Surprising Grief (sadness over OE ment/pg ment)

Surprising Grief (sadness over OE ment/pg ment)

Anon7
Anon7

July 9th, 2011, 1:36 am #1

Good Evening Ladies,

First, let me say that without a doubt I already love this little dude that is cooking up inside me. I am so thankful to have this option, and so grateful that it worked for me on the 1st try. That said, I all of a sudden decided to do DE when I knew the cost was within my reach. I did one more OE cycle while 'on hold' for hysteroscopy and donor to be free (and ended up with a diff donor anyhow), and it was my 3rd this year. At my age, I just knew the chances are so slim with IUI and frozen sperm. Life is just not fair. I did not even get to try until early/mid 40's. Tried for this entire year, 3 OE's, this 1 DE, and it cost $42k so far. Still have meds to buy. Never wanted to do this single.

I don't think this pg has really sunk in yet. It's still kind of surreal, and I won't be telling folks for a while, so it's hard to be excited when I can't speak about it. But kind of fun to have the secret.

Now to the long-winded point: last night I was out at dinner with a dear friend and actually the ONLY person who knows I'm pg. She asked me if I was just dying with excitement, and somehow I ended up bawling. The grief that is just simmering underneath the surface came up: I am not going to pass on my genetics. My bloodline ends with me. It is kind of unbelievable to me that this has ended this way. There's something very primal about this, and it makes me cry. And I feel guilty even saying this for this little baby that's going to be my child.

Anyhow, I don't want to linger in this, but I had to put it out there. It's just something that is. I can't change what is. So, there you have it. I hope others aren't brought down by this. Most of the time I'm fine and not thinking about DE, but this just came out of nowhere last night. Okay, enough. I've said my piece.


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Joined: July 7th, 2011, 12:00 am

July 9th, 2011, 1:48 am #2

I am not an expert on the topic but I believe the feelings you have are normal. I have not gone through the process just yet but I feel that way at times. My RE said many ladies from her clinic feel that way until they feel the baby moving inside them. Enjoy your BFP. Congrats again.
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Bethlyn
Bethlyn

July 9th, 2011, 2:02 am #3

Good Evening Ladies,

First, let me say that without a doubt I already love this little dude that is cooking up inside me. I am so thankful to have this option, and so grateful that it worked for me on the 1st try. That said, I all of a sudden decided to do DE when I knew the cost was within my reach. I did one more OE cycle while 'on hold' for hysteroscopy and donor to be free (and ended up with a diff donor anyhow), and it was my 3rd this year. At my age, I just knew the chances are so slim with IUI and frozen sperm. Life is just not fair. I did not even get to try until early/mid 40's. Tried for this entire year, 3 OE's, this 1 DE, and it cost $42k so far. Still have meds to buy. Never wanted to do this single.

I don't think this pg has really sunk in yet. It's still kind of surreal, and I won't be telling folks for a while, so it's hard to be excited when I can't speak about it. But kind of fun to have the secret.

Now to the long-winded point: last night I was out at dinner with a dear friend and actually the ONLY person who knows I'm pg. She asked me if I was just dying with excitement, and somehow I ended up bawling. The grief that is just simmering underneath the surface came up: I am not going to pass on my genetics. My bloodline ends with me. It is kind of unbelievable to me that this has ended this way. There's something very primal about this, and it makes me cry. And I feel guilty even saying this for this little baby that's going to be my child.

Anyhow, I don't want to linger in this, but I had to put it out there. It's just something that is. I can't change what is. So, there you have it. I hope others aren't brought down by this. Most of the time I'm fine and not thinking about DE, but this just came out of nowhere last night. Okay, enough. I've said my piece.

I remember doing the exact same thing at the exact same time as you and for the exact same reasons... I recall thinking my pregnancy was bittersweet in a way... that feeling went away for me within a very short period of time... this feeling will pass for you too... your hormones are raging and the actual idea of being pregnant is still so new. You're gonna be a mom and you've worked so very hard for this day... congratulations!
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futurebeauty
futurebeauty

July 9th, 2011, 2:07 am #4

Good Evening Ladies,

First, let me say that without a doubt I already love this little dude that is cooking up inside me. I am so thankful to have this option, and so grateful that it worked for me on the 1st try. That said, I all of a sudden decided to do DE when I knew the cost was within my reach. I did one more OE cycle while 'on hold' for hysteroscopy and donor to be free (and ended up with a diff donor anyhow), and it was my 3rd this year. At my age, I just knew the chances are so slim with IUI and frozen sperm. Life is just not fair. I did not even get to try until early/mid 40's. Tried for this entire year, 3 OE's, this 1 DE, and it cost $42k so far. Still have meds to buy. Never wanted to do this single.

I don't think this pg has really sunk in yet. It's still kind of surreal, and I won't be telling folks for a while, so it's hard to be excited when I can't speak about it. But kind of fun to have the secret.

Now to the long-winded point: last night I was out at dinner with a dear friend and actually the ONLY person who knows I'm pg. She asked me if I was just dying with excitement, and somehow I ended up bawling. The grief that is just simmering underneath the surface came up: I am not going to pass on my genetics. My bloodline ends with me. It is kind of unbelievable to me that this has ended this way. There's something very primal about this, and it makes me cry. And I feel guilty even saying this for this little baby that's going to be my child.

Anyhow, I don't want to linger in this, but I had to put it out there. It's just something that is. I can't change what is. So, there you have it. I hope others aren't brought down by this. Most of the time I'm fine and not thinking about DE, but this just came out of nowhere last night. Okay, enough. I've said my piece.

I think you are experiencing feelings of cold feet. I think it is normal to have these feelings after all you have been through and the loss of your genetics is real and it tugs at your heart. I think that grief can strike us at odd times and it is like an old boyfriend that we still long for. Could of , would of, should of... but that time is over and now you have your baby that you worked so hard for.

I too have had feelings of grief, cold feet and regret all wk. I almost canceled my Dr Gill appt and then once I picked out my donor. I felt sick like maybe I should not be doing this. I got this same sick feeling just prior to our wedding day. Cold Feet. Every major decision makes me feel this way as so much is riding on it and we can not undo it once it is done. So you are normal and it is better to work through your feelings now than later.

Remember you have the baby inside you that you are suppose to have. This is all so hard and foreign to us as we grew up thinking we would have our families one way and to switch from 40+ yrs of thinking is difficult and complex.

Allow yourself to feel so that you can heal.

Hugs,

futurebeauty
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BeenThere,DoneThat
BeenThere,DoneThat

July 9th, 2011, 4:24 am #5

Good Evening Ladies,

First, let me say that without a doubt I already love this little dude that is cooking up inside me. I am so thankful to have this option, and so grateful that it worked for me on the 1st try. That said, I all of a sudden decided to do DE when I knew the cost was within my reach. I did one more OE cycle while 'on hold' for hysteroscopy and donor to be free (and ended up with a diff donor anyhow), and it was my 3rd this year. At my age, I just knew the chances are so slim with IUI and frozen sperm. Life is just not fair. I did not even get to try until early/mid 40's. Tried for this entire year, 3 OE's, this 1 DE, and it cost $42k so far. Still have meds to buy. Never wanted to do this single.

I don't think this pg has really sunk in yet. It's still kind of surreal, and I won't be telling folks for a while, so it's hard to be excited when I can't speak about it. But kind of fun to have the secret.

Now to the long-winded point: last night I was out at dinner with a dear friend and actually the ONLY person who knows I'm pg. She asked me if I was just dying with excitement, and somehow I ended up bawling. The grief that is just simmering underneath the surface came up: I am not going to pass on my genetics. My bloodline ends with me. It is kind of unbelievable to me that this has ended this way. There's something very primal about this, and it makes me cry. And I feel guilty even saying this for this little baby that's going to be my child.

Anyhow, I don't want to linger in this, but I had to put it out there. It's just something that is. I can't change what is. So, there you have it. I hope others aren't brought down by this. Most of the time I'm fine and not thinking about DE, but this just came out of nowhere last night. Okay, enough. I've said my piece.

I felt that way during my first pregnancy, but once my son was born I was in love completely!! Try not to worry about how you're feeling, it will all melt away when the baby is born. And alot of what you're experiencing (unexpected bawling) is hormones speaking too--it's one of the many joys/discomforts of pregnancy!!

Take care,
BTDT
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Piper
Piper

July 9th, 2011, 2:24 pm #6

Good Evening Ladies,

First, let me say that without a doubt I already love this little dude that is cooking up inside me. I am so thankful to have this option, and so grateful that it worked for me on the 1st try. That said, I all of a sudden decided to do DE when I knew the cost was within my reach. I did one more OE cycle while 'on hold' for hysteroscopy and donor to be free (and ended up with a diff donor anyhow), and it was my 3rd this year. At my age, I just knew the chances are so slim with IUI and frozen sperm. Life is just not fair. I did not even get to try until early/mid 40's. Tried for this entire year, 3 OE's, this 1 DE, and it cost $42k so far. Still have meds to buy. Never wanted to do this single.

I don't think this pg has really sunk in yet. It's still kind of surreal, and I won't be telling folks for a while, so it's hard to be excited when I can't speak about it. But kind of fun to have the secret.

Now to the long-winded point: last night I was out at dinner with a dear friend and actually the ONLY person who knows I'm pg. She asked me if I was just dying with excitement, and somehow I ended up bawling. The grief that is just simmering underneath the surface came up: I am not going to pass on my genetics. My bloodline ends with me. It is kind of unbelievable to me that this has ended this way. There's something very primal about this, and it makes me cry. And I feel guilty even saying this for this little baby that's going to be my child.

Anyhow, I don't want to linger in this, but I had to put it out there. It's just something that is. I can't change what is. So, there you have it. I hope others aren't brought down by this. Most of the time I'm fine and not thinking about DE, but this just came out of nowhere last night. Okay, enough. I've said my piece.

Everything you are feeling and experiencing is entirely normal. I can share that during pregnancy, I always kept waiting for something to happen- it always felt very surreal to me.

Keep in mind that you are dealing with grief, fear and lots and lots of hormones.

One thing that was very helpful for me was talking to an infertility therapist. And RESOLVE has pregnancy after infertility support groups in some areas--your clinic may offer one as well.
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Anon7
Anon7

July 10th, 2011, 1:10 am #7

Good Evening Ladies,

First, let me say that without a doubt I already love this little dude that is cooking up inside me. I am so thankful to have this option, and so grateful that it worked for me on the 1st try. That said, I all of a sudden decided to do DE when I knew the cost was within my reach. I did one more OE cycle while 'on hold' for hysteroscopy and donor to be free (and ended up with a diff donor anyhow), and it was my 3rd this year. At my age, I just knew the chances are so slim with IUI and frozen sperm. Life is just not fair. I did not even get to try until early/mid 40's. Tried for this entire year, 3 OE's, this 1 DE, and it cost $42k so far. Still have meds to buy. Never wanted to do this single.

I don't think this pg has really sunk in yet. It's still kind of surreal, and I won't be telling folks for a while, so it's hard to be excited when I can't speak about it. But kind of fun to have the secret.

Now to the long-winded point: last night I was out at dinner with a dear friend and actually the ONLY person who knows I'm pg. She asked me if I was just dying with excitement, and somehow I ended up bawling. The grief that is just simmering underneath the surface came up: I am not going to pass on my genetics. My bloodline ends with me. It is kind of unbelievable to me that this has ended this way. There's something very primal about this, and it makes me cry. And I feel guilty even saying this for this little baby that's going to be my child.

Anyhow, I don't want to linger in this, but I had to put it out there. It's just something that is. I can't change what is. So, there you have it. I hope others aren't brought down by this. Most of the time I'm fine and not thinking about DE, but this just came out of nowhere last night. Okay, enough. I've said my piece.

It is still pretty surreal, but I'm better today. My dear friend bought me WHAT TO EXPECT WHILE EXPECTING AND WHAT TO EAT WHILE EXPECTING. I began "What to east while expecting" last night. Needless to say, today has been a good food day.

Thanks again for sharing your experience.
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Joined: January 13th, 2010, 6:26 pm

July 11th, 2011, 6:19 pm #8

It is so incredibly normal to feel that way, and I continued to feel it on and off during my pregnancy and even now that I have my two month old daughter. But I also look at her gorgeous face and even if there is a twinge of sadness that I'll never see my own features in her, it practically makes me cry with gratitude for my little miracle. I can't imagine her being any other way other than how she is--absolutely perfect--no matter where those initial few cells came from. I would highly recommend picking up a book called Origins. I read it during my first trimester and it made me feel SO much better about doing DE. It's all about the science of fetal genetics and how much influence you have on how the baby's genes are expressed by the things you do while he or she's in your womb. It was so comforting for me to know that I was having such a huge impact on the person she was going to be--even if that initial little egg came from somewhere else.
Congratulations on your pregancy and I wish you all the best!!
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Joined: September 6th, 2007, 1:40 am

July 13th, 2011, 4:45 am #9

Good Evening Ladies,

First, let me say that without a doubt I already love this little dude that is cooking up inside me. I am so thankful to have this option, and so grateful that it worked for me on the 1st try. That said, I all of a sudden decided to do DE when I knew the cost was within my reach. I did one more OE cycle while 'on hold' for hysteroscopy and donor to be free (and ended up with a diff donor anyhow), and it was my 3rd this year. At my age, I just knew the chances are so slim with IUI and frozen sperm. Life is just not fair. I did not even get to try until early/mid 40's. Tried for this entire year, 3 OE's, this 1 DE, and it cost $42k so far. Still have meds to buy. Never wanted to do this single.

I don't think this pg has really sunk in yet. It's still kind of surreal, and I won't be telling folks for a while, so it's hard to be excited when I can't speak about it. But kind of fun to have the secret.

Now to the long-winded point: last night I was out at dinner with a dear friend and actually the ONLY person who knows I'm pg. She asked me if I was just dying with excitement, and somehow I ended up bawling. The grief that is just simmering underneath the surface came up: I am not going to pass on my genetics. My bloodline ends with me. It is kind of unbelievable to me that this has ended this way. There's something very primal about this, and it makes me cry. And I feel guilty even saying this for this little baby that's going to be my child.

Anyhow, I don't want to linger in this, but I had to put it out there. It's just something that is. I can't change what is. So, there you have it. I hope others aren't brought down by this. Most of the time I'm fine and not thinking about DE, but this just came out of nowhere last night. Okay, enough. I've said my piece.

But also...pregnancy brings WICKED HORMONES.

Honestly, I was obsessed with death when I was pregnant. Is that not the craziest thing?

During another pregnancy that didn't take, I knew I was pregnant when I got that feeling of extreme sorrow and started to cry.

I'm not at all trying to belittle what you are going through. I have a lot of grief about the babies I wanted but didn't have--and having a different baby in me is going to bring that up, I know it.

But then I wonder when the baby is actually HERE whether that feeling goes away. I am just curious to see if it does.
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