Deep Sigh :(

Deep Sigh :(

NotSoCalm
NotSoCalm

February 19th, 2011, 7:24 pm #1

Well...got the call with the sad voice...Not good news, beta
DH and I angry, sad, disappointed and thinking we need to take the hint and realize parenthood may not be for us. But, just not sure what to think. Thanks for ALL the support out there! And to my co-2ww friends...may your news be plentiful and positive...our team deserves some good news!!!

Calm 118 (aka notsocalm)
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keifel
keifel

February 19th, 2011, 7:39 pm #2

I know what a crushing disappointment this is. Did any of your remaining embies make it to freeze? I know that I needed some time to regroup, but I'm trying again. Hopefully you will find the strength and resources to try again soon.
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Joined: October 22nd, 2010, 7:15 am

February 19th, 2011, 7:56 pm #3

Well...got the call with the sad voice...Not good news, beta
DH and I angry, sad, disappointed and thinking we need to take the hint and realize parenthood may not be for us. But, just not sure what to think. Thanks for ALL the support out there! And to my co-2ww friends...may your news be plentiful and positive...our team deserves some good news!!!

Calm 118 (aka notsocalm)
I know this is tough to live through, and we all feel like DE should work and work quickly because afterall...they are eggs from women who are at a point in life that they should produce eggs of superstar quality. Unfortunately, I am finding that is not always the case, and that many of the wonderful, deserving, patient, hopeful women on this board have suffered losses and have been let down at various points of this DE journey. Does it mean that we are not destined to be parents? I do not think so. I just think that the road will be different for all of us. For some, it might happen right away, for others there will be try after try before it happens for us. Others may decide that a GC may be the right move for them, and still others may look at adoption as a way to complete their family.

But if it is your dream to be parents, it is definitely out there for you. Don't give up. I know it is hard...but I am soooo sure that the ultimate reward will be more than worth it. I truly believe that in all great things of life, we are most grateful for those things which we thought to be impossible that somehow, miraculously happened.

Give yourself time to be sad, and angry and disappointed, but NEVER be defeated. You DESERVE the happiness that is in store for you!

Blessings and hugs to you!!!
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Joined: September 26th, 2008, 9:06 pm

February 19th, 2011, 8:42 pm #4

Well...got the call with the sad voice...Not good news, beta
DH and I angry, sad, disappointed and thinking we need to take the hint and realize parenthood may not be for us. But, just not sure what to think. Thanks for ALL the support out there! And to my co-2ww friends...may your news be plentiful and positive...our team deserves some good news!!!

Calm 118 (aka notsocalm)
I know how horribly crushing this is. We needed 5 donors and 6 transfers to conceive our DD. For most of us who get negatives on the first try, it's a matter of coming down on the wrong side of the odds. Not every embryo can attach and not every month is a good one for the uterus. Sometimes that just happens. If it happens again and again, then you have to start thinking something else is wrong.

We eventually used donor sperm on half the eggs, just in case. And we did immune testing and found several (mostly minor) things that needed treating.

I do NOT think you were not meant to be parents. I do think you need to take time to mourn before you decide what to do next. A bfn after a cycle like this (where we go to such measures) is a loss.

I hope you are able to grieve and heal. Be patient with each other. This is a hard time for you both.
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wt
wt

February 19th, 2011, 8:48 pm #5

Well...got the call with the sad voice...Not good news, beta
DH and I angry, sad, disappointed and thinking we need to take the hint and realize parenthood may not be for us. But, just not sure what to think. Thanks for ALL the support out there! And to my co-2ww friends...may your news be plentiful and positive...our team deserves some good news!!!

Calm 118 (aka notsocalm)
Hope you are getting lots of hugs and can take some time to regroup. I know that it hurts so much when this happens. There's nothing we can say to make it better but know that we are all thinking of you. big hug.

Rachel
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Lu
Lu

February 19th, 2011, 8:50 pm #6

Well...got the call with the sad voice...Not good news, beta
DH and I angry, sad, disappointed and thinking we need to take the hint and realize parenthood may not be for us. But, just not sure what to think. Thanks for ALL the support out there! And to my co-2ww friends...may your news be plentiful and positive...our team deserves some good news!!!

Calm 118 (aka notsocalm)
Calm-

I had a sigh as well when I read your post:( I am so deeply sorry. I remember when I received the same news with my first cycle, and naturally, I felt the same exact way you do. I am sorry for the pain that you are going through. Take care of yourself, its a hard time. We're here for you.
All my best,
Lu
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Mrs. M
Mrs. M

February 19th, 2011, 8:55 pm #7

Well...got the call with the sad voice...Not good news, beta
DH and I angry, sad, disappointed and thinking we need to take the hint and realize parenthood may not be for us. But, just not sure what to think. Thanks for ALL the support out there! And to my co-2ww friends...may your news be plentiful and positive...our team deserves some good news!!!

Calm 118 (aka notsocalm)
it so disappointing. I know there is nothing anyone can say or do to make it better. Take care of yourself and allow the time you need to grieve. Three and a half weeks out from a BFN on my first DE cycle and things are slowly returning to normal. Instead of tidal waves of grief, they are now smaller waves of sadness that are still painful but not overwhelming. Sending thoughts and hugs your way!
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Orchid
Orchid

February 20th, 2011, 12:12 am #8

Well...got the call with the sad voice...Not good news, beta
DH and I angry, sad, disappointed and thinking we need to take the hint and realize parenthood may not be for us. But, just not sure what to think. Thanks for ALL the support out there! And to my co-2ww friends...may your news be plentiful and positive...our team deserves some good news!!!

Calm 118 (aka notsocalm)


It's the pits, it really is. Take care of yourself.

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NotSoCalm
NotSoCalm

February 20th, 2011, 12:41 am #9

Well...got the call with the sad voice...Not good news, beta
DH and I angry, sad, disappointed and thinking we need to take the hint and realize parenthood may not be for us. But, just not sure what to think. Thanks for ALL the support out there! And to my co-2ww friends...may your news be plentiful and positive...our team deserves some good news!!!

Calm 118 (aka notsocalm)
THANK YOU FOR THE SWEET SWEET WORDS...They help so much...but still having a hard time. Pardon the vent that is to follow.

This is unlike anything else I have felt...having gone through several OE IVFs (BFNs), I thought I would know how to respond to this. As if I somehow had BFNs handled. I knew it would be hard, but what I am feeling is truly unlike anything else I have ever felt. Yes, grief...that one I recognize (death of my father, cumulative grief of the OE cycles). But I am so very angry this time. It was supposed to work. Yes, I guess we ignored the fact that a 50% success rate includes a 50% failure rate...but never did it really occur to me that it wouldn't work.

Not sure how much I have shared before...but we landed on our donor after the first 2 we chose didn't work out. Donor#2 - who was proven - simply couldn't cycle as soon as we wanted and we just were too excited to wait. I am 2nd guessing that now - wondering if deep down I was never 100% in love with our final donor - was this the result? Angry at myself for rushing things when I had a nagging feeling. If we got a BFP - would have forgotten that completely...but with the BFN, it is in my mind.

Embarrassed I shared the journey with our family (not to a wide group beyond that). Just hearing the sadness in their voices when we called today - so hard to be around them without feeling it. And, quite frankly, I have a sister in law (with three children) who will never ever acknowledge our loss...and that just pisses me off, too! I want the love and support our family offers, just can't handle the attention and sadness it brings to interactions.

Failure. This time, like no other, I feel like I failed. I know - too many things at play. I was so OCD about everything. Quit everything bad, weekly accupuncture, more sleep, more water, pineapple core. BUT...I had a major job change during the 2ww where I had to choose between two worlds...one local and simple (better if I am a mom) and one on the corporate fast track (travel a lot - bad for moms). I chose the local one (had to make the decision before the beta). The stress of that decision likely played a role and I hate that. I couldn't control that at all...and if it played a role...oh, how I hate this new job for that.

But, the new job is better if we try again. Do we even want to try again? I know we need time to decide...but I have changed my mind 17 times today alone on that front. No/yes/no/yes/no/yes. So many beautiful stories of it eventually working after several DE cycles...that is alluring. What scares me is a scenario that goes on and on with frosties from DE #2...can I ever allow us to stop? Should I?

My DH had to step out of work to hear the news today and after 20 minutes of wiping my tears, he had to return. He works with the public and had such a hard time today. I don't know how he is doing it. His gut reaction was to stop. This is the first time he was so involved, so connected and so confident it was going to work - he never wants to feel this way again. Maybe that will shift...but maybe it won't. We bonded during this cycle and in a strange way - it was a blessing for us - despite the BFN.

God has a plan for us...and it wasn't to become parents this year. I just wish he would give us a clear sign before we go through this again

Much love, friends. Thanks for the BB therapy!
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Calm
Calm

February 20th, 2011, 12:56 am #10

I know what a crushing disappointment this is. Did any of your remaining embies make it to freeze? I know that I needed some time to regroup, but I'm trying again. Hopefully you will find the strength and resources to try again soon.
Thank you...

Unfortunately, with 8 fertilized eggs and 2 transferred, there were none of the 6 remaining on Day 5 to freeze. Didn't freak about it at the time...because I was delusional and thought we had our baby on board! LOL...omg, this is hard.
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