BFN am a messy mass


December 10th, 2011, 1:13 am #11

And so after two weeks of waitng i went for the test well a test for nothing that is and it was negative. i could see the nurse had no words for poor me. i just didnt know how to react but for brief moment i went blank, cold and then hot and i started to sweat as i plundered what the negative meant. this was the fourth time in this Clinic and four IVFs that have ressulted into negatives after spending a fortune.

What frustrates me most is when i went for Fertility i got no results saying why i could not conceive and after so much trials with clomid i went for OE ivf it was negative then i went for DE it its negative x 3 dont forget remember i leave with a promise of twins only to get a negative .

I just need advise if any, one: have i feel lost yet my heart refuses tolet gothe dreamof having this baby. i wish i could quit but i just cant.

And so i have no exitement looking to Dec holidays as people are planning where to go and what to do blar blar blar am just blank and look like my life is even more empty than it has ever been. infact very empty. after i returned home after the failed IFV my house looked more emptier, more vast, more void than i had left in the morning with expectation of returning with good news. and so am just there nothing look good to me anymore. i dont whether to blame God or fate or life or the world but one big question is why me.
And guess what when i got on the road on my way to give this update what i see is a woman holding a just new born. i think i felt so jelous of her and just drove very quickly as i held back tears.
May be one day it will be me going home holding my bundle of joy.
I have had NUMEROUS failed IVFs and a lot of Mcs with my OE and with DE. We just had our second donor transfer after a failed Fresh and one FET transfer with a really good responding, non proven donor.

My RE, who worked under Dr. Beers, suggested that I get IVIG done this time. I was blown away with the cost (cheapest was $2000) but we had already spent thousands and thousands to get nowhere.

I am now pg with twins and everything looks normal, even though it is still very early. The PG out of all of mine had the strongest betas I have ever had. I do not know if it was the proven donor that we picked or the IVIG. All I know is that this is looking promising after I had the one infusion. I will get another infusion after the next scan for HB.

If you are having any immune problems at all, I would look into doing this procedure. They come to your home and infuse you over a two to three hour period. I have to think this helped me since I have never had success until now.

Again I truly sorry and empathetic. I have been there over and over. Please take care of yourself.