Interesting comments already being made!

Interesting comments already being made!

Joined: April 26th, 2011, 4:40 pm

May 31st, 2011, 11:19 am #1

So, I haven't seem most of my family since the transfer 2 1/2 weeks ago. Not a long time but the progesterone seems to be doing a number on my weight. Anyway, my mother says to me-"Dear goodness! You look 4 months pregnant already! That dress isn't very flattering!" I almost hit the floor. I might have gained 5 pounds-seriously. I'm what I think is normal. 5'6" and usually about 120. I'm athletic so I tend to be on the slim side and I've never had a "figure" no matter what I tried. I decided to let it go and chalk it up to my mom being snarky. Then later in the day we were at my mother-in-laws house and she says "Oh boy, aren't you getting thick?!" WTF? Thick? Who says that? She then went on to describe all the ways my body looks "more plump". I chalk that one up to her 3 glasses of scotch. But then it went too far. She said something to the effect of "if you don't want to mess up your figure you should have just let the REAL MOM carry the baby." Honestly, some people are so ignorant. Then it was "well, you chose this so you have to live with it" as if I was complaining! I really need to come up with some snappy comebacks. I wish I could be as rude as they are but I refuse to stoop to that level. It's not worth it.
Thanks for letting me vent! I know it's just the beginning. Perhaps there is a sensitivity button I could turn off?
Quote
Like
Share

K
K

May 31st, 2011, 11:35 am #2

And im sure it won't stop there! People that have comments like that continue on Unfortunately. So sorry you're going to have to deal with that. My advice...avoid....
Good luck!!!
Quote
Share

Malory
Malory

May 31st, 2011, 11:54 am #3

So, I haven't seem most of my family since the transfer 2 1/2 weeks ago. Not a long time but the progesterone seems to be doing a number on my weight. Anyway, my mother says to me-"Dear goodness! You look 4 months pregnant already! That dress isn't very flattering!" I almost hit the floor. I might have gained 5 pounds-seriously. I'm what I think is normal. 5'6" and usually about 120. I'm athletic so I tend to be on the slim side and I've never had a "figure" no matter what I tried. I decided to let it go and chalk it up to my mom being snarky. Then later in the day we were at my mother-in-laws house and she says "Oh boy, aren't you getting thick?!" WTF? Thick? Who says that? She then went on to describe all the ways my body looks "more plump". I chalk that one up to her 3 glasses of scotch. But then it went too far. She said something to the effect of "if you don't want to mess up your figure you should have just let the REAL MOM carry the baby." Honestly, some people are so ignorant. Then it was "well, you chose this so you have to live with it" as if I was complaining! I really need to come up with some snappy comebacks. I wish I could be as rude as they are but I refuse to stoop to that level. It's not worth it.
Thanks for letting me vent! I know it's just the beginning. Perhaps there is a sensitivity button I could turn off?
I don't know why people feel so free to comment on weight - and say the ugliest things! - but they do. The "real mother" comment is also infuriating. I get that one quite a bit b/c my kids are adopted - it always stings to hear...

My mother-in-law would have said the exact same things - and also after three scotches...(rolling my eyes) You worked very hard to get here. Don't let anyone take a moment of it away.

Malory

Quote
Share

Joined: May 10th, 2011, 11:57 pm

May 31st, 2011, 1:06 pm #4

So, I haven't seem most of my family since the transfer 2 1/2 weeks ago. Not a long time but the progesterone seems to be doing a number on my weight. Anyway, my mother says to me-"Dear goodness! You look 4 months pregnant already! That dress isn't very flattering!" I almost hit the floor. I might have gained 5 pounds-seriously. I'm what I think is normal. 5'6" and usually about 120. I'm athletic so I tend to be on the slim side and I've never had a "figure" no matter what I tried. I decided to let it go and chalk it up to my mom being snarky. Then later in the day we were at my mother-in-laws house and she says "Oh boy, aren't you getting thick?!" WTF? Thick? Who says that? She then went on to describe all the ways my body looks "more plump". I chalk that one up to her 3 glasses of scotch. But then it went too far. She said something to the effect of "if you don't want to mess up your figure you should have just let the REAL MOM carry the baby." Honestly, some people are so ignorant. Then it was "well, you chose this so you have to live with it" as if I was complaining! I really need to come up with some snappy comebacks. I wish I could be as rude as they are but I refuse to stoop to that level. It's not worth it.
Thanks for letting me vent! I know it's just the beginning. Perhaps there is a sensitivity button I could turn off?
AEK, that is just appalling. The weight comments are bad enough, but the one about the "real mother" is completely out of bounds. I hope your DH is supportive: not that you can't stick up for yourself, but sometimes it helps to have someone run a little interference. As for the weight, I haven't dared weigh myself, but I feel like a blimp already (and it doesn't help that I seem to be hungry now 24/7).

I'm glad you posted, though, because I'd been wondering how your second beta went. I assume well!

Jen
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

May 31st, 2011, 2:49 pm #5

So, I haven't seem most of my family since the transfer 2 1/2 weeks ago. Not a long time but the progesterone seems to be doing a number on my weight. Anyway, my mother says to me-"Dear goodness! You look 4 months pregnant already! That dress isn't very flattering!" I almost hit the floor. I might have gained 5 pounds-seriously. I'm what I think is normal. 5'6" and usually about 120. I'm athletic so I tend to be on the slim side and I've never had a "figure" no matter what I tried. I decided to let it go and chalk it up to my mom being snarky. Then later in the day we were at my mother-in-laws house and she says "Oh boy, aren't you getting thick?!" WTF? Thick? Who says that? She then went on to describe all the ways my body looks "more plump". I chalk that one up to her 3 glasses of scotch. But then it went too far. She said something to the effect of "if you don't want to mess up your figure you should have just let the REAL MOM carry the baby." Honestly, some people are so ignorant. Then it was "well, you chose this so you have to live with it" as if I was complaining! I really need to come up with some snappy comebacks. I wish I could be as rude as they are but I refuse to stoop to that level. It's not worth it.
Thanks for letting me vent! I know it's just the beginning. Perhaps there is a sensitivity button I could turn off?
You're going to need to nip this in the bud now. I think you need to sit down with your mother and explain that you are the "real" mother, that you don't appreciate her comments or the ones about your weight (hello? You're pregnant; what is her problem?), and that if she's going to have these kinds of issues keeping her speech in check, it will be difficult for you to be able to maintain a relationship between her and her grandchild. I'm sorry you had to experience that; I had a difficult mother, too, so I understand a bit. And, as much as I miss her, I really did count it something of a blessing that she wasn't around for the whole ordeal around my ttc and being pg. Take care! Maggie (in VA)

Edit: sorry, got things confused. MIL for the "real mother" comment.
Last edited by maggie1961 on May 31st, 2011, 6:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Quote
Like
Share

anon
anon

May 31st, 2011, 3:28 pm #6

So, I haven't seem most of my family since the transfer 2 1/2 weeks ago. Not a long time but the progesterone seems to be doing a number on my weight. Anyway, my mother says to me-"Dear goodness! You look 4 months pregnant already! That dress isn't very flattering!" I almost hit the floor. I might have gained 5 pounds-seriously. I'm what I think is normal. 5'6" and usually about 120. I'm athletic so I tend to be on the slim side and I've never had a "figure" no matter what I tried. I decided to let it go and chalk it up to my mom being snarky. Then later in the day we were at my mother-in-laws house and she says "Oh boy, aren't you getting thick?!" WTF? Thick? Who says that? She then went on to describe all the ways my body looks "more plump". I chalk that one up to her 3 glasses of scotch. But then it went too far. She said something to the effect of "if you don't want to mess up your figure you should have just let the REAL MOM carry the baby." Honestly, some people are so ignorant. Then it was "well, you chose this so you have to live with it" as if I was complaining! I really need to come up with some snappy comebacks. I wish I could be as rude as they are but I refuse to stoop to that level. It's not worth it.
Thanks for letting me vent! I know it's just the beginning. Perhaps there is a sensitivity button I could turn off?
like this for my entire life. sharp, hurtful, underminding comments and jabs were her trade mark. oh, she thought she was so clever and witty and that was her way of "gently" persuading me to do and think how she would prefer I would.

well that blew up in her face eventually when she crossed lines she could not come back from, and as a result, her and I have not spoke in over a decade. I finally realized that the woman was not good for me to be around for MY mental health. she would upset me so that it would take me days to get over her rude remarks after spending only short amounts of time around her. she is, in short, a B! one of her last foul mouthed things to say to me was that she had 'given up on me ever giving her g-kids'! talk about an ouch after suffering numerous m/cs. I have had the last laugh though in the end, now that I have become pg and had children after a long fight, oh she wishes she could see my kids and be a grandmother...too bad! if she can't treat her own daughter with common decency, she will not be any different with g-kids...and I am not willing to test that theory to find out if I might be wrong. she doesn't deserve the pleasure of my children and I sure the heck am not going to give her a chance to start taking cracks at them like she did at me. Oh, and to be fair, she is this way with nearly everyone she comes into contact with, not just me, so it's not that she and I alone have a difficult realtionship. she's just rotten in general.

maybe my situation is extreme, maybe your mother is not as cruel as mine, but trust me, it can happen that some Mothers can be awful heartless to their own children, both small and grown. only you can determine how much you are willing to put up with, with what and how much she dishes out. I for one do not believe in having to tolerate anyone's bad behavior, even a family member. if they are abusive, they are abusive and need kicked to the curb! never be afraid to stand up for yourself!

GL!
Quote
Share

Joined: September 26th, 2008, 9:06 pm

May 31st, 2011, 5:13 pm #7

So, I haven't seem most of my family since the transfer 2 1/2 weeks ago. Not a long time but the progesterone seems to be doing a number on my weight. Anyway, my mother says to me-"Dear goodness! You look 4 months pregnant already! That dress isn't very flattering!" I almost hit the floor. I might have gained 5 pounds-seriously. I'm what I think is normal. 5'6" and usually about 120. I'm athletic so I tend to be on the slim side and I've never had a "figure" no matter what I tried. I decided to let it go and chalk it up to my mom being snarky. Then later in the day we were at my mother-in-laws house and she says "Oh boy, aren't you getting thick?!" WTF? Thick? Who says that? She then went on to describe all the ways my body looks "more plump". I chalk that one up to her 3 glasses of scotch. But then it went too far. She said something to the effect of "if you don't want to mess up your figure you should have just let the REAL MOM carry the baby." Honestly, some people are so ignorant. Then it was "well, you chose this so you have to live with it" as if I was complaining! I really need to come up with some snappy comebacks. I wish I could be as rude as they are but I refuse to stoop to that level. It's not worth it.
Thanks for letting me vent! I know it's just the beginning. Perhaps there is a sensitivity button I could turn off?
First of all, I am so very sorry that someone said something so insensitive, cruel and untrue. How horribly ill-informed your mother-in-law is. She is ignorant. That's one thing. But she CANNOT be so stupid as not to understand that it would be hurtful to you for her to say something like that. I think you have to tell her that she can't say that again, that's it's inaccurate and painful and that if she ever says it again you will know that she's doing it to hurt you.

I would tell her that the word mother cannot be used to describe the egg donor. Ever.

I also gained 12 lbs in the first trimester but my weight was perfectly normal for the overall pregnancy. You're doing fine. Some people gain earlier than others. Please don't try to diet now.
Quote
Like
Share

minniet
minniet

May 31st, 2011, 5:25 pm #8

So, I haven't seem most of my family since the transfer 2 1/2 weeks ago. Not a long time but the progesterone seems to be doing a number on my weight. Anyway, my mother says to me-"Dear goodness! You look 4 months pregnant already! That dress isn't very flattering!" I almost hit the floor. I might have gained 5 pounds-seriously. I'm what I think is normal. 5'6" and usually about 120. I'm athletic so I tend to be on the slim side and I've never had a "figure" no matter what I tried. I decided to let it go and chalk it up to my mom being snarky. Then later in the day we were at my mother-in-laws house and she says "Oh boy, aren't you getting thick?!" WTF? Thick? Who says that? She then went on to describe all the ways my body looks "more plump". I chalk that one up to her 3 glasses of scotch. But then it went too far. She said something to the effect of "if you don't want to mess up your figure you should have just let the REAL MOM carry the baby." Honestly, some people are so ignorant. Then it was "well, you chose this so you have to live with it" as if I was complaining! I really need to come up with some snappy comebacks. I wish I could be as rude as they are but I refuse to stoop to that level. It's not worth it.
Thanks for letting me vent! I know it's just the beginning. Perhaps there is a sensitivity button I could turn off?
Except you are right, there is way too much drinking going on. But there is such a weird meanness, you do not deserve. I am sorry. It's time for you to start inserting happier more supportive people more frequently, and that includes this board!
Quote
Share

Joined: July 23rd, 2008, 6:49 am

May 31st, 2011, 6:26 pm #9

So, I haven't seem most of my family since the transfer 2 1/2 weeks ago. Not a long time but the progesterone seems to be doing a number on my weight. Anyway, my mother says to me-"Dear goodness! You look 4 months pregnant already! That dress isn't very flattering!" I almost hit the floor. I might have gained 5 pounds-seriously. I'm what I think is normal. 5'6" and usually about 120. I'm athletic so I tend to be on the slim side and I've never had a "figure" no matter what I tried. I decided to let it go and chalk it up to my mom being snarky. Then later in the day we were at my mother-in-laws house and she says "Oh boy, aren't you getting thick?!" WTF? Thick? Who says that? She then went on to describe all the ways my body looks "more plump". I chalk that one up to her 3 glasses of scotch. But then it went too far. She said something to the effect of "if you don't want to mess up your figure you should have just let the REAL MOM carry the baby." Honestly, some people are so ignorant. Then it was "well, you chose this so you have to live with it" as if I was complaining! I really need to come up with some snappy comebacks. I wish I could be as rude as they are but I refuse to stoop to that level. It's not worth it.
Thanks for letting me vent! I know it's just the beginning. Perhaps there is a sensitivity button I could turn off?
Agree with Maggie, nip this in the bud, NOW.

Your MIL may be stupid but in addition, she is being hostile. That was not an uninformed comment that slipped out innocently. She is being hostile. Your DH absolutely should have stepped in and said something. It is his place to show his mother that he won't tolerate her treating his wife with disrespect.

If you want a snappy comeback, you might say "Regardless of who you think the "real mother" is, this is your grandchild and if you ever want to lay eyes on him or her, I'd better never hear you say anything like that to me again. And I'd better never hear that it was said behind my back either or the consequences will be the same."

That oughta fix her wagon.

Quote
Like
Share

Kacee
Kacee

May 31st, 2011, 8:02 pm #10

So, I haven't seem most of my family since the transfer 2 1/2 weeks ago. Not a long time but the progesterone seems to be doing a number on my weight. Anyway, my mother says to me-"Dear goodness! You look 4 months pregnant already! That dress isn't very flattering!" I almost hit the floor. I might have gained 5 pounds-seriously. I'm what I think is normal. 5'6" and usually about 120. I'm athletic so I tend to be on the slim side and I've never had a "figure" no matter what I tried. I decided to let it go and chalk it up to my mom being snarky. Then later in the day we were at my mother-in-laws house and she says "Oh boy, aren't you getting thick?!" WTF? Thick? Who says that? She then went on to describe all the ways my body looks "more plump". I chalk that one up to her 3 glasses of scotch. But then it went too far. She said something to the effect of "if you don't want to mess up your figure you should have just let the REAL MOM carry the baby." Honestly, some people are so ignorant. Then it was "well, you chose this so you have to live with it" as if I was complaining! I really need to come up with some snappy comebacks. I wish I could be as rude as they are but I refuse to stoop to that level. It's not worth it.
Thanks for letting me vent! I know it's just the beginning. Perhaps there is a sensitivity button I could turn off?
You can also pat their tummy and say, "It looks good on you," and then just smile. You can also say, "Thanks, that made my day!"
Quote
Share