Trying to find the right board to hopefully hear from folks who are parenting after DE

Trying to find the right board to hopefully hear from folks who are parenting after DE

Joined: June 19th, 2015, 6:48 am

June 19th, 2015, 7:05 am #1

Hi,
I think I've posted on three boards here. I wonder if anyone would be willing to share experience thoughts feelings about being the parent of a child created through DE. I'm on the path to have a baby with a DE but after a friend dropped a hint that some friends were struggling through parenting with DE, I got scared. Any wisdom including places to find more information or people to connect with would be much appreciated.
Thanks!
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Joined: September 6th, 2009, 7:55 am

June 19th, 2015, 12:26 pm #2

And loving it. I always access this board through a link from the over 40's board - which is the first Network 54 board I found and joined. That board reminds me often of how resistant I was to moving to DE. It took me 2+ years to come to terms, during which I tried my last OE IVF (of the 11 OE IVFs I did), "gave up" for a year to see how "child free" felt, did a bunch of IUI's ...and then starting lurking here to see how other women and families had managed.

Now I am a mum to a gorgeous little boy (15 months) and couldn't be happier. I have a fairly open contact with my egg donor (we have each other's emails and met face to face during my cycle) and I am 110% "tell" to family and friends (and probably people who don't care either way).

Physically it has not been a struggle - I am a cancer survivor who conceived at 47, delivered at 48 and yet physically I am not having any trouble managing and have heaps of energy for him. Emotionally it was a struggle coming to terms with not having a genetic child but now that I have crossed that mental bridge, I have absolutely no pangs of sadness when I look at him and think of my donor. I think he's a very lucky little boy to have such great genetics (my donor was/is a lovely person) and he's having a pretty great life so far, with a doting family. So emotionally I am not struggling from conceiving with DE either.

I think there are struggles in every parents' life (I am a single mum so that comes with some anxiety) but that's not due to DE in my case, but to being a mum like any other. I would ask your "friend" in what way her "friends" were struggling....or better yet, I'd ignore her. This board is a great place to speak directly to people who are actually parenting DE children, and there are women here parenting both OE and DE children who say they love each the same.

You may also want to check out the U.K Donor Conception Network (you can easily find it by googling). The DCN is the largest organization I know of, that supports families with children conceived by gamete donation.

Good luck with building your family and keep us posted !

Al
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Joined: November 27th, 2011, 4:22 pm

June 19th, 2015, 1:47 pm #3

Hi,
I think I've posted on three boards here. I wonder if anyone would be willing to share experience thoughts feelings about being the parent of a child created through DE. I'm on the path to have a baby with a DE but after a friend dropped a hint that some friends were struggling through parenting with DE, I got scared. Any wisdom including places to find more information or people to connect with would be much appreciated.
Thanks!
My 2.5 yo DS is DE, as is the 17 week old fetus I'm currently growing. They may not be mine genetically, but I am their biological mom and I couldn't imagine loving a child any more than I do. We have the books ready to start having conversations about DE, but DS is too young, too busy, and has too much energy to even contemplate such complicated issues right now. All he knows is that I am his mommy, and for now, that's enough, though I eventually want the story of his conception to be a natural part of who he is. I know there will be difficult conversations to come in the future, but I hope the strength of our relationship will help weather any storms.

This board is a constant source of resources, as is the Donor Conception Network. There, you can not only connect with other DE parents, but find links to books, literature, videos, and all sorts of useful information.

Good luck!
Leigh
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Joined: September 26th, 2008, 9:06 pm

June 19th, 2015, 8:54 pm #4

Hi,
I think I've posted on three boards here. I wonder if anyone would be willing to share experience thoughts feelings about being the parent of a child created through DE. I'm on the path to have a baby with a DE but after a friend dropped a hint that some friends were struggling through parenting with DE, I got scared. Any wisdom including places to find more information or people to connect with would be much appreciated.
Thanks!
And being a parent is HARD! Honestly. It's harder than I thought it would be. I assumed my kids would sleep through the night, that I'd always we patient, that my interactions with them would be consistently correct, that my husband and I would agree on how best to deal with issues. You get it.

These are my kids. They're real kids. Snotty, funny, adorable, temper-tantrumed, opinionated, real kids.

My 5-year-old 'knows' as well as a kid her age can, about DE. Most days I forget. My husband forgot long ago. We used DE for one child and DEmbie for the other. He can't remember which one, either.

The child you get is the one you know you were meant to have, I think.
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Joined: February 11th, 2008, 6:45 am

June 19th, 2015, 11:25 pm #5

Hi,
I think I've posted on three boards here. I wonder if anyone would be willing to share experience thoughts feelings about being the parent of a child created through DE. I'm on the path to have a baby with a DE but after a friend dropped a hint that some friends were struggling through parenting with DE, I got scared. Any wisdom including places to find more information or people to connect with would be much appreciated.
Thanks!
I am struggling with parenting, but it is not related to DE! It's related to being a parent! I would be happy to connect to listen to whatever your feeling and feeling worried about. It can only help us all to have some support.
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Joined: December 10th, 2008, 6:33 pm

June 20th, 2015, 12:54 am #6

Hi,
I think I've posted on three boards here. I wonder if anyone would be willing to share experience thoughts feelings about being the parent of a child created through DE. I'm on the path to have a baby with a DE but after a friend dropped a hint that some friends were struggling through parenting with DE, I got scared. Any wisdom including places to find more information or people to connect with would be much appreciated.
Thanks!
We are also planning to donate our frozens. I was and am pollyana about it! Im doing this! Raising my awesome kids! Do they have some of donor traits?? I think so! How awesome she was athletic and so are my kids. What a blessing de was for me a woman of 44 curled in a bed weeping at statistics to have a baby at 44 : but with de i saw those babies grow in me: i wanted no other baby but that baby i love my kids!!!
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

June 20th, 2015, 2:17 am #7

Hi,
I think I've posted on three boards here. I wonder if anyone would be willing to share experience thoughts feelings about being the parent of a child created through DE. I'm on the path to have a baby with a DE but after a friend dropped a hint that some friends were struggling through parenting with DE, I got scared. Any wisdom including places to find more information or people to connect with would be much appreciated.
Thanks!
People who were able to have their own genetic kids easily can't imagine what it would be like to have kids were not genetically their own, at least if the kids weren't adopted. Honestly, while I'm always aware that my kids are not genetically my children, I don't think about it much or experience them as not my children. Perhaps a friend of your friend expressed some misgivings privately. Those feelings were likely transient. I would follow your heart. Take care, Maggie (in VA)
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Joined: May 18th, 2015, 12:27 am

June 25th, 2015, 2:18 am #8

Hi,
I think I've posted on three boards here. I wonder if anyone would be willing to share experience thoughts feelings about being the parent of a child created through DE. I'm on the path to have a baby with a DE but after a friend dropped a hint that some friends were struggling through parenting with DE, I got scared. Any wisdom including places to find more information or people to connect with would be much appreciated.
Thanks!
Maybe you could find out more specific information about how those parents were struggling through parenting with DE.


I do think I will always wonder what a genetic child would have turned out to be like, but I don't regret using DE. My biggest struggle was getting pregnant with DE. I had to do a total of six DE IVF cycles to get a live birth.
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Joined: April 17th, 2014, 2:36 pm

June 30th, 2015, 3:24 pm #9

Hi,
I think I've posted on three boards here. I wonder if anyone would be willing to share experience thoughts feelings about being the parent of a child created through DE. I'm on the path to have a baby with a DE but after a friend dropped a hint that some friends were struggling through parenting with DE, I got scared. Any wisdom including places to find more information or people to connect with would be much appreciated.
Thanks!
Hi, by the time you do the DEivf, go through then get a positive, invest approx nine months emotionally then see your child you will in all probability almost not even think of de. Why? Well firstly you will be so busy and tired from lack of sleep you will have no brain space to think of such things. And when you do think about it you will be interrupted in that thinking by your child. Nature is a wonderful thing.
Our little person is heading towards five now. It is extremely rarely I think of it. When I was on this journey I remember thinking that whoever eventuates will be the result of my quest and only my quest. The link is that they would not be here without me.
It's something to ponder. I have zero regrets about going down the de route. Thank goodness we have an alternative I always thought, THK
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Joined: April 28th, 2003, 8:44 pm

July 1st, 2015, 2:06 pm #10

Hi,
I think I've posted on three boards here. I wonder if anyone would be willing to share experience thoughts feelings about being the parent of a child created through DE. I'm on the path to have a baby with a DE but after a friend dropped a hint that some friends were struggling through parenting with DE, I got scared. Any wisdom including places to find more information or people to connect with would be much appreciated.
Thanks!
Though I am struggling with my kids in many way, having used DE has nothing to do with it (unless you consider the fact that their issues probably have a genetic component, which I don't dwell on. Genetics are a crap shoot anyway.)

I wouldn't let someone's "hints" stop me from pursuing DE to build a family. Do you have any idea what kind of struggles the other parents were having?

I've been parenting DE children for 11 years. The DE aspect has never bothered me (after making that first decision to go forward), and so far it is a non-issue with my kids.
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