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ladytafs
ladytafs

April 19th, 2012, 10:50 pm #1

Just a general question. I have been reading these boards for a while and one thing I have noticed is so many people are not supported in their de efforts by family and friends. Why do you think this is? Are there ever any reasons cited? do you have any theories? Just curious.
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

April 20th, 2012, 2:24 pm #2

Have you ever read any major media article that involves DE and read the reader comments that follow? It's like, to paraphrase Mencken, a trip through the sewer of America's ignorance and prejudice in a glass bottom boat. And all those angry, clueless, bitter, and religiously biased folks are someone's mother, aunt, cousin, sister, friend, or other relative.

Some -- let's abbreviate them USOs for "unsupportive significant others" -- think the infertile loved one should "accept God's will" that she be childless. Would they tell their loved one that she shouldn't get chemotherapy b/c she should accept God's will that she should die? Honestly, some of these people are so whacky I don't want to be too quick to say "of course not," but I would say in general, no. Other USOs may belong to the Roman Catholic Church or other conservative denominations that oppose using donor gametes (and for the RCs, any birth control or any form of assisted reproductive technology). Some USOs refuse to accept a child who is not genetically related to them or the spouse. And yet another reason I've heard some women cite here is that their USOs have bought into the idea that there are thousands of orphaned children who need homes, and they should adopt rather than pursue ART. Some patients come from cultures where it would just be considered taboo. Oh, yes, and some USOs have drunk that Kool-aid that oocyte donation exploits and injures economically disadvantaged young women.

So, that's a Cook's tour of why friends and relatives don't support their infertile loved one, and there are probably many more reasons I've never encountered. It's sickening, but I guess with the vast changes in social mores around gender, sexual orientation, race, and disability, maybe it's just expecting too much of people to see sense around donor conception.

Take care,

Maggie (in VA)
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Joined: August 18th, 2010, 6:45 pm

April 20th, 2012, 6:16 pm #3

(Fortunately for them) so few people have walked in our shoes that they can not wrap their brains around the issues we have had to struggle with before even considering DE.

And don't even get me started about the idea that we are all just wanting a a"designer baby"!
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Anonymous
Anonymous

April 20th, 2012, 9:23 pm #4

Just a general question. I have been reading these boards for a while and one thing I have noticed is so many people are not supported in their de efforts by family and friends. Why do you think this is? Are there ever any reasons cited? do you have any theories? Just curious.
Thank you so much for the replies. I guess I am just trying so hard to understand why more people have such antipathy for ivf and other methods of building our families. Why are they so invested if it is not their womb? I never understood it.
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