what would you do - input needed (x-post)

what would you do - input needed (x-post)

Joined: November 26th, 2009, 12:27 am

August 28th, 2012, 3:32 pm #1

Hi, I am in the middle of trying to work with a gestational carrier. She was supposed to start her BCPs on Friday and didn't. She was unreachable for 3 days and then when my agency got in touch with her she didn't really give a good excuse. From a protocol perspective, if she skips them it is OK because we could start lupron and estrogen in the luteal phase of her cycle.

My question is - I am uncomfortable that she took it upon herself to change the protocol without telling anyone. Also, why was she completely unreachable for 3 days? These two signs seem to be a red flag, but I don't want to read too much into them if they are not. Up until this incident she was fairly responsive, but of course, she wasn't taking any meds at that time. If she just decides to avoid taking meds now, how do I know she will take her prenatal meds, and progesterone when she needs to?

Lastly, and this is something that I am embarrassed to post, because I don't want to appear superficial. I am not, and really do give people the benefit of the doubt, but I feel this might also be a sign that I am overlooking in my haste to get started. I will be deleting this after I get a few responses. In her appearance, she seems OK, but when she smiles I noticed that her teeth are really dirty and unkempt and full of tartar. Does this matter? Am I worrying about stuff I don't need to be? Just want to get your opinion.
Last edited by wnpink on August 28th, 2012, 5:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: June 5th, 2011, 4:39 pm

August 28th, 2012, 5:00 pm #2

I don't think you are superficial at all. You are paying a lot of money for someone to grow your child. If she is not able to care for herself with fairly good hygiene then why would u put your child in her trust. I say it is back to the drawing board. So sorry. FB
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DeeinNYC
DeeinNYC

August 28th, 2012, 5:09 pm #3

Exactly. If she can't even make it past the BCP part of the protocol, how can you trust her? I think that I would find someone else. I also agree with FB that you are not being superficial at all. She will be carrying your baby and you are right to want the best possible environment for your child and good hygiene should be a given. JMHO.
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HappyBean
HappyBean

August 28th, 2012, 5:11 pm #4

Hi, I am in the middle of trying to work with a gestational carrier. She was supposed to start her BCPs on Friday and didn't. She was unreachable for 3 days and then when my agency got in touch with her she didn't really give a good excuse. From a protocol perspective, if she skips them it is OK because we could start lupron and estrogen in the luteal phase of her cycle.

My question is - I am uncomfortable that she took it upon herself to change the protocol without telling anyone. Also, why was she completely unreachable for 3 days? These two signs seem to be a red flag, but I don't want to read too much into them if they are not. Up until this incident she was fairly responsive, but of course, she wasn't taking any meds at that time. If she just decides to avoid taking meds now, how do I know she will take her prenatal meds, and progesterone when she needs to?

Lastly, and this is something that I am embarrassed to post, because I don't want to appear superficial. I am not, and really do give people the benefit of the doubt, but I feel this might also be a sign that I am overlooking in my haste to get started. I will be deleting this after I get a few responses. In her appearance, she seems OK, but when she smiles I noticed that her teeth are really dirty and unkempt and full of tartar. Does this matter? Am I worrying about stuff I don't need to be? Just want to get your opinion.
The pills and the hygiene lapse--coupled with this being her first time--are serious red flags to me. Others may disagree, but I am being outspoken only because you deserve to have the very best GC for your kiddo, and "very best" starts with someone whom you trust.

She's given you a couple reasons not to trust her ability to care for both herself, and for your pregnancy. Proceed with caution. When it comes to such a big, life-altering relationship, I think it's wise to let her current behavior and presentation stand in for her future reliability (or lack thereof).

There are great, responsive, and responsible GCs out there. I want you to have one!

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

August 28th, 2012, 6:02 pm #5

Hi, I am in the middle of trying to work with a gestational carrier. She was supposed to start her BCPs on Friday and didn't. She was unreachable for 3 days and then when my agency got in touch with her she didn't really give a good excuse. From a protocol perspective, if she skips them it is OK because we could start lupron and estrogen in the luteal phase of her cycle.

My question is - I am uncomfortable that she took it upon herself to change the protocol without telling anyone. Also, why was she completely unreachable for 3 days? These two signs seem to be a red flag, but I don't want to read too much into them if they are not. Up until this incident she was fairly responsive, but of course, she wasn't taking any meds at that time. If she just decides to avoid taking meds now, how do I know she will take her prenatal meds, and progesterone when she needs to?

Lastly, and this is something that I am embarrassed to post, because I don't want to appear superficial. I am not, and really do give people the benefit of the doubt, but I feel this might also be a sign that I am overlooking in my haste to get started. I will be deleting this after I get a few responses. In her appearance, she seems OK, but when she smiles I noticed that her teeth are really dirty and unkempt and full of tartar. Does this matter? Am I worrying about stuff I don't need to be? Just want to get your opinion.
I think your instincts are spot on! Plus the dental hygiene is a legitimate concern. Gum health is important for a woman during a pregnancy. Also, just going MIA, that makes me nervous. You don't want to be dealing with that if she did get pg. and didn't show up for an u/s or something. You just don't need the added stress.


xoxo, Tracy


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Joined: May 1st, 2012, 10:58 pm

August 29th, 2012, 12:28 am #6

Hi, I am in the middle of trying to work with a gestational carrier. She was supposed to start her BCPs on Friday and didn't. She was unreachable for 3 days and then when my agency got in touch with her she didn't really give a good excuse. From a protocol perspective, if she skips them it is OK because we could start lupron and estrogen in the luteal phase of her cycle.

My question is - I am uncomfortable that she took it upon herself to change the protocol without telling anyone. Also, why was she completely unreachable for 3 days? These two signs seem to be a red flag, but I don't want to read too much into them if they are not. Up until this incident she was fairly responsive, but of course, she wasn't taking any meds at that time. If she just decides to avoid taking meds now, how do I know she will take her prenatal meds, and progesterone when she needs to?

Lastly, and this is something that I am embarrassed to post, because I don't want to appear superficial. I am not, and really do give people the benefit of the doubt, but I feel this might also be a sign that I am overlooking in my haste to get started. I will be deleting this after I get a few responses. In her appearance, she seems OK, but when she smiles I noticed that her teeth are really dirty and unkempt and full of tartar. Does this matter? Am I worrying about stuff I don't need to be? Just want to get your opinion.
I'm currently using a GC. I started working with two other independent ones, but needed to stop working with them for different reasons. I also worked with one agency for a while and then switched. So, I totally understand. This is way too important a responsibility for you to have any doubts. 9 months is a long long time. You don't want to stress yourself out worrying every day. The meds and being unreachable would be enough for me to pull out. If you need a referral to an agency, email me off line. Raineycat AT yahoo.com
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Joined: December 21st, 2011, 7:41 pm

August 29th, 2012, 12:59 am #7

Hi, I am in the middle of trying to work with a gestational carrier. She was supposed to start her BCPs on Friday and didn't. She was unreachable for 3 days and then when my agency got in touch with her she didn't really give a good excuse. From a protocol perspective, if she skips them it is OK because we could start lupron and estrogen in the luteal phase of her cycle.

My question is - I am uncomfortable that she took it upon herself to change the protocol without telling anyone. Also, why was she completely unreachable for 3 days? These two signs seem to be a red flag, but I don't want to read too much into them if they are not. Up until this incident she was fairly responsive, but of course, she wasn't taking any meds at that time. If she just decides to avoid taking meds now, how do I know she will take her prenatal meds, and progesterone when she needs to?

Lastly, and this is something that I am embarrassed to post, because I don't want to appear superficial. I am not, and really do give people the benefit of the doubt, but I feel this might also be a sign that I am overlooking in my haste to get started. I will be deleting this after I get a few responses. In her appearance, she seems OK, but when she smiles I noticed that her teeth are really dirty and unkempt and full of tartar. Does this matter? Am I worrying about stuff I don't need to be? Just want to get your opinion.
I would be concerned as well - What does your legal contract say about not taking medications as directed and about the need to be available via phone/email? If I proceeded and then something else went wrong, I would really be kicking myself for not listening to my gut. I haven't been down the GC route, but I imagine you'd want someone you really felt comfortable with and had confidence in to go through this valuable process with you.
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Violet
Violet

August 29th, 2012, 1:09 am #8

Hi, I am in the middle of trying to work with a gestational carrier. She was supposed to start her BCPs on Friday and didn't. She was unreachable for 3 days and then when my agency got in touch with her she didn't really give a good excuse. From a protocol perspective, if she skips them it is OK because we could start lupron and estrogen in the luteal phase of her cycle.

My question is - I am uncomfortable that she took it upon herself to change the protocol without telling anyone. Also, why was she completely unreachable for 3 days? These two signs seem to be a red flag, but I don't want to read too much into them if they are not. Up until this incident she was fairly responsive, but of course, she wasn't taking any meds at that time. If she just decides to avoid taking meds now, how do I know she will take her prenatal meds, and progesterone when she needs to?

Lastly, and this is something that I am embarrassed to post, because I don't want to appear superficial. I am not, and really do give people the benefit of the doubt, but I feel this might also be a sign that I am overlooking in my haste to get started. I will be deleting this after I get a few responses. In her appearance, she seems OK, but when she smiles I noticed that her teeth are really dirty and unkempt and full of tartar. Does this matter? Am I worrying about stuff I don't need to be? Just want to get your opinion.
I would be a wreck if she didn't show up for an ultrasound or anything for that matter. If you feel at all anxious about her, I would not proceed forward as hard and exhausting as it will be to make a change right now.

I am so sorry that you are going through it however I think you should listen to your intuition.
Violet
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Joined: February 22nd, 2007, 12:49 am

August 29th, 2012, 5:47 am #9

Hi, I am in the middle of trying to work with a gestational carrier. She was supposed to start her BCPs on Friday and didn't. She was unreachable for 3 days and then when my agency got in touch with her she didn't really give a good excuse. From a protocol perspective, if she skips them it is OK because we could start lupron and estrogen in the luteal phase of her cycle.

My question is - I am uncomfortable that she took it upon herself to change the protocol without telling anyone. Also, why was she completely unreachable for 3 days? These two signs seem to be a red flag, but I don't want to read too much into them if they are not. Up until this incident she was fairly responsive, but of course, she wasn't taking any meds at that time. If she just decides to avoid taking meds now, how do I know she will take her prenatal meds, and progesterone when she needs to?

Lastly, and this is something that I am embarrassed to post, because I don't want to appear superficial. I am not, and really do give people the benefit of the doubt, but I feel this might also be a sign that I am overlooking in my haste to get started. I will be deleting this after I get a few responses. In her appearance, she seems OK, but when she smiles I noticed that her teeth are really dirty and unkempt and full of tartar. Does this matter? Am I worrying about stuff I don't need to be? Just want to get your opinion.
You can walk away now. When she's pregnant and disappears for a while, you can't. If she can't afford dental care, she really isn't in a position to be a surrogate. And if your agency tries to push her on you, you need to RUN away from them too. You will invest far too much money and emotions in this journey to settle for anything less than the best.
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Zoya2
Zoya2

August 29th, 2012, 3:15 pm #10

Hi, I am in the middle of trying to work with a gestational carrier. She was supposed to start her BCPs on Friday and didn't. She was unreachable for 3 days and then when my agency got in touch with her she didn't really give a good excuse. From a protocol perspective, if she skips them it is OK because we could start lupron and estrogen in the luteal phase of her cycle.

My question is - I am uncomfortable that she took it upon herself to change the protocol without telling anyone. Also, why was she completely unreachable for 3 days? These two signs seem to be a red flag, but I don't want to read too much into them if they are not. Up until this incident she was fairly responsive, but of course, she wasn't taking any meds at that time. If she just decides to avoid taking meds now, how do I know she will take her prenatal meds, and progesterone when she needs to?

Lastly, and this is something that I am embarrassed to post, because I don't want to appear superficial. I am not, and really do give people the benefit of the doubt, but I feel this might also be a sign that I am overlooking in my haste to get started. I will be deleting this after I get a few responses. In her appearance, she seems OK, but when she smiles I noticed that her teeth are really dirty and unkempt and full of tartar. Does this matter? Am I worrying about stuff I don't need to be? Just want to get your opinion.
I agree with what has been posted - find a new GC. If there is a positive in all of this, it's that she hasn't started her cycle yet, and you've learned early on that she is unreliable.

I'm very sorry that you're having a bad experience with your GC. You've put so much into this process, and you need and deserve to have a reliable, trustworthy GC that you feel good about.

Good luck. Again, I'm sorry.
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