Donor pictures

Donor pictures

SamanthaL
SamanthaL

March 3rd, 2011, 9:39 pm #1

I just submitted my application to the Donor Egg program at my RE and have received the donor list. We have the option of seeing an adult picture of the donors. I am torn. On one hand I'd like to see them, but on the other had I am not sure I want to see the face of the genetic mother of my child. My husband understands my opinion, but he really would like to see them. We are considering him viewing the pictures but not me.
What do you all think?
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Joined: December 8th, 2006, 11:41 pm

March 3rd, 2011, 10:04 pm #2

I am hoping to go to Czech Rep, where only very limited info is provided on the anonymous donor, so perhaps on that basis my opinion will not carry as much weight as those who can see all the information. Having said that, just one of the reasons I am comfortable with the anonymous approach is that it avoids this situation entirely. I feel that if I am successful, I don't want the image of the donor appearing in my mind every time I look at my child. I also feel that DH and I are in this together and I couldn't imagine him knowing what the donor looked like and I didn't. I feel that I would end up asking questions all the time as the years went by and I would prefer we were both equal in our knowledge.

The question of whether to view or not really is personal, but your decision to move ahead with DE is a joint one. Therefore I think you should both discuss your feelings about it again and try and decide on a joint decision, either you both view, or you both don't. That's how I would feel about it at least.

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BlessedThistle
BlessedThistle

March 3rd, 2011, 10:13 pm #3

I just submitted my application to the Donor Egg program at my RE and have received the donor list. We have the option of seeing an adult picture of the donors. I am torn. On one hand I'd like to see them, but on the other had I am not sure I want to see the face of the genetic mother of my child. My husband understands my opinion, but he really would like to see them. We are considering him viewing the pictures but not me.
What do you all think?
I don't have any pictures so it's a moot point for me. But if I could have a pic, I'd want my child(ren) to have an opportunity to see it when they were older if they wished.
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Joined: July 23rd, 2008, 6:49 am

March 3rd, 2011, 10:17 pm #4

I just submitted my application to the Donor Egg program at my RE and have received the donor list. We have the option of seeing an adult picture of the donors. I am torn. On one hand I'd like to see them, but on the other had I am not sure I want to see the face of the genetic mother of my child. My husband understands my opinion, but he really would like to see them. We are considering him viewing the pictures but not me.
What do you all think?
First of all I wouldn't have a problem with my DH viewing the photos even if I decided not to. I just wanted to put that out there since I know the previous poster would have a problem (I respect that too). Didn't want you to feel weird for considering that option.

Prior to having our kids, I could never have imagined choosing a donor without seeing a photo. Couldn't imagine it. Couldn't understand women who would agree to a donor sight unseen.

Now that I have my boys and see a resemblance to the donor in one of them, and a resemblance to her family in the other boy, I sometimes wish that I had not seen a photo of her or her family. If I had never seen a photo, I might only see my husband's features in their faces. There are days when I don't care a whit and there are other days when I care a lot and it makes me sad.

I am not sure if this is helpful to you.

I should add that on the whole, I'm glad I saw a photo as I needed that reassurance to go forward. After the fact, well, I wish I could forget!

Last edited by biogal on March 3rd, 2011, 10:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Anonymous
Anonymous

March 3rd, 2011, 10:23 pm #5

I just submitted my application to the Donor Egg program at my RE and have received the donor list. We have the option of seeing an adult picture of the donors. I am torn. On one hand I'd like to see them, but on the other had I am not sure I want to see the face of the genetic mother of my child. My husband understands my opinion, but he really would like to see them. We are considering him viewing the pictures but not me.
What do you all think?
"spitting image" "clone" "mini-me" etc, all the time! DH loves hearing it. But the truth is he looks just like the donor, which is fine with me. I wanted to make sure I really liked her face if I was potentially giving the same face to my children! It makes me appreciate the donor even more.
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Anonymous
Anonymous

March 4th, 2011, 12:25 am #6

I just submitted my application to the Donor Egg program at my RE and have received the donor list. We have the option of seeing an adult picture of the donors. I am torn. On one hand I'd like to see them, but on the other had I am not sure I want to see the face of the genetic mother of my child. My husband understands my opinion, but he really would like to see them. We are considering him viewing the pictures but not me.
What do you all think?
Everyone is different. No doubt. I needed to see the donor. I needed to know her features were somewhat like mine, and that she had a friendly face. Someone I would be friends with (as someone on this forum wrote). I found a lot of donors with really sexy pics that were a bit of a turn off for me. I wanted a more wholesome feel to my donor.

When I saw my donor something clicked - I felt comfortable with my choice. But this is from someone at the start of the process - I don't have a DE child.

I know it's hackneyed, but go with what your heart/gut tells you.

Mal
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Newbie
Newbie

March 4th, 2011, 12:42 am #7

I just submitted my application to the Donor Egg program at my RE and have received the donor list. We have the option of seeing an adult picture of the donors. I am torn. On one hand I'd like to see them, but on the other had I am not sure I want to see the face of the genetic mother of my child. My husband understands my opinion, but he really would like to see them. We are considering him viewing the pictures but not me.
What do you all think?
My situation is the complete opposite. My DH wants nothing to do with seeing the donor's picture. He saw her write up but never her picture. Its tough. Its a personal decision. best of luck
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Joined: August 12th, 2004, 4:42 pm

March 4th, 2011, 1:01 am #8

I just submitted my application to the Donor Egg program at my RE and have received the donor list. We have the option of seeing an adult picture of the donors. I am torn. On one hand I'd like to see them, but on the other had I am not sure I want to see the face of the genetic mother of my child. My husband understands my opinion, but he really would like to see them. We are considering him viewing the pictures but not me.
What do you all think?
...so I really can't relate to those who don't want/need to do this. I just couldn't make a selection otherwise; was too scared the woman was ugly or strange looking if I didn't see the "proof" that she was reasonably attractive. I also felt I learned a lot about her by looking at her eyes and her smile; how authentically friendly and happy she seemed to be. Basically, I just needed to "like" the donor, and the picture helped me to do that immediately. (And, FWIW, my daughter is nearly two years old, is gorgeous, and I *don't* see the donor's face in her at all... I also used donor sperm, btw. My daughter is just her own perfect little self!).

Maya
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Anonymous
Anonymous

March 4th, 2011, 1:17 am #9

I'm assuming you did not see adult face pics of the sperm donor - why is it more important with the egg donor for you? Just curious, I'm also all for seeing pics but would have to insist on seeing pics of both donors.
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Joined: December 4th, 2007, 6:59 pm

March 4th, 2011, 2:32 am #10

I just submitted my application to the Donor Egg program at my RE and have received the donor list. We have the option of seeing an adult picture of the donors. I am torn. On one hand I'd like to see them, but on the other had I am not sure I want to see the face of the genetic mother of my child. My husband understands my opinion, but he really would like to see them. We are considering him viewing the pictures but not me.
What do you all think?
I didn't want to look at my children and look for her in them. I wanted to see them for them with no contributing knowledge or factors. As far as your husband seeing the pics, I don't know. I would be inclined to let him, if I had the chance down the road to see pics if I wanted to.

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