Do Friendships Survive this...?

Do Friendships Survive this...?

Joined: January 8th, 2011, 3:04 am

August 25th, 2011, 6:38 pm #1

I am in the middle of my 2nd DE cycle...after numerous OE IVF tries...My best friend in the whole world (who lives about 300 miles away) started her IVF journey as I was finishing my 2nd OE cycle. She too has not yet met with success and has decided to try DE...she is in the middle of her first DE cycle.

She and I are opposites. I post and read here (as well as everything else I can read and learn) - she doesn't at all, relies on her clinic. I crave the data, she never wants to know anything. At her last OE IVF retrieval, she didn't even want to know how many eggs - they only told her DH. Each of us is navigating this in our own way - and I don't judge her at all...but neither of us has our best friend to lean on as a result. She doesn't want to talk about it at all - and I want to all the time She is decidedly NO TELL and I am 100% TELL...

No matter what the outcome...(other than both BFPs)...the strain, the stress, the jealousy, the sadness...can a friendship survive that? We have talked about it and know that communication is key. But when one of us just can't talk about the details day to day...will we have the foundation to navigate this if one of us gets a BFN? My logical brain says we are friends and that will survive all - even if we hit a rocky patch...but I miss my confidante.

Anyone have a similar situation...any tips to make our friendship stronger during this?

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Joined: December 10th, 2008, 6:33 pm

August 25th, 2011, 7:01 pm #2

I am on the sidelines of two close friends who are having problems. One is emotionally spent, not sure she is going to continue the journey of TTC. The other has chosen DE after a difficult time. She told me she can't mention anything at all to her best friend so it's very painful for them both.
I hope their friendship survives this.
I know for me, if I had not had success and others did it would be VERY hard for me to keep contact and not be jealous. I am part of a support group and before baby bird someone got pregnant and I was the only one who responded to the question "how do you feel about it" by saying "I feel terrible, I feel deep jealousy and I am angry I don't want to see her"

My therapist commended me because she said "you were true to your feelings, it's so important"

no matter what, once you both have success (staying positive here) you may very well come together with GLEE as you will suddenly have TONS in common. TONS in common that has nothing to do with the medical process that got you there.

I wish you the very best!
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Joined: August 17th, 2005, 11:44 pm

August 25th, 2011, 10:03 pm #3

I am in the middle of my 2nd DE cycle...after numerous OE IVF tries...My best friend in the whole world (who lives about 300 miles away) started her IVF journey as I was finishing my 2nd OE cycle. She too has not yet met with success and has decided to try DE...she is in the middle of her first DE cycle.

She and I are opposites. I post and read here (as well as everything else I can read and learn) - she doesn't at all, relies on her clinic. I crave the data, she never wants to know anything. At her last OE IVF retrieval, she didn't even want to know how many eggs - they only told her DH. Each of us is navigating this in our own way - and I don't judge her at all...but neither of us has our best friend to lean on as a result. She doesn't want to talk about it at all - and I want to all the time She is decidedly NO TELL and I am 100% TELL...

No matter what the outcome...(other than both BFPs)...the strain, the stress, the jealousy, the sadness...can a friendship survive that? We have talked about it and know that communication is key. But when one of us just can't talk about the details day to day...will we have the foundation to navigate this if one of us gets a BFN? My logical brain says we are friends and that will survive all - even if we hit a rocky patch...but I miss my confidante.

Anyone have a similar situation...any tips to make our friendship stronger during this?
have been made through this board.
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Calm
Calm

August 25th, 2011, 10:07 pm #4

I am for the friends on this board, too...thanks for sharing.
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Calm
Calm

August 25th, 2011, 10:08 pm #5

I am on the sidelines of two close friends who are having problems. One is emotionally spent, not sure she is going to continue the journey of TTC. The other has chosen DE after a difficult time. She told me she can't mention anything at all to her best friend so it's very painful for them both.
I hope their friendship survives this.
I know for me, if I had not had success and others did it would be VERY hard for me to keep contact and not be jealous. I am part of a support group and before baby bird someone got pregnant and I was the only one who responded to the question "how do you feel about it" by saying "I feel terrible, I feel deep jealousy and I am angry I don't want to see her"

My therapist commended me because she said "you were true to your feelings, it's so important"

no matter what, once you both have success (staying positive here) you may very well come together with GLEE as you will suddenly have TONS in common. TONS in common that has nothing to do with the medical process that got you there.

I wish you the very best!
...is the best, always is - and I appreciate you saying what so many only think way down deep. I only hope my friend and I can find a way to be honest with each other...
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Joined: October 9th, 2008, 2:53 am

August 26th, 2011, 12:51 pm #6

I am in the middle of my 2nd DE cycle...after numerous OE IVF tries...My best friend in the whole world (who lives about 300 miles away) started her IVF journey as I was finishing my 2nd OE cycle. She too has not yet met with success and has decided to try DE...she is in the middle of her first DE cycle.

She and I are opposites. I post and read here (as well as everything else I can read and learn) - she doesn't at all, relies on her clinic. I crave the data, she never wants to know anything. At her last OE IVF retrieval, she didn't even want to know how many eggs - they only told her DH. Each of us is navigating this in our own way - and I don't judge her at all...but neither of us has our best friend to lean on as a result. She doesn't want to talk about it at all - and I want to all the time She is decidedly NO TELL and I am 100% TELL...

No matter what the outcome...(other than both BFPs)...the strain, the stress, the jealousy, the sadness...can a friendship survive that? We have talked about it and know that communication is key. But when one of us just can't talk about the details day to day...will we have the foundation to navigate this if one of us gets a BFN? My logical brain says we are friends and that will survive all - even if we hit a rocky patch...but I miss my confidante.

Anyone have a similar situation...any tips to make our friendship stronger during this?
Hi ya,
I"d forgotten about it but I did loose an IVF friendship when my friend saw me in a clinic waiting for an appointment (she was waiting for an appointment too) and she didn't tell me she was pg.

She told me a few months later. She and I had talked and talked on the phone and comforted each other through some very tough times.
We had met at our first IVF egg collection.

I was very hurt she hadn't told me she was pg that day. I would have been overjoyed for her (not jealous at all). Anyway in the end I lied and told her I needed space as my journey was getting really hard.
But the truth was that I was just very hurt she didn't share her news with me.
I vowed not to keep things from others I knew were cycling too. I"ve never contacted her again and its been nearly four years... thats life. I guess your friendship will survive if both of you know and meet each other's expectations...
best, THK
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Calm
Calm

August 29th, 2011, 3:16 am #7

So sorry for your loss of friendship. Thanks for sharing.
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Issla
Issla

August 30th, 2011, 2:22 pm #8

I am in the middle of my 2nd DE cycle...after numerous OE IVF tries...My best friend in the whole world (who lives about 300 miles away) started her IVF journey as I was finishing my 2nd OE cycle. She too has not yet met with success and has decided to try DE...she is in the middle of her first DE cycle.

She and I are opposites. I post and read here (as well as everything else I can read and learn) - she doesn't at all, relies on her clinic. I crave the data, she never wants to know anything. At her last OE IVF retrieval, she didn't even want to know how many eggs - they only told her DH. Each of us is navigating this in our own way - and I don't judge her at all...but neither of us has our best friend to lean on as a result. She doesn't want to talk about it at all - and I want to all the time She is decidedly NO TELL and I am 100% TELL...

No matter what the outcome...(other than both BFPs)...the strain, the stress, the jealousy, the sadness...can a friendship survive that? We have talked about it and know that communication is key. But when one of us just can't talk about the details day to day...will we have the foundation to navigate this if one of us gets a BFN? My logical brain says we are friends and that will survive all - even if we hit a rocky patch...but I miss my confidante.

Anyone have a similar situation...any tips to make our friendship stronger during this?
It took a year to convince DH to go through with IVF. During this time BFF very supportive. After failed cycles, it took another year to convince DH about DE. BFF even offered her eggs, How little people know about this, her eggs are older than mine:)

Just last month she came over and ranted about fertility treatments, overseas clinics, age, and so on and so on! Not sure what prompted this resentment of the world of ttc. This was to me and DH. She knows how long it has taken to get DH on board. She said every bad thing you can imagine as we sat shocked at the venom coming from her mouth. I couldn't believe her hostility on the subject.

I have kept treatments to myself for more than a year, thank goodness! I must give DH credit. He said he never wanted her in our house again and neither do I. She knows what she did. Nothing was said but neither of us has spoken since.

I know this is different than your situation but for some reason, ttc brings out some weird form of competition and jealousy.

On a lighter note, have you noticed that when friends find out about going through treatment they proceed to tell youbhow fertile they are. Even though they are pushing 50! "I just look at DH and boom, pg" "every time we tried it was so easy". Yeah, when you were 20 something! One of my friends (47 yr old) even told me she was pg during a very difficult time for me. She went to doctor, she was in the throws of menopause! People are sooooo stupid. Obviously, you hit a sore subject with me:). Wish I had never shared this journey with anyone. That's what this board is for.

Hope your friendship survives. Good friends are hard to find. Best of luck to you.

Issla
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