We're No Tell, so can we tell OB that the embryos were from an FET in my late 20's?

We're No Tell, so can we tell OB that the embryos were from an FET in my late 20's?

K
K

May 15th, 2011, 1:43 pm #1

I'm 42 and our donor is 21. How do you get around not telling OB? If the donor is 21 can I say the FETs were from one of my cycles in my mid to late 20's? Will they need the exact age? I could tell them I'm not sure which cycle they were from, right? Donor has my bloodtype except she's b- and I'm b+, and dh is o-, I will find out her RH factor in a few days. There should be no reason to tell right??? Thanks so much!
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zaytune
zaytune

May 15th, 2011, 2:16 pm #2

That would seem very fishy to the OB . Does not sound like a good idea .What reason would you have to have done IVF then and transfer now ? I have been wanting to be notell as well , atleast to begin with . I have no idea what I will do when the time comes and would love to hear from others who have been there . I have thought of two potential scenarios .One is to not tell at all and the most obvious thing would be enhanced risk in the screening tests due to age . I could think through the results of the particular screening myself and with the help of this and other boards etc . And decline amniocentesis etc , knowing that my real risk is not high due to donors age . Overall I do not like this idea , as I feel the OB needs to know , I am not sure in what ways DE pregnancy is different from OE , especially if problems arise . Option number two , hint to the OB that we do not want any documentation of possible DE , without actually acknowledging it . Not sure how practical this is . The more I think of this , the more I feel like telling the OB for sure . I do want to tell the kid/'s(hopefully) at some point , so not completely no tell .
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

May 15th, 2011, 2:40 pm #3

I'm 42 and our donor is 21. How do you get around not telling OB? If the donor is 21 can I say the FETs were from one of my cycles in my mid to late 20's? Will they need the exact age? I could tell them I'm not sure which cycle they were from, right? Donor has my bloodtype except she's b- and I'm b+, and dh is o-, I will find out her RH factor in a few days. There should be no reason to tell right??? Thanks so much!
I'd tell him it was from a FET and be done with it. No reason for him to think you didn't have a golden egg or two left. Though maybe you could say it was from a freeze-all fresh cycle so if you still have some in the freezer in a couple of years and want to go for a sibling, you can.

Last edited by Blessed_Thistle on May 15th, 2011, 2:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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K
K

May 15th, 2011, 2:43 pm #4

That would seem very fishy to the OB . Does not sound like a good idea .What reason would you have to have done IVF then and transfer now ? I have been wanting to be notell as well , atleast to begin with . I have no idea what I will do when the time comes and would love to hear from others who have been there . I have thought of two potential scenarios .One is to not tell at all and the most obvious thing would be enhanced risk in the screening tests due to age . I could think through the results of the particular screening myself and with the help of this and other boards etc . And decline amniocentesis etc , knowing that my real risk is not high due to donors age . Overall I do not like this idea , as I feel the OB needs to know , I am not sure in what ways DE pregnancy is different from OE , especially if problems arise . Option number two , hint to the OB that we do not want any documentation of possible DE , without actually acknowledging it . Not sure how practical this is . The more I think of this , the more I feel like telling the OB for sure . I do want to tell the kid/'s(hopefully) at some point , so not completely no tell .
When I was 30. We did have success but decided to wait to do another cycle. We waited too long so here I am. It's what it would have been had the FET worked, I was just thinking of taking a few years off my FET since my donor is do young....And we're no tell all around. Thanks
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K
K

May 15th, 2011, 2:47 pm #5

I'd tell him it was from a FET and be done with it. No reason for him to think you didn't have a golden egg or two left. Though maybe you could say it was from a freeze-all fresh cycle so if you still have some in the freezer in a couple of years and want to go for a sibling, you can.
When I recently did my FET they were from different cycles and they didn't tell me which cycle they were from.,,I guess I could just go with that since they really didn't tell me... Wish it worked.
My donor has very similar health history to me as well. Thanks for not being judgmental about the No Tell.
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Skye
Skye

May 15th, 2011, 3:01 pm #6

That would seem very fishy to the OB . Does not sound like a good idea .What reason would you have to have done IVF then and transfer now ? I have been wanting to be notell as well , atleast to begin with . I have no idea what I will do when the time comes and would love to hear from others who have been there . I have thought of two potential scenarios .One is to not tell at all and the most obvious thing would be enhanced risk in the screening tests due to age . I could think through the results of the particular screening myself and with the help of this and other boards etc . And decline amniocentesis etc , knowing that my real risk is not high due to donors age . Overall I do not like this idea , as I feel the OB needs to know , I am not sure in what ways DE pregnancy is different from OE , especially if problems arise . Option number two , hint to the OB that we do not want any documentation of possible DE , without actually acknowledging it . Not sure how practical this is . The more I think of this , the more I feel like telling the OB for sure . I do want to tell the kid/'s(hopefully) at some point , so not completely no tell .
If you are no-tell then I would not tell the docs anything about DE. We did disclose to the doc who did our prenatal testing (they even asked on the intake form), but I don't think there was any big medical reason for them to know except to get the most accurate results on the screenings for downs syndrome, etc.

So the real question is how concerned are you about these prenatal screenings? You could decline them all together given the young age of the donor. Or do some of them but not others and just give your own age. The results won't be 100% accurate on the blood screening/genetic parts because that is where they use the age to estimate risk, but you could still use the nuchal translucency results from the ultrasound as your guide to whether you want additional testing. I don't think knowing age is critical in interpreting amnio results if you wanted one (although granted I know very little about amnios).

Or like you said you can give an younger age and say they are from an FET. I am bad at lying so the more complicated the story the worse it is for me, so I would keep it as simple as possible. Also the age results on the prenatal tests still won't be 100% accurate unless you use the actual age of the donor.

Outside of the prenatal screenings the fact we that we used donor egg has not come up again in my prenatal care. I specifically asked my midwife and the perinatologist if it had any impact on my pregnancy or treatment and they said no other than the prenatal screenings. If doing things over again I might have elected to not tell them at all.
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

May 15th, 2011, 3:57 pm #7

When I recently did my FET they were from different cycles and they didn't tell me which cycle they were from.,,I guess I could just go with that since they really didn't tell me... Wish it worked.
My donor has very similar health history to me as well. Thanks for not being judgmental about the No Tell.
Still, I'd give a recent age for the sake of no-tell. Maybe you can get the raw figures too and figure out risk based on donor's age with the help of Dr Google.
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Rugie
Rugie

May 15th, 2011, 4:33 pm #8

I'm 42 and our donor is 21. How do you get around not telling OB? If the donor is 21 can I say the FETs were from one of my cycles in my mid to late 20's? Will they need the exact age? I could tell them I'm not sure which cycle they were from, right? Donor has my bloodtype except she's b- and I'm b+, and dh is o-, I will find out her RH factor in a few days. There should be no reason to tell right??? Thanks so much!
even to my OB. She never questioned it and I am 46. Had OE child at 42, so I guess she just didn't put much thought into it. I gave my own age for the screening tests (donor was 31 and very proven). The way I looked at it was I could use the NT measurement as it has nothing to do with age. Also when the tests came back, the Trisomy actually came back with no risk even with my age used and the Downs tests came back right at the border for higher risk. My husband asked if my age wasn't used would the downs result have been normal and the dr. said yes. So that was my answer. Didn't have to reveal anything I didn't want to and interpretted the results as not elevated risk since even with using my age it came back normal and right on the cusp. PS..Just gave birth to a perfect baby girl.
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Joined: December 4th, 2007, 6:59 pm

May 15th, 2011, 5:20 pm #9

I'm 42 and our donor is 21. How do you get around not telling OB? If the donor is 21 can I say the FETs were from one of my cycles in my mid to late 20's? Will they need the exact age? I could tell them I'm not sure which cycle they were from, right? Donor has my bloodtype except she's b- and I'm b+, and dh is o-, I will find out her RH factor in a few days. There should be no reason to tell right??? Thanks so much!
My local RE did the monitoring for my out of town (country) 'FET cycle'. I was only 29 y/o at the time of my cycle but we're no-tell as well. I came back after the transfer and my RE took care of me till I was transfered to my OB at 10 wks (twins). My OB never knew it was DE either. I am VERY glad I didn't mention the DE factor as the FET factor of transfering two blasts in the Czech Republic was brought up numerous times (people asking about the experience, etc) and thye openly asked questions with anyone around.

You definitely could say the embies are from a previous cycle in your 30's. Many women do even few fresh cycles (OE's) as they have higher success rates vs doing FET's before the next fresh.

My donor was 21 and I was 29 y/o so they still used my age for the NT and I knew that no matter what, the odds would be better due to her being young then the age they used.

You need to be creative and stick to your story but this can be done!

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Anna
Anna

May 15th, 2011, 6:45 pm #10

I'm 42 and our donor is 21. How do you get around not telling OB? If the donor is 21 can I say the FETs were from one of my cycles in my mid to late 20's? Will they need the exact age? I could tell them I'm not sure which cycle they were from, right? Donor has my bloodtype except she's b- and I'm b+, and dh is o-, I will find out her RH factor in a few days. There should be no reason to tell right??? Thanks so much!
Obviously it's a decision we each have to make for ourselves but I think the fact there was a donor involved is relevant medical information. See this article from the Fertility Lab Insider about some slightly increased risks from pregnancies with donor egg and donor embryo. http://fertilitylabinsider.com/2011/04/ ... egnancies/

I think it would be possible to be "no tell" with anyone other than your OB. The OB can't tell anyone about it due to privacy concerns.

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