So incredibly sorry ladies!!! Child ment

So incredibly sorry ladies!!! Child ment

Joined: February 23rd, 2012, 7:57 am

April 3rd, 2012, 8:33 pm #1

I feel absolutely terrible! I had no idea that my post would spark so much controversy. I had no intent at all to upset anyone at all and feel awful that it was such a knife to anyone. I actually meant to post it on the pink board but it was very late last night (NZ time) and I mis posted it on the yellow.

I'm actually fairly new to this board and to posting at all so wasn't aware of the little extensions I should have put in my subject line. I'm so sorry for upsetting anyone. Perhaps I shouldn't be on this board at all with a child?

I do have a DD that is a complete miracle and should not have happened so I am extremely blessed in this way, but I am now having to use DE for number two. I should have thought, but as you know, grief is grief and I was having a tough day. I'm so very very sorry.

I realize now, having thought on it, that it was a completely insensitive post and it is true that while I was going through IF prior to my first child, I would have been angered by my post too. I completely understand the responses that may have seemed harsh. You were not out of line at all.

PS What is OT?
Last edited by emilyr99 on April 3rd, 2012, 9:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

April 3rd, 2012, 8:50 pm #2

not that you can't do that on pink too. Just if you need to mention your daughter, do like you just did. Please feel free to post on both boards! Many many here have secondary infertility.
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Joined: August 17th, 2011, 2:17 pm

April 3rd, 2012, 9:03 pm #3

I feel absolutely terrible! I had no idea that my post would spark so much controversy. I had no intent at all to upset anyone at all and feel awful that it was such a knife to anyone. I actually meant to post it on the pink board but it was very late last night (NZ time) and I mis posted it on the yellow.

I'm actually fairly new to this board and to posting at all so wasn't aware of the little extensions I should have put in my subject line. I'm so sorry for upsetting anyone. Perhaps I shouldn't be on this board at all with a child?

I do have a DD that is a complete miracle and should not have happened so I am extremely blessed in this way, but I am now having to use DE for number two. I should have thought, but as you know, grief is grief and I was having a tough day. I'm so very very sorry.

I realize now, having thought on it, that it was a completely insensitive post and it is true that while I was going through IF prior to my first child, I would have been angered by my post too. I completely understand the responses that may have seemed harsh. You were not out of line at all.

PS What is OT?
OT = off topic n/t
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Joined: December 8th, 2006, 6:35 am

April 3rd, 2012, 9:37 pm #4

I feel absolutely terrible! I had no idea that my post would spark so much controversy. I had no intent at all to upset anyone at all and feel awful that it was such a knife to anyone. I actually meant to post it on the pink board but it was very late last night (NZ time) and I mis posted it on the yellow.

I'm actually fairly new to this board and to posting at all so wasn't aware of the little extensions I should have put in my subject line. I'm so sorry for upsetting anyone. Perhaps I shouldn't be on this board at all with a child?

I do have a DD that is a complete miracle and should not have happened so I am extremely blessed in this way, but I am now having to use DE for number two. I should have thought, but as you know, grief is grief and I was having a tough day. I'm so very very sorry.

I realize now, having thought on it, that it was a completely insensitive post and it is true that while I was going through IF prior to my first child, I would have been angered by my post too. I completely understand the responses that may have seemed harsh. You were not out of line at all.

PS What is OT?
I think you can see even the anon poster who was really hurt wanted to take back her original post. You are very welcome here, and thanks for your kind thoughts on this.

I am sure I have stuck my foot in in a few times, and learned a great deal in the process.

Sending you much luck in your career search. One thing I would say is that you are WAY ahead of 99% people who never give their work or lives a thought, by taking the time to do this soul searching, I promise, things will work out for you. Hugs!
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Joined: February 23rd, 2012, 7:57 am

April 3rd, 2012, 9:52 pm #5

Thanks for that. I find it amazing that you continue to be so kind. I really am a nice person or at least I like to think so. So many of the ladies have been through such a rough time, yourself included and you always seem to be so caring and uplifting even through your difficult journey.
I have a good feeling about your blast this Thursday and will be thinking of you. I hope your toush has covered too from the painful injections. May you be pink very soon!
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CrazyLady
CrazyLady

April 3rd, 2012, 10:29 pm #6

I feel absolutely terrible! I had no idea that my post would spark so much controversy. I had no intent at all to upset anyone at all and feel awful that it was such a knife to anyone. I actually meant to post it on the pink board but it was very late last night (NZ time) and I mis posted it on the yellow.

I'm actually fairly new to this board and to posting at all so wasn't aware of the little extensions I should have put in my subject line. I'm so sorry for upsetting anyone. Perhaps I shouldn't be on this board at all with a child?

I do have a DD that is a complete miracle and should not have happened so I am extremely blessed in this way, but I am now having to use DE for number two. I should have thought, but as you know, grief is grief and I was having a tough day. I'm so very very sorry.

I realize now, having thought on it, that it was a completely insensitive post and it is true that while I was going through IF prior to my first child, I would have been angered by my post too. I completely understand the responses that may have seemed harsh. You were not out of line at all.

PS What is OT?


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Joined: November 27th, 2011, 4:22 pm

April 3rd, 2012, 10:39 pm #7

I feel absolutely terrible! I had no idea that my post would spark so much controversy. I had no intent at all to upset anyone at all and feel awful that it was such a knife to anyone. I actually meant to post it on the pink board but it was very late last night (NZ time) and I mis posted it on the yellow.

I'm actually fairly new to this board and to posting at all so wasn't aware of the little extensions I should have put in my subject line. I'm so sorry for upsetting anyone. Perhaps I shouldn't be on this board at all with a child?

I do have a DD that is a complete miracle and should not have happened so I am extremely blessed in this way, but I am now having to use DE for number two. I should have thought, but as you know, grief is grief and I was having a tough day. I'm so very very sorry.

I realize now, having thought on it, that it was a completely insensitive post and it is true that while I was going through IF prior to my first child, I would have been angered by my post too. I completely understand the responses that may have seemed harsh. You were not out of line at all.

PS What is OT?
You're right, grief is grief, and it always makes us do/say things we wouldn't otherwise do or say. I just think there are so many people here in various stages of grief (myself included) that we sometimes post or respond to posts in ways that others find offensive. It happens. But it's ok.. really. I'm sure you'll never post again without putting the right tags in your subject line.

As for your career, something WILL work out. I'm sure this has been a big blow to you, but it clearly wasn't meant to be... I can't suggest anything because I don't know you, but I have heard you mention dance more than once - does anything related to dance interest you (teaching, running a studio, etc..)? I know you've done some of those things before, but could you see doing it for a long-term career?

I'm a teacher, but only because I was honestly "called" into it. Mind you, I was 35 when I changed careers entirely, having previously been a miserably unhappy research scientist.. I love it and know it's what I was meant to do, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. You just have to find the thing that's right for you. Keep looking, keep exploring... you'll figure it out.

((hugs))
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Hope2009
Hope2009

April 3rd, 2012, 10:45 pm #8

not that you can't do that on pink too. Just if you need to mention your daughter, do like you just did. Please feel free to post on both boards! Many many here have secondary infertility.
Emily, you are new to this board so give yourself a break and just let this faux pais go. You now know that you need to be sensitive while posting on this board and bracket any reference to your child, or anything that would be hurtful to another still on their journey...that's all.

There were many times that I too felt like leaving...ha...as recent as last week to be honest. (pink board) I'm glad that I have some great board buds who can be honest with me....and encourage me to stay as well.

Also, as we get to know each other the OT stuff of life (off topic) is important. Shortly after I came on this board and at the beginning of our DE journey, I found out that my mom was diagnosed with dementia. I had to grieve that I was loosing her, every time I visited her a piece was leaving me. She died last month. I'm so glad that I stayed on this board b/c there are others who are walking the same path with their parents...if we are able to experience the same thing in life and get it...well that is so wonderful but we can't all experience the same things. Hard times, no matter what they look like, make us kinder, more comapssionate is my belief. My mom had a tea cup that said, 'faith grows in the dark.'...I thought that was profound as her last years were very much in the dark...and fog.

I'm so sorry that you lost something that you were really counting on...so much of life really isn't in our control is it...the older I get the more I REALIZE that. We also can't control what others will think or feel as they get to know us. As we share our life, our dreams, our disappointments..someone will always have it worse off...or better too....it may trigger some intense feeling in another...but truly this is their stuff... it would be a sad statement if we felt that we couldn't share b/c of this fear...and so I encouage you to stay and let us get to know you...let us cheer you on during your journey to your soulbaby. Let's be very mindful of our dear sisters who are still walking a dark part of the path. We can be the shining light at the end of the tunnel.

Besides I've always wanted a friend from New Zealand.

Blessings from Hope

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Joined: August 18th, 2010, 6:45 pm

April 3rd, 2012, 11:02 pm #9

I feel absolutely terrible! I had no idea that my post would spark so much controversy. I had no intent at all to upset anyone at all and feel awful that it was such a knife to anyone. I actually meant to post it on the pink board but it was very late last night (NZ time) and I mis posted it on the yellow.

I'm actually fairly new to this board and to posting at all so wasn't aware of the little extensions I should have put in my subject line. I'm so sorry for upsetting anyone. Perhaps I shouldn't be on this board at all with a child?

I do have a DD that is a complete miracle and should not have happened so I am extremely blessed in this way, but I am now having to use DE for number two. I should have thought, but as you know, grief is grief and I was having a tough day. I'm so very very sorry.

I realize now, having thought on it, that it was a completely insensitive post and it is true that while I was going through IF prior to my first child, I would have been angered by my post too. I completely understand the responses that may have seemed harsh. You were not out of line at all.

PS What is OT?
I have tough skin and I have seen this stumbling block on this board before.

I admire your desire to address the issue. It was obvious from your post that you were not trying to post anything controversial - you just wanted to talk with friends about your life.

The whole issue of primary vs secondary infertility can be a sticky one. Perhaps we all need to remember the impact our words can have on someone feeling vulnerable and experiencing grief for what ever reason.

We need to remember what we have in common - the loss of our dream of a family, a family that we pictured being complete when we decided it was complete. We all share the grief of infertility taking that vision away from us.
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minniet
minniet

April 3rd, 2012, 11:08 pm #10

Emily, you are new to this board so give yourself a break and just let this faux pais go. You now know that you need to be sensitive while posting on this board and bracket any reference to your child, or anything that would be hurtful to another still on their journey...that's all.

There were many times that I too felt like leaving...ha...as recent as last week to be honest. (pink board) I'm glad that I have some great board buds who can be honest with me....and encourage me to stay as well.

Also, as we get to know each other the OT stuff of life (off topic) is important. Shortly after I came on this board and at the beginning of our DE journey, I found out that my mom was diagnosed with dementia. I had to grieve that I was loosing her, every time I visited her a piece was leaving me. She died last month. I'm so glad that I stayed on this board b/c there are others who are walking the same path with their parents...if we are able to experience the same thing in life and get it...well that is so wonderful but we can't all experience the same things. Hard times, no matter what they look like, make us kinder, more comapssionate is my belief. My mom had a tea cup that said, 'faith grows in the dark.'...I thought that was profound as her last years were very much in the dark...and fog.

I'm so sorry that you lost something that you were really counting on...so much of life really isn't in our control is it...the older I get the more I REALIZE that. We also can't control what others will think or feel as they get to know us. As we share our life, our dreams, our disappointments..someone will always have it worse off...or better too....it may trigger some intense feeling in another...but truly this is their stuff... it would be a sad statement if we felt that we couldn't share b/c of this fear...and so I encouage you to stay and let us get to know you...let us cheer you on during your journey to your soulbaby. Let's be very mindful of our dear sisters who are still walking a dark part of the path. We can be the shining light at the end of the tunnel.

Besides I've always wanted a friend from New Zealand.

Blessings from Hope
I also have been given hope, strength and incredible support from this board (so many of you) as my Mom's battle with cancer slowly comes to an end.

The board gives amazing support for many issues.

I told very few people about the details of my Mother's journey these last two years, it was too painful. When I shared with her all the amazing women around the world praying for her, she and I both cried with appreciation.

This is a great place.
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