Just turned 47 yrs. old and (sadness ment.)

Just turned 47 yrs. old and (sadness ment.)

New/OldAnon
New/OldAnon

November 10th, 2010, 2:27 pm #1



getting nervous about cycling (de/fet) again after the holidays, everything I have been through is making it very difficult for me to find the strenght to get excited about cycling again... I want a baby soooo bad but instead of seeing the beautiful future I have always imagined, I can't help but feel like another cycle may just bring sadness again.

I don't know how to go beyond this doom & gloom feeling after so much sadness has happen...any advice would be appreciated!!!

also, turning 47 yrs. old has made me feel like time is running out...I don't think I look my age BUT I do feel it!! aches, pains, need to lose some serious weight, not as active as I was ten years ago...I honestly feel like I am trying to talk myself out of cycling again to save myself from going through the overwhelming pain again...

Any words of Hope, support & encouragement would be soooo helpful!!!
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Joined: February 6th, 2008, 8:16 pm

November 10th, 2010, 6:19 pm #2

I had a lot of losses so when I cycled for the last time I just went through the motions. I did everything technically correct and followed all the rules but I absolutely expected the cycle to fail. I knew how to fail, after 3 ivf's with my own eggs and 2 failed DE cycles I sure knew how to fail. I just expected a BFP, and then I expected an ectopic, and then I expected to miscarry. I was so accustomed to loss and sadness I could not really accomodate success. And yet it happened.

My dis-engagement while cycling was selfprotective and worked for me. I felt is was a crapshoot with the statistics and that hope was for suckers. That sounds harsh now but that is really how I approached it.

I was 44 when my kid was born and single, which was certainly not what I had planned as a young person but it is the way it was. I let go of a lot of old dreams or visions of myself and had to embrace some new ones. Not easy for me to do.

I get the oh, you have a lovely granddaughter comments all the time. And I say, yes, my daughter is beautiful. I don't find these comments hurtful because I AM an older mother. I am not 20 and I am age appropriate to be somebody's gramdma. I actually think it is ok to be my age and I do not attempt to "look" younger. Chances are we'll live to be 80something and I am not going to spend the next 40 years trying to be 30.

You are not alone and the Infertility journey has so many losses along the way. It is normal and natural to be sad or doubtful. Denial and disengagement worked for me. It may not work for you. Some people hope and pray and try to be superpositive. Whatever gets you through...
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Joined: August 7th, 2008, 3:35 pm

November 10th, 2010, 6:32 pm #3


getting nervous about cycling (de/fet) again after the holidays, everything I have been through is making it very difficult for me to find the strenght to get excited about cycling again... I want a baby soooo bad but instead of seeing the beautiful future I have always imagined, I can't help but feel like another cycle may just bring sadness again.

I don't know how to go beyond this doom & gloom feeling after so much sadness has happen...any advice would be appreciated!!!

also, turning 47 yrs. old has made me feel like time is running out...I don't think I look my age BUT I do feel it!! aches, pains, need to lose some serious weight, not as active as I was ten years ago...I honestly feel like I am trying to talk myself out of cycling again to save myself from going through the overwhelming pain again...

Any words of Hope, support & encouragement would be soooo helpful!!!
New/Old anon, I don't have any advice but I can sooooooo relate to your feelings. I am starting the FET process myself and after 8 years of failures I am really dreading yet another BFN. I am on Depot-Lupron right now which probably doesn't help. Every cycle you don't want to get too hopeful but secretly you are thinking "maybe this cycle is the one that will work". You read the messages from others on the boards that say they NEVER thought they would get a BFP--and surprise--they get one! But it is never yourself that gets that happy surprise. I have been very depressed going into this cycle. I spend my days getting almost nothing accomplished and consider it a good day if I showered,exercised and got my house chores done. Motivation is a big problem for me lately. I tend to isolate myself while cycling So, hang in there and know that you are not alone. I hope some board members can give us both some help on this. ((Hugs))
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New/OldAnon
New/OldAnon

November 10th, 2010, 8:57 pm #4

I had a lot of losses so when I cycled for the last time I just went through the motions. I did everything technically correct and followed all the rules but I absolutely expected the cycle to fail. I knew how to fail, after 3 ivf's with my own eggs and 2 failed DE cycles I sure knew how to fail. I just expected a BFP, and then I expected an ectopic, and then I expected to miscarry. I was so accustomed to loss and sadness I could not really accomodate success. And yet it happened.

My dis-engagement while cycling was selfprotective and worked for me. I felt is was a crapshoot with the statistics and that hope was for suckers. That sounds harsh now but that is really how I approached it.

I was 44 when my kid was born and single, which was certainly not what I had planned as a young person but it is the way it was. I let go of a lot of old dreams or visions of myself and had to embrace some new ones. Not easy for me to do.

I get the oh, you have a lovely granddaughter comments all the time. And I say, yes, my daughter is beautiful. I don't find these comments hurtful because I AM an older mother. I am not 20 and I am age appropriate to be somebody's gramdma. I actually think it is ok to be my age and I do not attempt to "look" younger. Chances are we'll live to be 80something and I am not going to spend the next 40 years trying to be 30.

You are not alone and the Infertility journey has so many losses along the way. It is normal and natural to be sad or doubtful. Denial and disengagement worked for me. It may not work for you. Some people hope and pray and try to be superpositive. Whatever gets you through...
and so very happy it worked for you, it gives me hope knowing some of us go through such losses and don't give up till they finally have their dream.

I am very happy & nervous at the same time about cycling again it is the hope of my dream coming true that keeps me going But the reality that it may not work out again that keeps me guarded.

Thank you for your words of Hope (((hugs)))
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New/OldAnon
New/OldAnon

November 10th, 2010, 9:06 pm #5

New/Old anon, I don't have any advice but I can sooooooo relate to your feelings. I am starting the FET process myself and after 8 years of failures I am really dreading yet another BFN. I am on Depot-Lupron right now which probably doesn't help. Every cycle you don't want to get too hopeful but secretly you are thinking "maybe this cycle is the one that will work". You read the messages from others on the boards that say they NEVER thought they would get a BFP--and surprise--they get one! But it is never yourself that gets that happy surprise. I have been very depressed going into this cycle. I spend my days getting almost nothing accomplished and consider it a good day if I showered,exercised and got my house chores done. Motivation is a big problem for me lately. I tend to isolate myself while cycling So, hang in there and know that you are not alone. I hope some board members can give us both some help on this. ((Hugs))
sorry you also have been through dissappointment & Sadness...

I will keep you in my prayers that this cycle turns out with a bfp & happy ending!!

(((hugs)))
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Joined: July 3rd, 2010, 9:13 pm

November 10th, 2010, 9:36 pm #6


getting nervous about cycling (de/fet) again after the holidays, everything I have been through is making it very difficult for me to find the strenght to get excited about cycling again... I want a baby soooo bad but instead of seeing the beautiful future I have always imagined, I can't help but feel like another cycle may just bring sadness again.

I don't know how to go beyond this doom & gloom feeling after so much sadness has happen...any advice would be appreciated!!!

also, turning 47 yrs. old has made me feel like time is running out...I don't think I look my age BUT I do feel it!! aches, pains, need to lose some serious weight, not as active as I was ten years ago...I honestly feel like I am trying to talk myself out of cycling again to save myself from going through the overwhelming pain again...

Any words of Hope, support & encouragement would be soooo helpful!!!
I am 46 and we tried everything to have a baby since we got married six years ago. After trying on our own and having several losses, we tried a donated embryo cycle (ectopic) a fresh egg donor cycle (chem), and an FET with the egg donor (BFN). We had given up entirely, particularly after the doctor told us that we would have to use an egg donor, sperm donor and surrogate. Then, out of the blue, two years after we gave up, a local clinic called us with a batch of donated embryos that we had gotten on the waiting list for 4 years earlier (we just figured they would never call). We decided to go for it, and it worked. I'm now 25 weeks pregnant with everything going perfectly. We weren't excited about the cycle--didn't even think it would work. I had gone back to school and was trying to get on with life. Who knows why this cycle worked and none of the others did? Good luck.
Last edited by gr8tful1 on November 10th, 2010, 9:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: October 9th, 2008, 2:53 am

November 11th, 2010, 1:29 am #7


getting nervous about cycling (de/fet) again after the holidays, everything I have been through is making it very difficult for me to find the strenght to get excited about cycling again... I want a baby soooo bad but instead of seeing the beautiful future I have always imagined, I can't help but feel like another cycle may just bring sadness again.

I don't know how to go beyond this doom & gloom feeling after so much sadness has happen...any advice would be appreciated!!!

also, turning 47 yrs. old has made me feel like time is running out...I don't think I look my age BUT I do feel it!! aches, pains, need to lose some serious weight, not as active as I was ten years ago...I honestly feel like I am trying to talk myself out of cycling again to save myself from going through the overwhelming pain again...

Any words of Hope, support & encouragement would be soooo helpful!!!
Hi Anon,
I know exactly how you feel at 47.
Heres something to thnk about... you don't have to get excited about this upcoming transfer. You can just go through th emotions. It makes no difference to the outcome. There are no rules that say you have to get excited.
Truly this last cycle for me I was so over it it was unreal. It was going to be my last time doing a cycle myself. The lovely lady at my clinic said to me 'just come along and do this cycle and see how you go'. I had a really proven donor, the drug protocal was easy and user friendly, and I was well looked after on all levels.
Well holy cats I got pg and am today 32 weeks.
The age thing... I have that still. It is what will stop me from having another ultimately. I'd been ttcing since I was nearly 41 so that sucked up my time.
Just do this cycle you have planned. Don't over think it. Just take the meds and see how you go. If it all gets too much then go for total distraction.
best wishes to you, TH.
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Joined: October 9th, 2008, 2:53 am

November 11th, 2010, 1:41 am #8

New/Old anon, I don't have any advice but I can sooooooo relate to your feelings. I am starting the FET process myself and after 8 years of failures I am really dreading yet another BFN. I am on Depot-Lupron right now which probably doesn't help. Every cycle you don't want to get too hopeful but secretly you are thinking "maybe this cycle is the one that will work". You read the messages from others on the boards that say they NEVER thought they would get a BFP--and surprise--they get one! But it is never yourself that gets that happy surprise. I have been very depressed going into this cycle. I spend my days getting almost nothing accomplished and consider it a good day if I showered,exercised and got my house chores done. Motivation is a big problem for me lately. I tend to isolate myself while cycling So, hang in there and know that you are not alone. I hope some board members can give us both some help on this. ((Hugs))
Hi Shelby,
I wanted to say I was one of those people who used to watch everyone else eventually get a BFP but it was never me - then shock of all shocks it was me getting the BFP. I am still in a sort of shock really.
Hang in there ok, just go through the motions, your day will come.
thinking of you, TH (formally Kathryn and before that I was JaneCCC).

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New/OldAnon
New/OldAnon

November 11th, 2010, 1:48 pm #9

Hi Anon,
I know exactly how you feel at 47.
Heres something to thnk about... you don't have to get excited about this upcoming transfer. You can just go through th emotions. It makes no difference to the outcome. There are no rules that say you have to get excited.
Truly this last cycle for me I was so over it it was unreal. It was going to be my last time doing a cycle myself. The lovely lady at my clinic said to me 'just come along and do this cycle and see how you go'. I had a really proven donor, the drug protocal was easy and user friendly, and I was well looked after on all levels.
Well holy cats I got pg and am today 32 weeks.
The age thing... I have that still. It is what will stop me from having another ultimately. I'd been ttcing since I was nearly 41 so that sucked up my time.
Just do this cycle you have planned. Don't over think it. Just take the meds and see how you go. If it all gets too much then go for total distraction.
best wishes to you, TH.
for your kind words of Hope...I am so very Happy for you! Your post was very helpful to me and I will read it over & over again.

Thank you!!! (((hugs)))
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New/OldAnon
New/OldAnon

November 11th, 2010, 1:54 pm #10

I am 46 and we tried everything to have a baby since we got married six years ago. After trying on our own and having several losses, we tried a donated embryo cycle (ectopic) a fresh egg donor cycle (chem), and an FET with the egg donor (BFN). We had given up entirely, particularly after the doctor told us that we would have to use an egg donor, sperm donor and surrogate. Then, out of the blue, two years after we gave up, a local clinic called us with a batch of donated embryos that we had gotten on the waiting list for 4 years earlier (we just figured they would never call). We decided to go for it, and it worked. I'm now 25 weeks pregnant with everything going perfectly. We weren't excited about the cycle--didn't even think it would work. I had gone back to school and was trying to get on with life. Who knows why this cycle worked and none of the others did? Good luck.
for your encouraging words, it does seems like when you least expect it or when you just forget about it...a bfp happens, so Happy to read that good things do come to those who wait!

Thank you again for your inspiring words!! (((hugs)))
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