Trying to decide OE/DE - ex-post on over 40 board

Trying to decide OE/DE - ex-post on over 40 board

ALM
ALM

November 26th, 2010, 6:18 pm #1

Hey Guys - I typically post on the Over 40 board, but am posting here to get any opinions on DE as I need to move my life forward. About me: Highest FSH 15.5, most recent: 10.3. Get AF on own and ovulate on own. On break cycle this month I had consults with two new RE's and one did u/s on CD12 - I had TWO follies growing on my left ovary with no drugs, nothing. They were over 12M and my lining was 9.5, so likely at least one will be mature for ovulation. Unfortunately, I'm single and can't give it a go. I've done TWO IUI injectibles - both BFN. Most recent, on CD12 had a 16 & 19 and E2 of 420 - triggered, IUI the next day. BFN. Sorry for all the detail, but I always find it helpful when I read posts. I turned 43 in September. Had been kept on hold due to finances for nearly 2 years. First try was in August. Second in October. Needing to figure out next steps......THANKS! - ALM The original post on the over 40 board is below....

Happy Day After Thanksgiving All -
Thanks to all of the thoughtful responses for my post after my consults with Gill & Heard. I think I've decided on Gill - that's my knee jerk/gut instinct reaction. I just felt 'safer'. Both were nice, but I'm leaning heavily toward Gill.

So....As some of you may recall, I'm single and doing this on my own. I'm 43. This past month on CD12 of break cycle I had TWO follies on my left ovary (had been quiet on both of my 2 cycles) that were >12M. Hmmmm... I have AF on my own. If I had a DH, there is no doubt that I would try with my OE for the next year or so.

BUT, alas, that's not the case. So far I've spent about $9-$10k on the 2 IUI injectible cycles I've done. I will do a seperate post reflecting on those. I have the $15k in savings that I can pull out to do a shared DE cycle in January, or an IVF with my OE (not leaning towards that at all as Doc said chances were just as good with IUI if not tubal/physical issues other than age) or an IUI with OE. The IUI with OE is much less expensive, but to do 2 b2b IUI's for better coverage, it will cost $5k, which will take away from my current stash.

That said, I'm thinking about this plan:
Try the double IUI with OE in January, if it doesn't work, move to DE due to finances. I'm concerned about not having the $$ to move on to other options if I continue on for more than another cycle with OE. I'm also angry about my last 2 cycles. I'll post that seperate, and it may be illogical, but I feel it was a total bust due to timing,frozen DS sperm, etc.

Anyhow, any thoughts are appreciated. Babydust to all ~
ALM
PS - Part of me feels like trying with my OE in January is tossing $$ out the window

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H40+
H40+

November 26th, 2010, 6:40 pm #2

You just have to be ready. I did that one last IVF cycle myself, knowing that it was likely not going to work, and it didn't. Then I moved on.
If I were you I would use Gill over Heard. Gill does a lot more cycles and has a better lab. I just looked at SART and confirmed what I thought. In the last reportable year (2007), Dr. Heard only did 4 donor egg transfers, and had a 25% success rate (1 pregnancy). In the same time period, Gill did 70 transfers and had a 64.3% success rate per transfer. Just my thoughts.
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Hope2009
Hope2009

November 26th, 2010, 7:44 pm #3

Hey Guys - I typically post on the Over 40 board, but am posting here to get any opinions on DE as I need to move my life forward. About me: Highest FSH 15.5, most recent: 10.3. Get AF on own and ovulate on own. On break cycle this month I had consults with two new RE's and one did u/s on CD12 - I had TWO follies growing on my left ovary with no drugs, nothing. They were over 12M and my lining was 9.5, so likely at least one will be mature for ovulation. Unfortunately, I'm single and can't give it a go. I've done TWO IUI injectibles - both BFN. Most recent, on CD12 had a 16 & 19 and E2 of 420 - triggered, IUI the next day. BFN. Sorry for all the detail, but I always find it helpful when I read posts. I turned 43 in September. Had been kept on hold due to finances for nearly 2 years. First try was in August. Second in October. Needing to figure out next steps......THANKS! - ALM The original post on the over 40 board is below....

Happy Day After Thanksgiving All -
Thanks to all of the thoughtful responses for my post after my consults with Gill & Heard. I think I've decided on Gill - that's my knee jerk/gut instinct reaction. I just felt 'safer'. Both were nice, but I'm leaning heavily toward Gill.

So....As some of you may recall, I'm single and doing this on my own. I'm 43. This past month on CD12 of break cycle I had TWO follies on my left ovary (had been quiet on both of my 2 cycles) that were >12M. Hmmmm... I have AF on my own. If I had a DH, there is no doubt that I would try with my OE for the next year or so.

BUT, alas, that's not the case. So far I've spent about $9-$10k on the 2 IUI injectible cycles I've done. I will do a seperate post reflecting on those. I have the $15k in savings that I can pull out to do a shared DE cycle in January, or an IVF with my OE (not leaning towards that at all as Doc said chances were just as good with IUI if not tubal/physical issues other than age) or an IUI with OE. The IUI with OE is much less expensive, but to do 2 b2b IUI's for better coverage, it will cost $5k, which will take away from my current stash.

That said, I'm thinking about this plan:
Try the double IUI with OE in January, if it doesn't work, move to DE due to finances. I'm concerned about not having the $$ to move on to other options if I continue on for more than another cycle with OE. I'm also angry about my last 2 cycles. I'll post that seperate, and it may be illogical, but I feel it was a total bust due to timing,frozen DS sperm, etc.

Anyhow, any thoughts are appreciated. Babydust to all ~
ALM
PS - Part of me feels like trying with my OE in January is tossing $$ out the window
that you are walking and truly only you can decide but I know it does help to hear other people's thoughts so you can take them in or chuck them.

I can only share with you my experience. I'm married and was fortunate to have our last OE baby when I was 43 but it wasn't an easy journey and we lost a baby at 12 wks along the way. The think I wanted to share though was that I had low FSH all my other hormones were in total balance and as my Dr. said looked more like I was in my early 30's than in my 40's. So even with great hormones it was still an age issue.

I also was working with a natuopath and a TCM Dr. to boost my fertility...but we didn't use any ART. If we had a fertility clinic closer I may have looked into doing IUI with meds which are the best bang for your buck but there aren't any fertility clinics close to our home so that was the road we took...it just took time to get to our golden egg.

We went on to have a DE baby when I was 49...after having many chem m/c with my own eggs and not being able to get beyond 6 wks...finally when I had my last m/c I consulted a fertility clinic who agreed to work with us using DE...I had a fertility work up though shortly before this and even at 47 my FSH level was still low...4.

So I have the experience now of having my own Oe children and one using DE and I don't feel any difference towards them...I look at them all the same. Along my journey to having another baby later in life though I came to the belief that we are spirits first on an earthly journey...the genetic part is only how the baby is made and that wasn't as important to me any longer...I sensed that there was a soulbaby close to me and I just wanted to bring that soul to life...how he came wasn't as important as that he came at all...and what he did while he was here.

Now I know if you move to DE'S to have your family you may be one of those women who always wonders what a baby with your genetics would be like...I think this is normal and part of the process from what I have read from other women who just had their babes via DE's but I'm here to tell you that once your baby comes chances are you will thank the fact that your eggs weren't producing bc otherwise you would have a totally different baby and you know we love what is in front of us...it's human nature...plus this is your biological baby remember...just created by someone else's eggs...you will carry that baby, birth that baby, nurse that baby is you choose...you are sustaining that spark of life with your own dreams and your body....well those are some of my thoughts on the matter after travelling this road.

Personally if it were me...I would save my money and move right into the DE route...save the money for your child's upbringing and education and save yourself the stress of seeing if those couple of eggs would ever result in a baby with your Oe'S...the baby that will eventually come will be your dream baby...the connection to your soul and in my opinion that is a stronger connection...but hey that is just me.

When I went in for my hysteroscopy the month before we did our first DE FRESH cycle my DR. said....oh look you still have a few eggs that are maturing...I COULD have shot him...b/c there is always that part of us that wonders...if we tried that month would we get pg on our own...and I THOUGHT THIS even at 48 when we were cycling.

After years of being on the boards I did see a few women who had baby's at 43-45 but many ended up having a m/c which delayed the time when they could move on....it is a crap shoot isn't it and all I CAn say is listen to your heart and then follow it's lead...when something resonates with your soul you will know what you need to do to complete this journey. Watch for signs from the Universe as well....at my yoga studio I kept picking up the same affirmation card at the end of the class.

I FINALLy asked my yoga teacher if the whole bowl had the same message and she just laughed and said if I was getting the same message it meant I wasn't listening...the affirmation was, 'ALLOW MIRACLES TO HAPPEN' ...i went away thinking about what allowing meant and what was a miracle...

As it turned out shortly afterwards I met two women on my ttc over 40 board who were pg by using DE.s and then I REALised that the miracle I WAS looking for wasn't going to come from my eggs...it was in allowing the Universe to bring our baby to us by accepting and being open to other methods...after that my journey moved fast and within a year later i was pregnant with our sweet DS.

Sorry for the long novella...but if I HAD had someone on my path give me this thought...I think I COULD HAVE saved myself from years of grief and struggle and just enjoyed being a mom....probably would be finished with our family by now too...ha..but no here I SIT writing to you and I'M pg with twins and I JUST TURNED 51.

Trust that you will find your your way..you are in the seeking mode right now and that is the place when if you listen to the whispers from your heart...you will know clearly the path you must walk.

Blessings from Hope
(sorry for my capitals going on in this post...I just got a new net book and I'M trying to get familiar with the keyboard)
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aw2006
aw2006

November 26th, 2010, 8:41 pm #4

Hey Guys - I typically post on the Over 40 board, but am posting here to get any opinions on DE as I need to move my life forward. About me: Highest FSH 15.5, most recent: 10.3. Get AF on own and ovulate on own. On break cycle this month I had consults with two new RE's and one did u/s on CD12 - I had TWO follies growing on my left ovary with no drugs, nothing. They were over 12M and my lining was 9.5, so likely at least one will be mature for ovulation. Unfortunately, I'm single and can't give it a go. I've done TWO IUI injectibles - both BFN. Most recent, on CD12 had a 16 & 19 and E2 of 420 - triggered, IUI the next day. BFN. Sorry for all the detail, but I always find it helpful when I read posts. I turned 43 in September. Had been kept on hold due to finances for nearly 2 years. First try was in August. Second in October. Needing to figure out next steps......THANKS! - ALM The original post on the over 40 board is below....

Happy Day After Thanksgiving All -
Thanks to all of the thoughtful responses for my post after my consults with Gill & Heard. I think I've decided on Gill - that's my knee jerk/gut instinct reaction. I just felt 'safer'. Both were nice, but I'm leaning heavily toward Gill.

So....As some of you may recall, I'm single and doing this on my own. I'm 43. This past month on CD12 of break cycle I had TWO follies on my left ovary (had been quiet on both of my 2 cycles) that were >12M. Hmmmm... I have AF on my own. If I had a DH, there is no doubt that I would try with my OE for the next year or so.

BUT, alas, that's not the case. So far I've spent about $9-$10k on the 2 IUI injectible cycles I've done. I will do a seperate post reflecting on those. I have the $15k in savings that I can pull out to do a shared DE cycle in January, or an IVF with my OE (not leaning towards that at all as Doc said chances were just as good with IUI if not tubal/physical issues other than age) or an IUI with OE. The IUI with OE is much less expensive, but to do 2 b2b IUI's for better coverage, it will cost $5k, which will take away from my current stash.

That said, I'm thinking about this plan:
Try the double IUI with OE in January, if it doesn't work, move to DE due to finances. I'm concerned about not having the $$ to move on to other options if I continue on for more than another cycle with OE. I'm also angry about my last 2 cycles. I'll post that seperate, and it may be illogical, but I feel it was a total bust due to timing,frozen DS sperm, etc.

Anyhow, any thoughts are appreciated. Babydust to all ~
ALM
PS - Part of me feels like trying with my OE in January is tossing $$ out the window
I'm 39 - highest FSH was 19.9 (that was when I was 38). I had fairly regular cycles, ovulated on my own month in and month out. Had at least one or two follies minimum per IUI attempt sometimes 3 and in a little over 3 years of trying never had a positive. We did one round of IVF with my eggs. I didn't respond to the meds and my RE would not increase my meds past 300iu per day. We got one embryo and that fertilized but turned out to be a BFN.

We knew it was time to move forward to DE and although it was difficult we knew we were making the right choice. We wanted to be parents more than we cared about a genetic link. Also, moving to DE made me feel like I had a real chance of getting pregnant for the first time in all of the time we had been trying. The odds were actually in my favour that I'd get pregnant, rather than being stacked highly against me.

We did DE in April of this year and I'm now in my 34th week of pregnancy. I'm so happy that we went this route. I am going to be a Mom, and I have been able to experience pregnancy.

I think you have to decide what is more important to you... being a mom or being a mom to a genetic child.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

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Joined: July 10th, 2009, 8:18 pm

November 27th, 2010, 12:43 am #5

Hey Guys - I typically post on the Over 40 board, but am posting here to get any opinions on DE as I need to move my life forward. About me: Highest FSH 15.5, most recent: 10.3. Get AF on own and ovulate on own. On break cycle this month I had consults with two new RE's and one did u/s on CD12 - I had TWO follies growing on my left ovary with no drugs, nothing. They were over 12M and my lining was 9.5, so likely at least one will be mature for ovulation. Unfortunately, I'm single and can't give it a go. I've done TWO IUI injectibles - both BFN. Most recent, on CD12 had a 16 & 19 and E2 of 420 - triggered, IUI the next day. BFN. Sorry for all the detail, but I always find it helpful when I read posts. I turned 43 in September. Had been kept on hold due to finances for nearly 2 years. First try was in August. Second in October. Needing to figure out next steps......THANKS! - ALM The original post on the over 40 board is below....

Happy Day After Thanksgiving All -
Thanks to all of the thoughtful responses for my post after my consults with Gill & Heard. I think I've decided on Gill - that's my knee jerk/gut instinct reaction. I just felt 'safer'. Both were nice, but I'm leaning heavily toward Gill.

So....As some of you may recall, I'm single and doing this on my own. I'm 43. This past month on CD12 of break cycle I had TWO follies on my left ovary (had been quiet on both of my 2 cycles) that were >12M. Hmmmm... I have AF on my own. If I had a DH, there is no doubt that I would try with my OE for the next year or so.

BUT, alas, that's not the case. So far I've spent about $9-$10k on the 2 IUI injectible cycles I've done. I will do a seperate post reflecting on those. I have the $15k in savings that I can pull out to do a shared DE cycle in January, or an IVF with my OE (not leaning towards that at all as Doc said chances were just as good with IUI if not tubal/physical issues other than age) or an IUI with OE. The IUI with OE is much less expensive, but to do 2 b2b IUI's for better coverage, it will cost $5k, which will take away from my current stash.

That said, I'm thinking about this plan:
Try the double IUI with OE in January, if it doesn't work, move to DE due to finances. I'm concerned about not having the $$ to move on to other options if I continue on for more than another cycle with OE. I'm also angry about my last 2 cycles. I'll post that seperate, and it may be illogical, but I feel it was a total bust due to timing,frozen DS sperm, etc.

Anyhow, any thoughts are appreciated. Babydust to all ~
ALM
PS - Part of me feels like trying with my OE in January is tossing $$ out the window
The decision you are trying to make right now is the hardest one...when to move on from using your OE to DE. It's a very personal decision that only you can make, obviously, but I'll share with you my story.

I decided to try to get pregnant for the first time when I had just turned 40. My FSH was quite low, I ovulated then & now like clock work, great lining, and have had no known fertility problems other than I only have 1 ovary due to a cyst when I was 20. Because my DH had a vasectomy years before we met & my age, we decided to go immediately to IVF. Everything looked great on paper and we were off. I did 3 cycles with my OE (one of which was cancelled due to bad protocol) and produced 7 eggs each time w/1 ovary. All BFN. Finally, due to funds beginning to drain, we moved on to DE. Like most, I mourned the loss of my genetic connection, but the desire for a baby pulled me forward.

In August, 2009, we completed our first DE cycle at age 41 and I became pregnant with twin boys! (BTW, at one of my u/s for this cycle, I had 4 follies of my own without stimulation. I second guessed myself for a moment then too.) We were so elated. In January, after a completely normal, uneventful pregnancy, I went into preterm labor and lost our boys at nearly 23 weeks due to an undiagnosed blood clotting disorder. We were and are heartbroken.

We had 4 frozen embryos left from our cycle. Our first FET with 2 embryos was a BFN. Our second FET with the remaining 2 embies was cancelled the day our transfer was scheduled because the embryos didn't survive the thaw.

All of our expenses (IVF, Maternity, Labor, Funeral, etc.) have been out of pocket. After nearly $100K, we are trying to figure out how to cycle again. I am hopeful that somehow we will. I just turned 43 in October.

I share all of this not to be negative, but only to show another side of the IVF story. Hollywood makes it look so easy for women over 40 to conceive. Some women are very blessed and do, many more do not. I wish I had really known all of the odds earlier on. I would have moved to DE immediately and had my family. While doing many rounds of IVF, I've heard many women say that they feel like their lives are "on hold". I wish I had moved forward with DE and started "living my life" much sooner. I have realized that time truly waits for no one and that life offers no guarantees so we'd better make the most of it every second we can.

While the decision is the hardest part, I think nearly every women on these boards will tell you that you will love your DE baby every bit as much as your OE baby. It's truly amazing how the love just kicks in.

Again, it's a hugely personal decision as to which way to go. Whatever you decide, I wish you the very best of luck and pray your miracle baby finds its way to your arms. Best wishes!
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Kekona
Kekona

November 27th, 2010, 1:49 am #6

I'm so sorry about your boys. I had no idea.
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Julie
Julie

November 27th, 2010, 3:05 am #7

Hey Guys - I typically post on the Over 40 board, but am posting here to get any opinions on DE as I need to move my life forward. About me: Highest FSH 15.5, most recent: 10.3. Get AF on own and ovulate on own. On break cycle this month I had consults with two new RE's and one did u/s on CD12 - I had TWO follies growing on my left ovary with no drugs, nothing. They were over 12M and my lining was 9.5, so likely at least one will be mature for ovulation. Unfortunately, I'm single and can't give it a go. I've done TWO IUI injectibles - both BFN. Most recent, on CD12 had a 16 & 19 and E2 of 420 - triggered, IUI the next day. BFN. Sorry for all the detail, but I always find it helpful when I read posts. I turned 43 in September. Had been kept on hold due to finances for nearly 2 years. First try was in August. Second in October. Needing to figure out next steps......THANKS! - ALM The original post on the over 40 board is below....

Happy Day After Thanksgiving All -
Thanks to all of the thoughtful responses for my post after my consults with Gill & Heard. I think I've decided on Gill - that's my knee jerk/gut instinct reaction. I just felt 'safer'. Both were nice, but I'm leaning heavily toward Gill.

So....As some of you may recall, I'm single and doing this on my own. I'm 43. This past month on CD12 of break cycle I had TWO follies on my left ovary (had been quiet on both of my 2 cycles) that were >12M. Hmmmm... I have AF on my own. If I had a DH, there is no doubt that I would try with my OE for the next year or so.

BUT, alas, that's not the case. So far I've spent about $9-$10k on the 2 IUI injectible cycles I've done. I will do a seperate post reflecting on those. I have the $15k in savings that I can pull out to do a shared DE cycle in January, or an IVF with my OE (not leaning towards that at all as Doc said chances were just as good with IUI if not tubal/physical issues other than age) or an IUI with OE. The IUI with OE is much less expensive, but to do 2 b2b IUI's for better coverage, it will cost $5k, which will take away from my current stash.

That said, I'm thinking about this plan:
Try the double IUI with OE in January, if it doesn't work, move to DE due to finances. I'm concerned about not having the $$ to move on to other options if I continue on for more than another cycle with OE. I'm also angry about my last 2 cycles. I'll post that seperate, and it may be illogical, but I feel it was a total bust due to timing,frozen DS sperm, etc.

Anyhow, any thoughts are appreciated. Babydust to all ~
ALM
PS - Part of me feels like trying with my OE in January is tossing $$ out the window
Similar to you, I had regular cycles, always ovulated, and just thought I would be one of the 43-44 OE success stories. My FSH was 8 although some my numbers were a bit more negative. I got married at age 43 and started trying naturally for 6 months, then did 3 IUIs and went for 1 OE IVF. Most of the cost of the IUIs, related testing, meds for IUIs and then the IVF were covered by insurance. They totaled $40-$50K because of the meds needed to make sure I produced enough eggs. Always had 4-6 follies at IUIs and they actually retrieved 6 eggs for my IVF. We tx 4 embies for my OE IVF but everything OE was a BFN. The odds were so stacked against me with OE (less than 5% chance) so since I wanted a child more than I needed the genetic connection we made the switch. Got pregnant on 1st DE cycle but m/c due to chrom. issues. Next DE cycle and related FET was BFN. Switched clinics due to a move and when I did, made a move to a shared risk program. My 2 unsuccessful DE cycles cost over $40K combined and that was out of pocket. The shared risk program was $29K for 6 tries or you money back. BFN on fresh cycle but BFP on FET from that cycle. I gave birth to a little girl last Saturday. I care not one smidgen that she and I don't share genes. She is my baby girl -- no question. I would not have it any other way.

You have to make the decision when it is right for you. I was tired of trying with OE and wanted a baby. I still had problems getting pregnant -- I did fall on the bad side of the odds. BUT I have my LO now.

Good luck with your decision.
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jerseyblue
jerseyblue

November 27th, 2010, 4:41 am #8

Hey Guys - I typically post on the Over 40 board, but am posting here to get any opinions on DE as I need to move my life forward. About me: Highest FSH 15.5, most recent: 10.3. Get AF on own and ovulate on own. On break cycle this month I had consults with two new RE's and one did u/s on CD12 - I had TWO follies growing on my left ovary with no drugs, nothing. They were over 12M and my lining was 9.5, so likely at least one will be mature for ovulation. Unfortunately, I'm single and can't give it a go. I've done TWO IUI injectibles - both BFN. Most recent, on CD12 had a 16 & 19 and E2 of 420 - triggered, IUI the next day. BFN. Sorry for all the detail, but I always find it helpful when I read posts. I turned 43 in September. Had been kept on hold due to finances for nearly 2 years. First try was in August. Second in October. Needing to figure out next steps......THANKS! - ALM The original post on the over 40 board is below....

Happy Day After Thanksgiving All -
Thanks to all of the thoughtful responses for my post after my consults with Gill & Heard. I think I've decided on Gill - that's my knee jerk/gut instinct reaction. I just felt 'safer'. Both were nice, but I'm leaning heavily toward Gill.

So....As some of you may recall, I'm single and doing this on my own. I'm 43. This past month on CD12 of break cycle I had TWO follies on my left ovary (had been quiet on both of my 2 cycles) that were >12M. Hmmmm... I have AF on my own. If I had a DH, there is no doubt that I would try with my OE for the next year or so.

BUT, alas, that's not the case. So far I've spent about $9-$10k on the 2 IUI injectible cycles I've done. I will do a seperate post reflecting on those. I have the $15k in savings that I can pull out to do a shared DE cycle in January, or an IVF with my OE (not leaning towards that at all as Doc said chances were just as good with IUI if not tubal/physical issues other than age) or an IUI with OE. The IUI with OE is much less expensive, but to do 2 b2b IUI's for better coverage, it will cost $5k, which will take away from my current stash.

That said, I'm thinking about this plan:
Try the double IUI with OE in January, if it doesn't work, move to DE due to finances. I'm concerned about not having the $$ to move on to other options if I continue on for more than another cycle with OE. I'm also angry about my last 2 cycles. I'll post that seperate, and it may be illogical, but I feel it was a total bust due to timing,frozen DS sperm, etc.

Anyhow, any thoughts are appreciated. Babydust to all ~
ALM
PS - Part of me feels like trying with my OE in January is tossing $$ out the window
I was there. It took me so many IVF cycles, so many IUI's so many m/c's to move to DE. In retrospect I spent sooo much money that I wish I had back - but in truth I really needed to know that I wouldn't be a lucky one - because it happens. Finally I was 43 and had been trying for 4 1/2 years. I needed to move on. My Dad - who really never understood what DE was but knew a lot about adoption said to me - having a baby doesn't make you a parent - raising one does - and to me that resonated... that a baby that came to me would be so loved that, that is all I concentrated on. I was lucky that my 1st cycle worked. Although I was originally pregnant with twins and I lost one and I gave birth to my DS in April on '10.

DS is the most beautiful baby. He looks NOTHING like me. A mix of DH and donor - but sill - people say he looks just like you... (He does not at all.) But he is soooo beautiful and more then that - he is so sweet well behaved and FUNNY! I am a funny person and this baby has a sense of humor. I am convinced that he gets it from watching me and my sarcasm and how I laugh a lot.

So, I guess what I mean to say is that as hard as the decision to move on was - all I feel now is totally grateful that DE existed so that my terrific DS came to me. I do wish I moved on sooner - although I also know I had to get to a place where there were no regrets. But, I wish I had the money back so I had it now to spend on DS's future. Also, I would love to have another but now we are not sure if we can afford it.

My advice is to decide if you can move on without regrets. If so I would at least start looking into DE. The process takes a bit of time and maybe looking for a donor will star to ease you mind. I saw how terrific that ladies who were donating were and I felt a lot better. My donor was awesome!

Good luck in what ever you decide!
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Bharani
Bharani

November 27th, 2010, 2:36 pm #9

The decision you are trying to make right now is the hardest one...when to move on from using your OE to DE. It's a very personal decision that only you can make, obviously, but I'll share with you my story.

I decided to try to get pregnant for the first time when I had just turned 40. My FSH was quite low, I ovulated then & now like clock work, great lining, and have had no known fertility problems other than I only have 1 ovary due to a cyst when I was 20. Because my DH had a vasectomy years before we met & my age, we decided to go immediately to IVF. Everything looked great on paper and we were off. I did 3 cycles with my OE (one of which was cancelled due to bad protocol) and produced 7 eggs each time w/1 ovary. All BFN. Finally, due to funds beginning to drain, we moved on to DE. Like most, I mourned the loss of my genetic connection, but the desire for a baby pulled me forward.

In August, 2009, we completed our first DE cycle at age 41 and I became pregnant with twin boys! (BTW, at one of my u/s for this cycle, I had 4 follies of my own without stimulation. I second guessed myself for a moment then too.) We were so elated. In January, after a completely normal, uneventful pregnancy, I went into preterm labor and lost our boys at nearly 23 weeks due to an undiagnosed blood clotting disorder. We were and are heartbroken.

We had 4 frozen embryos left from our cycle. Our first FET with 2 embryos was a BFN. Our second FET with the remaining 2 embies was cancelled the day our transfer was scheduled because the embryos didn't survive the thaw.

All of our expenses (IVF, Maternity, Labor, Funeral, etc.) have been out of pocket. After nearly $100K, we are trying to figure out how to cycle again. I am hopeful that somehow we will. I just turned 43 in October.

I share all of this not to be negative, but only to show another side of the IVF story. Hollywood makes it look so easy for women over 40 to conceive. Some women are very blessed and do, many more do not. I wish I had really known all of the odds earlier on. I would have moved to DE immediately and had my family. While doing many rounds of IVF, I've heard many women say that they feel like their lives are "on hold". I wish I had moved forward with DE and started "living my life" much sooner. I have realized that time truly waits for no one and that life offers no guarantees so we'd better make the most of it every second we can.

While the decision is the hardest part, I think nearly every women on these boards will tell you that you will love your DE baby every bit as much as your OE baby. It's truly amazing how the love just kicks in.

Again, it's a hugely personal decision as to which way to go. Whatever you decide, I wish you the very best of luck and pray your miracle baby finds its way to your arms. Best wishes!
that is hearbreaking.
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Bharani
Bharani

November 27th, 2010, 2:50 pm #10

The decision you are trying to make right now is the hardest one...when to move on from using your OE to DE. It's a very personal decision that only you can make, obviously, but I'll share with you my story.

I decided to try to get pregnant for the first time when I had just turned 40. My FSH was quite low, I ovulated then & now like clock work, great lining, and have had no known fertility problems other than I only have 1 ovary due to a cyst when I was 20. Because my DH had a vasectomy years before we met & my age, we decided to go immediately to IVF. Everything looked great on paper and we were off. I did 3 cycles with my OE (one of which was cancelled due to bad protocol) and produced 7 eggs each time w/1 ovary. All BFN. Finally, due to funds beginning to drain, we moved on to DE. Like most, I mourned the loss of my genetic connection, but the desire for a baby pulled me forward.

In August, 2009, we completed our first DE cycle at age 41 and I became pregnant with twin boys! (BTW, at one of my u/s for this cycle, I had 4 follies of my own without stimulation. I second guessed myself for a moment then too.) We were so elated. In January, after a completely normal, uneventful pregnancy, I went into preterm labor and lost our boys at nearly 23 weeks due to an undiagnosed blood clotting disorder. We were and are heartbroken.

We had 4 frozen embryos left from our cycle. Our first FET with 2 embryos was a BFN. Our second FET with the remaining 2 embies was cancelled the day our transfer was scheduled because the embryos didn't survive the thaw.

All of our expenses (IVF, Maternity, Labor, Funeral, etc.) have been out of pocket. After nearly $100K, we are trying to figure out how to cycle again. I am hopeful that somehow we will. I just turned 43 in October.

I share all of this not to be negative, but only to show another side of the IVF story. Hollywood makes it look so easy for women over 40 to conceive. Some women are very blessed and do, many more do not. I wish I had really known all of the odds earlier on. I would have moved to DE immediately and had my family. While doing many rounds of IVF, I've heard many women say that they feel like their lives are "on hold". I wish I had moved forward with DE and started "living my life" much sooner. I have realized that time truly waits for no one and that life offers no guarantees so we'd better make the most of it every second we can.

While the decision is the hardest part, I think nearly every women on these boards will tell you that you will love your DE baby every bit as much as your OE baby. It's truly amazing how the love just kicks in.

Again, it's a hugely personal decision as to which way to go. Whatever you decide, I wish you the very best of luck and pray your miracle baby finds its way to your arms. Best wishes!
when I was told I had high fsh I was about 34 and that is 3 years ago. I did 2 ivf one low stim with Dr.Check and few other ones that cancelled or changed to iui because I ovulated before the transfer. All the emotional and financial stress, and the re kept telling no hope for me because of high fsh or low fsh but very high estrogen. Eventually when my cycle became very irregular I DECIDE IT IS TIME, because one time I didn't get AF for almost 3 month then I had to force them to give me provera. Now, I am on BCP so I don't know if I would have gotten or not my period. But if I knew I would have saved my money for DE. I settled with DE way before my dh. It is about one year that I am in DE but it wasn't smooth ride for me so far. Last month, my dh said to do one cycle of own egg ivf. I was furious at him. He still thinks that i have hope because of my age. But now I know more than before, yes there is miracle all the time, but reality if I had problem by ~34 and now that i got worst in my AF I don't think ivf will give me a chance.

This is my thinking. But if you have regular cycle, and you have good resting follicles or at least 3 on each side I would say try once with your oe. but also add your finacial circumstances.

I have huge financial circumstances so I wish I went to DE long time ago and i wish i didn't go to ivf with own egg.

I wish you all the best.
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