For anxious anon and others (borrowed article, God ment)

For anxious anon and others (borrowed article, God ment)

Kekona
Kekona

November 18th, 2010, 6:24 pm #1

I hope this helps.

What Do I Think God Meant When He Gave Me Infertility?

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "Adopt and you'll get pregnant," or "Things happen for a reason," and of the most painful: from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan, "Maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.

The same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life. It's hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is: a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of children to be cripples, live in an iron lung, or die." What if he'd never tried to find a cure? Who could think for a minute that that was God's plan?

What do I think God meant when He gave me infertility? I think He meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down. Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known...Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby...and the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me infertility. I already know."

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Anonymous
Anonymous

November 18th, 2010, 7:06 pm #2


This post is awesomeI hope I can be a strong as you someday. I dont feel like a better person for my infertility, I hate the person I have become angry, bitter, and jealous it is awful. The IF road has beat me up and my relationship. Your post inspired me to try to look at things from a different view. I too feel anxious thinking about my age 42 and feel guilty. I tried for over 3 years and waiting because DH was not ready because he was newly divorced. I thought I was doing the right thing by waiting until his was ready so there was not resentment in the relationship.
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Kekona
Kekona

November 18th, 2010, 7:20 pm #3

When we were in our 20s, I waited years for dh to propose. I didn't worry too much about having to wait for kids, too, b/c I knew American guys were bad about committing, and I knew that most either outgrew it or life just went on. I assumed it would be the same for us. I was wrong. I wish I could have known then, but I can't change the past.

Well, you just have to take stock of where you are now and where you want to be, and how you can get there. But don't let the critics have a say. Only listen to the voices that encourage you.

(((hugs)))
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Kekona
Kekona

November 18th, 2010, 7:25 pm #4

That wasn't my post -- it was something I read on the pink bb today and it seemed right for the moment. My dh and I do have some issues wr2 how long we waited, and they surface when I'm in my dark place. So my point is, don't think I'm holding up my marriage as the model for IF women. The important idea is that even though you are on a path you don't like, there is help and support, and there can be happiness again.
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Lu
Lu

November 18th, 2010, 8:33 pm #5

I hope this helps.

What Do I Think God Meant When He Gave Me Infertility?

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "Adopt and you'll get pregnant," or "Things happen for a reason," and of the most painful: from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan, "Maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.

The same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life. It's hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is: a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of children to be cripples, live in an iron lung, or die." What if he'd never tried to find a cure? Who could think for a minute that that was God's plan?

What do I think God meant when He gave me infertility? I think He meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down. Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known...Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby...and the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me infertility. I already know."
As I usually just look in on this board, I would not have read it on the pink board. As one who was dx with POF, I often wonder...why?...why me? And this was just so beautiful and inspiring, and made me smile actually.
Thanks again!
Lu
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Joined: December 2nd, 2008, 2:10 am

November 18th, 2010, 11:44 pm #6

That wasn't my post -- it was something I read on the pink bb today and it seemed right for the moment. My dh and I do have some issues wr2 how long we waited, and they surface when I'm in my dark place. So my point is, don't think I'm holding up my marriage as the model for IF women. The important idea is that even though you are on a path you don't like, there is help and support, and there can be happiness again.
thank you so much for this....today of all days.

Ann
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Bisco
Bisco

November 19th, 2010, 3:18 am #7

I hope this helps.

What Do I Think God Meant When He Gave Me Infertility?

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "Adopt and you'll get pregnant," or "Things happen for a reason," and of the most painful: from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan, "Maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.

The same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life. It's hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is: a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of children to be cripples, live in an iron lung, or die." What if he'd never tried to find a cure? Who could think for a minute that that was God's plan?

What do I think God meant when He gave me infertility? I think He meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down. Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known...Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby...and the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me infertility. I already know."
You posted this loooong ago when I was first struggling with IF. I loved it then and I love it now.

Haven't been online but I wanted to come check on you.

You're in my thoughts.

Bisco
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Joined: May 15th, 2010, 12:08 pm

November 19th, 2010, 3:32 am #8

It helps so much, doesn't it? -- knowing that we have friends who understand. Thanks for checking on me.
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Joined: October 22nd, 2010, 7:15 am

November 19th, 2010, 6:43 am #9

I hope this helps.

What Do I Think God Meant When He Gave Me Infertility?

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "Adopt and you'll get pregnant," or "Things happen for a reason," and of the most painful: from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan, "Maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.

The same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life. It's hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is: a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of children to be cripples, live in an iron lung, or die." What if he'd never tried to find a cure? Who could think for a minute that that was God's plan?

What do I think God meant when He gave me infertility? I think He meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down. Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known...Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby...and the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me infertility. I already know."
and really needed to hear it today. I have been feeling like I am at a standstill due to waiting to find another donor after ours pulled out. I have concerns about the time that is being wasted (we are looking for someone with our ethnic makeup, which I would not think would be as hard to find as it has been...We have located donors with our makeup, but the ones available at the clinic where we have been working have some red flags in their family medical histories that we can't get past). Although we had our 2 year old son with no problems, when we found out we had secondary infertility, I had to grow up fast and accept that DE would be the best option. We want a child who is close to our son's age so that he has someone with whom to grow up. It sounds like such a small, unimportant wish, but he is such an awesome, incredible blessing in our lives and we want him to have a childhood similar to each of ours -- with siblings with whom he can share things and do things. We do want to keep pressing forward -- we have no idea at what point on this journey success will lie for us, but we are seeking that. It just seems daunting if even the road to begin the process is riddled with obstacles.
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Joined: May 15th, 2009, 12:50 am

November 22nd, 2010, 2:40 am #10

I hope this helps.

What Do I Think God Meant When He Gave Me Infertility?

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "Adopt and you'll get pregnant," or "Things happen for a reason," and of the most painful: from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan, "Maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.

The same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life. It's hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is: a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of children to be cripples, live in an iron lung, or die." What if he'd never tried to find a cure? Who could think for a minute that that was God's plan?

What do I think God meant when He gave me infertility? I think He meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down. Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known...Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby...and the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me infertility. I already know."
I was at a wedding this weekend for my DH's cousin. Many of the speaches had a recurring theme: that sometimes God makes people wait, that God has his own plans and things happen in "his time"... etc. (All this because the bride was 32 and the groom 42 -- which in my mind doesn't warrant this sentiment in my opionion, but I guess in my DH's family's eyes it does since folks seem to all get married in their early 20's.)

Anyway, I thought so much about our TTC efforts each time someone made this type of comment and I felt certain that my time to be a mom WILL COME!

Your post just reinforces this belief. Thanks.
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