Mom's comment

Mom's comment

Anonymous
Anonymous

August 22nd, 2012, 7:50 pm #1

So my mom said to me the other day "if something is not meant to be, no matter how much you try, it won't work. You will continue to encounter roadblocks along the way". In a sense she is right, I guess, but it really made me wonder - how far should we try in our attempt to get a baby. Is DE, donor embryo or surrogacy pushing too far? If you fail at one or two DE attempts, is that a sign that it is enough and you need to just accept that it will never be? Or should you be persistent and assume that if you have enough faith and endurance you will get a baby? I have always thought that if something is worth it, that you need to continue to endure in order to get it, but now I am wondering if you can take something too far, and at some point just need to leave things alone.
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

August 22nd, 2012, 8:57 pm #2

they gave up.

~ Thomas Edison



Your mom is 100% wrong. My twenty-fourth cycle with medical assistance was the one that gave me my miracles. I am glad I did not give up at #23!
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snowbank03
snowbank03

August 23rd, 2012, 12:23 am #3

and your story! I think your mom's quote is what people who give up need to tell themselves, but that it's not true.
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thesameboat
thesameboat

August 23rd, 2012, 1:47 am #4

So my mom said to me the other day "if something is not meant to be, no matter how much you try, it won't work. You will continue to encounter roadblocks along the way". In a sense she is right, I guess, but it really made me wonder - how far should we try in our attempt to get a baby. Is DE, donor embryo or surrogacy pushing too far? If you fail at one or two DE attempts, is that a sign that it is enough and you need to just accept that it will never be? Or should you be persistent and assume that if you have enough faith and endurance you will get a baby? I have always thought that if something is worth it, that you need to continue to endure in order to get it, but now I am wondering if you can take something too far, and at some point just need to leave things alone.
and she was meant to be.
I can't understand why reproductive medicine is judged to be 'going too far' when heart surgery, etc. isn't. How far to go is up to each individual.

No, I can't agree with your mom. Best of luck to you.
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Joined: May 1st, 2012, 10:58 pm

August 23rd, 2012, 2:01 am #5

So my mom said to me the other day "if something is not meant to be, no matter how much you try, it won't work. You will continue to encounter roadblocks along the way". In a sense she is right, I guess, but it really made me wonder - how far should we try in our attempt to get a baby. Is DE, donor embryo or surrogacy pushing too far? If you fail at one or two DE attempts, is that a sign that it is enough and you need to just accept that it will never be? Or should you be persistent and assume that if you have enough faith and endurance you will get a baby? I have always thought that if something is worth it, that you need to continue to endure in order to get it, but now I am wondering if you can take something too far, and at some point just need to leave things alone.
I don't think we would have been given brains, science, medicine, and parental desire, if we weren't meant to use it. I also think that this decision is in everyone's own heart. If the universe is whispering to you that you've done enough, and you accept that, then that's what's best for you. But if you hear "keep going," then that's what is meant to be. After multiple losses, I started praying for my desire to go away. I wasn't at all ready to accept not becoming a mom, but I thought if it's not meant to be, then my heart should be relieved from the strong desire I have to be a parent. But the more I prayed, the stronger my desire got. So, for me, I'm not ready to stop yet. But I honor anyone else who does so. If you count on your mom for support, I hope she is able to be there for you, whatever your decision is.
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Hope2009
Hope2009

August 23rd, 2012, 2:31 am #6

So my mom said to me the other day "if something is not meant to be, no matter how much you try, it won't work. You will continue to encounter roadblocks along the way". In a sense she is right, I guess, but it really made me wonder - how far should we try in our attempt to get a baby. Is DE, donor embryo or surrogacy pushing too far? If you fail at one or two DE attempts, is that a sign that it is enough and you need to just accept that it will never be? Or should you be persistent and assume that if you have enough faith and endurance you will get a baby? I have always thought that if something is worth it, that you need to continue to endure in order to get it, but now I am wondering if you can take something too far, and at some point just need to leave things alone.
their share of failures and set backs I can understand your mom's comment as we don't want to see our children try again and again and meet with pain and disappointment over and over....but I don't agree with her comments to you.

It's when we reach for things that are difficult that we learn the most in life...when the road is darkest and the pain is greatest we grow as souls and as people.

I want my children to reach for the stars and my oldest DD who knows that her 3 younger siblings came via DE's after a long ttc struggle has told me that my journey has inspired her to dream BIG.

I think you have to forgive your mom for loving you so much and wanting to shelter you...but you should clue her in to your dream and ask her if she has any regrets in her life that she didn't strive for her greatest desires.

Blessings from Hope
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Joined: September 22nd, 2009, 7:19 pm

August 23rd, 2012, 7:27 am #7

So my mom said to me the other day "if something is not meant to be, no matter how much you try, it won't work. You will continue to encounter roadblocks along the way". In a sense she is right, I guess, but it really made me wonder - how far should we try in our attempt to get a baby. Is DE, donor embryo or surrogacy pushing too far? If you fail at one or two DE attempts, is that a sign that it is enough and you need to just accept that it will never be? Or should you be persistent and assume that if you have enough faith and endurance you will get a baby? I have always thought that if something is worth it, that you need to continue to endure in order to get it, but now I am wondering if you can take something too far, and at some point just need to leave things alone.
I love the Randy Pausch quote on the subject: "The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something."

This quote got me through some dark times during this journey.
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Old timer
Old timer

August 23rd, 2012, 11:45 am #8

So my mom said to me the other day "if something is not meant to be, no matter how much you try, it won't work. You will continue to encounter roadblocks along the way". In a sense she is right, I guess, but it really made me wonder - how far should we try in our attempt to get a baby. Is DE, donor embryo or surrogacy pushing too far? If you fail at one or two DE attempts, is that a sign that it is enough and you need to just accept that it will never be? Or should you be persistent and assume that if you have enough faith and endurance you will get a baby? I have always thought that if something is worth it, that you need to continue to endure in order to get it, but now I am wondering if you can take something too far, and at some point just need to leave things alone.
I'm with the Edison quote.
Or as my doctor told me when I wanted to give up:
"you've come to far to go home with empty arms"

Only you know this, not your mom.
Follow your heart
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Antonialisa
Antonialisa

August 23rd, 2012, 2:02 pm #9

So my mom said to me the other day "if something is not meant to be, no matter how much you try, it won't work. You will continue to encounter roadblocks along the way". In a sense she is right, I guess, but it really made me wonder - how far should we try in our attempt to get a baby. Is DE, donor embryo or surrogacy pushing too far? If you fail at one or two DE attempts, is that a sign that it is enough and you need to just accept that it will never be? Or should you be persistent and assume that if you have enough faith and endurance you will get a baby? I have always thought that if something is worth it, that you need to continue to endure in order to get it, but now I am wondering if you can take something too far, and at some point just need to leave things alone.
Who does Mom think decides what is "meant to be?"

For me, any notion of things being the way they are meant to, was destroyed in my first visit to a refugee camp in Africa. Does a child have his whole family killed because it was "meant to be?" Or a girl gang-raped because it was meant to happen? No, these horrors are committed by fellow human beings, not ordained by God.

Similarly, if we can save a man's life with open heart surgery, save a child from drowning in a river, adopt a baby with no parents or bring a child into the world with DE, are we going against some previously established determination of how things are supposed to turn out? In my view, there is no "meant to be" as we humans are constantly intervening in the world.

I think the old "it wasn't meant to be" line is just a way that certain people try to comfort themselves with great disappointment once they give up. In my view, it is not something you should say to a person who is working toward something and has not given up.
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Dee
Dee

August 23rd, 2012, 3:02 pm #10

and she was meant to be.
I can't understand why reproductive medicine is judged to be 'going too far' when heart surgery, etc. isn't. How far to go is up to each individual.

No, I can't agree with your mom. Best of luck to you.
I also don't know why reproductive medicine is considered "going too far". Some people are amazed that we spent 30 grand on IVFs to get a living child, yet these same people think nothing of plunking down 30 grand in cash to get a new car - a material object that doesn't last long and depreciates rapidly in value.
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