@ anna

@ anna

bigboy
bigboy

October 2nd, 2011, 3:12 pm #1

hi - just wanted to see how you were doing after your IUI : )
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Sara H
Sara H

October 2nd, 2011, 3:53 pm #2

Me, too! :-) (NT)
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anna
anna

October 2nd, 2011, 5:17 pm #3

hi - just wanted to see how you were doing after your IUI : )
Thank u both. I am feeling better. I did the IUI on Friday. Oh man speaking of awkward, this was my first time. The RE couldn't get the tube in and DH was watching the whole thing.....I Came home and slept the whole day. Sleeping is one way to fight with sadness every time I am sad I just sleep. Saturday I woke up and I found my self sobbing and crying then I just left home went to a mall by the beach and spent 5 hours by the beach/mall alone I needed some time to myself. And right now I am sleeping with a heating pad under my butt, gush this prog shots r painful. Overall I am feeling better today and I am plnning to leave the house again. Mean while I am very frustrated At my fortune and what g-d has been doing to my life. All I can say is I am not as faithful as I was before my IF some times I even wonder how can g-d see our tears and sorrow month over month. And at the end I just feel guilty that I am losing faith. BTW RE said next month is a natural cycle IVF. But I am going to NY at the end of this month to talk with both check and Davis . I already bought the plane ticket.
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bigboy
bigboy

October 2nd, 2011, 6:03 pm #4

im sorry you are feeling so sad. really, i am. i hate what IF does to people. if it makes you feel any better i think a lot of women question God through their IF journey. i still do....i could write a book about how i feel about God and IF but i wont bore you.
and sorry about your IUI. my first one in june was completely fine. this last one i had a lot of cramping afterwards that i wasnt prepared for. i still like them better then getting a pap though : ) i HATE paps!
and i cant wait to hear what NY and Check has to say!
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

October 2nd, 2011, 7:38 pm #5

Thank u both. I am feeling better. I did the IUI on Friday. Oh man speaking of awkward, this was my first time. The RE couldn't get the tube in and DH was watching the whole thing.....I Came home and slept the whole day. Sleeping is one way to fight with sadness every time I am sad I just sleep. Saturday I woke up and I found my self sobbing and crying then I just left home went to a mall by the beach and spent 5 hours by the beach/mall alone I needed some time to myself. And right now I am sleeping with a heating pad under my butt, gush this prog shots r painful. Overall I am feeling better today and I am plnning to leave the house again. Mean while I am very frustrated At my fortune and what g-d has been doing to my life. All I can say is I am not as faithful as I was before my IF some times I even wonder how can g-d see our tears and sorrow month over month. And at the end I just feel guilty that I am losing faith. BTW RE said next month is a natural cycle IVF. But I am going to NY at the end of this month to talk with both check and Davis . I already bought the plane ticket.
I'm so sorry you are feeling so down. I sleep when I'm depressed too. Glad that you have been motivating to get out some. I find that helps too. I have also struggled with my faith in God during all this. The one positive that has come out of all the pain for me, is that my faith in mankind has been restored. The kindness of the women on these boards is like nothing I have ever encountered in my life and has been such a tremendous source of comfort. Just know that we are all here for you.

xoxo, Tracy


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jnoels
jnoels

October 2nd, 2011, 11:08 pm #6

Thank u both. I am feeling better. I did the IUI on Friday. Oh man speaking of awkward, this was my first time. The RE couldn't get the tube in and DH was watching the whole thing.....I Came home and slept the whole day. Sleeping is one way to fight with sadness every time I am sad I just sleep. Saturday I woke up and I found my self sobbing and crying then I just left home went to a mall by the beach and spent 5 hours by the beach/mall alone I needed some time to myself. And right now I am sleeping with a heating pad under my butt, gush this prog shots r painful. Overall I am feeling better today and I am plnning to leave the house again. Mean while I am very frustrated At my fortune and what g-d has been doing to my life. All I can say is I am not as faithful as I was before my IF some times I even wonder how can g-d see our tears and sorrow month over month. And at the end I just feel guilty that I am losing faith. BTW RE said next month is a natural cycle IVF. But I am going to NY at the end of this month to talk with both check and Davis . I already bought the plane ticket.
Hi Anna - No great words of wisdom here. Jsut wanted to say that I'm sorry you're feeling down today - we have all been there. YOu aren't alone - I dont't know whow much comfort there is in that, but I just wanted you to know. I hope today has been a little bit better. And so glad you've made appoitments with davis and check - looking forward to hearing what they have to say!
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anna
anna

October 3rd, 2011, 5:08 am #7

hi - just wanted to see how you were doing after your IUI : )
thank u all. i will keep u posted as i go on. and i totally agree with being more faithful toward people. Mean while I will enjoy the butt pain. Any trick on prog shot would be useful to me. This is my first time on this
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Joined: September 30th, 2011, 4:02 pm

October 3rd, 2011, 6:48 pm #8

Dear Anna, and Tracy,

It appears you are Christians, correct me if I'm wrong. I am also and had many many low days recently. Sometimes I get angry with God, and then guilty that I'm angry. When I lose hope, I am filled with darkness, and don't feel like I will ever see light again. But one of my wise, Christian girlfriends told me recently that it's ok to be angry with God. He can take it. Take it to Him in prayer. Sometimes I'll pray for Him to help me through the next hour, or 15 minutes, to stop crying for 5, or even just 1. He has always been faithful to me and carried me through the dark times. Jesus taught us to pray without ceasing, and for me, this is what that looks like.

I look to the story of Ruth when I feel down. It's ok to feel like Naomi sometimes, but in Ruth is the hope that God will provide His best for us when we are faithful to Him. I lift you both up, and pray that He will carry you through this and provide the most perfect child for you.

Your sister in Him,
Laura
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Joined: September 30th, 2011, 4:02 pm

October 3rd, 2011, 10:38 pm #9

Just saw the note at the top about overt religious messages. I'm sorry if this was too overtly religious (and my prayer below). I thought the recipients might be Christian and might benefit from the sources of my hope. It was not meant to be an evangelical statement.

Still learning the ropes here,
Laura

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Anna (waiting26)
Anna (waiting26)

October 3rd, 2011, 11:28 pm #10

Laura, I am not Christian. I am Jewish. But to me G-d is same for all of us and I can relate to all you said about Jesus. I am rather a religious person, but this whole this is just too hard for me.
If I was a bad person, if I was a bitch or mean girl, I would be like OK, this is what you get for being bad. but I dont think I deserve this, as a matter of fact t no one does. G-d has always been good to me and gave me a good life till this IF. So before my IF life was fair, G-d was good and I never dare to question what he does. You know why? Cause I never knew what pain was. I never knew how that obese fat person feels, I never knew how that person who was born with disability feels. now I know, now I dont see life beautiful anymore. I just dont. I was at temple last week for a very big Jewish holiday and I was reading the story of Sara and Abraham on how she didnt get prg for 90 years and then she screamed to death when she found out her son is being sacrificed. I asked G-d., really?? What did she do to deserve that. I hope G-d forgives me for questioning him so much. People think because I am younger this should be easier(I am 28 started TTC @ 26) nope, in fact its harder and more frustrating, because its 100% unexpected. Who would think a 26 yro have 5% chance of having her biological child. Just thinking about t make me feel like a dynamite. I want to explode.I want to find out why, and how did it happen to me. Who should I blame?? Myself?? What did I do wrong?? Did I wait too long? No; did I put my career first? No; then why did this happen to me, yes the answer is thats what G-d wants, thats how it meant to be. Thanks for listening and I dont mind listening to your religious thought. It might help me. Cause I love G-d and I feel so far from him faaaaaaaaaar faaaaaaaaaaar and that is killing me but I just cant beg him anymore, if he wants to fix it he will fix it. after all did I ask him to be infertile? No. so he did that on his own plan and I hope that he fixes it in his own wish and plan.
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