and said "this might even cause implantation problems, but if you wanted to do IVF I would tell you that I'd be okay with you doing IVF with the fibroid, but if it doesn't work, of course, we will tell you it's most likely because of the fibroid and at your age, IVF most likely won't work the first time, so you really have to think about it. But I'd definitely do another water saline and most likely an abdominal myomectomy " These were his exact words.

I told him thanks. And that we only have ONE shot at IVF so thanks for letting me know that it probably won't work anyway the one and only time we can do it. Thank you for that. He left the room.

Something- I don't know what exactly, maybe his tone, maybe thinking of another sono saline and how godawful the first one was for me and I swore I would never go through that again, maybe his lack of compassion, maybe the exhaustion of ALL of this, maybe now not trusting the other doctors because this one said take it out, maybe the reality setting in of the fact that we can only do one IVF and knowing my chances of success round one are crap (as he said), maybe because this coming Monday the 26th I was supposed to have our baby girl and I am having a horrific time with that, I am absolutely devastated, maybe that it only takes ONE doctor to say "take it out" to flip me out- I don't know- but something in me died today. I guess it was my last ounce of hope. It's gone.

I got in the car and just cried and cried, screaming crying, like I have never cried before in my life. And I'm still crying. But this time, I turned to my husband and I told him "I don't want to do this anymore, I can't do this anymore, I just can't endure one more day of this, please tell me we can stop" I begged him to forgive me and to not resent me for it, and to be with me on this. I have never been so miserable in my entire life. Ever. It's beyond- because I know we have all felt this way at one time or another, but this- is different, something that I can't explain- no more fight in me. A feeling beyond exhaustion, that I've never experienced before because I have always been a survivor, a fighter. Don't tell me I can't do something. To equate it would be saying I feel almost completely dead inside. Completely destroyed and in pain.

I feel bad saying this because some of you have been through far more than me and are still going and god bless you for it!

This is something that I've been feeling since this fibroid in Janaury, (every day, a little more and I suppose today was the last straw,) in addition to my endo, my (as this dr called it ) high FSH, because as he said, we have to go by your highest reading, my age, my 4 losses. Noone knows why the losses. I'm sad all the time, I cry at least 2x a day since August 17th, 2011. I don't want to feel like this anymore.

I know every doctor has an opinion but something like this- to leave it up to a patient who is struggling so much with what to do, for me, is just too much to bear. Take it out and risk scar tissue and never become pregnant as Dr Check said, or leave it in and risk a miscarriage as this dr told us today. How do you decide what to do? I mean, how? I can't. And suddenly, the opinions of the other drs mean very little because of his opinion today.

To only be able to do ONE IVF- is so stressful and it's taking a huge toll on me. We would be taking the very last of our savings and spending it on the meds and the rest of the cost of the IVF and that's very scary, very stressful. Especially being told "the first time it most likely won't work because of your age"

Hearing those words- us, a couple who will be financially depleted and I mean depleted from doing that one IVF- it's tough to swallow. We have no family to help us, nore are we in any position to finance a few cycles. I started to realize this the other day when I was on the phone with fertility pharmacy and they told me with our insurance, we would be spending 6K on medicine to do one drs protocol. That's alot for us, especially when we still need to add money to the actual procedure. Just 5K would be alot for us at this time. We're really struggling since the economy went bust a few years ago. My husband, an architect, lost a very high paying job and is working in retail, making less than half of what he used to make. I left a high paying job after I kept losing pg's and freelance work has been non existent. Without all the details, its been really hard.

Maybe that fibroid is the reason we haven't conceived in 6 months. Maybe it should come out. But I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want anymore procedures, RE's, statistics, heart palpitations in the middle of the night knowing that this will 100% drain us.

I have always dreamed of being a mother. The day I became an aunt was the happiest day of my life. Loving those children and watching them grow, teaching them things and hearing them laugh- was a blessing and I'm glad I had that for a little while. If god blesses us with a baby, that will be wonderful. But I have to let all of this go.

So, we aren't going to do IVF. No OOT monitoring. (First we tried with the fibroid getting in the way, this month, we went and the nurse did bloods on me but "forgot" to do cycle bloods, I called them three times and noone called me back- draining, stressful, upsetting- especially when needing to know when to go in for another u/s and bloods). No more begging radiology centers to squeeze me in and winding up in tears because they don't get it. No more. No more RE's. No more me online all day reading about why I can't do what for everyone around me, is so simple. No more stress. We will keep praying to the saints that it does and sticks. But I can't live with the emotional, physical, financial, mental costs and pains of doing this anymore. The "why didn't I get a call back" "why is this doctors opinion not the same as the others" the "oh god another sono saline". We can't pretend that we can do things that we just can't afford.

I'm going to get a new therapist, someone who specializes in infertility and pray DH will as well, and try to accept the hand we have been dealt. I pray that he won't want to leave me and find a fertile woman to have a baby with (I dont think he would ever do that, he loves me very much and our marriage is strong but ever since my body has repeatedly failed me- I can't help but worry about that because he wants a child) I need to try and heal from the losses I have had, I never did heal from them. The pain of those 4 losses- there are no words. Not knowing why they happened hasnt given me any closure and I need to come to terms with that as well. I want to set small goals for myself, like "go 2 days no crying" to cry every day for over 7 months, is a horrible way to live life. I probably need medication, something I have fought my entire life, but maybe it's time for me to try some.

I am sorry this turned into such a long post. Thank you for reading it. I think I can honestly say that this was the most painful thing I have ever written- the truth hurts. Thank you for always looking out for me and god bless each of you on your journies to motherhood, I hope the journey there is a short one and you all are blessed with your hearts desires. I will peek in on you from time to time because I adore you and maybe who knows, maybe one day, I will be back.

With love, Teresa
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AJ
AJ

March 22nd, 2012, 10:06 pm #2

As I read your post, I was thinking of all kinds of things to say in response. But personally, right now, I don't think that's what you want (because I'm the same way;)). This decision is yours to make and we all have our own breaking point. Please know that I am thinking of you and sending you big hugs while you work through this. If you change your mind and need a cheerleader, please let me know:)
AJ
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Erin
Erin

March 22nd, 2012, 10:14 pm #3

I want to start out by saying to all of you amazing women who make this board a haven- I am grateful to each and every one of you these past months. You have given me tremendous insight and knowledge, held my hand when I needed support, you taught me what strength is, you have listened to my stories and offered solid advice and I will never forget that. Ever. I do want to peek on here to check in on all of you, because I genuinely care about you and hope with ALL my heart, to see you succeed.

As you know, I have sought 2, 3 and 4th opinions about this fibroid. One vag u/s led to a saline sono, led to a hysteroscopy, led to saline sono #2, led to an MRI, led to 4 Drs telling me to leave it alone-

Today I sought one more.

This Dr actually examined me. The others I saw, did not. They just read the reports and went by them. This Dr also read those same reports- the copy of the first sono saline pictures, the hysteroscopy report, the MRI report.

He gave me a vag u/s and said that in his opinion, this fibroid IS going into the cavity, (it IS intramural in the uterine fundus)and SHOULD come out. He said it would have to be done via abdominal myomectomy.

Then he turned around and said "this might even cause implantation problems, but if you wanted to do IVF I would tell you that I'd be okay with you doing IVF with the fibroid, but if it doesn't work, of course, we will tell you it's most likely because of the fibroid and at your age, IVF most likely won't work the first time, so you really have to think about it. But I'd definitely do another water saline and most likely an abdominal myomectomy " These were his exact words.

I told him thanks. And that we only have ONE shot at IVF so thanks for letting me know that it probably won't work anyway the one and only time we can do it. Thank you for that. He left the room.

Something- I don't know what exactly, maybe his tone, maybe thinking of another sono saline and how godawful the first one was for me and I swore I would never go through that again, maybe his lack of compassion, maybe the exhaustion of ALL of this, maybe now not trusting the other doctors because this one said take it out, maybe the reality setting in of the fact that we can only do one IVF and knowing my chances of success round one are crap (as he said), maybe because this coming Monday the 26th I was supposed to have our baby girl and I am having a horrific time with that, I am absolutely devastated, maybe that it only takes ONE doctor to say "take it out" to flip me out- I don't know- but something in me died today. I guess it was my last ounce of hope. It's gone.

I got in the car and just cried and cried, screaming crying, like I have never cried before in my life. And I'm still crying. But this time, I turned to my husband and I told him "I don't want to do this anymore, I can't do this anymore, I just can't endure one more day of this, please tell me we can stop" I begged him to forgive me and to not resent me for it, and to be with me on this. I have never been so miserable in my entire life. Ever. It's beyond- because I know we have all felt this way at one time or another, but this- is different, something that I can't explain- no more fight in me. A feeling beyond exhaustion, that I've never experienced before because I have always been a survivor, a fighter. Don't tell me I can't do something. To equate it would be saying I feel almost completely dead inside. Completely destroyed and in pain.

I feel bad saying this because some of you have been through far more than me and are still going and god bless you for it!

This is something that I've been feeling since this fibroid in Janaury, (every day, a little more and I suppose today was the last straw,) in addition to my endo, my (as this dr called it ) high FSH, because as he said, we have to go by your highest reading, my age, my 4 losses. Noone knows why the losses. I'm sad all the time, I cry at least 2x a day since August 17th, 2011. I don't want to feel like this anymore.

I know every doctor has an opinion but something like this- to leave it up to a patient who is struggling so much with what to do, for me, is just too much to bear. Take it out and risk scar tissue and never become pregnant as Dr Check said, or leave it in and risk a miscarriage as this dr told us today. How do you decide what to do? I mean, how? I can't. And suddenly, the opinions of the other drs mean very little because of his opinion today.

To only be able to do ONE IVF- is so stressful and it's taking a huge toll on me. We would be taking the very last of our savings and spending it on the meds and the rest of the cost of the IVF and that's very scary, very stressful. Especially being told "the first time it most likely won't work because of your age"

Hearing those words- us, a couple who will be financially depleted and I mean depleted from doing that one IVF- it's tough to swallow. We have no family to help us, nore are we in any position to finance a few cycles. I started to realize this the other day when I was on the phone with fertility pharmacy and they told me with our insurance, we would be spending 6K on medicine to do one drs protocol. That's alot for us, especially when we still need to add money to the actual procedure. Just 5K would be alot for us at this time. We're really struggling since the economy went bust a few years ago. My husband, an architect, lost a very high paying job and is working in retail, making less than half of what he used to make. I left a high paying job after I kept losing pg's and freelance work has been non existent. Without all the details, its been really hard.

Maybe that fibroid is the reason we haven't conceived in 6 months. Maybe it should come out. But I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want anymore procedures, RE's, statistics, heart palpitations in the middle of the night knowing that this will 100% drain us.

I have always dreamed of being a mother. The day I became an aunt was the happiest day of my life. Loving those children and watching them grow, teaching them things and hearing them laugh- was a blessing and I'm glad I had that for a little while. If god blesses us with a baby, that will be wonderful. But I have to let all of this go.

So, we aren't going to do IVF. No OOT monitoring. (First we tried with the fibroid getting in the way, this month, we went and the nurse did bloods on me but "forgot" to do cycle bloods, I called them three times and noone called me back- draining, stressful, upsetting- especially when needing to know when to go in for another u/s and bloods). No more begging radiology centers to squeeze me in and winding up in tears because they don't get it. No more. No more RE's. No more me online all day reading about why I can't do what for everyone around me, is so simple. No more stress. We will keep praying to the saints that it does and sticks. But I can't live with the emotional, physical, financial, mental costs and pains of doing this anymore. The "why didn't I get a call back" "why is this doctors opinion not the same as the others" the "oh god another sono saline". We can't pretend that we can do things that we just can't afford.

I'm going to get a new therapist, someone who specializes in infertility and pray DH will as well, and try to accept the hand we have been dealt. I pray that he won't want to leave me and find a fertile woman to have a baby with (I dont think he would ever do that, he loves me very much and our marriage is strong but ever since my body has repeatedly failed me- I can't help but worry about that because he wants a child) I need to try and heal from the losses I have had, I never did heal from them. The pain of those 4 losses- there are no words. Not knowing why they happened hasnt given me any closure and I need to come to terms with that as well. I want to set small goals for myself, like "go 2 days no crying" to cry every day for over 7 months, is a horrible way to live life. I probably need medication, something I have fought my entire life, but maybe it's time for me to try some.

I am sorry this turned into such a long post. Thank you for reading it. I think I can honestly say that this was the most painful thing I have ever written- the truth hurts. Thank you for always looking out for me and god bless each of you on your journies to motherhood, I hope the journey there is a short one and you all are blessed with your hearts desires. I will peek in on you from time to time because I adore you and maybe who knows, maybe one day, I will be back.

With love, Teresa
Teresa- My heart breaks for you. I see all your pain in what you've written and I am so sorry. You have been through a lot, it is all senseless, and it all just stabs at the core of who you are. While you're clearly hurting so much, you also seem to have some really good plans to take care of yourself and I think it shows a lot of strength that even at your lowest, you are still fighting to save yourself and your DH. Please continue to be good to yourself and whether you're here or elsewhere, know that you have a bunch of people cheering you on for a happy and fulfilling life, no matter what you decide to do from this day forward. I have faith you will find your way through, one way or another. Take good care.
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Anonymous
Anonymous

March 22nd, 2012, 10:20 pm #4

I want to start out by saying to all of you amazing women who make this board a haven- I am grateful to each and every one of you these past months. You have given me tremendous insight and knowledge, held my hand when I needed support, you taught me what strength is, you have listened to my stories and offered solid advice and I will never forget that. Ever. I do want to peek on here to check in on all of you, because I genuinely care about you and hope with ALL my heart, to see you succeed.

As you know, I have sought 2, 3 and 4th opinions about this fibroid. One vag u/s led to a saline sono, led to a hysteroscopy, led to saline sono #2, led to an MRI, led to 4 Drs telling me to leave it alone-

Today I sought one more.

This Dr actually examined me. The others I saw, did not. They just read the reports and went by them. This Dr also read those same reports- the copy of the first sono saline pictures, the hysteroscopy report, the MRI report.

He gave me a vag u/s and said that in his opinion, this fibroid IS going into the cavity, (it IS intramural in the uterine fundus)and SHOULD come out. He said it would have to be done via abdominal myomectomy.

Then he turned around and said "this might even cause implantation problems, but if you wanted to do IVF I would tell you that I'd be okay with you doing IVF with the fibroid, but if it doesn't work, of course, we will tell you it's most likely because of the fibroid and at your age, IVF most likely won't work the first time, so you really have to think about it. But I'd definitely do another water saline and most likely an abdominal myomectomy " These were his exact words.

I told him thanks. And that we only have ONE shot at IVF so thanks for letting me know that it probably won't work anyway the one and only time we can do it. Thank you for that. He left the room.

Something- I don't know what exactly, maybe his tone, maybe thinking of another sono saline and how godawful the first one was for me and I swore I would never go through that again, maybe his lack of compassion, maybe the exhaustion of ALL of this, maybe now not trusting the other doctors because this one said take it out, maybe the reality setting in of the fact that we can only do one IVF and knowing my chances of success round one are crap (as he said), maybe because this coming Monday the 26th I was supposed to have our baby girl and I am having a horrific time with that, I am absolutely devastated, maybe that it only takes ONE doctor to say "take it out" to flip me out- I don't know- but something in me died today. I guess it was my last ounce of hope. It's gone.

I got in the car and just cried and cried, screaming crying, like I have never cried before in my life. And I'm still crying. But this time, I turned to my husband and I told him "I don't want to do this anymore, I can't do this anymore, I just can't endure one more day of this, please tell me we can stop" I begged him to forgive me and to not resent me for it, and to be with me on this. I have never been so miserable in my entire life. Ever. It's beyond- because I know we have all felt this way at one time or another, but this- is different, something that I can't explain- no more fight in me. A feeling beyond exhaustion, that I've never experienced before because I have always been a survivor, a fighter. Don't tell me I can't do something. To equate it would be saying I feel almost completely dead inside. Completely destroyed and in pain.

I feel bad saying this because some of you have been through far more than me and are still going and god bless you for it!

This is something that I've been feeling since this fibroid in Janaury, (every day, a little more and I suppose today was the last straw,) in addition to my endo, my (as this dr called it ) high FSH, because as he said, we have to go by your highest reading, my age, my 4 losses. Noone knows why the losses. I'm sad all the time, I cry at least 2x a day since August 17th, 2011. I don't want to feel like this anymore.

I know every doctor has an opinion but something like this- to leave it up to a patient who is struggling so much with what to do, for me, is just too much to bear. Take it out and risk scar tissue and never become pregnant as Dr Check said, or leave it in and risk a miscarriage as this dr told us today. How do you decide what to do? I mean, how? I can't. And suddenly, the opinions of the other drs mean very little because of his opinion today.

To only be able to do ONE IVF- is so stressful and it's taking a huge toll on me. We would be taking the very last of our savings and spending it on the meds and the rest of the cost of the IVF and that's very scary, very stressful. Especially being told "the first time it most likely won't work because of your age"

Hearing those words- us, a couple who will be financially depleted and I mean depleted from doing that one IVF- it's tough to swallow. We have no family to help us, nore are we in any position to finance a few cycles. I started to realize this the other day when I was on the phone with fertility pharmacy and they told me with our insurance, we would be spending 6K on medicine to do one drs protocol. That's alot for us, especially when we still need to add money to the actual procedure. Just 5K would be alot for us at this time. We're really struggling since the economy went bust a few years ago. My husband, an architect, lost a very high paying job and is working in retail, making less than half of what he used to make. I left a high paying job after I kept losing pg's and freelance work has been non existent. Without all the details, its been really hard.

Maybe that fibroid is the reason we haven't conceived in 6 months. Maybe it should come out. But I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want anymore procedures, RE's, statistics, heart palpitations in the middle of the night knowing that this will 100% drain us.

I have always dreamed of being a mother. The day I became an aunt was the happiest day of my life. Loving those children and watching them grow, teaching them things and hearing them laugh- was a blessing and I'm glad I had that for a little while. If god blesses us with a baby, that will be wonderful. But I have to let all of this go.

So, we aren't going to do IVF. No OOT monitoring. (First we tried with the fibroid getting in the way, this month, we went and the nurse did bloods on me but "forgot" to do cycle bloods, I called them three times and noone called me back- draining, stressful, upsetting- especially when needing to know when to go in for another u/s and bloods). No more begging radiology centers to squeeze me in and winding up in tears because they don't get it. No more. No more RE's. No more me online all day reading about why I can't do what for everyone around me, is so simple. No more stress. We will keep praying to the saints that it does and sticks. But I can't live with the emotional, physical, financial, mental costs and pains of doing this anymore. The "why didn't I get a call back" "why is this doctors opinion not the same as the others" the "oh god another sono saline". We can't pretend that we can do things that we just can't afford.

I'm going to get a new therapist, someone who specializes in infertility and pray DH will as well, and try to accept the hand we have been dealt. I pray that he won't want to leave me and find a fertile woman to have a baby with (I dont think he would ever do that, he loves me very much and our marriage is strong but ever since my body has repeatedly failed me- I can't help but worry about that because he wants a child) I need to try and heal from the losses I have had, I never did heal from them. The pain of those 4 losses- there are no words. Not knowing why they happened hasnt given me any closure and I need to come to terms with that as well. I want to set small goals for myself, like "go 2 days no crying" to cry every day for over 7 months, is a horrible way to live life. I probably need medication, something I have fought my entire life, but maybe it's time for me to try some.

I am sorry this turned into such a long post. Thank you for reading it. I think I can honestly say that this was the most painful thing I have ever written- the truth hurts. Thank you for always looking out for me and god bless each of you on your journies to motherhood, I hope the journey there is a short one and you all are blessed with your hearts desires. I will peek in on you from time to time because I adore you and maybe who knows, maybe one day, I will be back.

With love, Teresa
I just am so so sorry for all you have gone thru, and I know you have heard it before,but try CNY for their low cost IVF cycles and 2 year interest free financing as well as split DE cycles with financing it is close to you cheapest in US and compassionate Dr. I know it is hard to keep going, and hard to not keep going. Good Luck on this diffucult journey
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Anonymous
Anonymous

March 22nd, 2012, 10:29 pm #5

I want to start out by saying to all of you amazing women who make this board a haven- I am grateful to each and every one of you these past months. You have given me tremendous insight and knowledge, held my hand when I needed support, you taught me what strength is, you have listened to my stories and offered solid advice and I will never forget that. Ever. I do want to peek on here to check in on all of you, because I genuinely care about you and hope with ALL my heart, to see you succeed.

As you know, I have sought 2, 3 and 4th opinions about this fibroid. One vag u/s led to a saline sono, led to a hysteroscopy, led to saline sono #2, led to an MRI, led to 4 Drs telling me to leave it alone-

Today I sought one more.

This Dr actually examined me. The others I saw, did not. They just read the reports and went by them. This Dr also read those same reports- the copy of the first sono saline pictures, the hysteroscopy report, the MRI report.

He gave me a vag u/s and said that in his opinion, this fibroid IS going into the cavity, (it IS intramural in the uterine fundus)and SHOULD come out. He said it would have to be done via abdominal myomectomy.

Then he turned around and said "this might even cause implantation problems, but if you wanted to do IVF I would tell you that I'd be okay with you doing IVF with the fibroid, but if it doesn't work, of course, we will tell you it's most likely because of the fibroid and at your age, IVF most likely won't work the first time, so you really have to think about it. But I'd definitely do another water saline and most likely an abdominal myomectomy " These were his exact words.

I told him thanks. And that we only have ONE shot at IVF so thanks for letting me know that it probably won't work anyway the one and only time we can do it. Thank you for that. He left the room.

Something- I don't know what exactly, maybe his tone, maybe thinking of another sono saline and how godawful the first one was for me and I swore I would never go through that again, maybe his lack of compassion, maybe the exhaustion of ALL of this, maybe now not trusting the other doctors because this one said take it out, maybe the reality setting in of the fact that we can only do one IVF and knowing my chances of success round one are crap (as he said), maybe because this coming Monday the 26th I was supposed to have our baby girl and I am having a horrific time with that, I am absolutely devastated, maybe that it only takes ONE doctor to say "take it out" to flip me out- I don't know- but something in me died today. I guess it was my last ounce of hope. It's gone.

I got in the car and just cried and cried, screaming crying, like I have never cried before in my life. And I'm still crying. But this time, I turned to my husband and I told him "I don't want to do this anymore, I can't do this anymore, I just can't endure one more day of this, please tell me we can stop" I begged him to forgive me and to not resent me for it, and to be with me on this. I have never been so miserable in my entire life. Ever. It's beyond- because I know we have all felt this way at one time or another, but this- is different, something that I can't explain- no more fight in me. A feeling beyond exhaustion, that I've never experienced before because I have always been a survivor, a fighter. Don't tell me I can't do something. To equate it would be saying I feel almost completely dead inside. Completely destroyed and in pain.

I feel bad saying this because some of you have been through far more than me and are still going and god bless you for it!

This is something that I've been feeling since this fibroid in Janaury, (every day, a little more and I suppose today was the last straw,) in addition to my endo, my (as this dr called it ) high FSH, because as he said, we have to go by your highest reading, my age, my 4 losses. Noone knows why the losses. I'm sad all the time, I cry at least 2x a day since August 17th, 2011. I don't want to feel like this anymore.

I know every doctor has an opinion but something like this- to leave it up to a patient who is struggling so much with what to do, for me, is just too much to bear. Take it out and risk scar tissue and never become pregnant as Dr Check said, or leave it in and risk a miscarriage as this dr told us today. How do you decide what to do? I mean, how? I can't. And suddenly, the opinions of the other drs mean very little because of his opinion today.

To only be able to do ONE IVF- is so stressful and it's taking a huge toll on me. We would be taking the very last of our savings and spending it on the meds and the rest of the cost of the IVF and that's very scary, very stressful. Especially being told "the first time it most likely won't work because of your age"

Hearing those words- us, a couple who will be financially depleted and I mean depleted from doing that one IVF- it's tough to swallow. We have no family to help us, nore are we in any position to finance a few cycles. I started to realize this the other day when I was on the phone with fertility pharmacy and they told me with our insurance, we would be spending 6K on medicine to do one drs protocol. That's alot for us, especially when we still need to add money to the actual procedure. Just 5K would be alot for us at this time. We're really struggling since the economy went bust a few years ago. My husband, an architect, lost a very high paying job and is working in retail, making less than half of what he used to make. I left a high paying job after I kept losing pg's and freelance work has been non existent. Without all the details, its been really hard.

Maybe that fibroid is the reason we haven't conceived in 6 months. Maybe it should come out. But I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want anymore procedures, RE's, statistics, heart palpitations in the middle of the night knowing that this will 100% drain us.

I have always dreamed of being a mother. The day I became an aunt was the happiest day of my life. Loving those children and watching them grow, teaching them things and hearing them laugh- was a blessing and I'm glad I had that for a little while. If god blesses us with a baby, that will be wonderful. But I have to let all of this go.

So, we aren't going to do IVF. No OOT monitoring. (First we tried with the fibroid getting in the way, this month, we went and the nurse did bloods on me but "forgot" to do cycle bloods, I called them three times and noone called me back- draining, stressful, upsetting- especially when needing to know when to go in for another u/s and bloods). No more begging radiology centers to squeeze me in and winding up in tears because they don't get it. No more. No more RE's. No more me online all day reading about why I can't do what for everyone around me, is so simple. No more stress. We will keep praying to the saints that it does and sticks. But I can't live with the emotional, physical, financial, mental costs and pains of doing this anymore. The "why didn't I get a call back" "why is this doctors opinion not the same as the others" the "oh god another sono saline". We can't pretend that we can do things that we just can't afford.

I'm going to get a new therapist, someone who specializes in infertility and pray DH will as well, and try to accept the hand we have been dealt. I pray that he won't want to leave me and find a fertile woman to have a baby with (I dont think he would ever do that, he loves me very much and our marriage is strong but ever since my body has repeatedly failed me- I can't help but worry about that because he wants a child) I need to try and heal from the losses I have had, I never did heal from them. The pain of those 4 losses- there are no words. Not knowing why they happened hasnt given me any closure and I need to come to terms with that as well. I want to set small goals for myself, like "go 2 days no crying" to cry every day for over 7 months, is a horrible way to live life. I probably need medication, something I have fought my entire life, but maybe it's time for me to try some.

I am sorry this turned into such a long post. Thank you for reading it. I think I can honestly say that this was the most painful thing I have ever written- the truth hurts. Thank you for always looking out for me and god bless each of you on your journies to motherhood, I hope the journey there is a short one and you all are blessed with your hearts desires. I will peek in on you from time to time because I adore you and maybe who knows, maybe one day, I will be back.

With love, Teresa
Albany IVF has IVF cycles for $3,500 with a ((minmum)) down payment and interest free for one year.. Looking for at least a chance for you to try..
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mel
mel

March 22nd, 2012, 11:01 pm #6

I want to start out by saying to all of you amazing women who make this board a haven- I am grateful to each and every one of you these past months. You have given me tremendous insight and knowledge, held my hand when I needed support, you taught me what strength is, you have listened to my stories and offered solid advice and I will never forget that. Ever. I do want to peek on here to check in on all of you, because I genuinely care about you and hope with ALL my heart, to see you succeed.

As you know, I have sought 2, 3 and 4th opinions about this fibroid. One vag u/s led to a saline sono, led to a hysteroscopy, led to saline sono #2, led to an MRI, led to 4 Drs telling me to leave it alone-

Today I sought one more.

This Dr actually examined me. The others I saw, did not. They just read the reports and went by them. This Dr also read those same reports- the copy of the first sono saline pictures, the hysteroscopy report, the MRI report.

He gave me a vag u/s and said that in his opinion, this fibroid IS going into the cavity, (it IS intramural in the uterine fundus)and SHOULD come out. He said it would have to be done via abdominal myomectomy.

Then he turned around and said "this might even cause implantation problems, but if you wanted to do IVF I would tell you that I'd be okay with you doing IVF with the fibroid, but if it doesn't work, of course, we will tell you it's most likely because of the fibroid and at your age, IVF most likely won't work the first time, so you really have to think about it. But I'd definitely do another water saline and most likely an abdominal myomectomy " These were his exact words.

I told him thanks. And that we only have ONE shot at IVF so thanks for letting me know that it probably won't work anyway the one and only time we can do it. Thank you for that. He left the room.

Something- I don't know what exactly, maybe his tone, maybe thinking of another sono saline and how godawful the first one was for me and I swore I would never go through that again, maybe his lack of compassion, maybe the exhaustion of ALL of this, maybe now not trusting the other doctors because this one said take it out, maybe the reality setting in of the fact that we can only do one IVF and knowing my chances of success round one are crap (as he said), maybe because this coming Monday the 26th I was supposed to have our baby girl and I am having a horrific time with that, I am absolutely devastated, maybe that it only takes ONE doctor to say "take it out" to flip me out- I don't know- but something in me died today. I guess it was my last ounce of hope. It's gone.

I got in the car and just cried and cried, screaming crying, like I have never cried before in my life. And I'm still crying. But this time, I turned to my husband and I told him "I don't want to do this anymore, I can't do this anymore, I just can't endure one more day of this, please tell me we can stop" I begged him to forgive me and to not resent me for it, and to be with me on this. I have never been so miserable in my entire life. Ever. It's beyond- because I know we have all felt this way at one time or another, but this- is different, something that I can't explain- no more fight in me. A feeling beyond exhaustion, that I've never experienced before because I have always been a survivor, a fighter. Don't tell me I can't do something. To equate it would be saying I feel almost completely dead inside. Completely destroyed and in pain.

I feel bad saying this because some of you have been through far more than me and are still going and god bless you for it!

This is something that I've been feeling since this fibroid in Janaury, (every day, a little more and I suppose today was the last straw,) in addition to my endo, my (as this dr called it ) high FSH, because as he said, we have to go by your highest reading, my age, my 4 losses. Noone knows why the losses. I'm sad all the time, I cry at least 2x a day since August 17th, 2011. I don't want to feel like this anymore.

I know every doctor has an opinion but something like this- to leave it up to a patient who is struggling so much with what to do, for me, is just too much to bear. Take it out and risk scar tissue and never become pregnant as Dr Check said, or leave it in and risk a miscarriage as this dr told us today. How do you decide what to do? I mean, how? I can't. And suddenly, the opinions of the other drs mean very little because of his opinion today.

To only be able to do ONE IVF- is so stressful and it's taking a huge toll on me. We would be taking the very last of our savings and spending it on the meds and the rest of the cost of the IVF and that's very scary, very stressful. Especially being told "the first time it most likely won't work because of your age"

Hearing those words- us, a couple who will be financially depleted and I mean depleted from doing that one IVF- it's tough to swallow. We have no family to help us, nore are we in any position to finance a few cycles. I started to realize this the other day when I was on the phone with fertility pharmacy and they told me with our insurance, we would be spending 6K on medicine to do one drs protocol. That's alot for us, especially when we still need to add money to the actual procedure. Just 5K would be alot for us at this time. We're really struggling since the economy went bust a few years ago. My husband, an architect, lost a very high paying job and is working in retail, making less than half of what he used to make. I left a high paying job after I kept losing pg's and freelance work has been non existent. Without all the details, its been really hard.

Maybe that fibroid is the reason we haven't conceived in 6 months. Maybe it should come out. But I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want anymore procedures, RE's, statistics, heart palpitations in the middle of the night knowing that this will 100% drain us.

I have always dreamed of being a mother. The day I became an aunt was the happiest day of my life. Loving those children and watching them grow, teaching them things and hearing them laugh- was a blessing and I'm glad I had that for a little while. If god blesses us with a baby, that will be wonderful. But I have to let all of this go.

So, we aren't going to do IVF. No OOT monitoring. (First we tried with the fibroid getting in the way, this month, we went and the nurse did bloods on me but "forgot" to do cycle bloods, I called them three times and noone called me back- draining, stressful, upsetting- especially when needing to know when to go in for another u/s and bloods). No more begging radiology centers to squeeze me in and winding up in tears because they don't get it. No more. No more RE's. No more me online all day reading about why I can't do what for everyone around me, is so simple. No more stress. We will keep praying to the saints that it does and sticks. But I can't live with the emotional, physical, financial, mental costs and pains of doing this anymore. The "why didn't I get a call back" "why is this doctors opinion not the same as the others" the "oh god another sono saline". We can't pretend that we can do things that we just can't afford.

I'm going to get a new therapist, someone who specializes in infertility and pray DH will as well, and try to accept the hand we have been dealt. I pray that he won't want to leave me and find a fertile woman to have a baby with (I dont think he would ever do that, he loves me very much and our marriage is strong but ever since my body has repeatedly failed me- I can't help but worry about that because he wants a child) I need to try and heal from the losses I have had, I never did heal from them. The pain of those 4 losses- there are no words. Not knowing why they happened hasnt given me any closure and I need to come to terms with that as well. I want to set small goals for myself, like "go 2 days no crying" to cry every day for over 7 months, is a horrible way to live life. I probably need medication, something I have fought my entire life, but maybe it's time for me to try some.

I am sorry this turned into such a long post. Thank you for reading it. I think I can honestly say that this was the most painful thing I have ever written- the truth hurts. Thank you for always looking out for me and god bless each of you on your journies to motherhood, I hope the journey there is a short one and you all are blessed with your hearts desires. I will peek in on you from time to time because I adore you and maybe who knows, maybe one day, I will be back.

With love, Teresa
My heart goes out to you, Teresa. Each one of us knows our limits and how much our bodies and hearts can handle. Sometimes it just gets to be too much. You need to do whatever is best for you and your husband, so you can alleviate the sadness in your life. You are very strong and courageous, and I can tell you have a very kind heart. I wish you peace and happiness. Sending hugs.
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anon15
anon15

March 23rd, 2012, 12:11 am #7

I just am so so sorry for all you have gone thru, and I know you have heard it before,but try CNY for their low cost IVF cycles and 2 year interest free financing as well as split DE cycles with financing it is close to you cheapest in US and compassionate Dr. I know it is hard to keep going, and hard to not keep going. Good Luck on this diffucult journey
If u do, stop advertising here, because you are embarrassing the clinic.... MAD FACE
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DeeinNYC
DeeinNYC

March 23rd, 2012, 1:19 am #8

I want to start out by saying to all of you amazing women who make this board a haven- I am grateful to each and every one of you these past months. You have given me tremendous insight and knowledge, held my hand when I needed support, you taught me what strength is, you have listened to my stories and offered solid advice and I will never forget that. Ever. I do want to peek on here to check in on all of you, because I genuinely care about you and hope with ALL my heart, to see you succeed.

As you know, I have sought 2, 3 and 4th opinions about this fibroid. One vag u/s led to a saline sono, led to a hysteroscopy, led to saline sono #2, led to an MRI, led to 4 Drs telling me to leave it alone-

Today I sought one more.

This Dr actually examined me. The others I saw, did not. They just read the reports and went by them. This Dr also read those same reports- the copy of the first sono saline pictures, the hysteroscopy report, the MRI report.

He gave me a vag u/s and said that in his opinion, this fibroid IS going into the cavity, (it IS intramural in the uterine fundus)and SHOULD come out. He said it would have to be done via abdominal myomectomy.

Then he turned around and said "this might even cause implantation problems, but if you wanted to do IVF I would tell you that I'd be okay with you doing IVF with the fibroid, but if it doesn't work, of course, we will tell you it's most likely because of the fibroid and at your age, IVF most likely won't work the first time, so you really have to think about it. But I'd definitely do another water saline and most likely an abdominal myomectomy " These were his exact words.

I told him thanks. And that we only have ONE shot at IVF so thanks for letting me know that it probably won't work anyway the one and only time we can do it. Thank you for that. He left the room.

Something- I don't know what exactly, maybe his tone, maybe thinking of another sono saline and how godawful the first one was for me and I swore I would never go through that again, maybe his lack of compassion, maybe the exhaustion of ALL of this, maybe now not trusting the other doctors because this one said take it out, maybe the reality setting in of the fact that we can only do one IVF and knowing my chances of success round one are crap (as he said), maybe because this coming Monday the 26th I was supposed to have our baby girl and I am having a horrific time with that, I am absolutely devastated, maybe that it only takes ONE doctor to say "take it out" to flip me out- I don't know- but something in me died today. I guess it was my last ounce of hope. It's gone.

I got in the car and just cried and cried, screaming crying, like I have never cried before in my life. And I'm still crying. But this time, I turned to my husband and I told him "I don't want to do this anymore, I can't do this anymore, I just can't endure one more day of this, please tell me we can stop" I begged him to forgive me and to not resent me for it, and to be with me on this. I have never been so miserable in my entire life. Ever. It's beyond- because I know we have all felt this way at one time or another, but this- is different, something that I can't explain- no more fight in me. A feeling beyond exhaustion, that I've never experienced before because I have always been a survivor, a fighter. Don't tell me I can't do something. To equate it would be saying I feel almost completely dead inside. Completely destroyed and in pain.

I feel bad saying this because some of you have been through far more than me and are still going and god bless you for it!

This is something that I've been feeling since this fibroid in Janaury, (every day, a little more and I suppose today was the last straw,) in addition to my endo, my (as this dr called it ) high FSH, because as he said, we have to go by your highest reading, my age, my 4 losses. Noone knows why the losses. I'm sad all the time, I cry at least 2x a day since August 17th, 2011. I don't want to feel like this anymore.

I know every doctor has an opinion but something like this- to leave it up to a patient who is struggling so much with what to do, for me, is just too much to bear. Take it out and risk scar tissue and never become pregnant as Dr Check said, or leave it in and risk a miscarriage as this dr told us today. How do you decide what to do? I mean, how? I can't. And suddenly, the opinions of the other drs mean very little because of his opinion today.

To only be able to do ONE IVF- is so stressful and it's taking a huge toll on me. We would be taking the very last of our savings and spending it on the meds and the rest of the cost of the IVF and that's very scary, very stressful. Especially being told "the first time it most likely won't work because of your age"

Hearing those words- us, a couple who will be financially depleted and I mean depleted from doing that one IVF- it's tough to swallow. We have no family to help us, nore are we in any position to finance a few cycles. I started to realize this the other day when I was on the phone with fertility pharmacy and they told me with our insurance, we would be spending 6K on medicine to do one drs protocol. That's alot for us, especially when we still need to add money to the actual procedure. Just 5K would be alot for us at this time. We're really struggling since the economy went bust a few years ago. My husband, an architect, lost a very high paying job and is working in retail, making less than half of what he used to make. I left a high paying job after I kept losing pg's and freelance work has been non existent. Without all the details, its been really hard.

Maybe that fibroid is the reason we haven't conceived in 6 months. Maybe it should come out. But I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want anymore procedures, RE's, statistics, heart palpitations in the middle of the night knowing that this will 100% drain us.

I have always dreamed of being a mother. The day I became an aunt was the happiest day of my life. Loving those children and watching them grow, teaching them things and hearing them laugh- was a blessing and I'm glad I had that for a little while. If god blesses us with a baby, that will be wonderful. But I have to let all of this go.

So, we aren't going to do IVF. No OOT monitoring. (First we tried with the fibroid getting in the way, this month, we went and the nurse did bloods on me but "forgot" to do cycle bloods, I called them three times and noone called me back- draining, stressful, upsetting- especially when needing to know when to go in for another u/s and bloods). No more begging radiology centers to squeeze me in and winding up in tears because they don't get it. No more. No more RE's. No more me online all day reading about why I can't do what for everyone around me, is so simple. No more stress. We will keep praying to the saints that it does and sticks. But I can't live with the emotional, physical, financial, mental costs and pains of doing this anymore. The "why didn't I get a call back" "why is this doctors opinion not the same as the others" the "oh god another sono saline". We can't pretend that we can do things that we just can't afford.

I'm going to get a new therapist, someone who specializes in infertility and pray DH will as well, and try to accept the hand we have been dealt. I pray that he won't want to leave me and find a fertile woman to have a baby with (I dont think he would ever do that, he loves me very much and our marriage is strong but ever since my body has repeatedly failed me- I can't help but worry about that because he wants a child) I need to try and heal from the losses I have had, I never did heal from them. The pain of those 4 losses- there are no words. Not knowing why they happened hasnt given me any closure and I need to come to terms with that as well. I want to set small goals for myself, like "go 2 days no crying" to cry every day for over 7 months, is a horrible way to live life. I probably need medication, something I have fought my entire life, but maybe it's time for me to try some.

I am sorry this turned into such a long post. Thank you for reading it. I think I can honestly say that this was the most painful thing I have ever written- the truth hurts. Thank you for always looking out for me and god bless each of you on your journies to motherhood, I hope the journey there is a short one and you all are blessed with your hearts desires. I will peek in on you from time to time because I adore you and maybe who knows, maybe one day, I will be back.

With love, Teresa
Teresa,

I wish that I could come to where you are and give you a hug. I'm so very sorry that today's Dr. just added to your confusion. I think that it's a great idea to find a therapist that specializes in infertility. You have been through a lot. A good therapist can help. I've had 5 losses of my own so I understand what you are going through. It makes you numb. You feel as though your life has been ripped apart. I think you said it best...many of us have been to the dark place where you found yourself today or close to it. All I can say is this...it's hard to make life-changing decisions when you are emotionally and physically drained. Take a step back. Maybe a BIG step back. Come back to it if you desire to...or if you choose not to..get some help to help you deal with your situation going forward. Take care and be well.
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Mrs. McIrish
Mrs. McIrish

March 23rd, 2012, 1:39 am #9

I want to start out by saying to all of you amazing women who make this board a haven- I am grateful to each and every one of you these past months. You have given me tremendous insight and knowledge, held my hand when I needed support, you taught me what strength is, you have listened to my stories and offered solid advice and I will never forget that. Ever. I do want to peek on here to check in on all of you, because I genuinely care about you and hope with ALL my heart, to see you succeed.

As you know, I have sought 2, 3 and 4th opinions about this fibroid. One vag u/s led to a saline sono, led to a hysteroscopy, led to saline sono #2, led to an MRI, led to 4 Drs telling me to leave it alone-

Today I sought one more.

This Dr actually examined me. The others I saw, did not. They just read the reports and went by them. This Dr also read those same reports- the copy of the first sono saline pictures, the hysteroscopy report, the MRI report.

He gave me a vag u/s and said that in his opinion, this fibroid IS going into the cavity, (it IS intramural in the uterine fundus)and SHOULD come out. He said it would have to be done via abdominal myomectomy.

Then he turned around and said "this might even cause implantation problems, but if you wanted to do IVF I would tell you that I'd be okay with you doing IVF with the fibroid, but if it doesn't work, of course, we will tell you it's most likely because of the fibroid and at your age, IVF most likely won't work the first time, so you really have to think about it. But I'd definitely do another water saline and most likely an abdominal myomectomy " These were his exact words.

I told him thanks. And that we only have ONE shot at IVF so thanks for letting me know that it probably won't work anyway the one and only time we can do it. Thank you for that. He left the room.

Something- I don't know what exactly, maybe his tone, maybe thinking of another sono saline and how godawful the first one was for me and I swore I would never go through that again, maybe his lack of compassion, maybe the exhaustion of ALL of this, maybe now not trusting the other doctors because this one said take it out, maybe the reality setting in of the fact that we can only do one IVF and knowing my chances of success round one are crap (as he said), maybe because this coming Monday the 26th I was supposed to have our baby girl and I am having a horrific time with that, I am absolutely devastated, maybe that it only takes ONE doctor to say "take it out" to flip me out- I don't know- but something in me died today. I guess it was my last ounce of hope. It's gone.

I got in the car and just cried and cried, screaming crying, like I have never cried before in my life. And I'm still crying. But this time, I turned to my husband and I told him "I don't want to do this anymore, I can't do this anymore, I just can't endure one more day of this, please tell me we can stop" I begged him to forgive me and to not resent me for it, and to be with me on this. I have never been so miserable in my entire life. Ever. It's beyond- because I know we have all felt this way at one time or another, but this- is different, something that I can't explain- no more fight in me. A feeling beyond exhaustion, that I've never experienced before because I have always been a survivor, a fighter. Don't tell me I can't do something. To equate it would be saying I feel almost completely dead inside. Completely destroyed and in pain.

I feel bad saying this because some of you have been through far more than me and are still going and god bless you for it!

This is something that I've been feeling since this fibroid in Janaury, (every day, a little more and I suppose today was the last straw,) in addition to my endo, my (as this dr called it ) high FSH, because as he said, we have to go by your highest reading, my age, my 4 losses. Noone knows why the losses. I'm sad all the time, I cry at least 2x a day since August 17th, 2011. I don't want to feel like this anymore.

I know every doctor has an opinion but something like this- to leave it up to a patient who is struggling so much with what to do, for me, is just too much to bear. Take it out and risk scar tissue and never become pregnant as Dr Check said, or leave it in and risk a miscarriage as this dr told us today. How do you decide what to do? I mean, how? I can't. And suddenly, the opinions of the other drs mean very little because of his opinion today.

To only be able to do ONE IVF- is so stressful and it's taking a huge toll on me. We would be taking the very last of our savings and spending it on the meds and the rest of the cost of the IVF and that's very scary, very stressful. Especially being told "the first time it most likely won't work because of your age"

Hearing those words- us, a couple who will be financially depleted and I mean depleted from doing that one IVF- it's tough to swallow. We have no family to help us, nore are we in any position to finance a few cycles. I started to realize this the other day when I was on the phone with fertility pharmacy and they told me with our insurance, we would be spending 6K on medicine to do one drs protocol. That's alot for us, especially when we still need to add money to the actual procedure. Just 5K would be alot for us at this time. We're really struggling since the economy went bust a few years ago. My husband, an architect, lost a very high paying job and is working in retail, making less than half of what he used to make. I left a high paying job after I kept losing pg's and freelance work has been non existent. Without all the details, its been really hard.

Maybe that fibroid is the reason we haven't conceived in 6 months. Maybe it should come out. But I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want anymore procedures, RE's, statistics, heart palpitations in the middle of the night knowing that this will 100% drain us.

I have always dreamed of being a mother. The day I became an aunt was the happiest day of my life. Loving those children and watching them grow, teaching them things and hearing them laugh- was a blessing and I'm glad I had that for a little while. If god blesses us with a baby, that will be wonderful. But I have to let all of this go.

So, we aren't going to do IVF. No OOT monitoring. (First we tried with the fibroid getting in the way, this month, we went and the nurse did bloods on me but "forgot" to do cycle bloods, I called them three times and noone called me back- draining, stressful, upsetting- especially when needing to know when to go in for another u/s and bloods). No more begging radiology centers to squeeze me in and winding up in tears because they don't get it. No more. No more RE's. No more me online all day reading about why I can't do what for everyone around me, is so simple. No more stress. We will keep praying to the saints that it does and sticks. But I can't live with the emotional, physical, financial, mental costs and pains of doing this anymore. The "why didn't I get a call back" "why is this doctors opinion not the same as the others" the "oh god another sono saline". We can't pretend that we can do things that we just can't afford.

I'm going to get a new therapist, someone who specializes in infertility and pray DH will as well, and try to accept the hand we have been dealt. I pray that he won't want to leave me and find a fertile woman to have a baby with (I dont think he would ever do that, he loves me very much and our marriage is strong but ever since my body has repeatedly failed me- I can't help but worry about that because he wants a child) I need to try and heal from the losses I have had, I never did heal from them. The pain of those 4 losses- there are no words. Not knowing why they happened hasnt given me any closure and I need to come to terms with that as well. I want to set small goals for myself, like "go 2 days no crying" to cry every day for over 7 months, is a horrible way to live life. I probably need medication, something I have fought my entire life, but maybe it's time for me to try some.

I am sorry this turned into such a long post. Thank you for reading it. I think I can honestly say that this was the most painful thing I have ever written- the truth hurts. Thank you for always looking out for me and god bless each of you on your journies to motherhood, I hope the journey there is a short one and you all are blessed with your hearts desires. I will peek in on you from time to time because I adore you and maybe who knows, maybe one day, I will be back.

With love, Teresa
Oh Teresa,
I am so sad for you. I can just feel your sadness, anger etc. Sometimes it is all just too much. I'm sorry the dr today didn't say the same as the others, opening up the can of worms so to speak. It SUCKS that you can get so many different opinions on the same fibroid. How are you supposed to know who to trust etc. I wish I had better advice or at least could take you out for a cocktail!

I understand the $$ issue. IVF is tough and it is very hard to put all your eggs in one basket (pardon the pun). Having been through 3 IVF's with nothing to show for it, I would have a hard time telling someone to just go for it when the % chance isn't good at our age even without other "issues". It is a crap shoot and to the "just try again" people, it isn't that simple etc.

I do agree with Dee though that you should take some time off, see the therapist and see if you still feel the same about stopping once you've been removed from the day to day heartache of IF treatments/doctors etc. It is no one else's decision when you've had enough. I think it takes a strong woman to walk away from all this since we know what that means for the rest of our life. We can't go back in time and change that decision later on. I've always said that I felt I would know when I was done. You may be there and you have to trust yourself if that's the decision you want to make. I wish you much luck and hope that happiness comes to you soon in whatever form even if it is different that what we may have imagined.

Take good care of yourself.
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Anonymous
Anonymous

March 23rd, 2012, 1:43 am #10

If u do, stop advertising here, because you are embarrassing the clinic.... MAD FACE
No sorry only hoped to give some low cost options for someone who might need to know..
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