Thoughts on choosing a donor?

Thoughts on choosing a donor?

Joined: May 30th, 2012, 11:01 pm

May 30th, 2012, 11:24 pm #1

Hi all - I've been lurking here for quite some time....my story is, I'm sure, very similar to many of yours - my husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost 8 years now, ever since we got married when I was 33 and he was 35. I'm now 41 and he will be 43 next week. Over the years we progressed through all the treatment options, IUI, IVF with my eggs, etc., and managed to become pregnant twice, but both pregnancies ended in early miscarriages. Anyway, I had previously thought that the decision, definitively, to move forward with donor egg would be the hardest decision. It has taken us - well, me really, almost 18 months to come to that decision, and to finally say goodbye to the long held dream of looking into the face of a child who would be the perfect genetic combination of both of us. But now that we're at this point - all pre-testing completed, funding for shared risk squared away, meeting with social worker to bare our souls completed, etc. etc.....I'm finding it extremely difficult to actually choose a donor. My husband is filipino, and I'm blonde haired and blue eyed. Since the time we first started dating, I wondered what our children would look like. All of my husbands siblings and cousins have married caucasians or african-americans, and all of their subsequent children are absolutely positively gorgeous. They all very much resemble their filipino parent, rather than the parent of the other race - so I never had any illusions, back when I assumed we'd conceive, that our children would come out looking blonde and blue eyed like me. So why then, am I so stuck when trying to choose a donor? I find myself scrutinizing the pictures on the donor website trying to convince myself that someone's baby picture looks like me at a certain age, etc. Today, a donor popped up who's father is german, and her mother is half chinese and half filipino. Her essay was incredibly well written - based on what she wrote and the way in which it was written, she is articulate, erudite, driven, generous, verbal....many of the most important characteristics to me. But I find myself struggling with this: first I had to give up on our child being a combination of me and my husband...should I now give up on the idea of finding a donor who looks like me? This donor looks like one of the gorgeous 'mixed' children in my husband's family. Logically, intellectually, I know that even if I found a donor who looks a lot like me, the resulting child would have mostly filipino traits - the chances of that child being fair skinned or blue eyed are slim to none. So why does this matter so much? Do physical characteristics only seem so important to me right now, and will they cease to matter when I'm holding this gorgeous child in my arms? I've been thinking today that perhaps this multi-racial donor is a sign - I understand from what I've read that asian donors of any variety are quite rare - so - since my husband in filipino and this donor is a 1/4 filipino - maybe this means that she is the ONE? Ugh.

So after all of that preamble, I'm very interested to know how others have approached this decision. Did you choose a donor right away without agonizing over the physical characteristics and traits? I'm driving myself absolutely crazy right now and could benefit from some of the wisdom and experience of this board. Thanks in advance for any thoughts!
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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

May 30th, 2012, 11:49 pm #2

If finding a donor that looks like you is important to you then I think you should keep looking. My donor kinda resembles me. She has the same eye and skin color and body type. We have the same heritage and blood type. I like what she wrote and she has a healthy family medical history. Those things were all important to me. I put a hold on her, thought about her over a day or two and then placed our deposit. Then I was absolutely convinced she was the right one even though she had a previous failed fresh and frozen cycle.

My baby has the same coloring as my DH, DD and me. I don't think you will care once your baby is here. But since you have the choice now you should pick who you are comfortable with. The donor you are thinking about sounds like a good choice for you though. Can you put a hold on her and think about her for a few days?
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Cathy
Cathy

May 30th, 2012, 11:54 pm #3

Hi all - I've been lurking here for quite some time....my story is, I'm sure, very similar to many of yours - my husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost 8 years now, ever since we got married when I was 33 and he was 35. I'm now 41 and he will be 43 next week. Over the years we progressed through all the treatment options, IUI, IVF with my eggs, etc., and managed to become pregnant twice, but both pregnancies ended in early miscarriages. Anyway, I had previously thought that the decision, definitively, to move forward with donor egg would be the hardest decision. It has taken us - well, me really, almost 18 months to come to that decision, and to finally say goodbye to the long held dream of looking into the face of a child who would be the perfect genetic combination of both of us. But now that we're at this point - all pre-testing completed, funding for shared risk squared away, meeting with social worker to bare our souls completed, etc. etc.....I'm finding it extremely difficult to actually choose a donor. My husband is filipino, and I'm blonde haired and blue eyed. Since the time we first started dating, I wondered what our children would look like. All of my husbands siblings and cousins have married caucasians or african-americans, and all of their subsequent children are absolutely positively gorgeous. They all very much resemble their filipino parent, rather than the parent of the other race - so I never had any illusions, back when I assumed we'd conceive, that our children would come out looking blonde and blue eyed like me. So why then, am I so stuck when trying to choose a donor? I find myself scrutinizing the pictures on the donor website trying to convince myself that someone's baby picture looks like me at a certain age, etc. Today, a donor popped up who's father is german, and her mother is half chinese and half filipino. Her essay was incredibly well written - based on what she wrote and the way in which it was written, she is articulate, erudite, driven, generous, verbal....many of the most important characteristics to me. But I find myself struggling with this: first I had to give up on our child being a combination of me and my husband...should I now give up on the idea of finding a donor who looks like me? This donor looks like one of the gorgeous 'mixed' children in my husband's family. Logically, intellectually, I know that even if I found a donor who looks a lot like me, the resulting child would have mostly filipino traits - the chances of that child being fair skinned or blue eyed are slim to none. So why does this matter so much? Do physical characteristics only seem so important to me right now, and will they cease to matter when I'm holding this gorgeous child in my arms? I've been thinking today that perhaps this multi-racial donor is a sign - I understand from what I've read that asian donors of any variety are quite rare - so - since my husband in filipino and this donor is a 1/4 filipino - maybe this means that she is the ONE? Ugh.

So after all of that preamble, I'm very interested to know how others have approached this decision. Did you choose a donor right away without agonizing over the physical characteristics and traits? I'm driving myself absolutely crazy right now and could benefit from some of the wisdom and experience of this board. Thanks in advance for any thoughts!
that our donor really looked like me, both as a child and as an adult. Our dd from that donor does not resemble me much. I think that your child from a donor who closely resembles you may not look as much like you as you think he/she will. There are just certain features that people have that are unique. like their profile or special nose. It's not like people think that our dd could not be my biological child, but there is really nothing about her features that match any of mine, and no one looks at her and thinks that we look a lot alike. But, some parents and their children don't look all that much alike either.

It's tough. I guess if a close resemblance to you is really important, you could go for that, but understand that it may not happen. Alternatively, if your child looking like she is definitely not yours will bother you (like a blonde blue eyed mom with a child adopted from Asia looks), you should pick someone that closely resembles you.

Good luck.
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Antonialisa
Antonialisa

May 31st, 2012, 1:35 am #4

Hi all - I've been lurking here for quite some time....my story is, I'm sure, very similar to many of yours - my husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost 8 years now, ever since we got married when I was 33 and he was 35. I'm now 41 and he will be 43 next week. Over the years we progressed through all the treatment options, IUI, IVF with my eggs, etc., and managed to become pregnant twice, but both pregnancies ended in early miscarriages. Anyway, I had previously thought that the decision, definitively, to move forward with donor egg would be the hardest decision. It has taken us - well, me really, almost 18 months to come to that decision, and to finally say goodbye to the long held dream of looking into the face of a child who would be the perfect genetic combination of both of us. But now that we're at this point - all pre-testing completed, funding for shared risk squared away, meeting with social worker to bare our souls completed, etc. etc.....I'm finding it extremely difficult to actually choose a donor. My husband is filipino, and I'm blonde haired and blue eyed. Since the time we first started dating, I wondered what our children would look like. All of my husbands siblings and cousins have married caucasians or african-americans, and all of their subsequent children are absolutely positively gorgeous. They all very much resemble their filipino parent, rather than the parent of the other race - so I never had any illusions, back when I assumed we'd conceive, that our children would come out looking blonde and blue eyed like me. So why then, am I so stuck when trying to choose a donor? I find myself scrutinizing the pictures on the donor website trying to convince myself that someone's baby picture looks like me at a certain age, etc. Today, a donor popped up who's father is german, and her mother is half chinese and half filipino. Her essay was incredibly well written - based on what she wrote and the way in which it was written, she is articulate, erudite, driven, generous, verbal....many of the most important characteristics to me. But I find myself struggling with this: first I had to give up on our child being a combination of me and my husband...should I now give up on the idea of finding a donor who looks like me? This donor looks like one of the gorgeous 'mixed' children in my husband's family. Logically, intellectually, I know that even if I found a donor who looks a lot like me, the resulting child would have mostly filipino traits - the chances of that child being fair skinned or blue eyed are slim to none. So why does this matter so much? Do physical characteristics only seem so important to me right now, and will they cease to matter when I'm holding this gorgeous child in my arms? I've been thinking today that perhaps this multi-racial donor is a sign - I understand from what I've read that asian donors of any variety are quite rare - so - since my husband in filipino and this donor is a 1/4 filipino - maybe this means that she is the ONE? Ugh.

So after all of that preamble, I'm very interested to know how others have approached this decision. Did you choose a donor right away without agonizing over the physical characteristics and traits? I'm driving myself absolutely crazy right now and could benefit from some of the wisdom and experience of this board. Thanks in advance for any thoughts!
Hi, there! Unfortunately, I don't have any advice for you, as I am even less advanced than you are on the path to DE. However, your post really spoke to me and here is why: I have noticed that every, and I mean EVERY step for DH and me has turned out to be challenging, for some reason. I think that for some people, it's a really difficult process. Like you, I don't doubt that there is great happiness waiting on the other side. But some of us just don't breeze through the process.

I just want to wish you all the best, and encourage you to feel really good about your choice, even if it takes longer. I sincerely believe that you will get to the other side of this. In the meantime, could you please let us know what you decide and keep us informed of your progress? I am keeping my fingers crossed for you and wish you all the best.
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Joined: February 24th, 2004, 6:44 pm

May 31st, 2012, 2:09 am #5

Hi all - I've been lurking here for quite some time....my story is, I'm sure, very similar to many of yours - my husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost 8 years now, ever since we got married when I was 33 and he was 35. I'm now 41 and he will be 43 next week. Over the years we progressed through all the treatment options, IUI, IVF with my eggs, etc., and managed to become pregnant twice, but both pregnancies ended in early miscarriages. Anyway, I had previously thought that the decision, definitively, to move forward with donor egg would be the hardest decision. It has taken us - well, me really, almost 18 months to come to that decision, and to finally say goodbye to the long held dream of looking into the face of a child who would be the perfect genetic combination of both of us. But now that we're at this point - all pre-testing completed, funding for shared risk squared away, meeting with social worker to bare our souls completed, etc. etc.....I'm finding it extremely difficult to actually choose a donor. My husband is filipino, and I'm blonde haired and blue eyed. Since the time we first started dating, I wondered what our children would look like. All of my husbands siblings and cousins have married caucasians or african-americans, and all of their subsequent children are absolutely positively gorgeous. They all very much resemble their filipino parent, rather than the parent of the other race - so I never had any illusions, back when I assumed we'd conceive, that our children would come out looking blonde and blue eyed like me. So why then, am I so stuck when trying to choose a donor? I find myself scrutinizing the pictures on the donor website trying to convince myself that someone's baby picture looks like me at a certain age, etc. Today, a donor popped up who's father is german, and her mother is half chinese and half filipino. Her essay was incredibly well written - based on what she wrote and the way in which it was written, she is articulate, erudite, driven, generous, verbal....many of the most important characteristics to me. But I find myself struggling with this: first I had to give up on our child being a combination of me and my husband...should I now give up on the idea of finding a donor who looks like me? This donor looks like one of the gorgeous 'mixed' children in my husband's family. Logically, intellectually, I know that even if I found a donor who looks a lot like me, the resulting child would have mostly filipino traits - the chances of that child being fair skinned or blue eyed are slim to none. So why does this matter so much? Do physical characteristics only seem so important to me right now, and will they cease to matter when I'm holding this gorgeous child in my arms? I've been thinking today that perhaps this multi-racial donor is a sign - I understand from what I've read that asian donors of any variety are quite rare - so - since my husband in filipino and this donor is a 1/4 filipino - maybe this means that she is the ONE? Ugh.

So after all of that preamble, I'm very interested to know how others have approached this decision. Did you choose a donor right away without agonizing over the physical characteristics and traits? I'm driving myself absolutely crazy right now and could benefit from some of the wisdom and experience of this board. Thanks in advance for any thoughts!
And I found one who was so perfect, she had not donated before but it didn't matter to me since she was the absolute perfect donor... she had everything I was looking for, looks, smarts and I felt a connection to her. She produced stellarly, 27 eggs and I went on to become pregnant on my very first transfer, I was overjoyed after so many years of trying, wanting, waiting... until we discovered that there was no cardiac activity at our 12w ultrasound... and we were devastated. So we went on to our FET's, but had no luck. Found another absolutely perfect donor, she was a star in my book, too, even better than the first donor, how could I get so lucky to find TWO donors to resemble me, although she was unproven too, but it didn't matter to me, she was perfect! And she produced phenominally too, 31 eggs, wow... but I never got more than a chemical pregnancy with her eggs

So we switched clinics at that point... one that had superior stats although it was across the country from us... And lo and behold, both of these donors (who were selected from different agencies) lived near the new clinic! Well, I just HAD to try again with #1 since she had since donated again and her recipient was pregnant... no luck... then #2 again who also donated again successfully... no luck for us. By now, empty financially, emotionally and physically, I took out a loan and went to a very small clinic (very few donors) near my home where they did not show photos except for baby photos... so I found a profile of a donor that seemed "ok" (geez, any girl with a single fertile egg would have sufficed at that point), I asked for an adult photo and got one and determined she looked absolutely nothing like me in the least bit, but could maybe possibly fit into our family, by a long stretch... and the egg she produced was the one who created my perfect, gorgeous, son who is the light of my life!!! And he looks nothing like me... but he looks just like DH, and it does not matter even one iota. This was my 9th DE cycle...yes, 9. I have been on these boards for a very long time... the best donor you will find is the one who is able to get you pregnant and help to produce a child for you.

We are not all lucky on our first try... I thought I was, but it wasn't to be. It is totally normal to want to try to clone ourselves when looking for an egg donor...the child you are meant to have will come to you one way or another. Mine did.

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Joined: May 30th, 2012, 11:01 pm

May 31st, 2012, 2:37 am #6

Hi all - I've been lurking here for quite some time....my story is, I'm sure, very similar to many of yours - my husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost 8 years now, ever since we got married when I was 33 and he was 35. I'm now 41 and he will be 43 next week. Over the years we progressed through all the treatment options, IUI, IVF with my eggs, etc., and managed to become pregnant twice, but both pregnancies ended in early miscarriages. Anyway, I had previously thought that the decision, definitively, to move forward with donor egg would be the hardest decision. It has taken us - well, me really, almost 18 months to come to that decision, and to finally say goodbye to the long held dream of looking into the face of a child who would be the perfect genetic combination of both of us. But now that we're at this point - all pre-testing completed, funding for shared risk squared away, meeting with social worker to bare our souls completed, etc. etc.....I'm finding it extremely difficult to actually choose a donor. My husband is filipino, and I'm blonde haired and blue eyed. Since the time we first started dating, I wondered what our children would look like. All of my husbands siblings and cousins have married caucasians or african-americans, and all of their subsequent children are absolutely positively gorgeous. They all very much resemble their filipino parent, rather than the parent of the other race - so I never had any illusions, back when I assumed we'd conceive, that our children would come out looking blonde and blue eyed like me. So why then, am I so stuck when trying to choose a donor? I find myself scrutinizing the pictures on the donor website trying to convince myself that someone's baby picture looks like me at a certain age, etc. Today, a donor popped up who's father is german, and her mother is half chinese and half filipino. Her essay was incredibly well written - based on what she wrote and the way in which it was written, she is articulate, erudite, driven, generous, verbal....many of the most important characteristics to me. But I find myself struggling with this: first I had to give up on our child being a combination of me and my husband...should I now give up on the idea of finding a donor who looks like me? This donor looks like one of the gorgeous 'mixed' children in my husband's family. Logically, intellectually, I know that even if I found a donor who looks a lot like me, the resulting child would have mostly filipino traits - the chances of that child being fair skinned or blue eyed are slim to none. So why does this matter so much? Do physical characteristics only seem so important to me right now, and will they cease to matter when I'm holding this gorgeous child in my arms? I've been thinking today that perhaps this multi-racial donor is a sign - I understand from what I've read that asian donors of any variety are quite rare - so - since my husband in filipino and this donor is a 1/4 filipino - maybe this means that she is the ONE? Ugh.

So after all of that preamble, I'm very interested to know how others have approached this decision. Did you choose a donor right away without agonizing over the physical characteristics and traits? I'm driving myself absolutely crazy right now and could benefit from some of the wisdom and experience of this board. Thanks in advance for any thoughts!
for all of your feedback! It's incredibly valuable to hear how others have thought through this, and I will definitely continue posting with our progress along this seemingly endless journey. My husband just sat here and read through all of the comments with me, and he thinks we should proceed with the multi-racial donor. He firmly believes that all of this concern over physical characteristics will cease to be important when our child is born, and he keeps reminding me that I will his or her mother in every way that's meaningful, regardless of whether he or she has my nose or my eyes or whatever. Yet, he wants me to be completely comfortable before we proceed. I feel like I need to keep mulling it over though - not ready to select this donor tonight. The way our donor database seems to work, I may risk her not being available if I wait more than a day or two though....

I have another tactical question though - but I'll post it in a separate thread.....
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Joined: May 1st, 2012, 10:58 pm

May 31st, 2012, 3:41 am #7

Hi all - I've been lurking here for quite some time....my story is, I'm sure, very similar to many of yours - my husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost 8 years now, ever since we got married when I was 33 and he was 35. I'm now 41 and he will be 43 next week. Over the years we progressed through all the treatment options, IUI, IVF with my eggs, etc., and managed to become pregnant twice, but both pregnancies ended in early miscarriages. Anyway, I had previously thought that the decision, definitively, to move forward with donor egg would be the hardest decision. It has taken us - well, me really, almost 18 months to come to that decision, and to finally say goodbye to the long held dream of looking into the face of a child who would be the perfect genetic combination of both of us. But now that we're at this point - all pre-testing completed, funding for shared risk squared away, meeting with social worker to bare our souls completed, etc. etc.....I'm finding it extremely difficult to actually choose a donor. My husband is filipino, and I'm blonde haired and blue eyed. Since the time we first started dating, I wondered what our children would look like. All of my husbands siblings and cousins have married caucasians or african-americans, and all of their subsequent children are absolutely positively gorgeous. They all very much resemble their filipino parent, rather than the parent of the other race - so I never had any illusions, back when I assumed we'd conceive, that our children would come out looking blonde and blue eyed like me. So why then, am I so stuck when trying to choose a donor? I find myself scrutinizing the pictures on the donor website trying to convince myself that someone's baby picture looks like me at a certain age, etc. Today, a donor popped up who's father is german, and her mother is half chinese and half filipino. Her essay was incredibly well written - based on what she wrote and the way in which it was written, she is articulate, erudite, driven, generous, verbal....many of the most important characteristics to me. But I find myself struggling with this: first I had to give up on our child being a combination of me and my husband...should I now give up on the idea of finding a donor who looks like me? This donor looks like one of the gorgeous 'mixed' children in my husband's family. Logically, intellectually, I know that even if I found a donor who looks a lot like me, the resulting child would have mostly filipino traits - the chances of that child being fair skinned or blue eyed are slim to none. So why does this matter so much? Do physical characteristics only seem so important to me right now, and will they cease to matter when I'm holding this gorgeous child in my arms? I've been thinking today that perhaps this multi-racial donor is a sign - I understand from what I've read that asian donors of any variety are quite rare - so - since my husband in filipino and this donor is a 1/4 filipino - maybe this means that she is the ONE? Ugh.

So after all of that preamble, I'm very interested to know how others have approached this decision. Did you choose a donor right away without agonizing over the physical characteristics and traits? I'm driving myself absolutely crazy right now and could benefit from some of the wisdom and experience of this board. Thanks in advance for any thoughts!
I think it's a good idea to rank what's most important to you, because you might not find someone who has every characteristic you are looking for. I went more with a gut feeling - we did have similar coloring, but that wasn't the most important thing to me. I liked what she wrote in her essay and I liked that we had similar interests. It was also important to me that I could talk to her before hand and that she was willing to be an open donor. At first, she wasn't going to be open, but after talking to her, she decided that she would be willing to meet the child (if he or she wants to) when we both thought it was appropriate. I also had an opportunity to talk to people who knew her in person. It was good to hear that they thought she was a kind person. Good luck to you!
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BlessedThistle
BlessedThistle

May 31st, 2012, 3:45 am #8

for all of your feedback! It's incredibly valuable to hear how others have thought through this, and I will definitely continue posting with our progress along this seemingly endless journey. My husband just sat here and read through all of the comments with me, and he thinks we should proceed with the multi-racial donor. He firmly believes that all of this concern over physical characteristics will cease to be important when our child is born, and he keeps reminding me that I will his or her mother in every way that's meaningful, regardless of whether he or she has my nose or my eyes or whatever. Yet, he wants me to be completely comfortable before we proceed. I feel like I need to keep mulling it over though - not ready to select this donor tonight. The way our donor database seems to work, I may risk her not being available if I wait more than a day or two though....

I have another tactical question though - but I'll post it in a separate thread.....
and had almost no physical information on the egg donor or donating family father. What I knew about them though I absolutely LOVED - he seemed like he could drop right into my extended family and immediately be at home. The egg donor I did not have that same sense for but ironically she had personality characteristics similar to guys I have been attracted to/dated.

My children are 100% perfect for me. And, oddly enough, look something like me too.
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

May 31st, 2012, 2:49 pm #9

And we used DE+DS, so even less. Having kids was far more important to me than having kids who looked like me -- I'm a plain woman, so that wasn't a very hard decision. Remember, the child who would be a "perfect genetic combination" of you and your DH's characteristics could also be the perfect genetic combination of any negative traits you possess. For DH and me, that could have been a perfect genetic storm as we both have mental illness, substance abuse, and autoimmune problems in both our families.

That being said, I wish our kids looked more like me, so it's worth some effort to find a donor who will likely help you to have a child who looks like you and/or DH. But, plenty of kids don't bear much resemblance to their parents, so keep your eyes on the prize with a proven donor.

Take care,

Maggie (in VA)
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Fawn
Fawn

May 31st, 2012, 4:27 pm #10

Hi all - I've been lurking here for quite some time....my story is, I'm sure, very similar to many of yours - my husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost 8 years now, ever since we got married when I was 33 and he was 35. I'm now 41 and he will be 43 next week. Over the years we progressed through all the treatment options, IUI, IVF with my eggs, etc., and managed to become pregnant twice, but both pregnancies ended in early miscarriages. Anyway, I had previously thought that the decision, definitively, to move forward with donor egg would be the hardest decision. It has taken us - well, me really, almost 18 months to come to that decision, and to finally say goodbye to the long held dream of looking into the face of a child who would be the perfect genetic combination of both of us. But now that we're at this point - all pre-testing completed, funding for shared risk squared away, meeting with social worker to bare our souls completed, etc. etc.....I'm finding it extremely difficult to actually choose a donor. My husband is filipino, and I'm blonde haired and blue eyed. Since the time we first started dating, I wondered what our children would look like. All of my husbands siblings and cousins have married caucasians or african-americans, and all of their subsequent children are absolutely positively gorgeous. They all very much resemble their filipino parent, rather than the parent of the other race - so I never had any illusions, back when I assumed we'd conceive, that our children would come out looking blonde and blue eyed like me. So why then, am I so stuck when trying to choose a donor? I find myself scrutinizing the pictures on the donor website trying to convince myself that someone's baby picture looks like me at a certain age, etc. Today, a donor popped up who's father is german, and her mother is half chinese and half filipino. Her essay was incredibly well written - based on what she wrote and the way in which it was written, she is articulate, erudite, driven, generous, verbal....many of the most important characteristics to me. But I find myself struggling with this: first I had to give up on our child being a combination of me and my husband...should I now give up on the idea of finding a donor who looks like me? This donor looks like one of the gorgeous 'mixed' children in my husband's family. Logically, intellectually, I know that even if I found a donor who looks a lot like me, the resulting child would have mostly filipino traits - the chances of that child being fair skinned or blue eyed are slim to none. So why does this matter so much? Do physical characteristics only seem so important to me right now, and will they cease to matter when I'm holding this gorgeous child in my arms? I've been thinking today that perhaps this multi-racial donor is a sign - I understand from what I've read that asian donors of any variety are quite rare - so - since my husband in filipino and this donor is a 1/4 filipino - maybe this means that she is the ONE? Ugh.

So after all of that preamble, I'm very interested to know how others have approached this decision. Did you choose a donor right away without agonizing over the physical characteristics and traits? I'm driving myself absolutely crazy right now and could benefit from some of the wisdom and experience of this board. Thanks in advance for any thoughts!
We weren't picky.. we chose about 14! We picked various types, they all needed to have a photo, because you can say your 120lbs, blonde hair blue eyes, sounds great on paper. but if you see the photo they could have a giant hook nose, crossed eyes with coke bottle glasses a giant butt, balding stringy hair..the list goes on. Of course the medical part is very important- seems shallow? not really, I'm short dark hair and hazel eyes and flat chested.. our donor was beautiful! tall thin and great features- so I upgraded! Our twins are a spitting image of her! We are truely blessed! My advise is to get as much info as you possibly can on the donor. Little things they don't tell you. when did their hair grow in, when did their teeth grow in, first steps..did they cry through the night, first words etc.. genetic things that you have no control over! By choosing a big list of donors you will also be matched and able to start to cycle sooner. we didn't want to waste any time in getting the ball rolling. I was the same age as you. Good luck!
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