So, I'm having lunch with my priest today (religion, death of spouse mention)

So, I'm having lunch with my priest today (religion, death of spouse mention)

Joined: July 4th, 2011, 3:21 am

February 22nd, 2012, 6:44 pm #1

... and suddenly I'm quite nervous. We're close and he's a good pastor, so I know he just wants to check on me because it has been 6 months since my husband went to paradise. I have a lot of respect for him...

I'm nervous because I kinda want to talk to him about my upcoming cycle (adopting embryos) - but I'm worried that he'll tell me something that I don't want to hear about what the Catholic church "thinks" about that.

My heart tells me it's a wonderful thing... but I know what he might say would matter to me.

Has anybody ever talked to Catholic priest about DE or embryo adoption? What did they say?
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Joined: November 27th, 2011, 4:22 pm

February 22nd, 2012, 7:05 pm #2

I posted about a similar topic a few weeks ago and got some wonderful, wonderful support from the women on this board. My situation is different - it's a family member who is in the seminary AND he's the brother of my donor, so it's admittedly a bit complicated. Still, even though I already knew about his fundamental objection to IVF and DE, when he confronted me it still hurt my feelings a great deal. Check out the thread here:

http://www.network54.com/Forum/57451/th ... cal+issues...

I hope you get nothing but support from your priest, but it might be nice to hear some words of wisdom beforehand. Best of luck and please let us know how it goes!

Leigh


P.S. I forgot to mention... I have actually talked to a priest about embryo adoption. The Catholic Church is actually somewhat supportive of this, despite their objection to IVF and DE. Even though the embryos created by IVF "shouldn't have ever been created in the first place", at least their adoption prevents them from being destroyed...
Last edited by leigh74 on February 22nd, 2012, 7:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: February 6th, 2008, 8:16 pm

February 22nd, 2012, 7:08 pm #3

... and suddenly I'm quite nervous. We're close and he's a good pastor, so I know he just wants to check on me because it has been 6 months since my husband went to paradise. I have a lot of respect for him...

I'm nervous because I kinda want to talk to him about my upcoming cycle (adopting embryos) - but I'm worried that he'll tell me something that I don't want to hear about what the Catholic church "thinks" about that.

My heart tells me it's a wonderful thing... but I know what he might say would matter to me.

Has anybody ever talked to Catholic priest about DE or embryo adoption? What did they say?
Hey- you are back and pursuing donor embryos which is just so wonderful. I am really pleased for you.

I am not a catholic and can't speak much to that but I know there are people of compassion and faith everywhere, just like there are doctrinaire, small spirited folks everywhere in each religion. My dear friend, very catholic, lost a young adult son to suicide. She wanted him buried and said mass over, etc.. and was afraid her priest would not agree. The priest told her that in order to commit a serious grievious sin ( forgot what that kind is called), the sinner has to understand that it is a sin, and to have chosen to sin. The priest considered that my friends poor son was mentally ill and therefore could not have been capable of committing this very serious sin, because he literally wasn't in his right mind. (I hope I got this right in the re-telling- sorry for any religion errors.) So they had the full catholic rituals and my friend was greatly comforted. The priest was able to interpret the rules this way, even though, I think, that suicide is a very big sin indeed for catholics. So I learned that there are catholics and there are catholics, and you kind of don't know until you are faced with a big situation, what kind of catholic you have in front of you. I hope yours has an expansive understanding of life and god's miracles.

You are choosing to give a chance of life to donor embryos that will otherwise simply remain possibilities. In my world that is a great good deed that is pleasing to g-d. It is sort of the opposite of a sin. Should those transferred embryos turn into babies you will give them a home filled with love and security. By anybody's measure, that is a good thing.

Let us know how it turns out. Good Luck.
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Joined: July 4th, 2011, 3:21 am

February 22nd, 2012, 7:10 pm #4

I posted about a similar topic a few weeks ago and got some wonderful, wonderful support from the women on this board. My situation is different - it's a family member who is in the seminary AND he's the brother of my donor, so it's admittedly a bit complicated. Still, even though I already knew about his fundamental objection to IVF and DE, when he confronted me it still hurt my feelings a great deal. Check out the thread here:

http://www.network54.com/Forum/57451/th ... cal+issues...

I hope you get nothing but support from your priest, but it might be nice to hear some words of wisdom beforehand. Best of luck and please let us know how it goes!

Leigh


P.S. I forgot to mention... I have actually talked to a priest about embryo adoption. The Catholic Church is actually somewhat supportive of this, despite their objection to IVF and DE. Even though the embryos created by IVF "shouldn't have ever been created in the first place", at least their adoption prevents them from being destroyed...
Sorry to hear your family member was less than supportive of your journey...

((Hugs))

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Joined: July 4th, 2011, 3:21 am

February 22nd, 2012, 7:22 pm #5

Hey- you are back and pursuing donor embryos which is just so wonderful. I am really pleased for you.

I am not a catholic and can't speak much to that but I know there are people of compassion and faith everywhere, just like there are doctrinaire, small spirited folks everywhere in each religion. My dear friend, very catholic, lost a young adult son to suicide. She wanted him buried and said mass over, etc.. and was afraid her priest would not agree. The priest told her that in order to commit a serious grievious sin ( forgot what that kind is called), the sinner has to understand that it is a sin, and to have chosen to sin. The priest considered that my friends poor son was mentally ill and therefore could not have been capable of committing this very serious sin, because he literally wasn't in his right mind. (I hope I got this right in the re-telling- sorry for any religion errors.) So they had the full catholic rituals and my friend was greatly comforted. The priest was able to interpret the rules this way, even though, I think, that suicide is a very big sin indeed for catholics. So I learned that there are catholics and there are catholics, and you kind of don't know until you are faced with a big situation, what kind of catholic you have in front of you. I hope yours has an expansive understanding of life and god's miracles.

You are choosing to give a chance of life to donor embryos that will otherwise simply remain possibilities. In my world that is a great good deed that is pleasing to g-d. It is sort of the opposite of a sin. Should those transferred embryos turn into babies you will give them a home filled with love and security. By anybody's measure, that is a good thing.

Let us know how it turns out. Good Luck.
You and I are certainly on the same page philosophy-wise!

Hope you're feeling good in your pregnancy. (You are still free to contact me if you ever want to talk or get together)

You're definition of "mortal sin" is pretty spot on

Unfortunately, my brother also committed suicide 20+ years ago when he was 23. The priest we worked with then never even brought up the way he died as being an issue. He died from his mental illness, which I've come to realize is no different than my husband dying from his cancer.

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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

February 22nd, 2012, 7:34 pm #6

... and suddenly I'm quite nervous. We're close and he's a good pastor, so I know he just wants to check on me because it has been 6 months since my husband went to paradise. I have a lot of respect for him...

I'm nervous because I kinda want to talk to him about my upcoming cycle (adopting embryos) - but I'm worried that he'll tell me something that I don't want to hear about what the Catholic church "thinks" about that.

My heart tells me it's a wonderful thing... but I know what he might say would matter to me.

Has anybody ever talked to Catholic priest about DE or embryo adoption? What did they say?
If you had remarried (unlikely in such a sort time, I know, but this is a hypothetical), you wouldn't be telling him about the details of your childbearing plans. So, I just wouldn't. When you're pg, he can either choose to be happy for you or judgmental. You already know what the Roman Catholic church thinks about that. They also think it is sinful for you to masturbate (I'm not sure what their rationale for women is; for men it's onanism -- every sperm has to have a chance! -- but I'm pretty sure I'm right), have sex outside marriage, have anal or oral sex, use bc, terminate a pregnancy, even if they have to remove a fallopian tube to keep an ectopic from killing you, miss mass on Sunday, etc., etc., and I bet you don't tell him when you do any of those things. Now, I would think adopting embryos would be different, because you're really undoing someone else's sin, if you think about it, giving the embryos a chance to be babies, even if they were created with a non-approved method. But why give yourself a chance to be made to feel bad, you know? Maggie (in VA)
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

February 22nd, 2012, 7:49 pm #7

... and suddenly I'm quite nervous. We're close and he's a good pastor, so I know he just wants to check on me because it has been 6 months since my husband went to paradise. I have a lot of respect for him...

I'm nervous because I kinda want to talk to him about my upcoming cycle (adopting embryos) - but I'm worried that he'll tell me something that I don't want to hear about what the Catholic church "thinks" about that.

My heart tells me it's a wonderful thing... but I know what he might say would matter to me.

Has anybody ever talked to Catholic priest about DE or embryo adoption? What did they say?
I did a quick google and came up with this article:http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/top-ca ... -adoption/ I just glanced through it but maybe it will give you some insight into possible thoughts your priest might have on embryo donation.
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KerriA
KerriA

February 22nd, 2012, 8:25 pm #8

... and suddenly I'm quite nervous. We're close and he's a good pastor, so I know he just wants to check on me because it has been 6 months since my husband went to paradise. I have a lot of respect for him...

I'm nervous because I kinda want to talk to him about my upcoming cycle (adopting embryos) - but I'm worried that he'll tell me something that I don't want to hear about what the Catholic church "thinks" about that.

My heart tells me it's a wonderful thing... but I know what he might say would matter to me.

Has anybody ever talked to Catholic priest about DE or embryo adoption? What did they say?
But I was raised Catholic and my Mom's family is very Catholic - with my Grandmother being very devout.

I am single and have been pursuing having a child on my own for the last several years, starting with many, many IUIs and now I have turned to donor embryo. At first, I kept my plans to myself, but then I reached a point where I needed my family to be there for me. I was shocked to find that, despite their deeply religious convictions, they have been totally supportive. My Grandmother is particularly on board with the donor embryo route because, as she sees it, I am "saving a life."

The Catholic church in general does have very strict views on ART, but the individual Catholic may see things differently, even a priest. I can think of at least a couple of priests I knew growing up, who cared enough about me and knew me well enough, to support my choices.

best of luck!
kerri
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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

February 22nd, 2012, 10:52 pm #9

... and suddenly I'm quite nervous. We're close and he's a good pastor, so I know he just wants to check on me because it has been 6 months since my husband went to paradise. I have a lot of respect for him...

I'm nervous because I kinda want to talk to him about my upcoming cycle (adopting embryos) - but I'm worried that he'll tell me something that I don't want to hear about what the Catholic church "thinks" about that.

My heart tells me it's a wonderful thing... but I know what he might say would matter to me.

Has anybody ever talked to Catholic priest about DE or embryo adoption? What did they say?
I think there is a good chance he may say something you won't want to hear. At best he won't say anything negative. I can only hope he gives you some encouragement.

You seem so excited to move forward with this. I hope anything he says will not make you change your mind. And if he says anything that plants bad seeds in your head I hope you don't give them any water and you can still respect him as your priest. I'm sure whatever he says, he will mean well, but it may be different than how you think about it.

Wishing you luck.
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Joined: July 4th, 2011, 3:21 am

February 22nd, 2012, 11:16 pm #10

If you had remarried (unlikely in such a sort time, I know, but this is a hypothetical), you wouldn't be telling him about the details of your childbearing plans. So, I just wouldn't. When you're pg, he can either choose to be happy for you or judgmental. You already know what the Roman Catholic church thinks about that. They also think it is sinful for you to masturbate (I'm not sure what their rationale for women is; for men it's onanism -- every sperm has to have a chance! -- but I'm pretty sure I'm right), have sex outside marriage, have anal or oral sex, use bc, terminate a pregnancy, even if they have to remove a fallopian tube to keep an ectopic from killing you, miss mass on Sunday, etc., etc., and I bet you don't tell him when you do any of those things. Now, I would think adopting embryos would be different, because you're really undoing someone else's sin, if you think about it, giving the embryos a chance to be babies, even if they were created with a non-approved method. But why give yourself a chance to be made to feel bad, you know? Maggie (in VA)
My late DH and I did talk to our priest about our family plans (including DE) and I do talk to my priest about things I might do that the church may consider sinful (even if I don't consider all of them sinful) in the sacrament of reconciliation (a.k.a. confession).

We're all on a journey from here to the afterlife (whatever that may be)... and some of us need to seek out help to make good choices as we go. I am certainly one of those people! I need help and I learn everyday. That doesn't mean I always agree with what my chosen guides tell me. However, I can listen to the wisdom of their counsel, let it sink in, and then make my choices in a way that sits well with me (and hopefully) the universe, G-d, the church, etc... If not, hopefully, as I travel on my journey I'll continue to be open to learning and growing and changing until I become the best version of myself!

I told my husband when he was quickly approaching death, that he was already the best version of himself - which is why he could be so calm, happy and peaceful. His death and the way he approached it taught me (and will continue to teach me) so much!
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