@Seymo

@Seymo

Joined: August 17th, 2011, 2:17 pm

June 4th, 2012, 8:05 pm #1

Just thinking about you and hoping you're OK. No need to respond, but wanted you to know you're on my mind. If and when you're up to it, I'd love to hear where your thinking is, if you feel like sharing. Big hug.
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Violet
Violet

June 5th, 2012, 12:06 am #2

Please tell us how you are doing if you want to.
I hope you are okay.
Violet
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Mrs. M
Mrs. M

June 5th, 2012, 10:37 am #3

Just thinking about you and hoping you're OK. No need to respond, but wanted you to know you're on my mind. If and when you're up to it, I'd love to hear where your thinking is, if you feel like sharing. Big hug.
Thinking of you too. nt
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Joined: August 18th, 2010, 6:45 pm

June 5th, 2012, 1:27 pm #4

Just thinking about you and hoping you're OK. No need to respond, but wanted you to know you're on my mind. If and when you're up to it, I'd love to hear where your thinking is, if you feel like sharing. Big hug.
I really appreciate you all thinking of me. I feel like I am in a really lonely place right now. Even my DH has not been particularly helpful or understanding.

I am grappling with going forward or not, additional testing or not, looking into adoption (which DH is not on board with), etc. I also just need a brain-break, you know?

I should be working on losing weight (I have gained so much since starting this BS) and exercising and getting my ortho problems and depression under control. But mostly I have just been trying to get through each day.

I check in over here often to see how everyone is coming along but don't have much to add to the conversation. I feel like the ultimate loser (which is pathetic, I know). I just don't understand why DE worked for so many but not me. My belief that if you want something and work hard enough you will ultimately obtain your goal has been completely diminished by my failure with DE and TTC-ing, in general.

All of this has also been coupled with some pretty serious and constant professional set backs that stretch back over the past 3 years and you can imagine I am feeling pretty defeated.

I have two embryos on ice but the idea of doing BCP, estrogen injections and lupron makes me even more depressed. I had side effects from all of them (swelling and migraines) and I am willing to put up with that if I feel it is worth it for my purpose. I am even willing to risk the potential long term effects. But when it has done nothing for me SO many times I really don't see the point in even trying. And I know if I go back to my RE asking for more testing etc he is going to say just keep trying - "there is nothing wrong with you".

But isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting a different outcome? (That's a rhetorical question.)

Thanks again everyone.
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Violet
Violet

June 5th, 2012, 6:39 pm #5

I completely understand how you feel. It requires a tremendous amount of energy to move through all of the steps you have described. It is too much after the constant negative news. It is hard to pick yourself back up and take the energy and time (also $$$) to make the decisions and move forward.

I think that until you feel mentally and physically ready to do it, take the time you need. I know taking the time is frustrating too. It's almost like you have to do what you can do to survive this and somehow make it out to the other side.

You can contact me at violetfsh2012@yahoo.com if you want to talk more.

I am sorry this is all so hard.
Violet
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smrc
smrc

June 5th, 2012, 10:02 pm #6

I really appreciate you all thinking of me. I feel like I am in a really lonely place right now. Even my DH has not been particularly helpful or understanding.

I am grappling with going forward or not, additional testing or not, looking into adoption (which DH is not on board with), etc. I also just need a brain-break, you know?

I should be working on losing weight (I have gained so much since starting this BS) and exercising and getting my ortho problems and depression under control. But mostly I have just been trying to get through each day.

I check in over here often to see how everyone is coming along but don't have much to add to the conversation. I feel like the ultimate loser (which is pathetic, I know). I just don't understand why DE worked for so many but not me. My belief that if you want something and work hard enough you will ultimately obtain your goal has been completely diminished by my failure with DE and TTC-ing, in general.

All of this has also been coupled with some pretty serious and constant professional set backs that stretch back over the past 3 years and you can imagine I am feeling pretty defeated.

I have two embryos on ice but the idea of doing BCP, estrogen injections and lupron makes me even more depressed. I had side effects from all of them (swelling and migraines) and I am willing to put up with that if I feel it is worth it for my purpose. I am even willing to risk the potential long term effects. But when it has done nothing for me SO many times I really don't see the point in even trying. And I know if I go back to my RE asking for more testing etc he is going to say just keep trying - "there is nothing wrong with you".

But isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting a different outcome? (That's a rhetorical question.)

Thanks again everyone.
if you have been feeling isolated/down. IF drugs frequently made me feel anxious or depressed but do check to see if an unmedicated FET is an option for your frozens? We proceeded in this way on our FET and, although it does not necessarily alleviate the stress involved with cycling, it did feel easier on my body/was easier to tolerate physically overall.
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Joined: August 18th, 2010, 6:45 pm

June 5th, 2012, 10:30 pm #7

I have been reading about that in some recent threads. I believe the medications really have a serious effect on me so it would be worth exploring.

Thanks again
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Joined: August 18th, 2010, 6:45 pm

June 5th, 2012, 11:04 pm #8

I completely understand how you feel. It requires a tremendous amount of energy to move through all of the steps you have described. It is too much after the constant negative news. It is hard to pick yourself back up and take the energy and time (also $$$) to make the decisions and move forward.

I think that until you feel mentally and physically ready to do it, take the time you need. I know taking the time is frustrating too. It's almost like you have to do what you can do to survive this and somehow make it out to the other side.

You can contact me at violetfsh2012@yahoo.com if you want to talk more.

I am sorry this is all so hard.
Violet
I will be looking for your experiences with the RI as I have been following along with you as well.

I got as far as looking at Dr. Braverman's website and the immunology group on yahoo and then just pooped out. Its too much for me right now.

Thanks for being supportive I really need it.
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Joined: August 17th, 2011, 2:17 pm

June 5th, 2012, 11:35 pm #9

I really appreciate you all thinking of me. I feel like I am in a really lonely place right now. Even my DH has not been particularly helpful or understanding.

I am grappling with going forward or not, additional testing or not, looking into adoption (which DH is not on board with), etc. I also just need a brain-break, you know?

I should be working on losing weight (I have gained so much since starting this BS) and exercising and getting my ortho problems and depression under control. But mostly I have just been trying to get through each day.

I check in over here often to see how everyone is coming along but don't have much to add to the conversation. I feel like the ultimate loser (which is pathetic, I know). I just don't understand why DE worked for so many but not me. My belief that if you want something and work hard enough you will ultimately obtain your goal has been completely diminished by my failure with DE and TTC-ing, in general.

All of this has also been coupled with some pretty serious and constant professional set backs that stretch back over the past 3 years and you can imagine I am feeling pretty defeated.

I have two embryos on ice but the idea of doing BCP, estrogen injections and lupron makes me even more depressed. I had side effects from all of them (swelling and migraines) and I am willing to put up with that if I feel it is worth it for my purpose. I am even willing to risk the potential long term effects. But when it has done nothing for me SO many times I really don't see the point in even trying. And I know if I go back to my RE asking for more testing etc he is going to say just keep trying - "there is nothing wrong with you".

But isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting a different outcome? (That's a rhetorical question.)

Thanks again everyone.
I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so down, although it's totally understandable and normal. I'm sorry this has been so hard for you, and that things are so unclear about what the problem is, if there is one. I agree with Violet, it's too hard to tackle new research and ideas when we're feeling so down, there's just not enough energy.

Can you think of anything you could do to put even the tiniest little smile on your face, something maybe that's fallen by the wayside with IF? take a bike ride, sit and watch birds, see a movie, go to a concert, go for a picnic, sit near a pond and put your feet in the water, etc., or whatever you enjoy that might make life feel worthwhile, even for a little while. Just the littlest thing can sometimes make a shift. Years ago, when I was in a very dark place with my DH's inability to commit to me and I had taken just about all I could bear of feeling jerked around by him and hating my job and hating my life and feeling I was never going to get married and have someone to share life with, I sometimes used to take a walk and not let myself go home until I'd noticed five beautiful things. I couldn't "decide" they were beautiful; they had to just sort of "strike me" as beautiful, things as simple as the way a tree was blowing in the wind, or two people laughing together, or seeing a funny dog, or the way a warm breeze felt on my skin. Sometimes I was so down that it took me a long time to notice 5 things, but I always did in the end. It really helped me remember that life has good in it, even if my particular life really sucked at the time.

I hope that you get some rest and some exercise (not to lose weight or any other "shoulds," but to get some endorphins released into your system) and when the time is right you'll start researching whatever feels right to you.

In the meantime, I'm thinking about you and sending you love and healing thoughts.
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Violet
Violet

June 6th, 2012, 1:40 am #10

I have been reading about that in some recent threads. I believe the medications really have a serious effect on me so it would be worth exploring.

Thanks again
I am going to do an unmedicated FET. I saw my acupuncturist today for the first time since my failed cycle and she could feel how unbalanced my body was. I have been feeling it as well...depressed, emotional, lack of energy and just not myself.
She thinks I will do better without all the extra meds. I agree.

You are not alone on this one. Please try and be easy on yourself.
Violet
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