How do you stay positive with negative comments from family?

How do you stay positive with negative comments from family?

Anon4this
Anon4this

April 30th, 2011, 3:57 pm #1



I am really trying to stay positive going into my next fet cycle and have just finished my pre-testing...my family & I (sisters & mom) are very close so they have an idea that something is up w/me But don't really know what it is But suspect IVF.

I have been going through infertility a loooong time so they are aware of dh & I struggles...BUT we have now starting hearing alot of neg. & critical comments like about our age and being way too old, enough is enough already, even one of my sisters is very jealous about any one else getting pregnant since her dh wants NO more children (she as three) so she makes rude comments to me if I start taking about wanting a baby... my other sister said don't talk about pregnancies around her it sounds like your giving her a nasty dig meanwhile she never cared about my feelings when she BOOM got pregnant without blinking a eye three times!!!

PLEASE HELP how do you deal with such negative, critical, cruel/rude people/comments especially if it is family!!!
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Anon
Anon

April 30th, 2011, 7:33 pm #2

What I did, is I never told any family or friends about doing IVF. They don't know. I wasn't interested in anyone's opinions about it! Only our doctors know. We have one child.

We had quite a few friends who don't want, or don't like children, and couldn't understand why we wanted to have them. They were unsupportive. I wouldn't want their opinions on IVF, because I suspect that would give them more ammunition to judge us. And once you tell, you can't "untell".

Some people will tell you to just ignore them, but I don't agree with ignoring people who are being abusive. I think they should be confronted about their negative remarks, and told to knock it off.

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Joined: September 26th, 2008, 9:06 pm

April 30th, 2011, 8:29 pm #3


I am really trying to stay positive going into my next fet cycle and have just finished my pre-testing...my family & I (sisters & mom) are very close so they have an idea that something is up w/me But don't really know what it is But suspect IVF.

I have been going through infertility a loooong time so they are aware of dh & I struggles...BUT we have now starting hearing alot of neg. & critical comments like about our age and being way too old, enough is enough already, even one of my sisters is very jealous about any one else getting pregnant since her dh wants NO more children (she as three) so she makes rude comments to me if I start taking about wanting a baby... my other sister said don't talk about pregnancies around her it sounds like your giving her a nasty dig meanwhile she never cared about my feelings when she BOOM got pregnant without blinking a eye three times!!!

PLEASE HELP how do you deal with such negative, critical, cruel/rude people/comments especially if it is family!!!
Sometimes people who should be supportive, because they love us if for no other reason, suck. Their own issues get in the way and they can't see how painful it is for us.

I wish you luck.
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Joined: April 19th, 2009, 1:06 pm

April 30th, 2011, 11:58 pm #4


I am really trying to stay positive going into my next fet cycle and have just finished my pre-testing...my family & I (sisters & mom) are very close so they have an idea that something is up w/me But don't really know what it is But suspect IVF.

I have been going through infertility a loooong time so they are aware of dh & I struggles...BUT we have now starting hearing alot of neg. & critical comments like about our age and being way too old, enough is enough already, even one of my sisters is very jealous about any one else getting pregnant since her dh wants NO more children (she as three) so she makes rude comments to me if I start taking about wanting a baby... my other sister said don't talk about pregnancies around her it sounds like your giving her a nasty dig meanwhile she never cared about my feelings when she BOOM got pregnant without blinking a eye three times!!!

PLEASE HELP how do you deal with such negative, critical, cruel/rude people/comments especially if it is family!!!
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with all of this. I have not told family about using DE but they do know that we tried IVF. I have had some very supportive responses and others that were not. I have also had comments about age which were extremely hurtful. As soon as I discovered that someone was not being supportive I stopped telling them anything. I came to the realization that I can not change them but I can change the way that I allow them to effect me. If that means taking their ability to hurt me away by not telling them anything then that is what I needed to do.

It is unfortunate that all of your family can not support you in the way that you need and deserve. Focus on taking care of yourself emotionally and physically. We are here for you if you need to vent or need any support. Focus on the end result.

(((BIG HUGS)))
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Anon4this
Anon4this

May 1st, 2011, 2:05 pm #5


Thanks for your supportive words...I am really trying hard to ignore neg. & critical comments but it is difficult when I see my family alot! But for my own well being I am going to seperate myself alittle from them and when I hear neg. talk going to walk away!!

(((hugs))) to you too!!

Thanks again!
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Anon4this
Anon4this

May 1st, 2011, 2:08 pm #6

Sometimes people who should be supportive, because they love us if for no other reason, suck. Their own issues get in the way and they can't see how painful it is for us.

I wish you luck.
Thank you so much for your response, it means alot knowing that I have support here on this board....I really have no one else who understands what dh & I are going through.

Thanks again!!
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Anon4this
Anon4this

May 1st, 2011, 2:13 pm #7

What I did, is I never told any family or friends about doing IVF. They don't know. I wasn't interested in anyone's opinions about it! Only our doctors know. We have one child.

We had quite a few friends who don't want, or don't like children, and couldn't understand why we wanted to have them. They were unsupportive. I wouldn't want their opinions on IVF, because I suspect that would give them more ammunition to judge us. And once you tell, you can't "untell".

Some people will tell you to just ignore them, but I don't agree with ignoring people who are being abusive. I think they should be confronted about their negative remarks, and told to knock it off.
Thank you so much for your support & response....I am sorry the both of us have to go through such neg. support But I guess there will always be people/family/friends that never have nothing positive to say!

I am taking your advice about telling family to just "knock it off"

Thanks again and Best of Luck to the both of us!!!

(((hugs)))
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Joined: October 9th, 2008, 2:53 am

May 2nd, 2011, 7:37 am #8


I am really trying to stay positive going into my next fet cycle and have just finished my pre-testing...my family & I (sisters & mom) are very close so they have an idea that something is up w/me But don't really know what it is But suspect IVF.

I have been going through infertility a loooong time so they are aware of dh & I struggles...BUT we have now starting hearing alot of neg. & critical comments like about our age and being way too old, enough is enough already, even one of my sisters is very jealous about any one else getting pregnant since her dh wants NO more children (she as three) so she makes rude comments to me if I start taking about wanting a baby... my other sister said don't talk about pregnancies around her it sounds like your giving her a nasty dig meanwhile she never cared about my feelings when she BOOM got pregnant without blinking a eye three times!!!

PLEASE HELP how do you deal with such negative, critical, cruel/rude people/comments especially if it is family!!!
Here are the two words...

Ignore them!

Yep, ignore their comments totally. I know its hard but just nod and say 'humm yes I will think that over what you just said' while in your mind thinking 'another ignorant comment from people who should know better'.

I started getting 'well if this cycle doesn't work then think about giving up' type comments from those close to me who darn well should have known better. I ignored them. Lucky too as we now have a five month old son. If I'd taken their words to heart I'd be here heartbroken still.

You don't need to 'stay positive' to get pg or to stay pg. But you do have to be doing cycles and actively looking at what and why it isn't working so do those things. Besides that if you are too positive then if it doesn't work you will fall in a heap of mental sludge... better to just sit on the fence and take each cycle with a 'well if it works ok if it doesn't then we have plan b'. Allow youself to grieve for a few days then start putting ploan b into action.

Take it all as it comes and ignore negative talk completely!
Good luck, best, THK
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Anon4this
Anon4this

May 2nd, 2011, 12:48 pm #9



I will be taken your advice and ignoring them because if I don't they will drive me insane

also, thank you so much for the advice on taking it one cycle at a time...I have a terrible habit of believing in jinxs & staying positive or it may not work BUT I have to stop this.

Thanks again!
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