Onward and upward...(pg /mc ment)

Onward and upward...(pg /mc ment)

Joined: November 27th, 2011, 4:22 pm

April 9th, 2012, 6:53 pm #1

Second beta is 1173 at 11dp5dt, up from 520 two days ago.. So all is well, at least right now.

Until now, I'm not sure I realized just how traumatized I was by my previous (and only) pregnancy. We were so elated at this stage and naively thought everything was going so beautifully.. And then at 8 weeks, as my ob searched for that heartbeat that just wasn't there, everything came crashing down. We've always thought it was due to my own crappy eggs, but what if it wasn't? What if there's something else that caused it? The thought of going through another loss like that is too much. I honestly don't know how some of you have done this and survived it multiple times...

I will do my absolute best to stay relaxed and positive - I just really, really need to see that little heartbeat. Ultrasound in two weeks.

Thanks again, ladies. I don't know how I'd do this without you.
Much love,
Leigh
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thesameboat
thesameboat

April 9th, 2012, 7:14 pm #2

I've been there. On both counts.

I think some of us suffer from post tramatic stress disorder for a long time after finally finding success. I know my DH did. He cried every day for MONTHS after we finally brought our child home, only then realizing how tense he'd been throughout my pregnancy. You have been through a lot and there will be scars.

Hang in there. You do, finally, someday, heal.

Best of luck to you on your pregnancy. I'm so glad everything is looking good.
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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

April 9th, 2012, 7:18 pm #3

Second beta is 1173 at 11dp5dt, up from 520 two days ago.. So all is well, at least right now.

Until now, I'm not sure I realized just how traumatized I was by my previous (and only) pregnancy. We were so elated at this stage and naively thought everything was going so beautifully.. And then at 8 weeks, as my ob searched for that heartbeat that just wasn't there, everything came crashing down. We've always thought it was due to my own crappy eggs, but what if it wasn't? What if there's something else that caused it? The thought of going through another loss like that is too much. I honestly don't know how some of you have done this and survived it multiple times...

I will do my absolute best to stay relaxed and positive - I just really, really need to see that little heartbeat. Ultrasound in two weeks.

Thanks again, ladies. I don't know how I'd do this without you.
Much love,
Leigh
Just stay positive for now You have no reason to think this will not work. Grow little embie grow!
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Mrs. M
Mrs. M

April 9th, 2012, 7:20 pm #4

Second beta is 1173 at 11dp5dt, up from 520 two days ago.. So all is well, at least right now.

Until now, I'm not sure I realized just how traumatized I was by my previous (and only) pregnancy. We were so elated at this stage and naively thought everything was going so beautifully.. And then at 8 weeks, as my ob searched for that heartbeat that just wasn't there, everything came crashing down. We've always thought it was due to my own crappy eggs, but what if it wasn't? What if there's something else that caused it? The thought of going through another loss like that is too much. I honestly don't know how some of you have done this and survived it multiple times...

I will do my absolute best to stay relaxed and positive - I just really, really need to see that little heartbeat. Ultrasound in two weeks.

Thanks again, ladies. I don't know how I'd do this without you.
Much love,
Leigh
So happy for you! Will you have a third or do you have two weeks of torture until ultrasound?

I can certainly relate to your feelings. I was struck early this am about how different my experience/reaction was this time compared to my bfp and great initial beta last spring. Last spring we were so excited and celebrated the accomplishments and enjoyed every moment until we got the bad news. Now it is more like we are waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think the only thing we can do is recognize it is out of our control and take one day at a time (easier said then done). This is a lesson I have only started to learn recently when my mother was diagnosed with stage three lung cancer and had an absolutely horrendous 17 day hospital experience. After this experience, I now know that I can handle anything that is thrown my way. I have God (or whatever spiritual force you believe in) there and helping me get through it. I had a surgeon tell me that my mother's cancer had metastasized which was completely unexpected based on pre-surgical imaging and work-up. My mother was in a really tough spot emotionally and not ready to handle that news at the time emotionally. I walked in her room two minutes after getting that awful news and my mother had no idea. This is an amazing accomplishment for me since my close family and friends knick named me "water works" because I cry so easily. But I realize now that I am stronger than I ever imagined. I really hope you will not have to face another loss but if you do I know you have the strength. And your board buddies will be here to help you through. ((HUGS)). I think if all goes well, I will have my first ultrasound the same day as you. My clinic does them at six weeks and eight weeks and since we will be six weeks on the 21st, I assume they will schedule mine for the 23rd as well.
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DeeinNYC
DeeinNYC

April 9th, 2012, 9:34 pm #5

Second beta is 1173 at 11dp5dt, up from 520 two days ago.. So all is well, at least right now.

Until now, I'm not sure I realized just how traumatized I was by my previous (and only) pregnancy. We were so elated at this stage and naively thought everything was going so beautifully.. And then at 8 weeks, as my ob searched for that heartbeat that just wasn't there, everything came crashing down. We've always thought it was due to my own crappy eggs, but what if it wasn't? What if there's something else that caused it? The thought of going through another loss like that is too much. I honestly don't know how some of you have done this and survived it multiple times...

I will do my absolute best to stay relaxed and positive - I just really, really need to see that little heartbeat. Ultrasound in two weeks.

Thanks again, ladies. I don't know how I'd do this without you.
Much love,
Leigh
First of all...Congratulations!! That is a fantastic doubling beta!! I think that what you are feeling is only natural when you have experienced a loss or so much disappointment as a result of IF. Just remember that these are younger eggs and in all likelihood very healthy eggs so there is no reason to think that anything is wrong at this point. Fo today..for now..you are VERY pregnant!! Try to enjoy every moment that you can!!
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CrazyLady
CrazyLady

April 9th, 2012, 9:36 pm #6

Second beta is 1173 at 11dp5dt, up from 520 two days ago.. So all is well, at least right now.

Until now, I'm not sure I realized just how traumatized I was by my previous (and only) pregnancy. We were so elated at this stage and naively thought everything was going so beautifully.. And then at 8 weeks, as my ob searched for that heartbeat that just wasn't there, everything came crashing down. We've always thought it was due to my own crappy eggs, but what if it wasn't? What if there's something else that caused it? The thought of going through another loss like that is too much. I honestly don't know how some of you have done this and survived it multiple times...

I will do my absolute best to stay relaxed and positive - I just really, really need to see that little heartbeat. Ultrasound in two weeks.

Thanks again, ladies. I don't know how I'd do this without you.
Much love,
Leigh
I understand totally about your cautious optimism - If (when) I get a BFP, I'm sure I will be the same way after having M/Cs with OEs.

Praying for you and your little one!

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Joined: November 27th, 2011, 4:22 pm

April 9th, 2012, 10:57 pm #7

I've been there. On both counts.

I think some of us suffer from post tramatic stress disorder for a long time after finally finding success. I know my DH did. He cried every day for MONTHS after we finally brought our child home, only then realizing how tense he'd been throughout my pregnancy. You have been through a lot and there will be scars.

Hang in there. You do, finally, someday, heal.

Best of luck to you on your pregnancy. I'm so glad everything is looking good.
..I think DH and I are both feeling that. He says he refuses to let himself get excited until we're past the first ultrasound, but whenever I get good news, I can see the tears of joy in his eyes. We're both very excited - it's just hard to let ourselves feel it completely because we're always bracing ourselves for bad news.

But for now, we're going to attempt to enjoy it! Thanks again.
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Joined: November 27th, 2011, 4:22 pm

April 9th, 2012, 10:59 pm #8

Just stay positive for now You have no reason to think this will not work. Grow little embie grow!
Everything is different this time. The eggs, the meds, everything... Thanks for the reminder.
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Joined: November 27th, 2011, 4:22 pm

April 9th, 2012, 11:06 pm #9

So happy for you! Will you have a third or do you have two weeks of torture until ultrasound?

I can certainly relate to your feelings. I was struck early this am about how different my experience/reaction was this time compared to my bfp and great initial beta last spring. Last spring we were so excited and celebrated the accomplishments and enjoyed every moment until we got the bad news. Now it is more like we are waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think the only thing we can do is recognize it is out of our control and take one day at a time (easier said then done). This is a lesson I have only started to learn recently when my mother was diagnosed with stage three lung cancer and had an absolutely horrendous 17 day hospital experience. After this experience, I now know that I can handle anything that is thrown my way. I have God (or whatever spiritual force you believe in) there and helping me get through it. I had a surgeon tell me that my mother's cancer had metastasized which was completely unexpected based on pre-surgical imaging and work-up. My mother was in a really tough spot emotionally and not ready to handle that news at the time emotionally. I walked in her room two minutes after getting that awful news and my mother had no idea. This is an amazing accomplishment for me since my close family and friends knick named me "water works" because I cry so easily. But I realize now that I am stronger than I ever imagined. I really hope you will not have to face another loss but if you do I know you have the strength. And your board buddies will be here to help you through. ((HUGS)). I think if all goes well, I will have my first ultrasound the same day as you. My clinic does them at six weeks and eight weeks and since we will be six weeks on the 21st, I assume they will schedule mine for the 23rd as well.
My clinic only does two as long as the numbers look good. If I hadn't gotten a good doubling rate, I'd go back on Wednesday, but since all is well... April 23rd it is. Ugh.

Of course, I considered asking my nurse if I could please get one more beta later this week, but then I realized I'd never actually be satisfied. I could get them every day from now until the 23rd, and I'd STILL probably leave the ultrasound room wanting to get another one 20 minutes later, JUST IN CASE... Somehow or another, I just have to trust and pray that everything will be ok. Because in reality, even if the numbers are textbook perfect, there's still no guarantee.

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with such a terrible situation with your mom. What an awful experience! You're right, though, we're all stronger than we think, especially those of us on this board. I could handle another loss.. I know that. I just don't want to. I don't want any of us to deal with another loss!

I can't wait to hear your good news on Wednesday. I'll live vicariously through your betas for the rest of the week.
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Joined: November 27th, 2011, 4:22 pm

April 9th, 2012, 11:08 pm #10

First of all...Congratulations!! That is a fantastic doubling beta!! I think that what you are feeling is only natural when you have experienced a loss or so much disappointment as a result of IF. Just remember that these are younger eggs and in all likelihood very healthy eggs so there is no reason to think that anything is wrong at this point. Fo today..for now..you are VERY pregnant!! Try to enjoy every moment that you can!!
Your post made me smile. I'm trying my best.
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